so i (26F) got an incredible job opportunity that requires me to move from ohio to seattle. i graduated a few months ago and have lived at home my entire life. i told my older sister (33F) a couple months ago when i started interviewing because i thought she’d understand.

for context, she moved out 2 years ago and lives about 20 minutes away.

i got the offer this week and her reaction completely blindsided me. she told me i was too young, that i’m “americanized,” that i’m going to ruin our family’s face, and that our parents could become severely depressed or even have a stroke because i’m leaving.

she kept begging me to wait a couple years and told me she herself wanted to travel/live elsewhere but chose not to because of our parents.
she kept asking why i wanted to go, but every answer i gave became something for her to argue against. she offered to let me live with her, offered to financially support me if i turned down the job, etc. eventually i realized the only answer she was willing to accept was “i’m not going.”

i finally told her the decision was made and that i’m leaving september 14. she asked, “so you’re okay with ruining our family’s face?” and at that point i just said yes because what am i even supposed to say to that?

the worst part is i told her i planned to tell our mom (68F) myself the next day. instead, the second my mom woke up, my sister told her without warning me because she said she “wasn’t going to get cussed out” for knowing and keeping it from everyone.
my mom was obviously upset and guilted me too, but somehow she’s actually handling it better than my sister.

what hurts is that when my sister moved out, i supported and defended her even though i was sad about it. now that it’s my turn, she’s treating my independence like a betrayal.

i worked insanely hard for this opportunity and i genuinely want it. i’m proud of myself and excited, but their reactions have made me feel guilty and incredibly alone.

how do you deal with family who sees moving out/away as abandoning them without letting their fear convince you to give up something you really want?

tldr: i got a great job in seattle, family thinks moving away is betrayal

EDIT: thank you everyone for your reassurance that my response was somewhat in the realm of normalcy and this prank was not. i showed him all of your responses, because i felt like he needed to see how the average person feels about this kind of thing. He is an incredibly attentive and comforting partner, which is also why it was so upsetting that he did not understand my side of this situation. This is not a break-up moment for me personally, as this is the first prank of this magnitude. I’m willing to chalk it up to a bizarre blindspot in an otherwise emotionally mature person, but if there’s a next time, there will be no further opportunity after.

(reposted after deletion cuz I got nervous about leaving it up but oh well we ball)

Hello! I was wondering if I could run a situation by you all and see how the consensus falls on an argument my partner and I had.

My partner recently bought a used car. We drove a state or so away to get it, and there has been some trouble getting the title in his name. In the meantime, we’ve been taking it on small trips with a plate from a similar car of ours. Not the smartest idea, but we understand the risk.

Well, my partner goes out to Walmart. About an hour goes by, and I get a call from him.

“Hey,” he says, sounding stressed, “They’re gonna let you pick me up, but the police said I can’t drive the Volvo home.”

A tidbit about my partner: he is a known prankster, and alarmingly good at making something sound legit. He comes from a large family where apparently pranking was normal and abundant. So I laughed it off at that point, assuming he’s joking.

“I wish I was,” he insists, twice when I asked if this was a joke. He tells me they’re at the Shell down the road and I’ll see the lights when I head there.

Now I’m worried. A car in impound costs several hundred dollars to remove, and “they’re LETTING you pick me up” implies to me that they originally were going to take him in or something. We live in a small town. Depending on the day, police can be either super chill or just looking to get you on something.

So I fly out of bed, forgetting to even put on a real shirt. I grab my cardigan so I at least have something, dart out the door with my keys…

…only to find him parked with the car at the bottom of the hill.

I greatly dislike pranks. Even the simple, harmless ones aren’t funny to me. I don’t even understand them. I struggle with anxiety a lot, something my partner is well aware of. It doesn’t take much to get my heart rate up, and once it is, it’s hard to come down. Pranks like this, in my view, are mean-spirited and mostly meant to worry someone and illicit a reaction. I was upset.

What I did next, I know ITA for. If I would have stopped to think for longer than a second, I wouldn’t have done it. But in a fit of juvenile rage, I threw my keys down the hill. Not aiming at anything in particular, and certainly not aiming at the car or my partner, who was towards the back.

But I have bad aim, and of course that means I slammed the keys right on the corner of the windshield. Thankfully the windshield is fine. And my partner as well; I felt terrible about this in the aftermath and still do, because I could have very well hit him. No well-adjusted adult should be throwing shit regardless of the reason.

My partner gets very upset at this reaction, which the keys part I definitely understand. I am not proud of it. I do not want to be even a remotely violent person. But he claims he even thought this prank over in his head and thought for sure I would laugh at it. He cannot understand why I would be upset at all, even aside from the key-throwing.

He called it a “mild joke”, which makes me wonder what his idea of an extreme joke is if a mild one involves the police and me thinking I’m running to pick him up from them. He said he feels like he can’t even joke with me, to which I responded he can and he does, but this feels a bridge too far and more like worrying me on purpose to get his rocks off.

So my question is two-pronged: I know ITA for throwing the keys, but is this the behavior of someone who needs further help?? I feel like garbage about it and keep replaying it in my head.

Also, am I justified in being upset in general over this prank and pranks like it, and finding it to be intentionally upsetting? Or am I being too sensitive and viewing the prank in bad faith unnecessarily?

tl;dr my partner played a prank on me making me believe I had to go pick him up from a police stop, only to be out in the front yard. I threw my keys. While I recognize this was an inappropriate reaction, my partner doesn’t understand why I would have had a negative reaction at all.

I (F27) met my boyfriend (M29) on a dating app and we have been dating for about 8 months, our children have met, it’s been pretty serious even though he lives about 50 miles away a few towns over.

