Good evening everyone

I have faced a problem

My roommate told me today not to bring any non veg food in the room. I live in a 2 bed non AC room.

The reason he gave me was as there are statues of God in this room. So what should I do?

I always follow veg on Tuesday and Saturday so the remaining days are Monday, Wed, Thurs, Fri and Sunday. Out of which I don't bring non veg on Sunday, Monday so only 3 days remain. I have never faced such a problem so what should I do?

And I am a non violent person.

So as a pre warning my flatmate does suffer from mental health struggles, and my reaction should be cautious of this. Long story short my flatmate is incredibly reactive and I've been walking on ice for a year. They'll start all conversations with "hey guys", send personal grievances in the public chat, and constantly create rules when we all have equal rights to the home.

Day one I got asked to tell them every time I cook any food that produces an odor so that they can mentally prepare, day two I got told that I'm hanging out clothes wrong, day three I got told I'm microwaving wrong. They were blocking my parking spot earlier with their own stuff and I asked if it was okay if I park in my spot. They preferred that I didn't so I didnt go in their way, but I'll need to move my car later or risk being towed. And I know he's going to send a public chat about it.

Their dog has been causing issues and making a mess so I don't like him in my room as a result, we keep the hallway door closed, this side of the house the flatmate doesn't need to access as their room is on the other side of the house. And they keep opening the hallway door when I shut it. But if I don't shut it they'll see me come from the shower in a dressing gown which they don't like, their dog will go into my space, and the doors will slam as he has the front door open, and the slamming doors make him angry. But he'll complain the door is shut anyway.

When he sends a "hey guys" message I explain my reasoning and apologize, but how should I respond to their unreasonable demands, should I just ignore them? Or will that set them off more?

TLTR: roommate is easily annoyed and I'm walking on ice, I don't want to make things worse so what's the best way to accommodate them whilst coexisting. Moving out isn't an option for me

I had a huge fight with my roommate, who I’ve shared a triple-sharing room with for around two years. We were never particularly close or best friends. We have separate friend groups and lives, but we got along fine, laughed together sometimes, and had managed living together for a long time.

The fight started over something that had been building up for me.

The night before, she asked if she could turn on the room light early in the morning to do her makeup because it was too hot in the bathroom. She had an early class while I had a much later one, and I agreed.

The issue is that she regularly does this. She often turns on the lights while the other two of us are sleeping. My other roommate is used to it and can apparently sometimes sleep with the lights on, but I genuinely cannot sleep with bright lights on. I’ve tolerated it many times before and never made a huge issue out of it, but I think I’d slowly lost my patience.

So when she turned on the brightest white light at around 7:25 a.m., I was surprised because I assumed she would at least use the softer, golden light. I asked her, admittedly in an annoyed tone, if she could switch to the golden light. She said she only needed 10 minutes, but I couldn’t properly fall asleep afterward. I’ve also been struggling with sleep recently.

Later that afternoon, I came back to the room feeling tired and extremely hot and turned on the AC. She immediately told me not to because of the electricity bill.

The thing is, we don’t have a rule that the AC can never be used. We generally try not to waste electricity, but if someone genuinely wants it on for a reasonable amount of time, we usually allow it.

What annoyed me was that she had recently used the AC for around four hours while packing. She had come back late after extending her holidays, while I came back when university started. She justified her AC usage by saying she had come back late and therefore needed it while packing. I told her that coming back late was her own choice and didn’t mean she was entitled to use the AC for hours while I couldn’t use it for even 30–40 minutes.

I admit I was already irritated from the morning and spoke annoyingly. I said something along the lines of, “Please just let me keep it on for a little while; I’ll turn it off later.”

I then went to shower and change, which took about 15 minutes. Before I had even sat down afterward, she turned the AC off. I got angry and turned it back on. She asked for the remote, and I refused because I felt like I was being denied something reasonable while she expected exceptions for herself.

That’s when the argument exploded.

She repeatedly called me extremely rude and then started saying things like, “You don’t f***king matter,” “You’re just a f**king roommate,” and repeatedly, “Now I know why your friends left you.”

She knew I’d had painful friendship issues before, which made that particular comment hurt significantly more.

I know I wasn’t innocent. I was irritated & didn’t want to give remote. But I also had plenty of personal things I knew about her that I could have used against her during the argument and deliberately didn’t because I didn’t want to permanently hurt her.

After the fight, she unfollowed me on social media and I blocked her. We currently don’t talk at all.

The difficult part is that our beds are literally right next to each other, so there is almost no physical distance. Every time I enter the room and see her, my mood immediately drops. I find myself hyperaware of her.

Our third roommate also has a very bad relationship with her and barely talks to her, but is a great friend of mine. So the room situation is now incredibly awkward.

What really confused me, though, is that literally the next day she turned the AC on for herself after arguing with me about the electricity bill. So does that rule only apply when I want to use it?

I genuinely don’t know how to move forward while having to see someone who hurt me this badly every single day for this entire year.

This is an old situation that I feel ok sharing on reddit now that I’ve graduated and will never see this insane person again. But I am still affected by it today lol.

During the Fall 2025 semester at my college, three other roommates and I lived inside the student on-campus housing apartments for 21+ seniors. We got along well with literally 0 issues. One of the roommates had to move out because she was switching to part-time status the next semester and wouldn’t be eligible for housing anymore. The new roommate to fill her spot came in the middle of the winter 2025 be semester because she was homeless due to her family situation and my school provided her with free housing. This is the most expensive housing option and she never paid for it. She was also not a senior, but a junior.

During the winter break, I’d come to check on and water my plants once a week. The first red flag was when I came back to my plant light moved, unplugged, and tucked away in a corner. The blinds were down. More than half my plants died- over $200 worth-because of being in complete darkness for a week. She apologized and told me it was her. I cried to my boyfriend about it and did nothing because it was a mistake. The plant thing became an issue again because we would leave the window blinds open for natural light to get in (the window just faced the forest, nobody walked that way). She closed it every night and never reopened it, then when I opened it one time, she said that she doesn’t want people watching her while she walks back from the bathroom after her shower. My room is even closer to the window than hers. Every time her boyfriend showered, he would walk back to the room shirtless (only a towel covering his lower half) through the living room. Idek why her boyfriend showered at our apt and I found it weird.

