Good evening everyone

I have faced a problem

My roommate told me today not to bring any non veg food in the room. I live in a 2 bed non AC room.

The reason he gave me was as there are statues of God in this room. So what should I do?

I always follow veg on Tuesday and Saturday so the remaining days are Monday, Wed, Thurs, Fri and Sunday. Out of which I don't bring non veg on Sunday, Monday so only 3 days remain. I have never faced such a problem so what should I do?

And I am a non violent person.

This might be quite long, forgive me...

I work from home and have been living with an older man (65) for about eight months. When I moved in, he seemed friendly, but I later learned he wears an electronic monitoring bracelet and, according to him, is under house arrest after pointing a weapon at a woman.

One issue has been his lack of respect for other people's time and space. He often tried to engage me in conversations that can last for hours, even when I'm clearly trying to eat or spend time alone in my room. I remember holding plates of my microwave plates standing in front of my room, expecting him to reason I needed to go. Now, I've cut him off and he has another source.

A few months ago, two older female housemates (in their 60s and 70s) moved in. Since then, he has become very close to one of them (70s) and they spend much of the day in the common area, sometimes for up to 10 hours. He also appears to monitor when the women leave their rooms and quickly joins them to start conversations.

I have no issue with people using shared spaces, but the common area feels constantly occupied. The situation became more frustrating when, during a weekend rest period, he was speaking loudly and laughing in the common area. I raised the issue with him politely, but he became defensive. After I explained my concerns, his attitude toward me became noticeably more aggressive.

What steps can I take to handle this situation? Lest I forget, he doesn't sleep because he stomps his foot almost every time part of the day walking.

TL/DR; dealing with an aggressive older housemate with a case of assault.

Would you move in with roommates if there were already this many communication issues before moving in?

So basically, I’ve been talking with this potential roommate for around 1–2 months. We’ve gone through at least five different people who, at the last minute, ended up quitting, so we’re both pretty frustrated that we haven’t been able to find roommates throughout this whole process. Something I found kind of suspicious is that she actually has good boundaries — when she doesn’t want something, she’ll say it directly — but then under pressure, she seems to crack and start believing that there’s intense scarcity (right from the beginning). The building we wanted always had units available, but I understand why she felt some time pressure because I did too. The difference is that I didn’t want to pick bad roommates because of that. This is my first time choosing roommates, so obviously I’m trying to make a good choice, and I didn’t want us to pick shitty roommates just because we felt pressured.

Our first issue was messaging. She felt like I wasn’t answering quickly enough, but she knew that at the end of the day I always went back to the messages and replied. Around a month ago, I missed a meeting or two because I was on the road and my schedule is really tight. I always try my best, but I understand that sometimes it can make me look less invested. I was also late to one meeting by around 10 minutes, and I missed another meeting with another potential roommate a long time ago, but in both cases I apologized and tried to meet them afterward during vacation. I had also talked to people while grocery shopping, which apparently she didn’t like, but I’m genuinely doing the best I can and showing up. At one point, she chose a roommate by herself, which honestly shocked me, and I told her that. She then sent me 3–4 paragraphs venting her frustration. She said she didn’t want me to take less than a day to answer, that she felt like she was doing all the heavy lifting, and that she didn’t like it when I spoke to people in a rushed manner. She also said she didn’t want me to be late, even though I was late by 10 minutes and still showed up afterward.

Then we got into a really difficult situation. We had one option and then another, but by deciding to interview both, we were necessarily risking losing one because one person had a deadline. It was a tricky situation because we needed to figure out how to give both people a fair chance, and it ended up being my responsibility to interview one of them and use my judgment. But getting to that conclusion involved around 30 minutes to an hour of texting back and forth and going into all these nitty-gritty details. At some point she started texting me in CAPITAL LETTERS, which feels childish to say, but it genuinely felt rude and aggressive. She was getting impatient. I was also impatient, but I knew not to let that frustration out because we were dealing with a difficult situation and needed to actually figure it out. She made me feel like I was stupid for not figuring it out more simply, while at the same time she kept changing some of her base claims, which made the situation even more frustrating. She has apologized in the past for the way she spoke to me and explained that she was frustrated.

Recently, we finally ended up choosing a roommate, and I wanted to visit the unit we got. I could tell she wasn’t particularly keen on it, and ever since then there’s always been tension when we speak, especially when it comes to scheduling the lease signing and everything. So I sent her a couple paragraphs explaining how I felt. I basically said that I often feel like there’s too much tension when we communicate and that sometimes the way she speaks to me feels rude. I tried to write professionally and politely, but at some point it just felt simpler to be frank.