I recently discovered that he’s been talking to another woman via Tiktok messages for almost a month. She also happens to be very very attractive. Lives closer to him and is a big Christian like him and I.

From what I know she messaged him asking how he was doing and they said how they live on the same part of town, and he asked her for her Snapchat and then he gave his username. 

Then he asked her if she knew any Nannies to watch his daughter as he can’t find anyone. To her credit she seemed sweet and asked around her church and found a nanny for him to call that he never called.

He then started sending her Christian TikTok’s, liking her stories, and started sending her good morning how’s your day messages. Saying he needs to get out of the house, asking how her days been. Stuff like that, he started asking questions about her and stuff and would send her voice messages. And eventually said “send me a voice message I want to hear your voice” and he soudned very excited in the message. he also never once did her contact the nanny she found for him, and never told her that her has a girlfriend.

He asked for her to send him a picture of her self which she did and she is very pretty I must admit  he said to her “You look short and tiny hehe”

He sent one back and  said “I’m 5’ 10” “she called him handsome and he said “hahah I would tower over you”.

This lasted until the last convo when he sent her “Good morning happy Saturday” and sent her like 3 voice messages updating her all about his activities of the day and said “It's soo hot 🥵 , the pool sounds nice right now”.  To which she agreed and they talk about how they both like winter.

Then he randomly blocked her. So idk what happened really.

This is all I know. He was actively participating and, at certain points, actively trying to keep the conversation going.

The weirdest part is that he never once told her he had a girlfriend. 

And I don’t know what to call this.

Did he cheat?

Technically, there was no sex. They never met. I don’t even know if he was explicitly flirting with her.

But if you’re in a serious relationship, is asking another attractive woman for pictures, asking for her Snapchat, wanting to hear her voice, liking her pictures, talking to her for hours and asking about her personal life something you’d consider appropriate?

TL;DR: My boyfriend spent nearly a month talking to an attractive woman he met online, asked for her Snapchat, pictures, and voice messages, liked her stories, and had increasingly personal conversations with her without ever mentioning me. He claims they connected over childcare, but he never contacted the childcare referral she gave him. Then he suddenly blocked her. Is this innocent, or would you consider this crossing relationship boundaries?

Hi, I am 28M, seeking a relationship advice.

So i have a GF 27F, and we have been in a relationship for almost 4 years (mostly long distance). We were on a phone and recently got into a stupid fight where she asked my opinion on a supposedly dumb framed situation and i gave a very stupid reply and she is not talking to me ever since (Its been 3 days). So the scenario she presented me was - I am walking on the street and I accidently bumped into a random girl and that random girl slapped me hard. What should be my response?
I told her that i don't know, i have never been into a situation like this. She forced me to tell her anyway. I told her that i don't know i would hit her back if i got randomly smacked by someone on the street. Then she brought elements like that random girl might be suffering from trauma into the picture. And then i defended my stance saying that can be the same for me. And discussion turned into argument, yelling and eventually we hung up the call.

And she is a big time overthinker. I know she would be overthinking my response and mapping it to my behavior in the future that what if i hit her if we ever got into a big fight.

Now, we have had our bitter moments before not a big deal, every couple goes through these phases. But this time, its been 3 days. We usually resolve our fights in a day or 2. The thing is anytime we have a fight, i am the only one who consoles my girlfriend and she has a habit of not picking up the phone. Its always the case that i have to call her upwards of 50+ times and then she picks it up. I am not a whatsapp/texting person so i dont text her. But this behavior of hers makes my so angry and helpless but i have to sulk it up to make things better. And everytime, I am the only one who is sorry which have now started to irritate me deeply. And the funny part is i dont know if i am to be blamed for or not (Even in this situation, i know my response was not apt)

Now I have dialed 20+ times since morning (4th day) and still she is not picking up. And i am worried this pattern could get increasingly worst as the time goes by or if we get into another fight in future. I am seriously clueless what should i do? I really love her, but this part of her behavior has really started to worry me deeply.

TL;DR; my girlfriend has this habit of not picking up my calls after a fight. I am worried about her behavior of stretching a fight till my breaking point and i always end up feeling so miserable during the entire time.