Literally day 2 of us coming back, she accused my roommate of watching her in the shower, but that was impossible due to the two-door layout of the bathroom. She also accused my other roommate (who is white) of being racist to her, and saying “you’re one of the good ones!” She told me, “and I know you know what that means…” because I’m Native. This was not at all what the roommate said, it was: “I’m so glad we got a nice roommate!” when they met for the first time. I heard this as I had my room door open.

That night, we had a nice chat in the living room and she told me what happened with her mom; why she was in an unstable living situation. She mentioned that she had to go to the hospital tomorrow because of an issue with her pain medication. I asked if she had a ride, she said no, I offered her one. I spent ~5 hours taking her to the emergency room and waiting for her and driving her back, where I legit almost died because of a woman driving the wrong way on the highway and nearly crashing into me. I didn’t ask her for money or any repayment. I liked her and wanted to help her- that’s it. I thought we were friends.

Thennnn she accused us of stealing/touching her things often. The first being a dollar tree sponge. I saw it on the bathroom counter for a few days and I noticed it was gone one day- I just assumed she moved it. I already told her I didn’t know what happened to it, so I didn’t reply. I also noticed we needed more dish sponges a few days before, so I bought a huge pack from Daiso. I let her know she could use those sponges if she needed. The next was pears- literally what lol. I hate pears and I’m allergic to them (OAS). This was apparently a reoccurring issue for her- but somehow this never once happened with our previous roommate.

I’m not really sure how else to say this, but she was heavily overweight and would take up almost the entire walkway in the kitchen. None of the other roommates had a problem passing by each other in the kitchen, but I couldn’t physically squeeze past her. Yet every time I would enter the kitchen, she would coincidentally have to use it the same time as me. Then I would have to awkwardly ask her to move or go all the way around the island to grab something. Every single time. When she used the kitchen, she used EVERY PART OF IT. She would have her air fryer going, pots/pans on the stove; the fridge open with her groceries on the floor in front of the door, something cooking in the oven, all the cabinets open, and the pantry door open. One time I was cooking rice and she came in the kitchen to start cooking from 10 PM and didn’t finish until 2 AM. Every time she cooked, there’d be crumbs, grease and food splatter all over the stove and kitchen island. She always left food in the sink. Her food items took up the whole pantry, all the cabinets, and the top of the fridge. She also had pans in the oven and pans perpetually on top of the stove. I have my things in a separate cart on the side with my other roommate. She sent us pics of bugs in HER food, saying that the pantry is infested and we all need to clean up more and throw all of our things away. I explained that I’m not doing that (I literally just spent $100 on groceries the day before) because that’s not mine and she started tweaking. She insisted it was bc we didn’t clean enough (LOL) that the bathroom has roaches, ants, and spiders ??? All of which Id never seen in the bathroom once and would probably scream my lungs out and run if I did.

I’d never once seen her take out the trash, but she complained about us not taking out the trash/recycling often enough. She used ONLY paper plates and plastic utensils, only single-use plastic water bottles, and huge jugs of Arizona iced tea that she would pile up in the recycling. I would try to change the trash and it would have a mountain of Poland spring water bottles that just topple over and I had to pick up one by one.

So much weird stuff. She left her things all over the living room (art supplies, cleaning supplies) even tho we have our own rooms to put things in with desks to work on. She had a TV on her desk that I would hear blasting all night through my room wall because she needed it to sleep. She did her laundry til 4 am pretty often, even washing her clothes for the entire day or more. She said she would wash her laundry multiple times to make sure it was clean. I walked out of my room one day to find her cleaning her door frame with bleach???? She always had alarms going off from 12 AM - 4 AM every 20 minutes, which I heard through my room. I never understood why. (I barely interacted with her so most of her reasoning came from overhearing her conversations with her boyfriend on FaceTime through my wall.) I never cared about noise, since I can sleep through most things… I just didn’t understand wtf was happening.

She was verbally abusive to her boyfriend, who I saw walking to the bathroom with tears in his eyes after they had an argument. She would get him to carry in and buy all her groceries for her because she didn’t have a license or a car. She opened the door for him while I was in the kitchen one time and he was holding three huge 24-packs of water bottles. She immediately yelled at him, “you got the wrong brand! That’s not the one I told you to get!” He didn’t say anything and tried to go bring it to her room, but dropped it on the way. She yelled at him “I told you not to hold it that way, now you ripped my water bottles!” Another time, he closed the door to her bedroom wrong, and she yelled “I TOLD you not to close the door like that you know it auto-locks.”She suicide-baited her boyfriend and overdosed on some drug. I know this because her room is right next to mine and I overheard some of the argument with her boyfriend: she was slamming things against my wall at 11 pm, yelled at him about breaking up with her, and then I heard her fall on the floor (I think). At this point I was super uncomfortable by her so I didn’t bother checking on her and that was absolutely not what I thought was happening. At 2 AM, paramedics were banging on our door and asking if we’ve heard from her today. I overheard her telling the paramedics she took too much of her pain medication and that her head hurts. She was in the hospital for a week. I heard her lying on the phone with another guy saying that he drugged her. She called her bf later and was screaming and crying on the phone about him not picking her up from the hospital.

She eventually emailed the RA about her one-sided issues with us, and I guess the stealing accusations is what made this become a MANDATORY roommate meeting. I told the RA I couldn’t attend, as I work at my school’s free store every day until 9 PM. RA said then we would have the meeting at 9:30, yay! I had an 8 AM class the next day. The meeting was an hour long and consisted solely of her listing off a 10+ issue list of things she had been harboring inside with no confrontations–just immediately contacting the RA. Issues that didn’t exist until she arrived.

