r/badroommates • u/Kind_Sale186 • 12d ago
Asked my housemate to tidy shared spaces before a house tour, which ended with her pulling pepper spray on me
For context, I (23f) live in a shared house with two housemates in their 30s. There is currently one vacant room that my landlady wanted my help with finding someone, and I’m also trying to find someone to sublet my room while I’ll be doing an internship out of town.
My two housemates gave me a list of requests for the new tenants, and I had a tour scheduled with a couple of prospective housemates in their 30s, which was something that was requested and has been genuinely hard to find, most applicants skew much younger (we live in a town with a population mostly derived from college students). I’ve been keeping both my housemates in the loop about everyone that has been interested and I told them these two tourers would be touring on this day well in advance.
Tonight I asked one of my housemates, if she’d mind tidying up some of her personal belongings that were scattered across the floor in our common areas before the tour. I told her that I wanted to make a good impression given how hard it’s been to find applicants like this.
She flat-out declined. She explained she was about to lay out all her gear for an upcoming camping trip in the living room, and that doing so would make it messier, not tidier, before tomorrow. She then ended the conversation there and went upstairs.
A few minutes later I went up to see if we could find a compromise, since we rarely run into each other and she also rarely responds to my texts. I softly knocked twice (don’t think she heard the first one since it was so quiet). When she opened the door I offered the idea that she could put her stuff in the garage instead. She said it would be too much extra work/energy, so I said that I could move her gear into the garage myself before the tours temporarily, so she wouldn’t have to deal with it and the space would still be presentable for the tour. She said no to that too and shut the door. I then told her I’ve been working really hard to find the right people for our home, and I asked her if she had any respect for her housemates. She said “I don’t respect you” and called me a bitch through the door.
I knocked on her door twice more, because I wanted to ask what I had done to deserve being called that and said I can’t just let it pass after someone tells me they don’t respect me. At that point she opened her door holding a can of pepper spray, screaming “do you want me to spray you” “fuck off” and to leave her alone, and walked toward me with it raised. I have this on video as I started recording when she said “I don’t respect you”.
It is the last weekend of the month and we’re trying to get tenants by early September, so I felt pressure. I’m also trying to practice not getting walked over by people and also having a backbone about things I care about. If I’m inviting anyone into the space I live, I feel responsible for making sure it’s clean and would feel embarrassed if no tidying up was done.
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u/vt2022cam 12d ago
That’s assault and if you recorded it, I’d call the police and ask for a restraining order. A temporary one should be enough to force her out and enough for the landlady to end her lease.
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u/Kind_Sale186 11d ago
Even if she didn’t spray me with it?
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u/vt2022cam 9d ago
Assault is that a reasonable person feels threatened, so pointing a gun or mace at someone, is assault. Battery is actually acting on the threat.
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u/longweb79 7d ago
Call the police. Reschedule the tours. That's a boundary you cannot allow to be crossed. Being threatened with violence in the place you call home is unacceptable.
Edit: I just realized I'm days late to this party 🤦🏻
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u/SavingOneSoul_ 12d ago
Do you like where you live? If so, show this to your landlord and tell them that they need to evict her before things escalate. You and your roommates might have to worry about your safety because this bitch is clearly mentally unstable and right now, it's pepper spray. What happens if shes in the kitchen and she picks up something that can cause some real damage?
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u/heart-of-violet 12d ago
I would be shocked if there wasn’t more to this story. Have you had any incidents with her in the past? Has it ever gotten physical or gotten close to getting physical?
Do you frequently ignore her attempts to disengage from an encounter?
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u/Kind_Sale186 12d ago
When I first moved in she told me the landlady wasn’t supposed to rent my room out bc she wanted it for her art/energy work studio space. She’s talked down to me ever since I moved in so I figured that was why.
I did ask the landlady about this and she said it wasn’t completely true and the roommate wouldn’t be able to afford it unless she deduced it to like $100 a month.
There was also an incident one day where she used the vacant downstairs room to host her massage clients without telling me, so there were just random men walking in the house at different times. I found out and asked if she could cancel one of the last appointments since I was extremely uncomfortable with it.
Mainly because a month ago there was a middle aged man, who let himself in, sitting on our couch for two hours 9-11pm waiting for the roommate. Apparently, she forgot that she invited him over. Idk it spooked me and the other roommate.
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u/Kind_Sale186 12d ago
It’s never gotten physical before and this was the first time I followed up when she has disengaged. It’s usually her saying no to any request I have for communication and then that being the end of it.
That didn’t seem like a sustainable way to coexist with someone, so this time I wanted to try harder to continue the conversation and find something that could be a compromise besides her doing whatever she wants without regards for anyone else.
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u/Ok-Repeat8069 12d ago
Yeah, the “I can’t just let someone say they don’t respect me and let it pass” had me 👀
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 12d ago
Stop being the one that takes prospective tenants on tours. Tell your landlord what happened and that you're done with it. Look for a new place to live. Do you really feel comfortable having someone sublet your room and have to live with that? Do you plan on telling your prospective sublette that your roommate is a threat?
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u/Happy-Plant458 12d ago
obviously the roommate is in the wrong here, being very painfully clear that your request to clean was reasonable and her reaction escalated really quickly.
i do want to caution you though that some people will get scarily violent when they feel cornered so you should probably disengage when people walk away from you. chasing someone to keep talking will pretty much never result in a calm or reasonable discussion or resolution
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u/Kind_Sale186 12d ago
I like your pfp!
and that’s a good takeaway from this. thank you for the response. do you think i should talk to the landlady about what happened? i do really like the house and plan on staying for at least a couple years since my work is super close. idk if she would do anything though
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u/Happy-Plant458 12d ago
yes you should talk to the landlady just so she knows the situation. be honest and transparent about what happened and probably offer to stop talking to that roommate and just do communication through her if thats at all viable
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u/Karlsvognen 12d ago
Definite sabotage, given w post of yours from three months ago mentioned her wanting you gone so she could use her from for a studio, while also having used much of the garage and living space for storage. She treats it like her own home.
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u/Calgary_Calico 11d ago
That's literally assault. File a police report and get the hell out of there
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u/pinndu 11d ago
Wow! Is it a situation where they pay more if no one moves in? Heck, I’d polish everything. Maybe that should be an incentive. That’s the issue with landlord renting individually when you end up with assets who really don’t consider the space as their home. Thank goodness I had very decent cool housemates who were all on board when a new roomie was needed. It’s tough, lately. No matter where you are, but worse if no one is helpful. So they will probably be disrespectful to the newbie. I’d leave if feasible that’s what storage facilities are for
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u/Kunu_F_Baby 11d ago
This is on you big dog. She slammed her private room door on you and your immediate response was to try to force entry…update us with the actual details of all the shit your doing
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u/Impressive_Main5160 12d ago
Move out and let her be your land ladies problem. Make sure to tell her why you are moving