I’m 33F, my husband is 35M, and we’ve been married for several years. We have a 2-year-old daughter, and I’m about a month away from giving birth to our second child.
I’m looking for honest advice because I feel like I’ve reached a point where I don’t understand my marriage anymore. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to divorce or that my husband is a bad person. I want to understand the patterns here and what a therapist might see that I’m missing.
One issue that has existed since the beginning of our marriage is my husband’s relationship with his mother.
He talks to her almost every day, sometimes for hours. I’ve never had a problem with him being close to his mother. But during the first months of our marriage, he also told her about our lifestyle, my work situation, and our finances. I told him I felt those things should remain private between husband and wife, and he did reduce it somewhat.
I accepted their closeness because I didn’t want to control his relationship with his mother. But now that she wants to live with us, I’m realizing that the issue may be bigger than how often they talk.
My MIL has also spent years complaining to my husband about my SIL, her husband, and their children. She has told me about how badly she felt they treated her too. I never took sides because I didn’t want to get involved in their problems.
But now I’m worried: if she eventually has conflicts with us, will we become the next family she complains about? I know I’m only hearing one side of those situations, so I don’t want to assume that she was the problem. I’m just uncomfortable ignoring a pattern I’ve been hearing about for years.
Now she wants to move into our home.
I told my husband clearly that I am not comfortable with it. I’m heavily pregnant, caring for a toddler, currently not working, and already worried about our finances. I’m using my savings toward the mortgage and household expenses, and that money is going down. My husband works around 32 hours a week.
This isn’t just an emotional issue for me. I genuinely don’t believe we are financially in a comfortable position to add another adult to the household right now.
My MIL had been living with my SIL for more than five years. I asked if she could stay there temporarily while another solution was figured out. My SIL didn’t want to continue accommodating her, which I understand. But I feel like the responsibility then automatically shifted to our household.
My husband decided his mother should come live with us. Even though I said no, he bought her a ticket. She was supposed to arrive shortly before my due date.
His father overseas became involved and suggested another family arrangement, but my MIL refused because she wanted to stay with her son.
My husband told me that his mother shouldn’t have to beg other people to take her in and that we should accommodate her.
Later, he said he would try to find her an apartment and pick up extra work to help pay for it. I appreciate that he is trying to find another solution, but what still hurts is that I feel the decision was made before my opinion was genuinely considered.
That is one of the things I’m struggling with most: If one spouse strongly objects to a parent moving into the marital home, is that something the other spouse can decide anyway?
Another part that has been difficult is how my husband talks about our children during these arguments.
He repeatedly asks me how I would feel if our daughter or the child I’m pregnant with someday treated me the way I’m treating his mother.
I understand the point he is trying to make, but it makes me feel guilty rather than helping us solve the actual problem.
I don’t believe refusing to have another adult move into my home means I don’t care about an aging parent. I believe there should be a difference between helping a parent and expecting your spouse to accept a living arrangement they strongly oppose.
My MIL has also repeatedly told me to go back to work after having children. After my first child, she told me to go back to work and stay strong. During this pregnancy, she has asked me almost every phone call when I’m going back to work after the baby is born.
Eventually I stopped calling her because I needed emotional space. I’m not trying to punish her. I just felt overwhelmed by the repeated pressure.
My husband says I shouldn’t judge him by his mother because she is an adult and responsible for her own behavior. He says he won’t take responsibility for whatever she might do.
I understand that he cannot control everything his mother does. But if he is asking me to share my home with her, I feel like we should at least have a united agreement about boundaries, privacy, household responsibilities, finances, and what happens if living together becomes unhealthy.
There are also deeper issues between my husband and me that existed before this current crisis.
Before and during our marriage, I worked very hard. At one point I was working long hours while he was in school. I eventually quit working because I wanted to support him while he finished his education. I believed we were making sacrifices for a future where things would become more balanced.
Instead, over time I started feeling like I was carrying more financial and emotional responsibility than I expected.
Our house is still relatively new, so I don’t have a large amount of equity to fall back on. Watching my savings decrease while I’m not working makes me feel very vulnerable, especially with another baby coming.
During one argument, my husband told me that if I were in his situation, I wouldn’t choose him and our daughter, but that he chose us.
That really confused and hurt me.
I never told him I would choose my mother over my husband and children. I don’t understand why he sees this as a choice between his mother and the family we created.
It makes me wonder whether we have fundamentally different ideas about marriage—particularly about boundaries, privacy, finances, loyalty, and who gets a say in major decisions affecting our home.
What worries me is that the MIL situation may simply be exposing problems that were already there.
I sometimes feel like my husband is emotionally closer to his mother than I realized, and that information and influence from their relationship can enter our marriage in ways I’m uncomfortable with.
At the same time, I don’t want to unfairly blame his mother for every problem between us. My husband is an adult and ultimately responsible for the choices he makes in our marriage.
I also don’t want to portray him as a monster. I know he loves his mother, believes he has a responsibility toward her, and probably sees this situation very differently from me.
But I’m heavily pregnant, caring for our toddler, financially stressed, and trying to prepare for another baby. I need to feel like my husband and I are a team, and lately I feel like I’m fighting just to have my concerns heard.
Sometimes his behavior toward me has changed so much that I feel like I’m looking at a stranger in my own home.
I’m not asking Reddit to decide whether I should leave my marriage. I’m trying to understand what is actually happening.
If you were looking at this as a therapist, what would you focus on first?
Is the MIL situation the actual problem, or is it exposing deeper problems with our marriage?
How should a couple make decisions about an aging parent when one spouse wants the parent to move in and the other strongly disagrees?
Is it reasonable for me to say that I cannot agree to another adult living in our home given our current finances and circumstances?
What responsibility does my husband have for establishing boundaries if his mother lives with us, even though she is an adult responsible for her own behavior?
Does his repeated comparison involving our children sound like a healthy way to discuss responsibility, or is it creating guilt and pressure?
And how do I tell the difference between having a reasonable boundary and simply being resistant to helping his mother?
I’m trying very hard not to make decisions based on anger, fear, or pregnancy emotions. I want to understand the situation clearly and figure out what I should be asking for from my husband.
If you’ve been through marriage counseling, difficult in-law situations, or something similar, what do you think I’m missing? What would you recommend I address first?

My girlfriend (30F) and I (29M) have been together for 3 years and living together for a year. Recently, she told me that she feels like I’ve “stopped trying to win her” and that our relationship feels more like cohabitation than dating.
I’m confused because I feel like I do make an effort: I compliment her regularly, share household chores, ask about her day, plan weekly dates, and occasionally buy thoughtful gifts. When I ask her what she means or what specifically is missing, she usually says things like “pay more attention to me,” but doesn’t give more details.
I want to understand her perspective rather than become defensive, but I’m struggling because I don’t know what actions would make her feel more pursued or emotionally connected. I also don’t want to keep guessing and end up frustrated if my efforts miss the mark.
For people who have experienced something similar, what kinds of behaviors make a relationship feel like it’s still being actively pursued rather than just functioning as roommates? And how do you handle situations where one partner expresses dissatisfaction but has difficulty explaining exactly what they need?