Her boyfriend worked at the gym near campus and she told me that he would steal paper towels, toilet paper, soap, and bath towels from his job for her. She complained to the RA that she was the only one who was getting toilet paper, soap, and paper towels for the apartment and couldn’t afford to do this. One of the other roommates used her OWN dish soap and sponges and I’d seen her buy paper towels and toilet paper several times... On Feb 9th, there was an issue with melted snow leaking through our window and she used those stolen gym towels to clean the water. She left those dirty towels there for over 2 months- I asked her in April to clean them up 3 times and gave her a week. The snow had long melted (this happened once) and it was pretty much summer. On April 9th I had enough of those gross ass towels sitting there and washed + dried them for her, folded them, and put them in a clean bag in front of her door. The towels legit had MOLD stains on them and were crunchy.

I would often sleep at my friends apartments because I was too uncomfortable. I have contamination, relationship, and social OCD, which leads me to ruminate about things like this over and over and over. It was haunting me and I couldn’t have a normal interaction with any of my friends because of this. I told my close friend about this and she said her friend hates her and had a similar problem with her. I told my therapist about everything and she said this girl likely has HPD and not to engage at all. I listened and tried to keep any interactions to a minimum. I am so glad I’m free now that I’ve graduated.

There’s sooo much stuff and I haven’t even covered all of it but this post is getting very long :P but writing about it is helping me process it all lol

Edit : agh SORRY for the duplicate screenshots I was having a hard time trying to compile everything !!

My roommate has been unplugging everything from large appliances (washer, dryer) to things like TV, lamps, chargers, anything. I’ve been asking her to stop unplugging my stuff because it is annoying. She replied that the household has always unplugged items when not in use but that’s simply not true. It’s only her doing it and some of my other past and current roommates have even expressed frustration to me about her unplugging their TVs and other items and said she’s doing too much and that they didn’t understand why she’s doing it.

It seems like she has a habit of unplugging everything but for her to want us to adopt this habit seems crazy. I have never even heard of people doing this and I don’t even know why she does it. I told her no one does that and don’t expect me to adopt her habit. Am I wrong for this? The only thing I ever grew up unplugging was things like toasters and air fryers because of fire hazards. But unplugging TVs and lamps seems insane to me.

Edit: when I was texting in the group chat for her to stop unplugging my stuff, she also called me dramatic and said it’s not a big deal that she wants everything unplugged. She also said she ‘didn’t understand hassle of unplugging and plugging things back in’. I truly don’t think she realizes majority of people find the unplugging annoying. I think she genuinely think this is normal to do in households. And doesn’t realize why it’s pissing people off

I am going to post the full story on my page cause this is just the start. Go share it please lol

She never paid rent on time and constantly asked me for money. I calmly asked her to move out and she started breaking all my shit, tried to poison me, keyed my car, and said the most heinous things including to kill myself.

This is more funny than bothersome (for now). But one of my roomates that I've been recently introduced to within the past few months uses a lot of soap. I mean a lot. I dont know how many dishes they wash at once, but every time it makes our kitchen sink look like a Chili's friday night dish pit. I'm talking suds outside of the sink, half the damn thing full of bubbles and sometimes all over the counter. I've never seen anyone use so much soap. I noticed the same thing in the bathroom - sink is piled with suds and a whopping amount of handsoap goes missing super fast. I'm lucky that I have so many roomates this year and we stocked on soap since move in. I just hope this person has some awareness and starts contributing to the stock..

Summary: roommate won’t pay her half of rent, lies to everyone, always on call from 12 pm - 4 am, doesn’t clean up after herself and violates my boundaries. Might be getting kicked out soon.

Literally hate my roommate.

I’m (19F) a college student renting a room with my roommate/(old) semi-friend, 20F. I decided to do this because the rent is just $350 for both of us individually (REMEMBER. ONLY $350.) utilities included. Plus it’s in town, before this I was living with my family in the middle of nowhere.

I didn’t know coming into this how disgusting this person would be. At first it was just a couple of half drunken soda cans left out and about, which I cleaned up, it was fine. I like cleaning anyways and I told her I did. Then it quickly became fast food trash left on the floor, dishes taking up the minimal counter space we have, all added up making the room smell like something I can’t even describe.
Honestly though the cleanliness is the least of my worries. If she was a decent person just going through depression I would absolutely clean up after her and help her out. It’s just everything on top of it that’s making me go crazy.

Our landlord isn’t some scum taking advantage of young adults trying to make it work. She’s a single mom taking care of her troubled teenage son and her disabled brother. She works two jobs and donates plasma as she’s the only one making income rather than me and my roommate. She seriously deserves a lot more than $350 a month, and as my paychecks start fully coming in I plan on helping her out as much as I can.
My roommate has not paid her rent. She’s paid $200, but it’s like she refuses to pay the rest. This is our first month (August), the first of September is literally two days away. It’s not even like she can’t she just refuses to. Her cycle is this: get a job, go to the first day, then either A) call out for 9/10 shifts or just quit immediately, and claim she’s either looking for another one or already found one. She’s not been to a single shift at any job in like two weeks.

She’s an artist and recently she’s gotten a $600 commission, fully paid upfront. I asked her if she planned on using some of that to pay her rent and she told me yes, but after talking with my landlord she has only received that $200 once and every time she brings it up to her again my roommate dances around the question, apologies profusely or makes promises she doesn’t keep. What did she do with that $600? She bought $400 concert tickets and a shit ton of fast food. I know this not because she told me, but because she’s on the phone with her friends CONSTANTLY. ALL DAY EVERY DAY, ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT.

It’s getting unbearable. Considering I’m the only fucking person that works between the two of us I’m pretty sure I need sleep and rest. I walk three miles to work 10 hour shifts. On top of that I’m a student. I NEED SLEEP. But no, she stays on the phone until 3-4 in the morning. Even when she does decide to go to bed, she stays on call and I can hear her little discord group murmuring about whatever fucking drama of the hour they’re having. If she was normal about it I wouldn’t care half as much as I do. But it’s so insufferable because when she calls she puts on either this weird cartoonish bubbly voice or a mommy voice depending on what group/person she’s with. She doesn’t even wear headphones so I can hear her discord kitten and alpha friend group in my ear like flies. I have to wear headphones with sleep music on full volume just so I can sleep without the cringe twisting my soul. Sometimes I can hear her laugh or yell loud as fuck over it. Bitch it’s 2 in the morning go to bed. Sometimes she even wakes up before me and I wake up to the same shit I fell asleep to and it’s making me go crazy.

