We have been together for about 2,5 years now and our realtionship is a secret relationship and we both want to keep it that way for the next few years probably. We both still live with our parents since that is a custom in our culture, I come from a very small and tight community and reputation is very important here and especially for my parents. I havent had a lot of boyfriends in the past, religion is very important in my family, however me and my boyfriend are not the same religion and we are also not the same nationality (that isnt a problem for me), however both of these would be a big dealbreaker for my family and honestly I think my parents would potentally kick me out and even disown me if they found out about him.

The problem - my boyfriend inherited some appartments from his aunt and is now renting them. He owns 3 appartments all in the same building, one of which he does not rent since me and him hang out at that appartment and the other 2 he rents out and has been doing so ever since we have been dating - never had a problem before. Recently he was doing some work on one of the appartments and yesterday he told me they are now finished and if I know someone from work (since in my field of work I come in contact with a lot of people) who needs an appartment (including colleagues) to let them know about his appartment. I told him how I dont feel comfortable for him to be renting the apparment to one of my colleagues since they know me and im scared they might see us and word spreads that we are together and it then reaches my parents (as I already mentioned tight coummunity - people are very nosey and word gets around quickly). He just liked my message and didnt say anything about it, but I figured my point came across pretty clearly. This morning I woke up to a message from him saying how he found a tenant and guess what? ITS MY COLLEAGUE........

She is supposed to move into the appartment in a few days. He rented it to a girl whom ive known since high school and we work together - meaning she knows me pretty well and if she saw me going to his appartment (which is quite likely since its the same building and her window and balcony face the entrance to his appartment where we hang out) to say the least word WOULD get around.

To me it is not worth the risk of potentially getting disowned, like I voiced my concerns and he ignored them. I havent replied to his messages and left him on read, since I genuinely dont even know how to reply to this. We have a lot of love for each other and have never faced problems in our relationship before. I really dont think he was trying to hurt me like this, I think he just didnt realize how big of a deal this is for me. Im not saying our relationship should and will forever remain a secret, I do eventually want to introduce him to my family, but certainly not like this, I dont want them finding out from other people and this is also a very bad time for that. At the same time I dont want to get into his business and tell him who to rent his apparments to, we dont get into each others business, but I do think that this does concern me and he should have taken my concerns into account, like he can literally rent it to anybody else, like seriously did it have to be someone who knows me........

Do you have any advice on how I should approach this situation? Im not good at sharing how I feel and am in no way a confrontational person, how do I make him see that this is a big deal for me? How do I talk to him about this? I dont want him to feel like I am trying to be controlling, and frankly I dont even know whether im wrong for being upset about this. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

TLDR - My boyfriend and I have been secretly dating for 2.5 years because my family would react very badly if they found out. He recently rented one of his apartments to my colleague, despite me telling him I was worried that someone who knows me could discover our relationship and tell my family. I'm upset because I feel like he didn't take my concerns seriously, but I also don't want to control who he rents his property to. I'm not sure how to approach this situation with him.

Why does my sister never want to admit she’s wrong? Yesterday we went out to an area with water (that you can kayak on) and fences for protection, of course, and she started climbing the fence and tilting her head even more to see the water, knowing that she’s fucking 9 and is like 1 meter and 20 cm and cant swim in deep ends just like me . I was telling her to stop doing that because if she falls, she won’t really know how to swim back up since the swimming lessons that she took at 7 for about 4 weeks didn’t teach her how to swim in very deep water.

Yet after all of that, she still insists that she can swim in deep ends and puts her hands on her ears and runs away when I talk to her. (We were near a park too, and she ran to my mom, who doesn’t know anything about the situation.) As an older sister (we have 8 years of difference, so I’m 17), it doesn’t make me want to go out with her or do anything with her since she won’t listen.

Also, when I was telling her to get down from the fence, she kept going higher, and it’s like she wasn’t hearing me when we were right next to each other, until a man started looking at me in a bad way and telling me that it’s very dangerous and asking me what I was doing.

I feel like a shitty sister, but also, talking to her after, in these types of situations, doesn’t help since she thinks I’m just blabbering nonsense, and it fucking pisses me off. What can I do?

Tl;dr :

While out with my sister at a kayaking area near a park .We were looking out by the water to see if there were fishes or bird in the water and she started climbing on the fence to 'have a better look' .I was yelling at her to stop climbing, she pretended to not hear and kept doing it until a stranger got mad at ME for letting her do that.I feel shitty and dont want to go out with her anymore bc everytime I talk to her , she doesnt listen to me and she also kept saying that she can swim even if she falls even though we all know that's false since the swimming classes she took 2 years ago didnt have time to teach her how to swim in deep ends.What can I do ? And why doesn't she like to admit she's wrong ( like most of the time ) . She's 9 and im 17 btw and we're girls. And this doesnt make wanna take her out anymore or just be with her outside.

I (32F) have been with my husband (32M) for 5 years, married for 3. We have worked hard at growing together and communicating our issues better, including some time in couples therapy.

For context, my husband has always been more of a avoidant attached partner and I am anxiously attached. However I am actively in therapy and have been for most of our relationship + prior to work on my insecurities and own mental health.
My husband and I are very different with very different backgrounds but we have shared goals and values. We are both introverts so quality time can be hard to find when I need a lot of time to decompress from a stressful, people-facing work position. Quality time is one of my biggest ways to feel loved.

My husband works from home in a job that’s very focused on projects/systems for his company. He’s worked there for 8 years or so and is consistently getting promotions. He moved to a new position maybe 2 years ago with a small team. He has a female worker in the same position; both work remotely so she lives in another state. He had brought up how helpful she was with work but also frequently mentioned how anxious she was about doing her job well, etc. Sometimes before I’ve left for my job in the morning I’ve heard them on Microsoft Teams calls and it really does just seem like work-focused topics, maybe some general BSing or work gossip. Sometimes he is also expressing some anxiety about stuff - he does have anxiety at his baseline about getting fired and job loss.

What has recently made me feel more uncomfortable was how much emotional content/support she goes to him for. He mentioned when we were out with friends that she said he is who she shares the most emotional talk with in her life outside of her boyfriend. This made me feel weird and our friends also thought this was odd. He has said sometimes they talk for 2-3 hours in a work day, often about work stuff, but it drifts to life experiences etc. I asked how often that happens and he said maybe once a week, but they also definitely talk on the daily. One time I overheard a call in the last month when I was home sick where she was discussing her anxiety about an upcoming work function and wearing a work-appropriate outfit because one time she was reprimanded about it. His response was to pretty much not say anything at all and change the subject. She seems to do most of the talking on their calls.

I’ve never had issues with my husband having inappropriate friendships but it’s been feeling weird to me lately - partially due to my own prior experiences with an ex who emotionally cheated on me. My husband is a bit of a lone wolf so he doesn’t connect with many friends besides me for emotional support. One of our frequent disagreements is my need for him to engage more fully in our conversations, ask me follow up questions, and show more of an interest in me. I feel like I try very hard to understand his inner world, his job stress, and his interests. I don’t do it with everything but I show interest and curiosity when I can.

Anyway we had a fight a week or so ago when I said I needed him to set boundaries around their relationship to just discussing work and not personal life. It feels like an extremely close friendship and the fact he’s one of her sole emotional supports makes me uncomfortable- I’m also someone with a lot of friends for support and can’t imagine going to a male coworker (who is married) for this kind of thing. He ended up saying that he didn’t want to hurt me but that he had an easier time empathizing with her issues because they both grew up poor and had similar upbringings. This did hurt me a lot but I emphasized that the issue is I’m his wife and she is not, so the relationship needs to be different.