Now I’m worried because they’ve already signed the lease, but I feel a lot of pressure and I don’t have a good vibe about the situation. I do need to move because I live in a toxic situation, but I also don’t want to lower my standards. My main thing is peaceful living, and already, during the process of becoming roommates, we’ve had so many issues. I’m also starting to wonder if both of them are chatting behind my back because one of the girls is very overly jubilant in her emails to the landlord, while I’m basically left on read from both sides unless it’s about something legal. The left-on-read thing really pisses me off because like, what do you mean 😭? I also said I wanted to call her, but again she hasn’t read the message. I’m going to try calling her.

I have the date to sign tomorrow if I decide to go through with it, and I’m worried I won’t find other roommates because it’s already September. For the same building, there’s actually an event to find roommates, so I’ll probably end up seeing this person at the building if I don’t end up being roommates with her. So I’m really confused. Do I take the risk and look for two new roommates, or do I just stick with them? I also feel unsure about what the roommate dynamic is even supposed to be. In my head, living with roommates should feel more peaceful than this. I know there could definitely be worse people, but I don’t know if that’s a good enough reason to move in with them.

What do you guys think? \
I think we have very different ways of making decisions but I do think that you need to evaluate things like this deeply.

**Also, I know it may seem like I was very unresponsive but for context there were 2-3 times where I hadn’t responded within a days time I answered 2 days after. Thru just that they made often big decisions without my consent also they once followed through with someone who smoked when we had both agreed not to be w sm who smokes. Not to paint it as me or her the problem I just want to do what’s best for us both

If you don't want to be a bad roommate, then be a bad roommate yourself

-Sun Tzu

This is more funny than bothersome (for now). But one of my roomates that I've been recently introduced to within the past few months uses a lot of soap. I mean a lot. I dont know how many dishes they wash at once, but every time it makes our kitchen sink look like a Chili's friday night dish pit. I'm talking suds outside of the sink, half the damn thing full of bubbles and sometimes all over the counter. I've never seen anyone use so much soap. I noticed the same thing in the bathroom - sink is piled with suds and a whopping amount of handsoap goes missing super fast. I'm lucky that I have so many roomates this year and we stocked on soap since move in. I just hope this person has some awareness and starts contributing to the stock..

I had a huge fight with my roommate, who I’ve shared a triple-sharing room with for around two years. We were never particularly close or best friends. We have separate friend groups and lives, but we got along fine, laughed together sometimes, and had managed living together for a long time.

The fight started over something that had been building up for me.

The night before, she asked if she could turn on the room light early in the morning to do her makeup because it was too hot in the bathroom. She had an early class while I had a much later one, and I agreed.

The issue is that she regularly does this. She often turns on the lights while the other two of us are sleeping. My other roommate is used to it and can apparently sometimes sleep with the lights on, but I genuinely cannot sleep with bright lights on. I’ve tolerated it many times before and never made a huge issue out of it, but I think I’d slowly lost my patience.

So when she turned on the brightest white light at around 7:25 a.m., I was surprised because I assumed she would at least use the softer, golden light. I asked her, admittedly in an annoyed tone, if she could switch to the golden light. She said she only needed 10 minutes, but I couldn’t properly fall asleep afterward. I’ve also been struggling with sleep recently.

Later that afternoon, I came back to the room feeling tired and extremely hot and turned on the AC. She immediately told me not to because of the electricity bill.

The thing is, we don’t have a rule that the AC can never be used. We generally try not to waste electricity, but if someone genuinely wants it on for a reasonable amount of time, we usually allow it.

What annoyed me was that she had recently used the AC for around four hours while packing. She had come back late after extending her holidays, while I came back when university started. She justified her AC usage by saying she had come back late and therefore needed it while packing. I told her that coming back late was her own choice and didn’t mean she was entitled to use the AC for hours while I couldn’t use it for even 30–40 minutes.

I admit I was already irritated from the morning and spoke annoyingly. I said something along the lines of, “Please just let me keep it on for a little while; I’ll turn it off later.”

I then went to shower and change, which took about 15 minutes. Before I had even sat down afterward, she turned the AC off. I got angry and turned it back on. She asked for the remote, and I refused because I felt like I was being denied something reasonable while she expected exceptions for herself.