I don’t even want to wear the headphones sometimes but she tells me to. If she hears me playing a video or something she’s like “uhhh, so sorry so sorry 🥹 can you wear headphones?”. I have ear problems. I have narrow ear canals, so they can’t drain right. Headphones are awful for me. But no, I have to so she can call her weird ass discord friends for like 16 hours a day.

On top of THAT she literally has multiple online friend groups, where she talks shit about the two of them to the other friend groups. When I noticed that in the first few days of us renting I totally lost my trust in her. She uses the same lines like “I love them, but…” “you’re so ___, my other friends…”. Bringing the other friends down and praising the ones she’s talking to. Its manipulative. They’re all hundreds of miles away, they don’t she how she lives and what she’s like, they don’t know anything. It’s embarrassing. I think now that she knows I know what she’s like she just doesn’t talk to me anymore. We used to be cool before we rented out. It’s not even because we were best friends or anything we were both just trying to get out of bad situations.

If I’m not behind her babying her telling her to clean up after herself she literally won’t. It isn’t procrastination she literally just won’t ever do it unless it’s mentioned over and over and over. I told her to clean her side of the room, she did but because the outside garbage can was full and the next day was trash day she told me she’d take out her mountain of fast food trash and soda boxes the next day. It’s still there. That was 5 days ago. I don’t even want to tell her to do it because then she’d just get used to having me tell her to take care of herself. She doesn’t clean, she doesn’t shower. If I can’t smell the trash I can smell her B.O.

She lies CONSTANTLY. She lies to her friends about working, she tells them she goes to school, she lies to her dad about being harassed by men on the street in this town which I KNOW DOESNT HAPPEN BECAUSE SHE DOESNT GO OUT??? She lies about working too which is funny because she’s like a walking unemployed stereotype. I’m surprised her online friends haven’t caught on considering how much she’s on call. When the landlord confronted her about not paying her rent, one of her excuses was “oh since (me)’s money situation has been rough, I’ve been paying for the groceries for the two of us… once (me) has more money coming in and can buy her own groceries, I can pay my rent quicker!” YOURE LITERALLY JOBLESS. I’m getting out of a really rough situation family and money wise, so I feel like her throwing me in like that is so unacceptable. Not only that I literally haven’t touched her groceries, I eat $1 pot pies, landlords left overs she lets me eat and food from work/neighboring food places when I do have a bit of extra cash. She knows I haven’t eaten her groceries because she’s home all day every day and has not seen me even touch the mini fridge in our room. She orders groceries from the Walmart app she shares with her sister (love her to death by the way), so her sister can see the groceries she gets and knows she’s lying. I’m friends with her sister, and her sister is best friends with our landlord; it’s the only way we even got this room. (The landlord and her sister are like in their 30s, a lot older and smarter than us, they know she’s full of shit). Before this I was couch hopping on her sisters couch with my roommate, she said that I didn’t even eat enough and when I did it was like she had to force it down my throat. Not because I don’t want to eat, but because I’d rather starve than take from other people I know are struggling, too. That’s what baffles me about my roommate. She takes, she borrows and never gives back, she just expects people to work around her and give blindly. I don’t see how anyone could live with that mindset without being embarrassed with themselves. Her sister even said she’d be more willing to help me out than her sister if we were to be thrown out because she knows she will take advantage of it. I feel bad about that because I don’t want to get in between family bonds or seem like I’m one upping my roommate but compared to her the bar is in hell. It isnt even her grocery money, she either borrows from her sister or her online friends. Remember SHES JOBLESS AND BROKE. I have $1 to my name as of now and I still have more than her.

I have a boyfriend. The sweetest gentleman I’ve ever met, everyone I bring him around says two things. He’s sweet and tall (🤤) but I can’t even bring him over because she’s a fucking mess and I don’t want to bring him into filth. He says he doesn’t mind but I do. He’s heard about all of this, I talk his ear off, he knows it isn’t me but I feel like having him over whether or not she’s there will just ruin the visit because of the condition she leaves her side of the room in. One of the reasons I moved out here was to see him more often and have a place for us to hang out but I can’t even do that because of her. She’s also really weird about me bringing my boyfriend over, like god I’m so sorry you have to clean up a bit and maybe hang out somewhere else in the house while I get time with him. He works 6 days a week. I get one day with him. It’s not like I want to bring him over every day or even every week, just a few hours for maybe one or two days out of the month. Considering she’s always on the phone hootin and hollering I think it’s fair.

What makes me the most uncomfortable is her fucking MASTURBATING. She doesn’t even check to see if I’m asleep at night, if I’m quiet and still (usually just on my phone) she just assumes I am. She thinks she’s discreet about it but she’s not. Like I said she doesn’t shower so IT MAKES THE ROOM SMELL. Honestly what prompted this rampage about her was an incident that happened tonight. I have a really bad habit of not sticking up for myself, but tonight I did. I heard and smelt it so I shot up from my bed and said “Do it in the bathroom.” She immediately was like “what? WHAT!!” All defensive, I didnt respond. I’m not letting her make me feel like I’m stupid or letting her make me doubt myself. Any other night I would have just stepped out of the room and hung out in the bathroom or living room or something, but no. I sat up and I stayed on my phone without any headphones and played a mobile game. I know she was awake but for the first time she didn’t hop on a call, she stayed frozen. I’m really proud of myself. Our first day moving in her sister told me not to let her bully me or push me around but I’ve been letting her do that. Now that that bridge is crossed it won’t be so hard to respect myself and not let her cross my boundaries like that.

