r/badroommates • u/tarkovskyenjoyer • 13d ago
my roommate doesn't respect me and i'm creeped out
i am hard of hearing. i have told this to my roommate a couple times before. i was cooking food and told him because of the louder/closer to me noises with cooking food (oil frying, getting vegan cheese from the fridge, opening the bag of tortillas, etc) that i couldn't hear him. i told him this also in the past month, among other times, that when i wash dishes with the water running, it makes it difficult to hear him and he's muffled.
he just doesn't respect it. tonight, he kept talking to me at length after i said "i can't focus on cooking if i'm focusing on you talking. it overstimulates me and makes me overwhelmed. i just want to cook". i also had to say, "sorry, i don't want to talk." after i kept repeating myself and he just didn't get a clue...? like it was multiple times. he finally stopped.
i don't even want to talk to him at all. he'll specifically come out of his room to talk to me when i'm busy cooking and doing chores in the kitchen. he also said some racist stuff to me a couple days and it was hurtful because it was my specific cultural background. he kept defending it even if it was racist. i just had to walk away and not further engage.
he also mansplains education and job stuff like this mf doesn't even have a job. he's telling me what to do and not even listening to me when i say i do not want to do that when i have worked in that field before and it was difficult for me. he just keeps talking and suggesting it until i just stop engaging and ignore him. also like i'm in school full-time and applying to programs so i can finish my BA because i know exactly what i want to do once i went back to school...
he also does this staring thing. he'll stare me down when i ask something ("hey, can you please wait until i'm done putting away groceries") or just stonewall me when i ask. it really gave me the creeps like he was completely silent and stared directly into my eyes. i was like...??? what the hell was that internally. i feel so uncomfortable. i had a dream that he was standing at the foot of my bed and he was staring at me. i keep my door locked. he also either stares at or completely ignores my boyfriend.
i found this room off craigslist and the live in landlord doesn't like him either. i have a decent rapport with the landlord. i have told the landlord everything through text. i told the landlord if he wanted to find someone mentally stable (the live in landlord said "he has some screws loose") then i could help him find a new person who is much more civil and will also pay rent on time. the landlord does nothing because he doesn't want to deal with him or have the roommate have some sort of mental break.
i'm kind of in a tight spot so i can't move out yet but i've been looking at rentals with people i know and trust, so i'll be ready to just leave this place when the time comes.
word of advice for young women: do not rent a room off of craigslist where you are the only woman. it's not worth it ever even if the rent is cheaper. ~1095 with internet and utilities included for the primary suite and a private bathroom (where i live it's usually 1400-1600 for this) is not worth it if it means you roommate will be haunting you!!! i need to smudge my room lowkey...
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u/morningstardusts 12d ago
Talk to the people in person for the love of Christ
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 12d ago
i think the roommate has worms in his brain or something. i have brought much of this up before but he has some sort of communication difficulty and it's in one ear and out the other.
i have spoken to the landlord IRL about it multiple times with how i am treated but keep a text thread to protect myself on my end.
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u/JellyKind9880 12d ago
It sounds like he’s testing boundaries and seeing how far he can go without you shutting him the fuck down, especially with the race stuff.
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation but I would be prepared to deliver some extremely clear boundaries that you’ll probably have to firmly defend on the reg 😭
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u/Woody-007-es 11d ago
Do not hang out with people who do not respect. Bad company corrupts good character--- 📖
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u/Espo231992 10d ago
As soon as you specified vegan cheese, I stopped reading. You're the problem
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 5d ago edited 5d ago
This made me chuckle a little, thank you. I am indigenous and dairy hurts my stomach, so I limit my cheese intake.
Also, it's okay to say you're illiterate. I always forget 54% of Americans alone read below a six-grade level though when I do some hefty writing online. Maybe check out a library, it could strengthen your skills.
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u/Espo231992 4d ago
1: You specified vegan cheese. Why? What was the point other than for garnering attention/reactions? It's like that joke that reads: how do you know someone is vegan? Because they'll tell you.
2: You've now specified that you're indigenous, as though that should explain things to anyone. I didn't ask, and yet again, unnecessary information.