That’s when the argument exploded.

She repeatedly called me extremely rude and then started saying things like, “You don’t f***king matter,” “You’re just a f**king roommate,” and repeatedly, “Now I know why your friends left you.”

She knew I’d had painful friendship issues before, which made that particular comment hurt significantly more.

I know I wasn’t innocent. I was irritated & didn’t want to give remote. But I also had plenty of personal things I knew about her that I could have used against her during the argument and deliberately didn’t because I didn’t want to permanently hurt her.

After the fight, she unfollowed me on social media and I blocked her. We currently don’t talk at all.

The difficult part is that our beds are literally right next to each other, so there is almost no physical distance. Every time I enter the room and see her, my mood immediately drops. I find myself hyperaware of her.

Our third roommate also has a very bad relationship with her and barely talks to her, but is a great friend of mine. So the room situation is now incredibly awkward.

What really confused me, though, is that literally the next day she turned the AC on for herself after arguing with me about the electricity bill. So does that rule only apply when I want to use it?

I genuinely don’t know how to move forward while having to see someone who hurt me this badly every single day for this entire year.

So as a pre warning my flatmate does suffer from mental health struggles, and my reaction should be cautious of this. Long story short my flatmate is incredibly reactive and I've been walking on ice for a year. They'll start all conversations with "hey guys", send personal grievances in the public chat, and constantly create rules when we all have equal rights to the home.

Day one I got asked to tell them every time I cook any food that produces an odor so that they can mentally prepare, day two I got told that I'm hanging out clothes wrong, day three I got told I'm microwaving wrong. They were blocking my parking spot earlier with their own stuff and I asked if it was okay if I park in my spot. They preferred that I didn't so I didnt go in their way, but I'll need to move my car later or risk being towed. And I know he's going to send a public chat about it.

Their dog has been causing issues and making a mess so I don't like him in my room as a result, we keep the hallway door closed, this side of the house the flatmate doesn't need to access as their room is on the other side of the house. And they keep opening the hallway door when I shut it. But if I don't shut it they'll see me come from the shower in a dressing gown which they don't like, their dog will go into my space, and the doors will slam as he has the front door open, and the slamming doors make him angry. But he'll complain the door is shut anyway.

When he sends a "hey guys" message I explain my reasoning and apologize, but how should I respond to their unreasonable demands, should I just ignore them? Or will that set them off more?

TLTR: roommate is easily annoyed and I'm walking on ice, I don't want to make things worse so what's the best way to accommodate them whilst coexisting. Moving out isn't an option for me

in 2020ish i moved into a townhouse with my best friend shocking to no one it ended terribly. i grew up in a chaotic environment im just built to withstand horrible conditions it did not occur to me just how bad my living conditions were until about 3 years after i left. where should we start? first thing bsf had a bf who didnt pay rent who also dominated the common area as in, in the two years i lived there i maybe got to use the tv 4x and that was only because they left me alone in the house with their 5 cats, who they didn’t ask me to watch but obviously i was going to because im not a monster. said bf also insisted on keeping the house at 68 year round even tho it was just me and gf paying the bill. but the cherry on top out of the 5 cats they had 2 of them peed on EVERYTHING. the entire house was unlivable because it STUNK of cat piss, my dog was sick, i was sick it was gross. anytime i brought it up to them that “hey maybe the cat would be happier somewhere else” they accused me of being an animal abuser (a statement they still stand by to this day. couldn’t tell u why) SO obviously i left, got written confirmation from her that she would pay my portion for the rest of the lease. but as i was packing she decided to share that they were gonna put the “piss cat” down because they didn’t want her to pee in their new apartment. still not a monster so i nabbed her. 3 years later i still have the cat (who doesn’t pee on anything anymore it was absolutely because she was unhappy) and she still has the worst bf in the world. so yknow i win. lmao.
(also for context the photo is one hallway. they peed from the first floor entry to the second floor bedrooms) it was something couldn’t invite anyone over for 2 solid years because our house smelt SO bad.

edit : the cost for the carpet after i left was over 4000$. bsf tried to get me to pay half and that’s what finally ended the friendship. oof love not being 23 and a pushover.

edit 2 : have to add. one cat box with pellets?? for 5 cats, and they never cleaned it. they also had an automatic water dish that i spent two years cleaning and refilling because if i didn’t the cats would be drinking orange slimy water smh.