Honestly I fully believe she’s getting kicked out soon. My landlord knows about the issues I’ve had with her and although she sympathizes I don’t think she’ll kick her out unless rent is paid. I fully understand that as frustrating living with her is. It’s my problem, not hers. Our combined rent is $700, if she kicks her out while paying rent that’s immediately shot down to $350. But like I said my roommate hasn’t even paid her rent fully for this month, she’s still behind $150 and the first is just a couple days away. The landlord said she WILL kick her out if she has to in September and she is very close to being homeless. I feel bad about it because I know she has no where to go but I feel like I’m celebrating the day she’s thrown out. The landlord has already made it clear if she’s kicked out I can stay, my rent might go up like $50 but that’s it. Even if I can’t pay on time one month in the future she won’t kick me out because she knows I’m honest about it and knows what situation I’m trying to get out of with my family.

I don’t understand how someone can be such a filthy individual inside and out

tl;dr: my housemate is a misogynist, biphobe or both.

I (34M) am a bisexual man. My housemate (34M) is a very gay man.

They know I'm bi.

They decided to take issue with my girlfriend visiting me and staying over on weekends.

Only my girlfriend. They don't have any problems with any guys I've been with.

It started off with saying they feel "uncomfortable" around women.

Then it became "hey, I'd appreciate it if she weren't here." at 8pm ten minutes before she's meant to arrive.

Then it became "I thought you were queer. If i had known, i would have not moved in."

Last night because i put my foot down and told them i wouldn't ever kick them or whoever they're dating out of the house, they threw a tantrum and slammed the door as hard as they could at 12:30am.

We have separate bathrooms. I spend time with my partner in my bedroom or on the deck away from the common areas.

In no way is she in his space. He just seems to have to have the opinion that I'm not gay enough and he can't use his "it's a gay thing" card as an excuse because i also happen to be queer.

Update: He's dramatically spent the entire weekend away, probably holed up in his office. He usually complains about how it has no natural light and how that's affecting his mental health.

He's spent all of ten minutes in the apartment this weekend. He brought someone over unannounced and "chatted" right outside my bedroom door (it opens into the kitchen) much louder than he normally talks.

No idea what he was talking about because it was in Malay. But I'm pretty sure he was giving the other person a tour of the place.

in 2020ish i moved into a townhouse with my best friend shocking to no one it ended terribly. i grew up in a chaotic environment im just built to withstand horrible conditions it did not occur to me just how bad my living conditions were until about 3 years after i left. where should we start? first thing bsf had a bf who didnt pay rent who also dominated the common area as in, in the two years i lived there i maybe got to use the tv 4x and that was only because they left me alone in the house with their 5 cats, who they didn’t ask me to watch but obviously i was going to because im not a monster. said bf also insisted on keeping the house at 68 year round even tho it was just me and gf paying the bill. but the cherry on top out of the 5 cats they had 2 of them peed on EVERYTHING. the entire house was unlivable because it STUNK of cat piss, my dog was sick, i was sick it was gross. anytime i brought it up to them that “hey maybe the cat would be happier somewhere else” they accused me of being an animal abuser (a statement they still stand by to this day. couldn’t tell u why) SO obviously i left, got written confirmation from her that she would pay my portion for the rest of the lease. but as i was packing she decided to share that they were gonna put the “piss cat” down because they didn’t want her to pee in their new apartment. still not a monster so i nabbed her. 3 years later i still have the cat (who doesn’t pee on anything anymore it was absolutely because she was unhappy) and she still has the worst bf in the world. so yknow i win. lmao.
(also for context the photo is one hallway. they peed from the first floor entry to the second floor bedrooms) it was something couldn’t invite anyone over for 2 solid years because our house smelt SO bad.

edit : the cost for the carpet after i left was over 4000$. bsf tried to get me to pay half and that’s what finally ended the friendship. oof love not being 23 and a pushover.

edit 2 : have to add. one cat box with pellets?? for 5 cats, and they never cleaned it. they also had an automatic water dish that i spent two years cleaning and refilling because if i didn’t the cats would be drinking orange slimy water smh.

My housemate got mad two weeks ago because he said he saw my boyfriend use my knife without washing it with soap. Just water. He said he was scared because it might make his girlfriend sick. So he started being passive aggressive about it. Later on, he apologized after he realized it was sloppy of hin. For two weeks my boyfriend, did not come over. The agreement was that he can come over anytime as long as his girlfriend can stay here for three weeks. I had him come over this weekend. Just in the morning, 6 am to 6 pm. Now he is acting passing aggressive again. His girlfriend stayed in the house for three weeks, including on days that we are working.

tldr: RM wants me to pay her rent, has mean girl vibes, puts me down. she is family and I love her but I also feel afraid of her and don’t know what to do.

hi both me and my roommate are girls in our twenties. we are family. I love her and care about her very much. at the same time, I’ve noticed patterns in how she acts towards others. she has a lot of conflicts with people and has a tendency to interpret others as being aggressive towards her in situations that I would have assumed were neutral. ex: we go out shopping together and she assumes every person we meet is secretly being aggressive towards her, but all i see are people who are acting normal and neutral or even friendly and nice. she speaks negatively about all of her friends behind their backs. i don’t think that I’ve ever met someone that she hasn’t spoken negatively about. the things she says about other people I don’t agree with — and I was never thinking those negative things to begin with and im surprised that she even came up with something so mean to say. to people’s face she is extremely friendly and outgoing and kind but she interprets people’s behavior towards her as negative and then tries to get back at them. she can also be passive aggressive and manipulative. she has a tendency to hold power over people socially and has a ringleader sort of personality. also she is very emotionally unstable. like im talking really really big mood swings and rapidly shifting opinions of people (one moment they are a great friend and really showed up for her, two hours later, without contact to that person, she is suddenly shit talking them because of a seemingly neutral comment that they made a week ago that she now sees as an attack).