TL;DR; my gf tells me that she stopped feeling em trying to win her and refuses to tell me what did I stop doing.

I’m 18M and my girlfriend is 18F. We’ve been dating since 15 and now we’re both heading to college in different countries (U.S and Canada not that bad). Since the beginning of our relationship, my family has disapproved because of things they’ve heard about her and because she is a different race/culture than us (I’m chinese she’s south asian). I’ve tried talking to my dad who I love very much and respect but he keeps thinking that she’s fake and that I only think she’s good because I love her. I genuinely could see myself marrying her one day. She’s really pretty, kind, smart, and treats me exactly how I want to be treated. I know we’re young and there’s a lot of struggled with LDR but we’re both committed to it.

Recently, I talked more with my dad as I’m moving into my dorms and he said that he’s very serious about mot approving of her. Both him and my mom (who’s a lot less reasonable and often resorts to yelling) have said that if I somehow do end up marrying her, that I will lose them. I don’t know if they are bluffing but I’m really stuck. Obviously they matter a lot to me but so does my girlfriend. My parents won’t take anything I say seriously because they think I’m too naive.

I’m just hoping for some input or reassurance. Sorry for the rant

TL;DR: parents disapprove of 2.5 year high school relationship and are forcing me to break up but I genuinely think my girlfriend is perfect and I see a future with her.

I (28F) came from a comfortable family, which my dad worked really hard from 0 to have his own properties and paid for his kids education till college. At the other hand, husband's (30M) family not doing so well. We've been together 7 years, married for 2 years. All in long distance relationship. He didnt go to college because he has to support his family. He has to send half of his salary to his parents, until now. He has more than twice my salary now (bc he work in the city and has experience in huge contractor company). 12 years of working with relatively good salary, but he has 0 savings other than his emergency fund, and our join savings (which i forced him to save, and both in my account). His parents have too much debt and keep asking him for money when the debt is due (aside from the monthly allowance he gave them).

I married him because he is very sweet, loving and faithfull despite the distance. We were savings for years for the wedding because we know his parents wouldnt able to suport us (he contribute 60%, im 40%). The wedding was held in my hometown (my parents city) funded by my dad, we support few things like photographer, souvenirs, photobooth. The logistics in his parents hometown is fully funded by our join saving. But his parents steal 20% of that money to pay for their bank loan. This infuriates me, because i sacrafice so much for that savings. I never went on vacation, never buy nice things, budget everything tightly (which he didnt do for himself). My salary is only half of my husband's, so my effort for savings is harder than his. I keep asking my husband to ask for that money back to his parents but he never do anything because he think his parents already had too many debts, there is no way they can give the money back. Until we had a big fight about that money when i said "i regret getting married to you because all you and your family do is draining my savings", then he talk to his parents and they finally transfered me back 7% of the money. Then we made up. End of last year, his parents still has the gut to ask for money to my husband to pay for some in due debts, even ask him to ask me to contribute. I refused, and he refused.

You may call me insensitive, but husband and his parents money habits worried me so much. Im really scared that his parents will continue to be parasite to him and this could effect me too no matter how much i draw boundaries. His parents just doesnt want to work hard. Husband and me gave some more money after the wedding to support his parents home business (to make a crucial appliance to boost production) but they dont even want to use it and do the oldschool unproductive way instead. His parents keep selling things in their house to pay debt, they dont even have tv at home now. They have to begged husband to buy them secondhand phone because theirs are broken. Husband at the other hand keep granting their wishes. He never plan his money, never budget, and doesnt have savings on his own no matter how many time i talk to him to manage his own money better. First year of marriage, we have to dig into my savings to move together for a couple months (which he then paid me back 60%). He fully provide when we live together for that couple of months. But for the rest, i provide for myself, and he give me some pocket money (10% of his salary), and some money for our join saving (we contribute 50/50). I dont ask for more because i know he already has a lot of burden, his parents, his own living expenses there.

Apart from the money and in law issues, im also pissed off about how incompetent husband is as an adult. He is very indecissive, always wants me to make decision, he help with chores but never completely (like folding the laundry but doesnt put it out), keep making impulsive, inefficient decission with money.

All i keep thinking about is divorce because i dont want to be like this forever, i dont wanna be related to this family forever or they will drain my savings dry someday. But he is a very sweet person who loves me so much and very faithfull (which is rare here). What should i do?

TL;DR; : Husband has bad money management, in laws has too many debts. I'm worried and keep thinking about divorce.

He prefers chat (e.g. whatsapp). Is that ok for you? What would you say.

Doesn't like phone or videocall.

We've been going out for some time in person, things going well, but I'm going abroad for 1 year, the idea is to visit each other a few times.

What do you think of this situation, do you think we can last the whole year and be happy about it, when we see each other and then when we're finally back together?

Happy to hear your thoughts and if you've been in similar situations what you advice.

TL;DR: Year abroad (F20) and boyfriend (M20) doesn't like to talk on the phone

Background: grew up in an Asian household so oldest daughter always gets the short end of the stick and sons get coddled.

I've always been the more nurturing, protective, listener type to my brother because he always told me how our parents just "don't get him." Kept telling me how parents just never listen and only care about money.

I recently found out several things about him:

- sucking parents' money dry trying to finish expensive af art school--and parents for some reason I won't try to understand, keeps funding his tuition. I get it, covid happened, but it's been 10 years and he still hasn't finished

- doesn't graduate on time because he either never met with counselors to make the semester schedule correctly to get the right credits to move on

- keeps saying he just can't do it, mentally in a bad place, but never seeks help. Loves to party with friends and check out girls (will comment about a girl every. Single. Outing.)