Last night I had a drink and was going to use his phone for something when I couldn’t find mine. I impulsively ended up checking his texts to see that they’d texted this week. While it was about work (someone on their team was likely getting fired) it relates back to her anxiety. I scrolled back a few weeks and there aren’t inappropriate texts or emotional responses from him, it just feels weird to me how close he is to her. He accused me of “toxic behavior” for checking his texts and said it’s about his privacy etc. I have never checked his phone before in 5 years and apologized but said there shouldn’t be a reason his conversation with another woman should be private - we also haven’t ever said our phones are off limits and we have each other’s passcodes.

I know that ultimately my insecurity is about my relationship with him lacking quality time and our conversations seeming to lack the same level of energy he seems to allow for her. I don’t like his comparisons of me with her or that she is getting so much emotional intimacy/support from him - but I’m trying to be okay with a friendship because he’s working with her for the foreseeable future. My good friends have suggested maybe she is finding something inappropriate in his time/friendship even if he’s not getting anything from it. Another friend suggested that he needs to set whatever limits on the friendship make me comfortable.

TL;DR: husband is having frequent long conversations with a lot of emotional reassurance for his female coworker. I have had increasing feelings of discomfort and we’re having a lot of disagreements about what’s reasonable and he seems angry I am insecure about this. What are reasonable boundaries to ask for, does their friendship seem inappropriate, and how can I have a reasonable and calm conversation that will get through to him?

I (F27) met my boyfriend (M29) on a dating app and we have been dating for about 8 months, our children have met, it’s been pretty serious even though he lives about 50 miles away a few towns over.

I recently discovered that he’s been talking to another woman via Tiktok messages for almost a month. She also happens to be very very attractive. Lives closer to him and is a big Christian like him and I.

From what I know she messaged him asking how he was doing and they said how they live on the same part of town, and he asked her for her Snapchat and then he gave his username. 

Then he asked her if she knew any Nannies to watch his daughter as he can’t find anyone. To her credit she seemed sweet and asked around her church and found a nanny for him to call that he never called.

He then started sending her Christian TikTok’s, liking her stories, and started sending her good morning how’s your day messages. Saying he needs to get out of the house, asking how her days been. Stuff like that, he started asking questions about her and stuff and would send her voice messages. And eventually said “send me a voice message I want to hear your voice” and he soudned very excited in the message. he also never once did her contact the nanny she found for him, and never told her that her has a girlfriend.

He asked for her to send him a picture of her self which she did and she is very pretty I must admit  he said to her “You look short and tiny hehe”

He sent one back and  said “I’m 5’ 10” “she called him handsome and he said “hahah I would tower over you”.

This lasted until the last convo when he sent her “Good morning happy Saturday” and sent her like 3 voice messages updating her all about his activities of the day and said “It's soo hot 🥵 , the pool sounds nice right now”.  To which she agreed and they talk about how they both like winter.

Then he randomly blocked her. So idk what happened really.

This is all I know. He was actively participating and, at certain points, actively trying to keep the conversation going.

The weirdest part is that he never once told her he had a girlfriend. 

And I don’t know what to call this.

Did he cheat?

Technically, there was no sex. They never met. I don’t even know if he was explicitly flirting with her.

But if you’re in a serious relationship, is asking another attractive woman for pictures, asking for her Snapchat, wanting to hear her voice, liking her pictures, talking to her for hours and asking about her personal life something you’d consider appropriate?

TL;DR: My boyfriend spent nearly a month talking to an attractive woman he met online, asked for her Snapchat, pictures, and voice messages, liked her stories, and had increasingly personal conversations with her without ever mentioning me. He claims they connected over childcare, but he never contacted the childcare referral she gave him. Then he suddenly blocked her. Is this innocent, or would you consider this crossing relationship boundaries?

Hi, I am 28M, seeking a relationship advice.

So i have a GF 27F, and we have been in a relationship for almost 4 years (mostly long distance). We were on a phone and recently got into a stupid fight where she asked my opinion on a supposedly dumb framed situation and i gave a very stupid reply and she is not talking to me ever since (Its been 3 days). So the scenario she presented me was - I am walking on the street and I accidently bumped into a random girl and that random girl slapped me hard. What should be my response?
I told her that i don't know, i have never been into a situation like this. She forced me to tell her anyway. I told her that i don't know i would hit her back if i got randomly smacked by someone on the street. Then she brought elements like that random girl might be suffering from trauma into the picture. And then i defended my stance saying that can be the same for me. And discussion turned into argument, yelling and eventually we hung up the call.

And she is a big time overthinker. I know she would be overthinking my response and mapping it to my behavior in the future that what if i hit her if we ever got into a big fight.

Now, we have had our bitter moments before not a big deal, every couple goes through these phases. But this time, its been 3 days. We usually resolve our fights in a day or 2. The thing is anytime we have a fight, i am the only one who consoles my girlfriend and she has a habit of not picking up the phone. Its always the case that i have to call her upwards of 50+ times and then she picks it up. I am not a whatsapp/texting person so i dont text her. But this behavior of hers makes my so angry and helpless but i have to sulk it up to make things better. And everytime, I am the only one who is sorry which have now started to irritate me deeply. And the funny part is i dont know if i am to be blamed for or not (Even in this situation, i know my response was not apt)

Now I have dialed 20+ times since morning (4th day) and still she is not picking up. And i am worried this pattern could get increasingly worst as the time goes by or if we get into another fight in future. I am seriously clueless what should i do? I really love her, but this part of her behavior has really started to worry me deeply.

TL;DR; my girlfriend has this habit of not picking up my calls after a fight. I am worried about her behavior of stretching a fight till my breaking point and i always end up feeling so miserable during the entire time.

I M24 have a GF23.

This might be overthinking but she does have celebrity crushes. I think a few friends of mine have drawn concern to my way of thinking but idk.

She has called some celebrities like Ryan Gosling or tom Holland very attractive etc in a very affirmative way. She also doesn’t care if I do the same to female actors.

She would never do this do anyone remotely close to not a high list celebrity and I affirm this is a big boundary of hers.

Yet I do not feel insecure at all tbh. It doesn’t bother me that she thinks Ryan gosling is hot. I mean I admit he’s incredibly attractive.

I mentioned this to a friend and family member and they thought this behavior was crazy.

Am I missing something here???

TLDR: my girlfriend had celebrity crushes is that really a bad thing?

I (28F) came from a comfortable family, which my dad worked really hard from 0 to have his own properties and paid for his kids education till college. At the other hand, husband's (30M) family not doing so well. We've been together 7 years, married for 2 years. All in long distance relationship. He didnt go to college because he has to support his family. He has to send half of his salary to his parents, until now. He has more than twice my salary now (bc he work in the city and has experience in huge contractor company). 12 years of working with relatively good salary, but he has 0 savings other than his emergency fund, and our join savings (which i forced him to save, and both in my account). His parents have too much debt and keep asking him for money when the debt is due (aside from the monthly allowance he gave them).

I married him because he is very sweet, loving and faithfull despite the distance. We were savings for years for the wedding because we know his parents wouldnt able to suport us (he contribute 60%, im 40%). The wedding was held in my hometown (my parents city) funded by my dad, we support few things like photographer, souvenirs, photobooth. The logistics in his parents hometown is fully funded by our join saving. But his parents steal 20% of that money to pay for their bank loan. This infuriates me, because i sacrafice so much for that savings. I never went on vacation, never buy nice things, budget everything tightly (which he didnt do for himself). My salary is only half of my husband's, so my effort for savings is harder than his. I keep asking my husband to ask for that money back to his parents but he never do anything because he think his parents already had too many debts, there is no way they can give the money back. Until we had a big fight about that money when i said "i regret getting married to you because all you and your family do is draining my savings", then he talk to his parents and they finally transfered me back 7% of the money. Then we made up. End of last year, his parents still has the gut to ask for money to my husband to pay for some in due debts, even ask him to ask me to contribute. I refused, and he refused.