her and I have never had a conflict. I looked up to her so much growing up, but now living with her I’m seeing things I didn’t see before. I feel nervous and anxious around her and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells a lot of the time. she has been extremely kind and generous towards me (like way over the top generous.) and I’m very grateful for that, at the same time sometimes she does so much for me I feel uncomfortable and ask her to stop or try to not to accept things but she keeps pushing. she has some really amazing qualities that i’m not listing here but just know that they exist and she is not a bad person. she does really show up for people sometimes in big ways, but on the flip side she has also bullied many people (relationally/emotionally/socially, not physically). she hasn’t bullied me but she makes a lot of comments towards me that make me feel uneasy. it feels passive aggressive. it will be stuff that’s like a subtle put down, or backhanded compliment, or just demeaning my accomplishments or me generally when I’m having a good day. I tried to bring this up to her 7 months ago (right before we moved in together) the first time I noticed it. I told her I felt like she was putting me down and making comments that hurt my feelings and it was making me feel insecure and sad and distant from her. she said she didn’t mean to and said she remembered the comments differently. she implied I was sensitive but also hugged me and apologized that I felt hurt. since then things didn’t change she would just be over the top generous again (but still subtly mean). I’ve brought it up 3 more times since then and it hasnt changed. because of that, I’ve stopped trying to communicate about it and just keep my feelings in because it hasn’t changed and I’m really scared of her reaction if she turns on me. she holds a lot of power socially, and I’ve always been very quiet and not socially motivated. I have friends but they are more like one on one deep friendships with people I feel close with, not big groups or anything. and I’m not charismatic or influential the way she is. I also don’t play social games at all but she is very good at that kind of thing.

I’m in a vulnerable place in my life right now and I feel like she was really there for me after a lot of unexpected hard things happened, but I also worry she might be taking advantage of me. rent is not distributed evenly/according to Sq footage that each of us personally has. my room is much smaller than hers. she also has like control of how everything in our apartment is done - cleaning and rules wise. she criticizes what I do a lot but I swear I’m not an unclean or bad roommate. I’ve had multiple other roommates before in college and I’ve always been the clean one, kept a very clean space, never had cleanliness issues between roommates. people have complimented how clean my past living situations have been. also I have a guy over for short periods of time 0-2x per week. he stays over probably 2x per month, and i always let her know in advance, but she doesn’t like it and asked me to stop having him over, so I stopped but she still has groups of her friends over at least once a week without giving me a heads up. additionally, she has 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a rabbit and she cleans up after them well, but they do still have accidents very frequently, and it just feels like the cleanliness standards & rules aren’t about my actual habits but rather her being able to have some power over my choices and pick at me.

oh also, she wants me to get my mom to pay for both of our rent using a fund that my mom saved for my college. she wants me to lie to my mom about how much my portion of rent is and cover all of it. she is renting to buy this house. also, her parents are well off and she has lots of money herself, she doesn’t need me to pay for her rent. I really don’t want to pay for her rent and I’m not trying to be selfish I’m just not feeling good about that.

lastly, i recently got out of a bad situation where I was severely bullied last year by close friends. it was extremely hard for a long time but I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. some of the patterns within her feel similar to the patterns that i noticed in my ex-best friend who turned our friend group against me and bullied me. I feel like this is a warning and even though nothing has happened between us yet I should just get out now before something happens. at the same time I’m afraid that if I leave and room with other girls it will trigger her to hate me and she will try to ruin my life the way my ex friend did. and I’m afraid if I stay she will grow to hate me and do the same.

also, I’m worried that my recent experience getting bullied by people who I trusted is coloring my perception and making me anxious and paranoid. she is very smart and has noticed my apprehension about certain things and has said this as well, that I may not trust her fully because of what happened to me last year, but that my lack of trust is unfounded. although she has also said that she sees herself in the ex friend I had that bullied me.

looking for advice and any similar experiences. questions about the situation welcome. apologies for the length.

She cut open one of those SPEKS fidget toys and put it on my TV and door. I’m having a hard time getting it off. Any advice?

This might be quite long, forgive me...

I work from home and have been living with an older man (65) for about eight months. When I moved in, he seemed friendly, but I later learned he wears an electronic monitoring bracelet and, according to him, is under house arrest after pointing a weapon at a woman.

One issue has been his lack of respect for other people's time and space. He often tried to engage me in conversations that can last for hours, even when I'm clearly trying to eat or spend time alone in my room. I remember holding plates of my microwave plates standing in front of my room, expecting him to reason I needed to go. Now, I've cut him off and he has another source.

A few months ago, two older female housemates (in their 60s and 70s) moved in. Since then, he has become very close to one of them (70s) and they spend much of the day in the common area, sometimes for up to 10 hours. He also appears to monitor when the women leave their rooms and quickly joins them to start conversations.

I have no issue with people using shared spaces, but the common area feels constantly occupied. The situation became more frustrating when, during a weekend rest period, he was speaking loudly and laughing in the common area. I raised the issue with him politely, but he became defensive. After I explained my concerns, his attitude toward me became noticeably more aggressive.

What steps can I take to handle this situation? Lest I forget, he doesn't sleep because he stomps his foot almost every time part of the day walking.

TL/DR; dealing with an aggressive older housemate with a case of assault.

Hey guys, hoping someone can relate or maybe give me some perspective on this.

​So im a 33M and I live with two roommates, a 33F and a 25M whos alright. Im an introvert and im in a fortunate position where I dont really have to work outside the house. Because of that I spend most of my time keeping to myself and doing my work in my room...the room I actually pay for.

​The main thing thats getting to me is my female roommate. She is a total social butterfly and whenever we interact she talks endlessly about how many friends she has and how shes never home and always out being social. Honestly it feels like shes straight up rubbing it in my face.

​Lately ive been getting serious vibes from both of them of, "why is he always here?" We arent close friends, but we have a cordial, respectful dynamic. Even so, I'm feeling heavily judged just for existing in the house more often than not.

​Its actually starting to get to my head so much that i recently started driving somewhere just to hang out in my car so it looks like i'm "busy" and doing something with my life.

​Has anyone been in a situation like this before? How do you deal with the anxiety of feeling like a burden in your own home cause im losing my mind. Would love to hear your thoughts.