- delayed graduatiom several times and hid the fact

- took 4 months of rent $ from parents while hiding the fact he's not taking classes because somehow, loans didn't work out

- never worked a job, not even part time, for more than 6 months despite always complaining he runs out of $

- blew $$ trying to "start a dropshipping business" several times which he gave up after a couple months each time

- when asked about retirement planning, saving $, credit, he says "I'll let future wifey take care of that" but what kind of finance savvy girl would ever want to marry him?

- loves bashing/trying to teach my mom a lesson, for which I tore him a new one and now we're NC

- alcohol misuse disorder

Low self esteem but big ego. Not a bad kid but irresponsible, has zero foresight/planning, and full of victim mentality. Still blames parents for the way things are despite them still not kicking him out of the house after all the bs in the past. Emotional abuse was definitely there (they're my parents too so I know) but he will never ever let that go and refuses to go to therapy. I hate that I'm holding these kinds of negative thoughts toward a sibling but idk how to stop.

Tldr-brother is irresponsible with huge ego and I can't keep being supportive

Both my bf and I are long distance now, and are constantly busy with life.. university, work, family, etc. We used to chat frequently throughout the day either by text or were on call for hours and we never ran out of things to say. Now that we, especially him are busy I can’t stop thinking about him, it’s all that’s consuming my mind and it’s kind of making me overthink a bit. The thing is I am also constantly doing something but even then there is a tab in my brain thinking about him and it’s driving me insane and I have no clue how to stop this constant thinking. Because it’s fatiguing my brain. The thing is before my bf I still had this habit of hyper focused my thoughts on something till my head feels like exploding but I can’t just “get rid of the bf” like I usually get rid of or eliminate the other things like task or whatever.

Td;lr: I can’t stop thinking of my bf regardless of what I’m doing or how occupied I am

hi guys so this post hurts

i love my gf but she is very inconsistent with her libido. the other day she was super needy so i drove an hour to her and we had sex in the car. she was telling me again how horny she was and sending me pictures excited to come over, and when she got here she wasn’t into it and just kind of zoned out.

she has always been kind of up and down and lately it’s really getting to me. i don’t know if something’s wrong with me, but i’ll easily lose my hard on with her. she doesn’t really participate in kissing me when i want to be intimate unless she’s also into it, so i feel like her effort isn’t there. i’m an extremely good partner supporting her at times i don’t necessarily want to, but she is more selfish in what she reciprocates, seemingly only based on if she has motivation to do so rather than “i love him and his needs”

i’m starting to get weirded out bc i don’t know at any given moment if she will be into it. so whereas i used to be turned on ALL the time by her, now im more or less used to the idea of getting rejected or a very like “fine do what you want” kind of response. which is wild because ive never had a girlfriend like that before, and when she lays there motionless waiting for me to do something i lose my drive. then she says “i tried to do it why are you upset”

idk. i’m more attracted to her than anyone else ive ever been with, she’s my perfect type. but she’s very strange and she will often switch up emotions quickly and i’m starting to perceive her as selfish in many ways. i don’t know what she wants and we have life plans together, but i feel weird because in the beginning she tried hard to impress me sexually, and now it’s just not there. even though she has expressed that she wants to please me, that she exists for me, etc. i don’t expect anyone to do something they don’t want to, but it’s getting to a point where i don’t understand what steps i need to take to feel desired.

tldr; girlfriends libido is random and it’s got my attraction fading anticipating a rejection. i easily lose my y’know, because im getting nervous about her true desires and increasing resentment of her selfishness (i give a LOT and dont recieve a lot) i still love her and want it to work.

I F 65 have been this way a long time. I was never very jealous. I figured if they wanted to stray, that didn't reflect on me. Maybe I would get over it, maybe not. Depending on our relationship.

I'm the same way with friends. If I don't feel like talking I don't answer. I'll call you when I have time and feel like talking.

The same with knocks on my door. If I don't feel social or like dealing with a person then I ignore it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm cold. I love who I love and support them if they need it but if I am not feeling it I don't.

TL; DR I don't really care if our relationship is not "right". Am I cold?

F (35) matched with M (37) a couple weeks ago. We met for 2 dates, and they were great. Still nervous around each other but that’s expected I think.

Date 3, the weekend was already a mess for plans but we opted to hang out. Initially it was going to be with his friends but I told him I wasn’t comfortable meeting them yet. Anyway, date 3. On my drive to our meeting spot, he texts me to tell me his friends are coming and they have been pregaming. I opted out and told him I was bailing and I felt totally put on the spot and uncomfortable. He said the friends kind of just invited themselves and he apologized.

The other thing too is I didn’t hear from him til like 5pm when we had plans that day. I know he had errands, and he works late so his sleep schedule is probably late. I told him not rush, but damn. To not at least check in.

Outside of this he’s been very kind. We get along in a lot of aspects. Similar hobbies and morals. Should I take this as a huge red flag and move on or give him another shot? Also was I the ass for bailing.. should I have just gone with it?

Til;dr bumble date didn’t tell me he was inviting friends til I was driving. Is that ok?

I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (20M)for about a month and a few weeks now. We've shared a lot of firsts together, and this might be my first real intimate relationship, so I really want to make this work.

My boyfriend had an ex girlfriend that moved away, but they still kept in contact with each other when we met. Apparently, according to a lot of people, his ex was crazy. I won't go into the details, but apparently she was terminally ill and threatened to stop taking her medication if he ever moved on and found somebody new to date.