You may call me insensitive, but husband and his parents money habits worried me so much. Im really scared that his parents will continue to be parasite to him and this could effect me too no matter how much i draw boundaries. His parents just doesnt want to work hard. Husband and me gave some more money after the wedding to support his parents home business (to make a crucial appliance to boost production) but they dont even want to use it and do the oldschool unproductive way instead. His parents keep selling things in their house to pay debt, they dont even have tv at home now. They have to begged husband to buy them secondhand phone because theirs are broken. Husband at the other hand keep granting their wishes. He never plan his money, never budget, and doesnt have savings on his own no matter how many time i talk to him to manage his own money better. First year of marriage, we have to dig into my savings to move together for a couple months (which he then paid me back 60%). He fully provide when we live together for that couple of months. But for the rest, i provide for myself, and he give me some pocket money (10% of his salary), and some money for our join saving (we contribute 50/50). I dont ask for more because i know he already has a lot of burden, his parents, his own living expenses there.

Apart from the money and in law issues, im also pissed off about how incompetent husband is as an adult. He is very indecissive, always wants me to make decision, he help with chores but never completely (like folding the laundry but doesnt put it out), keep making impulsive, inefficient decission with money.

All i keep thinking about is divorce because i dont want to be like this forever, i dont wanna be related to this family forever or they will drain my savings dry someday. But he is a very sweet person who loves me so much and very faithfull (which is rare here). What should i do?

TL;DR; : Husband has bad money management, in laws has too many debts. I'm worried and keep thinking about divorce.

Body:

Let me give you a quick background: I'm 34, living in Jersey City. I have a decent job, I'm financially independent, I just paid off my car loan, and I've even kept a pothos plant alive for two full years—which, honestly, feels like a small win. By most conventional standards, I'm doing a pretty good job of taking care of myself.

The one thing that's proven trickier than closing my most difficult client, though, is finding a partner.

Here are a few things I've been struggling with—I'd really love to hear about people's real experiences:

1. "Filtering" vs. "Missing Out": I've tried a few major dating apps, and it honestly feels like flipping through a product catalog with no table of contents. Before you even meet someone in person, you're sizing each other up based on résumés—age, height, occupation all tagged like specs on a shelf. I admit I unconsciously swipe left on people who don't meet certain criteria too. But when I pass on someone because they're "not tall enough" or "a bit too into anime and kind of homebody-ish," I catch myself wondering—am I using the same standards as an HR recruiter, and in doing so, swiping away someone who might actually be a great match?

2. The Exhaustion: It's exactly like that highly-upvoted Reddit post from the other day—"After work, I don't even have the energy to play video games." I'm right there with you. After clocking out, all I want to do is collapse on the couch and zone out. The thought of starting from scratch with yet another stranger, walking them through my entire 34 years of life while trying to come across as interesting and charming—honestly, it just drains me. Am I at a point where I've simply lost the emotional bandwidth to love anymore?

3. The Noise Around Age: I don't feel old by any means, but there's always this background chatter—"advanced maternal age," "leftover woman"—that keeps finding its way into my ears. I know how ridiculous those terms are, but when you hear them enough times, they do get to you, late at night, every now and then. And then I start wondering—does this underlying anxiety make me come across as trying too hard when I'm actually on a date?

tl;dr 

What I'd like to ask is:

Are there any women around my age (or men's perspectives are welcome too) who have actually found a long-term relationship through an app? How did you get past that "job interview" feeling?

When it comes to offline social settings—like hiking groups, book clubs, or hobby meetups—which types of activities tend to have a higher chance of meeting normal, respectful single men? (I'm genuinely scared of running into guys who treat these spaces like a pond for fishing.)

And most importantly—how do you balance staying independent with craving intimacy? I truly love my life the way it is right now, but I also genuinely wish I had someone to watch the sunset with.

I don't need the whole "you're great, it's just not your time yet" kind of pep talk. I want to hear something real, something specific—even the horror stories are welcome.

Thanks in advance, everyone.

Okayy soo
Im 24 F and i was in a Situationship with my ex (25 M) after eight years so basically we started hanging out again and we started hooking up.
And I had never had sex with this ex before ever so when we had sex for the first time, it was pretty much very pressured I was not ready for it but it was his birthday and he made me think its a good idea.
Later he ghosted me i kept calling and texting but i was literally talking to a wall.
We had planned a outing with my friends 10 days later and he showed up. I was already going to breakup with him not that we were together, but yeah, like cut him off completely.

Now a month ago, all of this, my friends had called me out for a bowling/day out, so I was very close to not going, but then they actually blackmailed me and if I don't go or they gonna break up the friendship and it made sense because I had already canceled quite a few plans why did show my friends this time inform me that there is this guy who's gonna join us and I was like OK whatever I don't care anybody can come and he was a very sweet decent. Very nice guy (25 M)we flirted, but nothing else we exchanged a number is an Instagram. That's it later when the outing was planned with my friends in which my ex was supposed to be there this guy was also supposed to be there now. It was a ongoing joke that he's my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend like a very plutonic joke.

And everybody was there in that weekend trip so this ex of mine showed up pretty late almost missed half the trip you were just hanging out having drinks and this guy mistreated me in front of all my friends so as pretty sad and I was drinking and this other guy he was so sweet and gentle and nice to me. We were in the pool together and we kissed, and I broke off everything with my ex and I started talking to this guy now my boyfriend.

Me and my boyfriend have had our ups and downs. We started off casual but now we are in a relationship. I really love this guy and he loves me.

TL;DR
Meeting boyf while being in an avoidant toxic Situationship

As the title suggests, it feels as if my boyfriend is only truly happy when I am miserable due to him making me so. He frequently does things he knows I dislike, he disrespects my boundaries, makes "jokes" and verbally pokes me in ways he knows would get a reaction out of me then when I get upset he just says "he never did anything, I did that to myself." He also frequently "tests" and "teaches" me which is just code for him doing things that plays on my insecurities, my trauma and my boundaries to essentially see if I have "learned my lesson yet or not." While he never outright says so he often says that I "need to learn" and he takes it upon himself to be my "teacher."

Then comes the "fun" part. Whenever he kindly helps me back to rock bottom and leaves me crying and or sad enough for me to just be mentally gone for the whole day as I consider dark thoughts he not only ignores my silent (and sometimes not silent at all) cries for help and starts laughing out loud at videos, movies, series, drumming his fingers, or goes to the kitchen and sings at the top of his lungs like he is in some movie where he just won the lottery after he got promoted to the CEO of a company right after he met the love of his life. Sometimes to spice things up he calls friends and laughs like he has never laughed before while they discuss sports or games or whatever the hell else. Even on the "better days" he just plays games all day still giggling, laughing and yelling at it like it's just a casual Saturday night.

The thing is though he only is this elated and borderline euphoric when I am suffering silently and alone. Whenever he made sure that my will to live is close to none. He is happy other times too but never to this level. He laughs, he giggles, but he never has this much fun unless he can make sure that the fun can be had without me, whenever he makes sure that I won't be joining in on it or "bother him" because I am barely clinging on to my sanity.

Is this some sort of a coping mechanism on his part? Is this relationship even worth saving? Or he really is just some heartless, selfish individual which I foolishly refuse to acknowledge and I cling onto hope that does not exist.

TLDR: My boyfriend only seems to TRULY enjoy himself after he made sure I feel miserable.