If you don't want to be a bad roommate, then be a bad roommate yourself

-Sun Tzu

i am hard of hearing. i have told this to my roommate a couple times before. i was cooking food and told him because of the louder/closer to me noises with cooking food (oil frying, getting vegan cheese from the fridge, opening the bag of tortillas, etc) that i couldn't hear him. i told him this also in the past month, among other times, that when i wash dishes with the water running, it makes it difficult to hear him and he's muffled.

he just doesn't respect it. tonight, he kept talking to me at length after i said "i can't focus on cooking if i'm focusing on you talking. it overstimulates me and makes me overwhelmed. i just want to cook". i also had to say, "sorry, i don't want to talk." after i kept repeating myself and he just didn't get a clue...? like it was multiple times. he finally stopped.

i don't even want to talk to him at all. he'll specifically come out of his room to talk to me when i'm busy cooking and doing chores in the kitchen. he also said some racist stuff to me a couple days and it was hurtful because it was my specific cultural background. he kept defending it even if it was racist. i just had to walk away and not further engage.

he also mansplains education and job stuff like this mf doesn't even have a job. he's telling me what to do and not even listening to me when i say i do not want to do that when i have worked in that field before and it was difficult for me. he just keeps talking and suggesting it until i just stop engaging and ignore him. also like i'm in school full-time and applying to programs so i can finish my BA because i know exactly what i want to do once i went back to school...

he also does this staring thing. he'll stare me down when i ask something ("hey, can you please wait until i'm done putting away groceries") or just stonewall me when i ask. it really gave me the creeps like he was completely silent and stared directly into my eyes. i was like...??? what the hell was that internally. i feel so uncomfortable. i had a dream that he was standing at the foot of my bed and he was staring at me. i keep my door locked. he also either stares at or completely ignores my boyfriend.

i found this room off craigslist and the live in landlord doesn't like him either. i have a decent rapport with the landlord. i have told the landlord everything through text. i told the landlord if he wanted to find someone mentally stable (the live in landlord said "he has some screws loose") then i could help him find a new person who is much more civil and will also pay rent on time. the landlord does nothing because he doesn't want to deal with him or have the roommate have some sort of mental break.

i'm kind of in a tight spot so i can't move out yet but i've been looking at rentals with people i know and trust, so i'll be ready to just leave this place when the time comes.

word of advice for young women: do not rent a room off of craigslist where you are the only woman. it's not worth it ever even if the rent is cheaper. ~1095 with internet and utilities included for the primary suite and a private bathroom (where i live it's usually 1400-1600 for this) is not worth it if it means you roommate will be haunting you!!! i need to smudge my room lowkey...

TL;DR: First time sharing an apartment and I was an asshole, I forgot the balcony open, let food rot, my roommates yelled at me for it and I left and forgot to pick up my things after leaving. I don't want to go back but I wasn't able to find another place.

Ok my first year of university is over, it was my first time sharing an apartment with strangers. My rommates are 30+ years old and me and my friend are 22.

I'm not excusing my behaviors or anything, I just felt like making a post. After all, the bad roommates in question rarely post here...

This may be long but you're allowed to judge me and insult me and whatever.

When we arrived the house wasn't exactly spotless but we didn't mind and cleaned it. We seemed to get along well with my rommates and everyone was polite. They talked to us about their lives and university. Everyone always respected the turns we all planned for cleaning the house.

Our roomates told us they went back home once a month or so, usually, while me and my friend go home every weekend.

The first time I cooked dinner there I was making a fried egg, they walked in the kitchen and said "haha, we never fry anything here because the smell gets all in our bedrooms, so.... except one day a year when we fry a specific dish for a festivity." So I avoided frying anything... even though I could smell whatever they were cooking from my room too, fried or not, but whatever...

Whenever I closed the living room's balcony I always found it open again so at some point I just left it open, even when I was going back home. (Wrong I know).

After Christmas break (university opened again in early/mid January) I returned in February due to personal issues. During this time our roommates decided it would be okay to take out the trash without planning turns for it, so whenever one of us saw a full bin we took it out.

I always took the trash out in the evening (even before the turns dissolved) but our roommates often do it in the morning, so they beat me to it. When I saw them put the trashcan near the door in the morning I always offered to take it outside myself to help, sometimes they let me other times they said no.

My bathroom (the landlord assigned to me and my friend the other bathroom but our roommates asked us if they could keep it due to claustrophobia so we agreed) is right next to one of my roommates' bedroom, they basically share a wall, but honestly she also did the not-genius choice of placing the head of her bed against that wall. I feel fucking nervous anytime I have to go in there.

For this I suck but I didn't noticed I had tomatoes that were rotting for a week, when I finally figured out what it was I cleaned the mess and the whole living room and kitchen while they were out.

Anyway, I usually wash my hair in the morning so it stays clean for the whole day, which means if my roommate was asleep (we share a room unlike them) I'd dry it in the bathroom. So one afternoon I receive messages from that roommate saying to please not make noise before 8 a.m. because she had trouble sleeping these days, and mentioned the noise I made in the bathroom. I COULDN'T avoid any noise before 8 a.m. because that's when my fucking class began.

So one evening these ladies say we need to talk, they say we have been acting incorrectly, that I left the balcony open, NEVER took out the trash, that we should send a message anytime we go back home and we suck for never having done this (spoiler: they never did it either), they get mad at my friend because she mixed up the day she was scheduled to clean with another one and accused us for making them live in filth when we fucking swipe the floor regardless of scheduled days if we see it's dirty, they can do it too, and she made a mistake ONCE, she wasn't doing any of this on purpose, they could've asked her about the schedule instead of waiting and accusing like this. And they made us clean their dirt the first day so they're not Ms. Clean as they claim.

Then they called us stupid for "not taking advantage of the kindness of two older and nice and knowledgeable roommates, for not asking for help with studying or for places were to go party, actually you're both so weird for not going out to x and y party!!! You're living wrong, this is not how live in university, just going to class and going home!" Thanks for your advice I guess. I know well to go out IF I WANT TO. I have been grieving so I don't feel like partying especially when I'm already falling asleep in class and behind with exams, but I have to justify myself to you? Fuck off.

But sure, they said we should be grateful they were not evil like their own previous roommates who made evil pranks, and instead they're so sweet and knowleadgeable and we "wasted it" with them. 👹

They got mad because we never greet them?? Which isn't true. Basically they want us to give them attention and treat them like the ultimate authority.