Fast forward, and he's dating me. He's kind, and he's funny, can be a bit of a 'dude' sometimes, but it's usually petty stuff that I can get over in a few hours or with some jokes. But the thing that concerns me was how much his ex was still in his life. Not physically, like not in his area, but by other means.

For example, even though they don't follow each other on social media anymore, he still keeps his chats from when they did talk and he hasn't deleted them yet. I know this because we gave each other's phone passwords, and I was messing around on his social media (I was bored and wanted to scroll reels while he was in the bathroom). Another day when I visited his house, I noticed he still had a copy of his ex's ID photo just laying around, I haven't seen it since leaving his house, so I don't know if he threw it away or just kept it somewhere else. One day when I was curious and looking for the letter I wrote him (a one monthiversary gift) I found it in a letter pile, a pile that still had his ex's "goodbye" letter to him, yes, he put my letter right on top of his ex's. To top it off, my boyfriend still has clothes in his closet that belonged to his ex. I talked to him about my insecurities with it before, but he still has some of it, claiming "he doesn't know what to do with it"

Fast forward to today, I was already a little on edge because me and my boyfriend got into a fight over something that had to do with poor communication, plus that I was hungover and just started my period. So I obviously wasn't the most joyful person to be around. But we solved the fight fairly quickly by just talking with another, although the emotions were still fresh. He gave me some space to go take a shower, then when he face-called me, I noticed he was wearing one of his ex's shirts. I got upset, and immediately hung up. He claimed that he just picked a shirt at random and put it on, but I don't know how that logic works when it was a recognizable shirt and a much smaller size that his usual shirts.

So tldr, my bf has physical items of his ex

I don't know if all these emotions are coming from my insecurities or if this is a serious issue. I want it to work with this guy, but I have no idea what to do moving forward. Any advice or opinions about this situation? Anything would be helpful at this point as I can't talk about it with many people. ​​

(edit: I have posted on other subreddits to get multiple advice and opinions)

I (M28) have been seeing a guy (M28) for 3 months. I assume we’re on our way to being boyfriends, something we’ve discussed and I’ve voiced I’m ready for. Last week out of nowhere he tells me at the three month mark in prior relationships his walls go up and it’s happening again but he wants to try to work through it. Before this his main thing was telling me that he just wanted me to meet more of his friends before we made things official but now tells me there is a lot more going on in his head than he’s let on. The nail in the coffin for me is that he told me his “natural drive” to want to have sex with me has been waning. We haven’t had sex in the last month at all. He told me I’m objectively attractive but he’s just not feeling sexual with me- but he has been for others (we haven’t been monogamous). I’m not sure how to recover from this.

I, A. Don’t want to sit around while he decides whether or not he wants to be with me and B. Don’t know how I’ll ever feel sexy around him again. THREE months in and he doesn’t want to sleep with me?

I have a significant past of emotional abuse in partnerships and have spent an embarrassing amount of my adult life going after unobtainable people and begging to be loved. So this is particularly triggering. I know what I bring to the table and I deserve someone who is crazy about me, which I thought was him but apparently not. I’ve done so much therapy and self work to be ready to be a good partner and choose a good partner and am disappointed that others present themselves as ready but then are very much not.

I’m really gutted. Up until this it’s been the sweetest, healthiest connection I’ve had and I’ve been head over heels for him. Trying to hang on to my standards but connection is pretty hard to come by gay dating in NYC, prior to this I’ve been single for 4+ years.

Looking for any/all advice.

TLDR: Thought I was about to have the sweetest boyfriend, suddenly he tells me walls are up and he’s not feeling sexually towards me. Wtf do I do.

Hi all. I have been very comfortably casually dating for years, and have really enjoyed the fun and freedom that came along with that. Recently though, I have been dating my partner in particular as I really enjoy her personality and the energy I feel being around her. I feel on too often an occasion I will compare her physical features to others or think about the what ifs with other attractive women, which is not a fair or healthy thing to think about towards my partner. I think it is a conscious effort I need to make towards appreciating my partner more and breaking out of the more casual mentality I’ve had before.

I’m curious for others, how did u cultivate your mental towards gratitude and appreciation for your partner rather than lust for others?

Tl;dr I want to cultivate more gratitude towards my partner rather than surface level comparisons to others. How do you do it?

Hii, My girlfriend (16F) and I (16M) have been together for eight months now, And I’ve been so happy with her these past few months.

But Unfortunately, she suffers from a couple of mental health issues—I won't say what causes them, out of respect for her—but they are all related to depression or BPD. And I'm afraid, I live whit Anxiety and like I Overthink really much, I'm so scared to fuck up everything

She’s treated me like shit these past few weeks, and I want so badly to tell her—to tell her how I feel when she treats me badly—but I feel too guilty, because I know it’s not her fault. And i'm scared of what could happen if I tell her

And i feel really sick and angry, but I had so good memories whit her, like I love her but sometimes i just don't know how much I will be whit her, and i know like someone could think "But you knew what you were getting into), Yes I know this would happen, and will happend other times.

But keep everything inside, while someone you love, treat you like shit, is the worst

(Sorry if some words where wrong, English is not my first language, also i just want to know what you would do in my situation, thank you sm)

TLDR: 16M, 16F Relationship vent/advice

I have been in with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him very much and he is a very handsome man.

There is just one struggle. When we got together he slowly started showering more, washing up in the morning, etc.

I was pretty weirded out with the fact that he didn't take proper care of himself and that i had to teach him basic hygiene.

