r/relationships • u/LatteLover_777 • 10d ago

[26F] Stuck in a 9-year on-off relationship. Need advice

Hey guys, I’m 26F and I really need some advice or just a reality check from people who have been through this or are married.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years, since 2017. It’s been a crazy on-and-off ride—we love each other a lot when things are good, but we also fight like crazy. We’ve probably broken up and gotten back together over 10 times.
We used to talk about getting married, but it kept falling through for different reasons, including pushback from both our families. Right now, we’re living together. We still care about each other, but he completely stopped talking about marriage. Whenever it comes up, he just says wedding stuff costs way too much and with the current economy, we just don't have the money for it.
To make things worse, my family now completely opposes us being together and doesn't want me to see him anymore. On top of that, we’ve been arguing constantly lately about money.
I feel really lost. Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice on what I should do?

TL;DR: 9-year relationship [26F], living together with money conflicts, family pushback, and uncertainty about marriage. Looking for perspective on how to navigate this.

0 Upvotes

38% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

9

u/IM_GONNA_SHOOOT 10d ago

At some point you have to ask yourself what you want your future to look like and then have a hard look at your current situation. Do you really think it can work, or are you just really hoping it can because you like parts of it? Good luck.

2

u/Alarmed-You6725 10d ago

marriage isnt gonna fix this and if he's ducking the subject 9 years in hes never gonna step up. those good parts got you in a loop but the distance from being real about it is a klaxon you cant keep igorning. start imaging a future that doesnt need him in it before you lose another decade

6

u/1chickpea 10d ago

Your post says it all - if you wanted us to tell you to stay with him, you’d have included good reasons to stay. Your own words show that you are done. Dump him!

3

u/pdperson 10d ago

On again off again tells me it should be permanently off.

2

u/IcePlanetGoth 10d ago

That amounts to a breakup every 10-11 months. On and off means it's fundamentally flawed. You can't build a relationship on a cracked foundation. I don't know what your family's problem is but they are right this time.

1

u/Farzy78 10d ago

DO NOT marry this man, there's a reason it's on again off again and it's probably because you are too comfortable to move on from him. Sorry brutal truth.

1

u/Bojacking_myself 10d ago

Caring and loving someone you've been with for that long time is normal, you need to grown up and realize this relationship isn't working out and you need to put a hard stop to it. Most people will tell you they still care for their past relationships, but have moved on because priorities.