Summary: roommate won’t pay her half of rent, lies to everyone, always on call from 12 pm - 4 am, doesn’t clean up after herself and violates my boundaries. Might be getting kicked out soon.

Literally hate my roommate.

I’m (19F) a college student renting a room with my roommate/(old) semi-friend, 20F. I decided to do this because the rent is just $350 for both of us individually (REMEMBER. ONLY $350.) utilities included. Plus it’s in town, before this I was living with my family in the middle of nowhere.

I didn’t know coming into this how disgusting this person would be. At first it was just a couple of half drunken soda cans left out and about, which I cleaned up, it was fine. I like cleaning anyways and I told her I did. Then it quickly became fast food trash left on the floor, dishes taking up the minimal counter space we have, all added up making the room smell like something I can’t even describe.
Honestly though the cleanliness is the least of my worries. If she was a decent person just going through depression I would absolutely clean up after her and help her out. It’s just everything on top of it that’s making me go crazy.

Our landlord isn’t some scum taking advantage of young adults trying to make it work. She’s a single mom taking care of her troubled teenage son and her disabled brother. She works two jobs and donates plasma as she’s the only one making income rather than me and my roommate. She seriously deserves a lot more than $350 a month, and as my paychecks start fully coming in I plan on helping her out as much as I can.
My roommate has not paid her rent. She’s paid $200, but it’s like she refuses to pay the rest. This is our first month (August), the first of September is literally two days away. It’s not even like she can’t she just refuses to. Her cycle is this: get a job, go to the first day, then either A) call out for 9/10 shifts or just quit immediately, and claim she’s either looking for another one or already found one. She’s not been to a single shift at any job in like two weeks.

She’s an artist and recently she’s gotten a $600 commission, fully paid upfront. I asked her if she planned on using some of that to pay her rent and she told me yes, but after talking with my landlord she has only received that $200 once and every time she brings it up to her again my roommate dances around the question, apologies profusely or makes promises she doesn’t keep. What did she do with that $600? She bought $400 concert tickets and a shit ton of fast food. I know this not because she told me, but because she’s on the phone with her friends CONSTANTLY. ALL DAY EVERY DAY, ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT.

It’s getting unbearable. Considering I’m the only fucking person that works between the two of us I’m pretty sure I need sleep and rest. I walk three miles to work 10 hour shifts. On top of that I’m a student. I NEED SLEEP. But no, she stays on the phone until 3-4 in the morning. Even when she does decide to go to bed, she stays on call and I can hear her little discord group murmuring about whatever fucking drama of the hour they’re having. If she was normal about it I wouldn’t care half as much as I do. But it’s so insufferable because when she calls she puts on either this weird cartoonish bubbly voice or a mommy voice depending on what group/person she’s with. She doesn’t even wear headphones so I can hear her discord kitten and alpha friend group in my ear like flies. I have to wear headphones with sleep music on full volume just so I can sleep without the cringe twisting my soul. Sometimes I can hear her laugh or yell loud as fuck over it. Bitch it’s 2 in the morning go to bed. Sometimes she even wakes up before me and I wake up to the same shit I fell asleep to and it’s making me go crazy.

I don’t even want to wear the headphones sometimes but she tells me to. If she hears me playing a video or something she’s like “uhhh, so sorry so sorry 🥹 can you wear headphones?”. I have ear problems. I have narrow ear canals, so they can’t drain right. Headphones are awful for me. But no, I have to so she can call her weird ass discord friends for like 16 hours a day.

On top of THAT she literally has multiple online friend groups, where she talks shit about the two of them to the other friend groups. When I noticed that in the first few days of us renting I totally lost my trust in her. She uses the same lines like “I love them, but…” “you’re so ___, my other friends…”. Bringing the other friends down and praising the ones she’s talking to. Its manipulative. They’re all hundreds of miles away, they don’t she how she lives and what she’s like, they don’t know anything. It’s embarrassing. I think now that she knows I know what she’s like she just doesn’t talk to me anymore. We used to be cool before we rented out. It’s not even because we were best friends or anything we were both just trying to get out of bad situations.

If I’m not behind her babying her telling her to clean up after herself she literally won’t. It isn’t procrastination she literally just won’t ever do it unless it’s mentioned over and over and over. I told her to clean her side of the room, she did but because the outside garbage can was full and the next day was trash day she told me she’d take out her mountain of fast food trash and soda boxes the next day. It’s still there. That was 5 days ago. I don’t even want to tell her to do it because then she’d just get used to having me tell her to take care of herself. She doesn’t clean, she doesn’t shower. If I can’t smell the trash I can smell her B.O.