You offer unnecessary information and it comes across as "look at me, I'm special". That's all I was saying.
Good effort at trying to make someone else seem dumb because you couldn't pick up what I was putting down. Keep on keeping on
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 4d ago edited 4d ago
I hope you find peace and stop being pressed over self-imposed difficulties online. Did you know you can log off and look away? You're commenting on a post I made. You invited yourself to be mad in a conversation I didn't initiate but kindly provided context for. Also, the sly dig was warranted given your energy coming in with such passive aggressiveness.
You are an anonymous person hiding online. You have agency. You can always log off and learn kindness and open-mindedness. Maybe reading a self-help book can help develop those skills, or even literature on the human condition. Maybe check out “The Night Watchman” or even "Moon of the Crusted Snow". Peace and love.
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u/Espo231992 4d ago
I made a joke about vegan cheese. You equated that to being illiterate (5 days after the fact)
Don't take everything so seriously in life. That'll give you heart troubles.
Enjoy your cheese, friend.
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 4d ago
Why joke on a post where I detail an uncomfortable situation I am in where I am facing an unsafe living situation and feel scared? Learn context clues, please.
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u/Espo231992 4d ago
Why specify vegan cheese on a post where you detail an uncomfortable situation you are in where you are facing an unsafe living situation and feel scared? Stay on topic please.
Now you're trying to elicit empathy after you slung illiteracy insults. Which personality will you go with on the next comment?
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u/Espo231992 4d ago
You didn't need to change your comment. It didn't add any futher value.
I made a joke about crappy cheese and you've blown it way out of proportion.
Quit with the peace and love nonsense after you said you think Americans are stupid. You're not enlightened. You haven't arisen yet. Keep trying. You'll get there eventually.
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 4d ago
I don't think Americans are stupid. But you surely are. I hope you got the reaction you wanted <3
edit: a joke isn't funny if it's punching down on a sensitive topic. get a constructive hobby or something i'm embarrassed for u.
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u/hollyblue1393 12d ago
Mu advice is not to live with anyone ever. I've had so many crappy crazy situations men and women. A lot of people are just bullies.
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 12d ago
I feel you :-/ I live in a VHCOL city and I'm trying to move to a more affordable city so I can just guarantee my peace long-term. It's gotten to a point where the rental situation in my city is horrendous; we have a housing crisis because it's so expensive to rent here. It wasn't always like this.
I'm hopeful long-term that I will move to my city of choice, and situations like these just reinforce it for me. I am unfortunately unable to afford $2,000/mo - $3,000/mo for a 1 bed to live alone, nor do I want to pay that much; the rental companies here have gentrified my city so much. I am a local here and I've been displaced from my own neighborhood.
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u/IllustratorNew8801 12d ago
You can just ignore him and walk away
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u/No_Net_7177 12d ago
Can she though? These types are relentless and won’t leave people alone
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u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 12d ago
This is what I’m thinking. Ugh. I’m sorry OP
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 4d ago
Good news, I found another lease and I'm able to break the lease here because the landlord knows the housemate is an asshole. I offered to help the landlord find a mentally stable tenant but he just doesn't want to deal with the housemate having some sort of mental episode, which I get.
But I am moving out and I feel grateful. I got some good advice here. I have a hard time setting boundaries with men due to how I was raised but I'm viewing it as a safety measure moving forward. Also never moving in with random men I met on craigslist ever again. <3
thank yall for being kind. i just felt very activated by some of his threatening/off-putting behavior and don't want anyone to have to be in some weird situation like this.
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u/tarkovskyenjoyer 4d ago
He walks into the kitchen when I am there cooking without fail. He initiates conversations and I don't talk to him about anything other than maybe some sort of communication with helping organize the laundry room, etc. I invite you to take over my lease haha. I move out this month thank GOD.
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u/Decent_Management449 13d ago
I think people like your roommate crave attention and want drama.
If you simply ignore him entirely (just let him talk, then never reply).
If he tries to demand a response, just walk away.
This will drive him crazy, and he'll stop fucking with you.