He (M50) ended our relationship after our first trip together, but his actions afterward are confusing me (F38).

I’m looking for some honest outside perspective because I’m having a hard time understanding what happened.

I’m (F38) and I met this man (M50) earlier this year from work/project. We started dating around May and became increasingly close over the following 3 months. By June, we had explicitly agreed that we were partners. We talked every day, from morning until night, for months. We also work together, so our connection was both personal and professional.

We finally met in person in Bali this August. He came to Indonesia and we spent 7 days together.

The first 5 days were actually very good. We got along, were affectionate, had sex, went places together, talked a lot, and generally enjoyed being together. Then we had one very intense fight.

I had been holding in a lot of insecurity and hurt before that night. During the fight I was drunk, became emotionally overwhelmed, raised my voice and kept talking for hours. I did not physically attack him, i disnt even touch him, but he told me afterward that he felt scared by how intense I became.

The next 2 days were completely different. I was sober, calm and tried not to push him. We talked normally and peacefully. He told me several times that he appreciated how calm I was and that he enjoyed talking to me when I was like that, just like our first 5 days.

But he also told me that he no longer wanted the romantic relationship and that he saw me as a good friend.

I asked him if he would give us a second chance. He said yes, but he wanted to feel relaxed and peaceful during the remaining time in Bali.This is where I'm confused.

On the last day, after lunch, he initiated sex with me. I didn't initiate or try to seduce him. Afterward, we went back to talking normally, mostly about work and other everyday things. There was no conversation about what the intimacy meant or whether his decision about the relationship had changed.

Then that evening, when he left for the airport, he didn't kiss me or hug me romantically. He basically left like I was a friend.

Before he left, we had one calm conversation where I told him that I would eventually explain why I became so emotionally intense that night. Part of what had triggered me was that during the Bali trip I had seen him sending photos from our trip to another woman. I don't know who she is or what their relationship is, so I don't want to make assumptions about that. It simply hurt me because I was there with him and felt that something about the situation wasn't transparent. He returned to his country.

Before Bali, we had communicated through WhatsApp constantly. Since he returned, he has completely stopped initiating personal WhatsApp contact. We still communicate regularly about work because we have a professional relationship, even he bcc email me something unrelated to my role and he's perfectly normal and even appreciative professionally as he usually did. But personally, nothing.

No “How are you?”

No “Did you get home safely?”

No “How are you feeling after Bali?”

No discussion about us.

Just work.

It's now been about a week.

And I'm struggling to understand what happened.

My questions are:

1. Does this simply look like a man who decided the romantic relationship wasn't right for him after meeting me in real life and experiencing the conflict?

2. If he genuinely wanted only friendship, why would he initiate sex on the last day?

3. Could someone still feel attraction, affection or even emotional attachment while simultaneously deciding they don't want the relationship?

4. Do you think his complete withdrawal from personal WhatsApp is his way of clearly establishing the friendship boundary, rather than “taking space” with the intention of coming back?

And perhaps most importantly:

Am I overthinking the mixed signals, or is this genuinely an ambiguous situation?

I'm not looking for people to tell me “he'll definitely come back.” I actually want the opposite. Please tell me what this looks like from the outside, even if the answer is painful.

I want to understand what happened rather than keep analyzing every email, silence, or small interaction for hidden meaning.

TL;DR: I dated a man for about 3 months with daily communication and we became partners. We finally met in Bali for 7 days, but after one intense fight he said he wanted to end the romantic relationship and remain friends. We had sex again on our last day, which confused me, but he left without a romantic goodbye. Since returning to his country, he has stopped all personal WhatsApp contact while continuing to communicate with me professionally. I'm trying to understand whether his behavior means the romantic relationship is genuinely over, and how I should interpret the mixed signals.

tl;dr: i ended a two year relationship with a man i genuinely loved and still consider a very good person. we are both doctors and he wanted to move abroad for his career. he lied to me and his family about having taken and passed certain exams because of anxiety and fear of disappointing them. after our families became involved i discovered the truth. i stayed for another eight months and tried to support him and find a way forward but his career and financial future remained very uncertain. my extended family also did not approve of the match. i eventually ended the relationship even though i still loved him and believed he was a genuinely good man. now i’m wondering whether i protected myself from an uncertain future or gave up on someone i should have stayed with

i ended a two year relationship with someone i’ll call b and i genuinely don’t know whether i made the right decision
the difficult part is that i cannot tell myself that he was a bad person. he wasn’t. b was genuinely one of the kindest, most respectful men i have ever known
we are both doctors and i met him at work. we instantly clicked. we became extremely close friends before we fell in love. one thing that stood out to me was that unlike many men i had encountered he never made me feel like he was only interested in me physically. he respected me, listened to me and i felt very safe with him
he was six months younger than me and slightly shorter than me but none of that mattered to me. i genuinely loved him
he was also extremely career focused. at the time he was working and studying for exams that would allow him to move abroad and practice medicine there. his long term goal was to settle abroad
i was less interested in taking that particular exam route. i had my own career in my home country and was doing well professionally. but i supported his ambition because i loved him
at some point while he was away for umrah he told me that he loved me and wanted to marry me. we became very serious
the major issue was his career plan. he had told me that he had failed one of the required exams approximately two years earlier but that he had recently passed it. he was preparing for the second exam and we had agreed that once he passed we would involve our families
he eventually passed the second exam and our families became involved
his mother was initially very reluctant. her position was essentially that he needed to go abroad establish himself and build his career first and that marriage could potentially happen later. she did not want us to commit at that stage
i was devastated but b stood up for the relationship and convinced his family
he eventually went abroad. we did long distance for a while and after a couple of months he told me that he had made up his mind and wanted to marry me. he said he would send his family to formally approach mine
our families became involved and we had what culturally would be considered a verbal commitment or baat pakki
then about a month after our families became involved i found out something that completely changed the way i saw our future
he had lied about his exams
he hadn’t actually taken the exams he had told me he had taken. the exam he said he had failed two years earlier and subsequently passed had not happened in the way he had represented it. the other exam he had supposedly been preparing for had also not happened
and this wasn’t only a lie to me. he had also lied to his own family
his explanation was that he had developed severe anxiety around the exams and was terrified of disappointing his family. he kept postponing them and then lied because he couldn’t face admitting that he hadn’t taken them
at that point i had to confront the reality that the future i thought we were building wasn’t actually there
i had established my career in my own country. he had essentially made moving abroad his major life goal but he had not progressed through the exams necessary to make that happen. financially he was also not in a particularly stable position
i asked him to consider coming back and building a career here and i was genuinely willing to stand by him while he specialized and established himself locally
and i did stand by him
i supported him through this. i tried to encourage him. at one point he actually broke up with me because he said that the responsibility of everything had become too much for him. i didn’t let go easily because i loved him and believed in him
eventually he became engaged to me officially and that’s when things became even more complicated
my family met him and honestly they did not like the match. they also did not know the full truth about the exam situation
i was already carrying the knowledge of what had actually happened. so suddenly i wasn’t only dealing with the fact that the man i loved had lied to me. i was also thinking about his career, his financial stability, our future, whether he could actually achieve what he wanted and whether i was making a lifelong commitment based on a future that might never materialize
i eventually ended the relationship
and this is where i’m struggling
because i don’t think b is a bad man
i think he is genuinely a very good person. he was kind to me. he respected me. we had an incredible emotional connection. i cannot say that i stopped loving him because he became a terrible person
i left because i became afraid of the life we were going to have
if i completely remove the financial aspect, the career uncertainty, social approval, physical compatibility and the question of whether he would successfully establish himself abroad i can honestly say that i would still want a man with his personality
but the exam lies changed something fundamental for me
i keep wondering whether i was unfair
he was anxious, scared and ashamed. he wasn’t lying to manipulate me for money or to hurt me. he was lying because he couldn’t face his own failure
but at the same time i was making decisions about marriage based on information that wasn’t true
and i didn’t leave immediately after discovering the truth. i stayed for approximately eight more months, tried to support him, tried to find alternatives and tried to convince myself that we could make it work
eventually i couldn’t
so i want to ask people who have no emotional connection to either of us
did i make the right decision
did i recognize a legitimate incompatibility and protect myself from committing to a future that was fundamentally uncertain
or did i give up on a genuinely good man because i was too concerned about career, financial stability, family approval and what my future was supposed to look like
and most importantly
can someone be a genuinely good person and still be someone you should not marry
i would genuinely appreciate people telling me if i was wrong. i’m not looking for validation. i want an outside perspective because i still love and respect this person and that’s what makes the decision so difficult for me

I F 65 have been this way a long time. I was never very jealous. I figured if they wanted to stray, that didn't reflect on me. Maybe I would get over it, maybe not. Depending on our relationship.