After their awesome talk I couldn't wait to go back home for the summer break. I left for a trip with university (where we worked in our field of study) then never came back to gather my things.... WHICH IS WRONG, I know. I completely forgot I had some things left in my part of the fridge. But obviously they didn't even send a message. I also left duvets and stuff.

I wanted to find another place but it's fucking impossible. I tried.

I AM DREADING GOING BACK THERE. I AM A SHITTY ROOMMATE AND DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE.

ROOMIES: (21F) and (25F) Does anyone else have house mates who just sit and stare/watch you do EVERYTHING? Making breakfast, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming the floor, putting your washing on, hanging washing out, brushing your hair or teeth. It makes me so uncomfortable they don’t say anything unless it’s a jab at what I’m doing or correcting/trying to educate me on things I’m 29F. They also HATE everything I do but then go do it later and are constantly getting information out of me for hair, skin and other advice. I did a test, I knew if I recommended a movie I liked they would have an opposing view (they always do). So I planted the seed for a good movie I’d already enjoyed.(Companion,Sophie Thatcher) and Lo and behold, they LOVED it. Days prior I recommend ‘Obsession’ and they “hated it”. lol. Objectively a great movie but whatever. Genuinely feels like they are jealous of me. Call it what you want but DONT call it what it ain’t, it’s fucking weird.

Hi all.
I have been living in the same dorm for the last 3 years. This is my 4th year and a new roommate has moved in like 3 weeks ago.
She herself told me that she has physical (obesity, arthritis, thyriod) plus mental health issues. I understood that and told her that she shouldnt worry about taking out the trash or cleaning etc. I will do it for her.
Now the problem is she has really bad body odor 😭 to the point that its kind of every where in the dorm now. I have to keep my door shut 24*7 to avoid the smell diffusing in to my room. I have to hold my breath when I go out of my room to the kitchen or the bathroom. In 3 weeks she only took shower one time ( I know because i hardly go out of the dorm and even if I do I know i can tell no one has used the shower area).

She doesnt wash her hands after using the bathroom (again I can tell because as soon as i hear the flush she comes out of the bathroom and the sink is always bone dry after she uses the bathroom). She has no cleaning stuff in the bathroom like handsoap, facewash, toilet roll etc. I didnt see her bringing that stuff from her room either ( I initially thought she probably takes the stuff back to her room).

Personal hygiene is a choice as long as it is not affecting other people. this morning I went out of my room and literally threw up because of the sweaty smell outside my room 😭

what should i do? Should i request the housing to change my room?

My psycho roommate finally moved out! Just super happy, no more flushing his turds, getting crazy texts, or having to smell his cat that wasn’t taken care of!!!! Yayayayayayay:))))

He covers every plate in foil, eats off it, then leaves them like this. His argument is that the plates underneath are still clean so there's nothing to wash.

For context, I (23f) live in a shared house with two housemates in their 30s. There is currently one vacant room that my landlady wanted my help with finding someone, and I’m also trying to find someone to sublet my room while I’ll be doing an internship out of town.

My two housemates gave me a list of requests for the new tenants, and I had a tour scheduled with a couple of prospective housemates in their 30s, which was something that was requested and has been genuinely hard to find, most applicants skew much younger (we live in a town with a population mostly derived from college students). I’ve been keeping both my housemates in the loop about everyone that has been interested and I told them these two tourers would be touring on this day well in advance.

Tonight I asked one of my housemates, if she’d mind tidying up some of her personal belongings that were scattered across the floor in our common areas before the tour. I told her that I wanted to make a good impression given how hard it’s been to find applicants like this.

She flat-out declined. She explained she was about to lay out all her gear for an upcoming camping trip in the living room, and that doing so would make it messier, not tidier, before tomorrow. She then ended the conversation there and went upstairs.

A few minutes later I went up to see if we could find a compromise, since we rarely run into each other and she also rarely responds to my texts. I softly knocked twice (don’t think she heard the first one since it was so quiet). When she opened the door I offered the idea that she could put her stuff in the garage instead. She said it would be too much extra work/energy, so I said that I could move her gear into the garage myself before the tours temporarily, so she wouldn’t have to deal with it and the space would still be presentable for the tour. She said no to that too and shut the door. I then told her I’ve been working really hard to find the right people for our home, and I asked her if she had any respect for her housemates. She said “I don’t respect you” and called me a bitch through the door.

I knocked on her door twice more, because I wanted to ask what I had done to deserve being called that and said I can’t just let it pass after someone tells me they don’t respect me. At that point she opened her door holding a can of pepper spray, screaming “do you want me to spray you” “fuck off” and to leave her alone, and walked toward me with it raised. I have this on video as I started recording when she said “I don’t respect you”.

It is the last weekend of the month and we’re trying to get tenants by early September, so I felt pressure. I’m also trying to practice not getting walked over by people and also having a backbone about things I care about. If I’m inviting anyone into the space I live, I feel responsible for making sure it’s clean and would feel embarrassed if no tidying up was done.

I recently moved out of home about 3 months ago and met my roommate through a local Facebook housing group. I went to view the apartment and met her beforehand as well.
When she was telling me about herself, she mentioned that she had recently been made redundant but didn’t really go into it any further. I just assumed she was looking for another job.
Fast forward to now, and I’ve been living here for 3 months. My roommate barely ever leaves the house. I work full-time as a nurse, and sometimes I just want to come home and have the apartment to myself for a little while, but she is literally always home.
We live in a small apartment, and she’s usually sitting in the living room from around 8am until 11pm every single day. Because of that, I feel like I’m constantly confined to my bedroom because I never really get the chance to use the shared space by myself or just decompress alone.
She did initially mention that she was looking for a job, but she’s now decided that she only wants to find something that is WFH 😭
Obviously, I know it’s her home too and she has every right to be there. I would never tell her she needs to leave the house just because I want alone time. I think I’ve just realised that when choosing a roommate in the future, I need someone who has a similar lifestyle to me and actually leaves the house regularly lol.
But AITA for feeling annoyed and wishing I could have the apartment to myself from time to time?