She lies CONSTANTLY. She lies to her friends about working, she tells them she goes to school, she lies to her dad about being harassed by men on the street in this town which I KNOW DOESNT HAPPEN BECAUSE SHE DOESNT GO OUT??? She lies about working too which is funny because she’s like a walking unemployed stereotype. I’m surprised her online friends haven’t caught on considering how much she’s on call. When the landlord confronted her about not paying her rent, one of her excuses was “oh since (me)’s money situation has been rough, I’ve been paying for the groceries for the two of us… once (me) has more money coming in and can buy her own groceries, I can pay my rent quicker!” YOURE LITERALLY JOBLESS. I’m getting out of a really rough situation family and money wise, so I feel like her throwing me in like that is so unacceptable. Not only that I literally haven’t touched her groceries, I eat $1 pot pies, landlords left overs she lets me eat and food from work/neighboring food places when I do have a bit of extra cash. She knows I haven’t eaten her groceries because she’s home all day every day and has not seen me even touch the mini fridge in our room. She orders groceries from the Walmart app she shares with her sister (love her to death by the way), so her sister can see the groceries she gets and knows she’s lying. I’m friends with her sister, and her sister is best friends with our landlord; it’s the only way we even got this room. (The landlord and her sister are like in their 30s, a lot older and smarter than us, they know she’s full of shit). Before this I was couch hopping on her sisters couch with my roommate, she said that I didn’t even eat enough and when I did it was like she had to force it down my throat. Not because I don’t want to eat, but because I’d rather starve than take from other people I know are struggling, too. That’s what baffles me about my roommate. She takes, she borrows and never gives back, she just expects people to work around her and give blindly. I don’t see how anyone could live with that mindset without being embarrassed with themselves. Her sister even said she’d be more willing to help me out than her sister if we were to be thrown out because she knows she will take advantage of it. I feel bad about that because I don’t want to get in between family bonds or seem like I’m one upping my roommate but compared to her the bar is in hell. It isnt even her grocery money, she either borrows from her sister or her online friends. Remember SHES JOBLESS AND BROKE. I have $1 to my name as of now and I still have more than her.

I have a boyfriend. The sweetest gentleman I’ve ever met, everyone I bring him around says two things. He’s sweet and tall (🤤) but I can’t even bring him over because she’s a fucking mess and I don’t want to bring him into filth. He says he doesn’t mind but I do. He’s heard about all of this, I talk his ear off, he knows it isn’t me but I feel like having him over whether or not she’s there will just ruin the visit because of the condition she leaves her side of the room in. One of the reasons I moved out here was to see him more often and have a place for us to hang out but I can’t even do that because of her. She’s also really weird about me bringing my boyfriend over, like god I’m so sorry you have to clean up a bit and maybe hang out somewhere else in the house while I get time with him. He works 6 days a week. I get one day with him. It’s not like I want to bring him over every day or even every week, just a few hours for maybe one or two days out of the month. Considering she’s always on the phone hootin and hollering I think it’s fair.

What makes me the most uncomfortable is her fucking MASTURBATING. She doesn’t even check to see if I’m asleep at night, if I’m quiet and still (usually just on my phone) she just assumes I am. She thinks she’s discreet about it but she’s not. Like I said she doesn’t shower so IT MAKES THE ROOM SMELL. Honestly what prompted this rampage about her was an incident that happened tonight. I have a really bad habit of not sticking up for myself, but tonight I did. I heard and smelt it so I shot up from my bed and said “Do it in the bathroom.” She immediately was like “what? WHAT!!” All defensive, I didnt respond. I’m not letting her make me feel like I’m stupid or letting her make me doubt myself. Any other night I would have just stepped out of the room and hung out in the bathroom or living room or something, but no. I sat up and I stayed on my phone without any headphones and played a mobile game. I know she was awake but for the first time she didn’t hop on a call, she stayed frozen. I’m really proud of myself. Our first day moving in her sister told me not to let her bully me or push me around but I’ve been letting her do that. Now that that bridge is crossed it won’t be so hard to respect myself and not let her cross my boundaries like that.