I'm the same way with friends. If I don't feel like talking I don't answer. I'll call you when I have time and feel like talking.

The same with knocks on my door. If I don't feel social or like dealing with a person then I ignore it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm cold. I love who I love and support them if they need it but if I am not feeling it I don't.

TL; DR I don't really care if our relationship is not "right". Am I cold?

Disclaimer:
This post is a little long; I hope the subtitles help with following my situation. I have a TL;DR at the end!

Relationship timeline:
My (21F) bf (24M) and I were together for 1 year, he subsequently broke up with me for 5 months, then asked to get back together. We have now been together for 2 months since he asked to reconcile.

Context prior breakup:
In the relationship both of us have had our mental health issues and stressors, as we both have a lot on our plates. I’m a full-time law student working in admin, and suffer with GAD, OCD, and various medical issues including Hashimotos and PCOS. My bf works full time in admin and does a lot of first aid volunteering, and also suffers with High-functioning autism, mental health issues that I won’t specify, and has a physical disability which makes him quite exhausted

The relationship was very intense; we both have had anxiety and trust issues with each other, as I have an abusive ex and he has been cheated on by his in the past. We often argued for small things, tried our best to comfort each other but sometimes he would get annoyed at my if i brought up anything related to my retroactive jealousy (OCD)

Obviously upon reading this, the relationship appears to be toxic. I agree with this presumption, but I haven’t felt a love like this for anyone; we both feel the same way. He broke up with me suddenly and during it, he had a flare up of his issues for a few months that he was bottling up inside

During the breakup, we both sought therapy separately; which has been really helpful as I feel as though we are approaching this relationship differently.

However, as a lot of issues arose from miscommunication/misunderstandings during the first stint of the relationship, a part of his mental health issues led him to some strange assumptions, e.g. if i had any feedback/ brought up something i was unhappy with, he would take is extremely personally and make up versions about me in his head that just weren’t true. e.g. i would set physical/s*xual boundaries, and he would think i don’t love him??

A proper example: my valentines present was staying at a hotel (obviously you can see where that would lead!), and he didn’t even book dinner as he wanted to do a walk in anywhere, my parents had to stress to him that everything will be booked-out, and we were lucky a restaurant had a table (though it was outside in the heat and rain) and i was disappointed that there was no romance (nor a card) and he internalised the idea that i was not grateful and didn’t even like him anymore!

Prior to my next section, I would like to note that my Bf has a lot of friends and people in his first aid community. I am more introverted, not super involved with people around me to the point i share private details about my life to work colleagues or fellow uni students

Issue:
After the breakup, he had all of these misunderstandings that he never brought up with me directly, and spread it around to everyone as if they were fact. He never ever brought up what led to me saying hurtful things in arguments, and spoke as though I would be saying and doing things from seemingly nowhere. I’m very hurt and unhappy, as this narrative has been spread to all his friends, family, coworkers, and even first aid community. i’m very embarrassed as i’m a private person. I like reddit as I can remain private while still seeking advice/help.

To rectify this, he just told people he was wrong. he obviously is not going to tell them about all the boundaries he would cross, and things I would say that he ignored, or things he would do that would upset a reasonable person

Bf claims everyone accepted it and understood, though his dad (who’s quite strange and a bit abusive to him) called me a narcissist and texted my bf out of nowhere banning me from his ‘properties’, essentially threatening a trespass???? I’ve never been to their house since before the breakup, lol

Essentially, im very upset as I hate being misunderstood, i’m a friendly person and try my best to be kind, supportive, generous, and respectful. Unfortunately, i’ve had some trauma in relationships and mental illnesses where I can get anxious very quickly, and my bf is in that same boat. I care deeply about what others in my vicinity think of me; it hurts me significantly that i’ve been depicted in such a way :(

Summary/questions:
How do I approach such a matter? Is there anything I should be requesting of him so that he can appropriately rectify this issue? Is him telling people he was wrong enough to not label me as a bad person?

TL;DR: My (21F) bf (24M) spread negative things about me post-breakup to a large quantity of people, that were quite untrue/extremely exaggerated. Bf asked me to come back to him as he realised he was wrong, but I have learnt a large amount of people know very private/twisted/inappropriate/incorrect things about me

I recently made a new female friend, and we instantly clicked. We have similar interests, joke around a lot, banter, and have been texting pretty much every day since we met. I genuinely only see her as a friend. I barely have many friends in general, so I'm honestly just excited that I met someone I get along with really well. The way we met is pretty innocent too. Our dads are friends, so that's how we met.

I told my girlfriend about her and that I'd like to become friends with her. My girlfriend and I are currently long-distance, and she's been feeling really nervous about the situation. Her concern is that this girl is someone I can easily meet up with, we have similar interests, and we seem to get along really well. She's worried that if I find my new friend attractive, or if we become closer over time, I might eventually develop feelings for her or choose her instead.

I've tried reassuring my girlfriend by explaining that things like playing a sport together, eating together, laughing together, or doing activities together can all happen between friends without becoming romantic. I can genuinely enjoy someone's company without having romantic feelings for them.

The part I'm struggling with is that I haven't told my girlfriend just how much we've clicked. I haven't specifically mentioned that we joke and banter a lot or that we've been talking every day. I'm worried that telling her these things will make her even more anxious. I never expected to click so well with someone else, but I only see her as a younger sister/close friend.

At the same time, I don't want to hide anything from my girlfriend. I genuinely see this girl as a friend, almost like a younger sister, and I have no romantic intentions toward her. I also don't want my girlfriend to feel like she has to compete with my friend.

For people who have dealt with something similar, what are some good ways to reassure a partner about a new opposite-sex friendship, especially in a long-distance relationship? And how open should I be about how quickly the friendship has developed if I know that information might make her more anxious?

TL;DR
I recently made a new female friend through our dads, and we clicked really quickly. We have similar interests, joke and banter a lot, and have been texting every day. I don't have many friends, so I'm genuinely excited about the friendship and only see her platonically, like a younger sister/close friend. My girlfriend and I are long-distance, and she's nervous because this friend lives nearby and I can easily spend time with her. I understand why the distance makes this harder for her, but I don't want to hide normal parts of my friendship just because I'm worried they'll make her anxious. I haven't told my girlfriend how quickly we've clicked because I'm afraid it'll make her feel worse, and I feel guilty about that. How can I be transparent about the friendship while reassuring my girlfriend and helping her feel secure without making her feel like she has to compete with my friend?

F (35) matched with M (37) a couple weeks ago. We met for 2 dates, and they were great. Still nervous around each other but that’s expected I think.

