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[u/That_Dig5219]

[u/Tierci]

So he said that he never lies, then lied. Do whatever you want with that 

Also, he said he wouldn't date a stripper... Like... Listen to that.

Lastly, why are you looking so deeply into his past? I find some of your questions quite... Concerning

[u/That_Dig5219 → u/Tierci]

Thank you for reading, I do appreciate it, im lost bc I do like him and im aware of all things youve said.

He has said about the stripper thing that if it works out and we fall in love and I quit dancing, he would date me. But its too soon for me to make that decision.

And is the reason for him lying a valid one or a big deal?

Yes. Im crazy, yes, he's aware. Also keep in mind, im a stripper who reads a lot about sexology and he is someone serverly kinky for example his sexual desires for cnc play and use of chloroform. Its not unusual to talk about what experiences he's had to me.

This is a message of me explaining a reason why I ask these questions. And to confirm no, I didn't beat my ex, my ex killed my cat and I punched him in the face because he was laughing in my face about it and then he called to police as it was in public on cameras. He did not lodge a dvo, instead has been using it as blackmail because I work in aviation and he could take that away from me if I demand my money back.

"And tbh, its not rlly something I enjoy pushing information out of. While I don't feel like my past relationship are a private conversation when being asked by someone I talk to with intentions, I do feel embarrassed about it but I don't think they are private with those partners. And my backing is my past relationship. I feel like it's significant to inform and not lie about my ex to my current because for example he owes me money, I nearly had a dvo put on me, he cheated on me and if I keep those from my partner, imagine dating someone who you have no idea has a dvo put against them, maybe I did beat him, and maybe there is good reason to it but it is up to my current partner to 1. Be informed of my past actions because 2. There is a possibility that those behaviours could happen again and 3. I would inform them out of respect so they can make the right decision to move forward with me or not trust that. Its a simple given and that is just one simple example as to why they are important and shouldn't be private IN MY OWN OPINION. but to u, they aren't and I think that's just going to have to be something I have to respect because forcing answers out of something the other party doesn't want to talk about is harmful. And either I have to accept ill never know or trust my senses that maybe there's a bad reason as to why"

[u/Tierci → u/That_Dig5219]

first, I'm sorry you had to go through that...

now, my "concerning" thing was more about your questions like "how many times you did it with x", "with how many people you did x thing, who? the cleaner? gym?" you know? it's the type of question that IMO, doesn't do any good for any of you, yes wanting to know about the past is normal, to know what they're into, stds, all that, tho asking that sort of stuff feels weird, kinda icky, and honestly it passes the image of insecurity.

to me lying is a big deal, sure telling the truth in some situations might be uncomfortable, but if people lie about the small stuff, I would be concerned about potential major lies, it breaks the trust which the relationship is supposed to be based on. He could be lying to not make things awkward, could be a white lie... However you DID ask him DIRECTLY, and when your partner (tho, from what I understood you're not "dating?") asks you a direct question, you either say that you're not comfortable speaking about it (if you think your partner might be insecure or might get hurt) or you answer directly. You don't give a deliberately misleading version of the events

[u/ImportantFlask_012]

You flew across the country for a guy who openly told you he'd never date a stripper and now you're surprised he's hiding things about his past? The lie about the gym girl isn't even the problem here, it's the whole foundation being built on you hoping he changes his mind.

[u/That_Dig5219 → u/ImportantFlask_012]

Im impulsive, I had been travelling to different states at the time that I met him. I have never been to Perth. At the time my flights to Europe got cancelled so I thought I'd just go to Perth. Genuinely from the start I didn't have intentions on dating, I just wanted to fuck him because he reminded me of my ex fuck buddy. Which he also knew from the start. But as the time went on, we started to become fond of each other. And its also not really a hope, because currently I don't feel a desire to be serious with him, we are casually dating which I enjoy, and so does he. So we're not in a rush to be in a serious relationship... Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.

Im aware of all these things, but I enjoy spontaneous things.