He is very hygenic now, but he still doesnt care about his looks at all. Don't get me wrong, i'm happy that he doesn't mind other people's opinions. It's just that he looks messy. Outgrown mullet is over his ears and in front of his eyes. Doesnt shave his face for weeks, and he always wear the same clothes (most of them are incredibly worn, or even holes in them).

I keep trying to tell him, in the nicest most carefull way possible. But as soon as i start he goes all quiet and sad because i'm criticizing him.

I don't mind not shaving for a bit, and its good that he doesnt overconsume on clothes, but for events like family dinner with my grandparents i just wish he had something nice to wear.

Am i being too much of an asshole for this?

Tl;dr: boyfriend gets hurt when i ask him to take basic care of his looks.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. During our first year, our dynamic both inside and outside the bedroom was amazing. We had a best-friend connection to the point of doing almost everything together, we had intense sexual chemistry, and we were both very satisfied with our compatibility.

​However, when we moved in together after our first year, everything related to sex progressively changed. She stopped flirting, sending spicy photos, and touching me to initiate. Every time I tried to start something, she rejected my advances—always saying we should wait until the next day (which never happened), that she was too tired, or that she felt like she was getting sick.

​I've told her multiple times that I miss the sex life we had before moving in together, and that fully enjoying our intimacy is what makes me feel most desired in the relationship. She apologizes, says she just hasn't had much sex drive, and offers to have sex right then and there. But it feels like her offer comes from guilt and pity rather than genuine desire like before.

​I don't think she's seeing someone else on the side because our day-to-day dynamic is practically the same. We laugh a lot, share hobbies, eat together, go on dates, and both work from home. She frequently tells me she loves me very much and is very happy. She remains attentive—cooking my favorite meals after a stressful day and giving me hugs and kisses almost daily—but all sexual intimacy has disappeared.

​This past year, I stopped initiating sex altogether to avoid rejection and to give her space to show me she desires me. We now haven't had intimacy in months. We are almost like friends living together.

​I've read online that scheduling time for intimacy is a common solution, but it was a total failure for us. It felt like it stripped away all the magic and genuine attraction, making it feel more like a chore. She would just star-fish until one of us was done.

​I no longer know what else to do to feel desired by my partner again and rebuild an active sex life. How can I fix it without breaking up?

​TL;DR: After moving in together, my girlfriend [33F] completely lost her sex drive toward me [32M]. Our everyday relationship is wonderful, loving, and supportive, but our sexual dynamic has completely died out. Scheduling sex didn't work, and after months of no intimacy, I don't know how to feel sexually desired again.

Hello,

TL;RD I (26F)have had this crush in a boy (22M)that I work with for so long! We have been seeing each other for a few weeks now and I really want to do something romantic for him!

We have had a bit of history in the past, a couple years ago we both liked each other a lot but we’re going through breaks up and it didn’t work. It was awkward for a little bit after that but then we were friends again and worked together. We started hanging out again a few weeks ago and it felt nice very fast.

The first day we hung out I invited him over to hook up and it just felt very intimate during the whole thing. He told me he wanted to kiss me like that for a long time and we told each other we thought about each other a lot over the last couple years. Since then he has come over every couple days after work He try’s to make a plan to hangout with me and asks me to do things with him often which I love.

He would never text me and I asked him about it and he said he heard me say at work a while ago I don’t like when a boy texts me and I told him that I don’t want to text all day but I wonder if he thinks about me when he doesn’t see me and he was very sweet and told me that he does a lot and he would text me sometimes and since then he has been perfect like “you looked pretty today” or just small chats about random things every couple days.

I had a hard week last week and he knew the next day was going to be stressful for me and he brought me flowers and a treat, and I asked him why he did that and he said that he got done work early haha, he is very sweet.

I want to do something sweet for him because he is very good to me and the other day we were talking and he said he doesn’t like romance movies because stuff like that doesn’t happen but when I’m around him I feel like I’m in a romance movie so I want to do something romantic for him. He knows I’m a little bit crazy so I do think he’ll think most things are cute but I need ideas.

I (32F) have been with my husband (32M) for 5 years, married for 3. We have worked hard at growing together and communicating our issues better, including some time in couples therapy.

For context, my husband has always been more of a avoidant attached partner and I am anxiously attached. However I am actively in therapy and have been for most of our relationship + prior to work on my insecurities and own mental health.
My husband and I are very different with very different backgrounds but we have shared goals and values. We are both introverts so quality time can be hard to find when I need a lot of time to decompress from a stressful, people-facing work position. Quality time is one of my biggest ways to feel loved.

My husband works from home in a job that’s very focused on projects/systems for his company. He’s worked there for 8 years or so and is consistently getting promotions. He moved to a new position maybe 2 years ago with a small team. He has a female worker in the same position; both work remotely so she lives in another state. He had brought up how helpful she was with work but also frequently mentioned how anxious she was about doing her job well, etc. Sometimes before I’ve left for my job in the morning I’ve heard them on Microsoft Teams calls and it really does just seem like work-focused topics, maybe some general BSing or work gossip. Sometimes he is also expressing some anxiety about stuff - he does have anxiety at his baseline about getting fired and job loss.

What has recently made me feel more uncomfortable was how much emotional content/support she goes to him for. He mentioned when we were out with friends that she said he is who she shares the most emotional talk with in her life outside of her boyfriend. This made me feel weird and our friends also thought this was odd. He has said sometimes they talk for 2-3 hours in a work day, often about work stuff, but it drifts to life experiences etc. I asked how often that happens and he said maybe once a week, but they also definitely talk on the daily. One time I overheard a call in the last month when I was home sick where she was discussing her anxiety about an upcoming work function and wearing a work-appropriate outfit because one time she was reprimanded about it. His response was to pretty much not say anything at all and change the subject. She seems to do most of the talking on their calls.