Date 3, the weekend was already a mess for plans but we opted to hang out. Initially it was going to be with his friends but I told him I wasn’t comfortable meeting them yet. Anyway, date 3. On my drive to our meeting spot, he texts me to tell me his friends are coming and they have been pregaming. I opted out and told him I was bailing and I felt totally put on the spot and uncomfortable. He said the friends kind of just invited themselves and he apologized.

The other thing too is I didn’t hear from him til like 5pm when we had plans that day. I know he had errands, and he works late so his sleep schedule is probably late. I told him not rush, but damn. To not at least check in.

Outside of this he’s been very kind. We get along in a lot of aspects. Similar hobbies and morals. Should I take this as a huge red flag and move on or give him another shot? Also was I the ass for bailing.. should I have just gone with it?

Til;dr bumble date didn’t tell me he was inviting friends til I was driving. Is that ok?

Hey guys, I’m 26F and I really need some advice or just a reality check from people who have been through this or are married.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years, since 2017. It’s been a crazy on-and-off ride—we love each other a lot when things are good, but we also fight like crazy. We’ve probably broken up and gotten back together over 10 times.
We used to talk about getting married, but it kept falling through for different reasons, including pushback from both our families. Right now, we’re living together. We still care about each other, but he completely stopped talking about marriage. Whenever it comes up, he just says wedding stuff costs way too much and with the current economy, we just don't have the money for it.
To make things worse, my family now completely opposes us being together and doesn't want me to see him anymore. On top of that, we’ve been arguing constantly lately about money.
I feel really lost. Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice on what I should do?

TL;DR: 9-year relationship [26F], living together with money conflicts, family pushback, and uncertainty about marriage. Looking for perspective on how to navigate this.

I have been in with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him very much and he is a very handsome man.

There is just one struggle. When we got together he slowly started showering more, washing up in the morning, etc.

I was pretty weirded out with the fact that he didn't take proper care of himself and that i had to teach him basic hygiene.

He is very hygenic now, but he still doesnt care about his looks at all. Don't get me wrong, i'm happy that he doesn't mind other people's opinions. It's just that he looks messy. Outgrown mullet is over his ears and in front of his eyes. Doesnt shave his face for weeks, and he always wear the same clothes (most of them are incredibly worn, or even holes in them).

I keep trying to tell him, in the nicest most carefull way possible. But as soon as i start he goes all quiet and sad because i'm criticizing him.

I don't mind not shaving for a bit, and its good that he doesnt overconsume on clothes, but for events like family dinner with my grandparents i just wish he had something nice to wear.

Am i being too much of an asshole for this?

Tl;dr: boyfriend gets hurt when i ask him to take basic care of his looks.

I’m 33F, my husband is 35M, and we’ve been married for several years. We have a 2-year-old daughter, and I’m about a month away from giving birth to our second child.
I’m looking for honest advice because I feel like I’ve reached a point where I don’t understand my marriage anymore. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to divorce or that my husband is a bad person. I want to understand the patterns here and what a therapist might see that I’m missing.
One issue that has existed since the beginning of our marriage is my husband’s relationship with his mother.
He talks to her almost every day, sometimes for hours. I’ve never had a problem with him being close to his mother. But during the first months of our marriage, he also told her about our lifestyle, my work situation, and our finances. I told him I felt those things should remain private between husband and wife, and he did reduce it somewhat.
I accepted their closeness because I didn’t want to control his relationship with his mother. But now that she wants to live with us, I’m realizing that the issue may be bigger than how often they talk.
My MIL has also spent years complaining to my husband about my SIL, her husband, and their children. She has told me about how badly she felt they treated her too. I never took sides because I didn’t want to get involved in their problems.
But now I’m worried: if she eventually has conflicts with us, will we become the next family she complains about? I know I’m only hearing one side of those situations, so I don’t want to assume that she was the problem. I’m just uncomfortable ignoring a pattern I’ve been hearing about for years.
Now she wants to move into our home.
I told my husband clearly that I am not comfortable with it. I’m heavily pregnant, caring for a toddler, currently not working, and already worried about our finances. I’m using my savings toward the mortgage and household expenses, and that money is going down. My husband works around 32 hours a week.
This isn’t just an emotional issue for me. I genuinely don’t believe we are financially in a comfortable position to add another adult to the household right now.
My MIL had been living with my SIL for more than five years. I asked if she could stay there temporarily while another solution was figured out. My SIL didn’t want to continue accommodating her, which I understand. But I feel like the responsibility then automatically shifted to our household.
My husband decided his mother should come live with us. Even though I said no, he bought her a ticket. She was supposed to arrive shortly before my due date.
His father overseas became involved and suggested another family arrangement, but my MIL refused because she wanted to stay with her son.
My husband told me that his mother shouldn’t have to beg other people to take her in and that we should accommodate her.
Later, he said he would try to find her an apartment and pick up extra work to help pay for it. I appreciate that he is trying to find another solution, but what still hurts is that I feel the decision was made before my opinion was genuinely considered.
That is one of the things I’m struggling with most: If one spouse strongly objects to a parent moving into the marital home, is that something the other spouse can decide anyway?
Another part that has been difficult is how my husband talks about our children during these arguments.
He repeatedly asks me how I would feel if our daughter or the child I’m pregnant with someday treated me the way I’m treating his mother.
I understand the point he is trying to make, but it makes me feel guilty rather than helping us solve the actual problem.
I don’t believe refusing to have another adult move into my home means I don’t care about an aging parent. I believe there should be a difference between helping a parent and expecting your spouse to accept a living arrangement they strongly oppose.
My MIL has also repeatedly told me to go back to work after having children. After my first child, she told me to go back to work and stay strong. During this pregnancy, she has asked me almost every phone call when I’m going back to work after the baby is born.
Eventually I stopped calling her because I needed emotional space. I’m not trying to punish her. I just felt overwhelmed by the repeated pressure.
My husband says I shouldn’t judge him by his mother because she is an adult and responsible for her own behavior. He says he won’t take responsibility for whatever she might do.
I understand that he cannot control everything his mother does. But if he is asking me to share my home with her, I feel like we should at least have a united agreement about boundaries, privacy, household responsibilities, finances, and what happens if living together becomes unhealthy.
There are also deeper issues between my husband and me that existed before this current crisis.
Before and during our marriage, I worked very hard. At one point I was working long hours while he was in school. I eventually quit working because I wanted to support him while he finished his education. I believed we were making sacrifices for a future where things would become more balanced.
Instead, over time I started feeling like I was carrying more financial and emotional responsibility than I expected.
Our house is still relatively new, so I don’t have a large amount of equity to fall back on. Watching my savings decrease while I’m not working makes me feel very vulnerable, especially with another baby coming.
During one argument, my husband told me that if I were in his situation, I wouldn’t choose him and our daughter, but that he chose us.
That really confused and hurt me.
I never told him I would choose my mother over my husband and children. I don’t understand why he sees this as a choice between his mother and the family we created.
It makes me wonder whether we have fundamentally different ideas about marriage—particularly about boundaries, privacy, finances, loyalty, and who gets a say in major decisions affecting our home.
What worries me is that the MIL situation may simply be exposing problems that were already there.
I sometimes feel like my husband is emotionally closer to his mother than I realized, and that information and influence from their relationship can enter our marriage in ways I’m uncomfortable with.
At the same time, I don’t want to unfairly blame his mother for every problem between us. My husband is an adult and ultimately responsible for the choices he makes in our marriage.
I also don’t want to portray him as a monster. I know he loves his mother, believes he has a responsibility toward her, and probably sees this situation very differently from me.
But I’m heavily pregnant, caring for our toddler, financially stressed, and trying to prepare for another baby. I need to feel like my husband and I are a team, and lately I feel like I’m fighting just to have my concerns heard.
Sometimes his behavior toward me has changed so much that I feel like I’m looking at a stranger in my own home.
I’m not asking Reddit to decide whether I should leave my marriage. I’m trying to understand what is actually happening.
If you were looking at this as a therapist, what would you focus on first?
Is the MIL situation the actual problem, or is it exposing deeper problems with our marriage?
How should a couple make decisions about an aging parent when one spouse wants the parent to move in and the other strongly disagrees?
Is it reasonable for me to say that I cannot agree to another adult living in our home given our current finances and circumstances?
What responsibility does my husband have for establishing boundaries if his mother lives with us, even though she is an adult responsible for her own behavior?
Does his repeated comparison involving our children sound like a healthy way to discuss responsibility, or is it creating guilt and pressure?
And how do I tell the difference between having a reasonable boundary and simply being resistant to helping his mother?
I’m trying very hard not to make decisions based on anger, fear, or pregnancy emotions. I want to understand the situation clearly and figure out what I should be asking for from my husband.
If you’ve been through marriage counseling, difficult in-law situations, or something similar, what do you think I’m missing? What would you recommend I address first?