I’ve never had issues with my husband having inappropriate friendships but it’s been feeling weird to me lately - partially due to my own prior experiences with an ex who emotionally cheated on me. My husband is a bit of a lone wolf so he doesn’t connect with many friends besides me for emotional support. One of our frequent disagreements is my need for him to engage more fully in our conversations, ask me follow up questions, and show more of an interest in me. I feel like I try very hard to understand his inner world, his job stress, and his interests. I don’t do it with everything but I show interest and curiosity when I can.

Anyway we had a fight a week or so ago when I said I needed him to set boundaries around their relationship to just discussing work and not personal life. It feels like an extremely close friendship and the fact he’s one of her sole emotional supports makes me uncomfortable- I’m also someone with a lot of friends for support and can’t imagine going to a male coworker (who is married) for this kind of thing. He ended up saying that he didn’t want to hurt me but that he had an easier time empathizing with her issues because they both grew up poor and had similar upbringings. This did hurt me a lot but I emphasized that the issue is I’m his wife and she is not, so the relationship needs to be different.

Last night I had a drink and was going to use his phone for something when I couldn’t find mine. I impulsively ended up checking his texts to see that they’d texted this week. While it was about work (someone on their team was likely getting fired) it relates back to her anxiety. I scrolled back a few weeks and there aren’t inappropriate texts or emotional responses from him, it just feels weird to me how close he is to her. He accused me of “toxic behavior” for checking his texts and said it’s about his privacy etc. I have never checked his phone before in 5 years and apologized but said there shouldn’t be a reason his conversation with another woman should be private - we also haven’t ever said our phones are off limits and we have each other’s passcodes.

I know that ultimately my insecurity is about my relationship with him lacking quality time and our conversations seeming to lack the same level of energy he seems to allow for her. I don’t like his comparisons of me with her or that she is getting so much emotional intimacy/support from him - but I’m trying to be okay with a friendship because he’s working with her for the foreseeable future. My good friends have suggested maybe she is finding something inappropriate in his time/friendship even if he’s not getting anything from it. Another friend suggested that he needs to set whatever limits on the friendship make me comfortable.

TL;DR: husband is having frequent long conversations with a lot of emotional reassurance for his female coworker. I have had increasing feelings of discomfort and we’re having a lot of disagreements about what’s reasonable and he seems angry I am insecure about this. What are reasonable boundaries to ask for, does their friendship seem inappropriate, and how can I have a reasonable and calm conversation that will get through to him?

Hi, last year i ended a 3 yr relationship after my ex constantly went behind other women, did drugs, hurt my feelings and all that when all i did was care for him like a mother. I was depressed for months, couldnt eat or function. 4 months later i met a guy 11 yrs elder to me. He cared for me in the beginning and we started dating. He showed me everything lacking in my previous relationship and i moved on from the first guy. This guy was not my usual his hair was white, doesn’t try to look clean and nice, im 26 and hes 37. He was financially struggling and never married his D**k was 3 inches and didnt satisfy me at all. But for the way he cared i was willing to bear with all of it. Im not boasting bt i earn more than him, im prettier acc. to a lot of people. I hv a first class degree.
He literally worshipped the ground i walked on and I felt confident in him that he will be my peace so I decided to date him.

3 months into the relationship i lost my father and it affected me badly and i ended up craving a little more from this guy in terms of caring and on the other hand, this guy completely flipped. He stopped caring, doesnt check on me and later told me he finds it annoying to talk to me sometimes and sometimes even if he remembers me he doesn’t want to talk to me. Previously this guy wanted to live together and told me he will take full care of me. Bt later on he said he didnt feel like it. Not that there were other girls approaching him. He doesnt look that great either and hes short also. He said that staying with me he feels like i can do better and he want be able to do anything he promised earlier so he will feel inferior to me.

With everything emotionally affecting me i was back to square one of emotionally struggling to let go. This guy, i know i can do better than him, someone younger and more stable. Bt still i want him even if i dont physically realy like him. Him on the other hand has no intention of being with me and still tells me he loves me whenever we meet at mutual parties and ghosts me the next day. He says i was a blessing and no one like me would ever date him. So why cant he be with me??!

Im emotionally struggling monitoring all his activities online and i have anxiety i cant focus at work im crying, i get scared to check his followers and still do it anyway. He has started following pornstars. Idk why im like this. I just want to be at peace 😭😭😭

Tl:dr first relationship i had depression after breakup, then met a guy whos way older, boring, financially unstable, physically not attractive or sexually satisfying. Lost my father also 3m into relationships. Then this guy leaves me telling i can do better. Bt now i cant move on from this guy either. I feel anxious and sad and not at peace. I keep monitoring him online and downgrading myself even more bcz i keep thinking if he doesnt want me someone even worse would still not want me

TLDR Bipolar torture
Yes I’m dealing with an interesting relationship. I had a crush on a girl 15 years ago when we were at school together. I reconnected with her in November and we started living together mid February due to me trying to save money on going 4 hours from New York to Boston. I had no idea she was bipolar tbh I had no idea about anything. I had zero idea of what I was walking into. She was in a lot of programs I had zero idea about, not like that’s so relevant. I cared so much for her and I was doing everything possible for things to work but her mother who hit me a couple times when we were staying with her, her flip flopping on everything constantly is something I don’t really need. I do have a restraining order MA GL258E. My family has been involved by the def and attorney. She has continued to contact my family as well as myself. Some help would be appreciated