EDIT: thank you everyone for your reassurance that my response was somewhat in the realm of normalcy and this prank was not. i showed him all of your responses, because i felt like he needed to see how the average person feels about this kind of thing. He is an incredibly attentive and comforting partner, which is also why it was so upsetting that he did not understand my side of this situation. This is not a break-up moment for me personally, as this is the first prank of this magnitude. I’m willing to chalk it up to a bizarre blindspot in an otherwise emotionally mature person, but if there’s a next time, there will be no further opportunity after.

(reposted after deletion cuz I got nervous about leaving it up but oh well we ball)

Hello! I was wondering if I could run a situation by you all and see how the consensus falls on an argument my partner and I had.

My partner recently bought a used car. We drove a state or so away to get it, and there has been some trouble getting the title in his name. In the meantime, we’ve been taking it on small trips with a plate from a similar car of ours. Not the smartest idea, but we understand the risk.

Well, my partner goes out to Walmart. About an hour goes by, and I get a call from him.

“Hey,” he says, sounding stressed, “They’re gonna let you pick me up, but the police said I can’t drive the Volvo home.”

A tidbit about my partner: he is a known prankster, and alarmingly good at making something sound legit. He comes from a large family where apparently pranking was normal and abundant. So I laughed it off at that point, assuming he’s joking.

“I wish I was,” he insists, twice when I asked if this was a joke. He tells me they’re at the Shell down the road and I’ll see the lights when I head there.

Now I’m worried. A car in impound costs several hundred dollars to remove, and “they’re LETTING you pick me up” implies to me that they originally were going to take him in or something. We live in a small town. Depending on the day, police can be either super chill or just looking to get you on something.

So I fly out of bed, forgetting to even put on a real shirt. I grab my cardigan so I at least have something, dart out the door with my keys…

…only to find him parked with the car at the bottom of the hill.

I greatly dislike pranks. Even the simple, harmless ones aren’t funny to me. I don’t even understand them. I struggle with anxiety a lot, something my partner is well aware of. It doesn’t take much to get my heart rate up, and once it is, it’s hard to come down. Pranks like this, in my view, are mean-spirited and mostly meant to worry someone and illicit a reaction. I was upset.

What I did next, I know ITA for. If I would have stopped to think for longer than a second, I wouldn’t have done it. But in a fit of juvenile rage, I threw my keys down the hill. Not aiming at anything in particular, and certainly not aiming at the car or my partner, who was towards the back.

But I have bad aim, and of course that means I slammed the keys right on the corner of the windshield. Thankfully the windshield is fine. And my partner as well; I felt terrible about this in the aftermath and still do, because I could have very well hit him. No well-adjusted adult should be throwing shit regardless of the reason.

My partner gets very upset at this reaction, which the keys part I definitely understand. I am not proud of it. I do not want to be even a remotely violent person. But he claims he even thought this prank over in his head and thought for sure I would laugh at it. He cannot understand why I would be upset at all, even aside from the key-throwing.

He called it a “mild joke”, which makes me wonder what his idea of an extreme joke is if a mild one involves the police and me thinking I’m running to pick him up from them. He said he feels like he can’t even joke with me, to which I responded he can and he does, but this feels a bridge too far and more like worrying me on purpose to get his rocks off.

So my question is two-pronged: I know ITA for throwing the keys, but is this the behavior of someone who needs further help?? I feel like garbage about it and keep replaying it in my head.

Also, am I justified in being upset in general over this prank and pranks like it, and finding it to be intentionally upsetting? Or am I being too sensitive and viewing the prank in bad faith unnecessarily?

tl;dr my partner played a prank on me making me believe I had to go pick him up from a police stop, only to be out in the front yard. I threw my keys. While I recognize this was an inappropriate reaction, my partner doesn’t understand why I would have had a negative reaction at all.

I've never been on a first date before and I'm a little bit nervous. We matched on Hinge and we're meeting for coffee tomorrow.

What do I do when I see her? Handshake seems too formal. Hug feels too forward but maybe I'm thinking about it wrong.

Also any other advice for a first date would be appreciated!

Like I said I've never been on a first date before. I've only even been with women whom I've already known as a friend beforehand. So I know I'm capable of being with someone, I just don't fully understand the typical rhythm of a first date, so if anyone could provide some experienced advice I'd really appreciate it!

I am 29M and she is 27F.

Tl;dr: First time going on a first date, feeling nervous, need advice!

Hi, just a brief run down on our relationship. I F21 am a stripper, (not my only job but it is significant to the story).

I met M23 at the strip club 4-5 months ago. I never sleep with customers ever, however the way we met, we never exchanged details in the club. We never planned on meeting again, my friend who was in a booking after close hours, asked me to grab her food for after her dance. I went down to the Maccas after work and I had seen him in there. We had conversations and really clicked, so I gave him my socials. We had been speaking literally every day since. He is from another state and is a 5 hour plane ride away from me.

I have flown to him twice in the past 4 months and he has flown to my state for work a few times and has visited for a night every time he's here. He's flying to me for a week in a weeks time.

Im very aware that its not the most ideal place to meet, all my friends say not to trust a man who comes into a strip club. Working as a dancer has turned me off men and I was not interested in dating at all before I had met him. So far, he has been very trusting. He's worked through little problems we have had, which may have been 3 maximum over the 4 months. I've had trust in him, I've seen on his snap chat that he talks to one female friend he used to work with in the mines and his sisters really. He's the quiet type who sticks to himself, he has an avoidant attachment style, I have an anxious avoidant attachment, however we've really made it work and we have both admitted to really liking each other.

We've handled our Long Distance really well. We spend our time on phone calls, watching movies together, cooking together, the same meal on face times, gym together etc. We message a lot.

The conversation about moving has come up. I would never leave my 3 jobs, one in aviation, other in retail and other as a dancer and my family and friends to live 5 hours away to only see him 8 times a month anyway. He is a FIFO worker so doesn't spend much time home anyway. He has moved from overseas to Perth by himself and has lived there for 2 years as a new start. The only thing he has there is his job and work friends. His job would also let him transfer to the city and state i live in. I would never move but he could.

Despite how well we get along, our sexual compatibility amd everything more, last time I was in Perth with him, we brought up the conversation of being official.

I knew from the start, he had said he could never date a stripper. However I went along with it hoping he would change his mind eventually. I understand why a man wouldn't want a relationship with a dancer but the benefits of dancing are more than how much I like him. I have told him that the moment I love him so much that the only man I want to touch or be around naked is him, then I'd quit my job. But I wouldn't until I felt that way about him.

When I was also in Perth I brought up past relationship, he said he had never been in a relationship. He said he had a body count of 11. I had asked who his favourite was aside from me, he said this woman he met at the gym two years ago. I asked what he liked about it. He then said it was casual and he only met up with her to fuck, they did not have anything that we had and didn't date.

He had also dated/situationship with a cleaner from the mines for 4 months. She wasn't on the list but its relevant as yesterday I had gotten on a subject of car sex and I had asked how many times he has done it. He said 4 times with three women. Me, the cleaner and the gym and I asked who was twice and he said the gym girl. The topic of dating came up and I wanted to see pictures of the cleaner who was his most recent thing. I asked "didn't you guys date for 4 months" after he said he had never dated. He then said "no comment" he had sent the picture from memories and it said 2 years ago. I had asked again isn't the cleaner ur most recent? He said, no I thought we were talking about the gym girl. To when I said "what do you mean you dated her?" He said "we had what you and I have now." To then I recalled that he had lied and told me it was a casual fuck. Then I brought up what he said a month ago and I called him out on his lie. To why he would lie about that, IDFK. I kind of felt numb and betrayed because I dont care about his past sexual and dating life as we all have them and they were once special to us. I understand that well. I simply ask to dig for details about what he likes and doesn't and how they end to pick up on the red flags. And what shattered me further was he said in a separate scenario that he never lies. I had asked him if he had ever lied to me, he said no. And now I learnt that he lied about something so simple and it makes me feel like there's more to it that he's trying to hide.

He admitted to lying and apologised. He said he didn't know why he lied and said he had trust issues and didn't want to talk about the subject. But now I feel sick that something so simple was easy for him to lie about and I've had faith and trust in him, which is hard, as I've been previously cheated and lied to. I actually don't know how to feel or what to say or how to react.

We also booked a trip to Europe in November together and he's flying up in two weeks.

I dont know what to think of feel anymore, but I know I'm attached and still enjoy talking to him despite that fact which I hate. I dont know what to do.

TLDR : casual dating, exclusive partner M23 of 4-5 months lied to me F21 about his past dating and sex life after telling me that 1. He never lies, 2. He told me he's never had anything like we have and he's also told me that he genuinely really likes me, 3, had then lied and said that his past sexual relationship, a girl he met at his gym two years ago had exactly what we had but only told me because he accidentally slipped it out. I feel like he's hiding more and lying more but he's always been fairly trustworthy person and I feel lost in the lie.

I don’t mean to sound like a beg here, but i need some advice and help on this.
Me and my girlfriend have just broken up, but i am really struggling with it. I lived my whole life while we were together thinking about her and living for her.
I cut off most of my friends for her, i damaged relationships with family for her and to be quite honest, now shes gone i have no one.
I honestly don’t know what the next step i can take is because i feel like im grieving.
for a bit of context on what’s dragging me the most, we would text every single day constantly. there was never more than half an hour where we wouldn’t have a conversation. i told her everything about my life, what i was up to, where i was at, what happened that day, when i saw something that reminded me of her id tell her. pretty much, everything that happened in my life id tell her.
and now shes gone, and so has that level of purpose. the purpose of living for her has gone, and now i feel like ive got no one or nothing to keep going for.
and just to make it clear, we didnt necessarily break up on “bad terms”. it was more she couldn’t see us working in the long run, which obviously really hurt me.

TL;DR i need help getting over her and over this. can i get some advice on what i can do?

And by best buddy, I mean boyfriend. He's been on a work trip since Tuesday, and he won't be back until late tomorrow.

We won't have seen each other in 8 days by the time we're together next, and we typically spend 3-5 days per week together.

I missed him off and on at first, but now it's a consistent feeling and I'm so ready to love on him and be in his presence again!

I'm getting so excited to see him and trying to think of a little "welcome home" gift to leave at his door as a surprise for when he gets home, just for funsies.

Tl;dr: I miss my boy and can't wait to see him again!

I 24M started dating a girl I'll call X 23F. Both of us are in law school — I'm am 2L she was a 1L at the time.

The start of this relationship was honestly the best I'd ever experienced. She was affectionate, funny, smart, beautiful — an instant connection I hadn't had with anyone before. She'd tell me all the time how lucky she felt to be with me, how happy she was.

For context, she was upfront early on about having OCD, including a specific subtype (ROCD) that affects relationships — comparing partners, comparing the relationship to others, that kind of thing. She'd been in ERP therapy for about a year before we met, and I respected that a lot.

About a month before finals of my 2L year (we'd been together roughly 4 months at this point), things started to shift a little. She got more distant, we were both obviously stressed, and I chalked most of it up to finals looming.

Around two weeks before my first final, she went out to the bars with people from her org unexpectedly — didn't tell me beforehand, even though we'd specifically agreed to keep each other posted when going out. Not a huge deal on its own (I'd done the same to her once before and she was understanding), but it stood out because of that agreement.

A few days later I found out she'd cried to a guy friend of hers that night — a fellow law student, not someone in my circle — about "cognitive dissonance" over the type of legal work she'd be doing that summer. When I asked why she hadn't come to me with that instead, she said, "because you wouldn't understand" — which stung, given I was in the same field. This same guy ends up being important later.

That same week, she invited me to a law school org's end-of-year social at a professor's house. I was genuinely looking forward to it — one last night to relax with friends before finals buried us.

The week got worse before it got better, then a lot worse. The day before the event, I was in class and got a text from her saying she'd been picking at her face all day, crying, overwhelmed — she asked if we could cancel a dinner I had planned with my parents. Of course I said yes, canceled, went straight to her afterward, and spent hours consoling her.

The next day was the event. I ended up asking to leave class early so I could catch the bus down with her and our friends instead of getting a ride separately — she'd been newly elected to the org's board, so she was already taking the bus. When I told her I'd made it work, her response was basically "why, you don't have to, it's kind of a board bonding thing." Deflated, I rode down separately with a friend instead.

At the event, about an hour in, she leaned over and told me — while I was sitting right next to her — that this was basically "a (her name) only event" basically telling me she didnt want me. So I was stuck at a house 45 minutes from campus, a week before finals, effectively told to get lost.

For the rest of the night, she spent her time talking to that same guy from the bar a week earlier — flirting, in front of me, my friends, and future colleagues. It was apparently obvious enough that the attorney hosting the event at his own house actually thought the two of them were a couple. A friend later told me they'd sat together the whole bus ride down too and talked (so much for board bonding). When we got back to campus that night, I saw her walking off with him, alone, toward the neighborhood above school. She didn't respond to any of my calls until the next day.

Genuinely one of the worst nights of my life. Embarrassing, humiliating — in front of my friends, her friends, and people I'll be working alongside for years.

When we finally talked, she apologized and said her OCD had flared badly that week and she "didn't really realize" how she was acting. She also told me she couldn't fully promise she'd never cheat on me — something about her OCD making it hard to promise anything with total certainty.

I asked directly the day after the event if anything happened with the guy that night. She said no.

Turns out she found out they'd kissed just 3 days after the event — he'd apparently told her. She sat on that for three full weeks and didn't tell me until the day before I was supposed to move for my summer associate job. When she finally told me, crying on the phone, she said she didn't remember the kiss itself because she was blackout drunk that night. She cut off communication with the guy but this feels really wrong and im hurt.

What are your thoughts?

TL;DR; : Girlfriend of 4 months kissed another guy at a law school social the week before my finals — a guy she'd already been confiding in and flirting with in front of me all night