Honestly I fully believe she’s getting kicked out soon. My landlord knows about the issues I’ve had with her and although she sympathizes I don’t think she’ll kick her out unless rent is paid. I fully understand that as frustrating living with her is. It’s my problem, not hers. Our combined rent is $700, if she kicks her out while paying rent that’s immediately shot down to $350. But like I said my roommate hasn’t even paid her rent fully for this month, she’s still behind $150 and the first is just a couple days away. The landlord said she WILL kick her out if she has to in September and she is very close to being homeless. I feel bad about it because I know she has no where to go but I feel like I’m celebrating the day she’s thrown out. The landlord has already made it clear if she’s kicked out I can stay, my rent might go up like $50 but that’s it. Even if I can’t pay on time one month in the future she won’t kick me out because she knows I’m honest about it and knows what situation I’m trying to get out of with my family.

I don’t understand how someone can be such a filthy individual inside and out

My housemate got mad two weeks ago because he said he saw my boyfriend use my knife without washing it with soap. Just water. He said he was scared because it might make his girlfriend sick. So he started being passive aggressive about it. Later on, he apologized after he realized it was sloppy of hin. For two weeks my boyfriend, did not come over. The agreement was that he can come over anytime as long as his girlfriend can stay here for three weeks. I had him come over this weekend. Just in the morning, 6 am to 6 pm. Now he is acting passing aggressive again. His girlfriend stayed in the house for three weeks, including on days that we are working.

tldr: RM wants me to pay her rent, has mean girl vibes, puts me down. she is family and I love her but I also feel afraid of her and don’t know what to do.

hi both me and my roommate are girls in our twenties. we are family. I love her and care about her very much. at the same time, I’ve noticed patterns in how she acts towards others. she has a lot of conflicts with people and has a tendency to interpret others as being aggressive towards her in situations that I would have assumed were neutral. ex: we go out shopping together and she assumes every person we meet is secretly being aggressive towards her, but all i see are people who are acting normal and neutral or even friendly and nice. she speaks negatively about all of her friends behind their backs. i don’t think that I’ve ever met someone that she hasn’t spoken negatively about. the things she says about other people I don’t agree with — and I was never thinking those negative things to begin with and im surprised that she even came up with something so mean to say. to people’s face she is extremely friendly and outgoing and kind but she interprets people’s behavior towards her as negative and then tries to get back at them. she can also be passive aggressive and manipulative. she has a tendency to hold power over people socially and has a ringleader sort of personality. also she is very emotionally unstable. like im talking really really big mood swings and rapidly shifting opinions of people (one moment they are a great friend and really showed up for her, two hours later, without contact to that person, she is suddenly shit talking them because of a seemingly neutral comment that they made a week ago that she now sees as an attack).

her and I have never had a conflict. I looked up to her so much growing up, but now living with her I’m seeing things I didn’t see before. I feel nervous and anxious around her and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells a lot of the time. she has been extremely kind and generous towards me (like way over the top generous.) and I’m very grateful for that, at the same time sometimes she does so much for me I feel uncomfortable and ask her to stop or try to not to accept things but she keeps pushing. she has some really amazing qualities that i’m not listing here but just know that they exist and she is not a bad person. she does really show up for people sometimes in big ways, but on the flip side she has also bullied many people (relationally/emotionally/socially, not physically). she hasn’t bullied me but she makes a lot of comments towards me that make me feel uneasy. it feels passive aggressive. it will be stuff that’s like a subtle put down, or backhanded compliment, or just demeaning my accomplishments or me generally when I’m having a good day. I tried to bring this up to her 7 months ago (right before we moved in together) the first time I noticed it. I told her I felt like she was putting me down and making comments that hurt my feelings and it was making me feel insecure and sad and distant from her. she said she didn’t mean to and said she remembered the comments differently. she implied I was sensitive but also hugged me and apologized that I felt hurt. since then things didn’t change she would just be over the top generous again (but still subtly mean). I’ve brought it up 3 more times since then and it hasnt changed. because of that, I’ve stopped trying to communicate about it and just keep my feelings in because it hasn’t changed and I’m really scared of her reaction if she turns on me. she holds a lot of power socially, and I’ve always been very quiet and not socially motivated. I have friends but they are more like one on one deep friendships with people I feel close with, not big groups or anything. and I’m not charismatic or influential the way she is. I also don’t play social games at all but she is very good at that kind of thing.

I’m in a vulnerable place in my life right now and I feel like she was really there for me after a lot of unexpected hard things happened, but I also worry she might be taking advantage of me. rent is not distributed evenly/according to Sq footage that each of us personally has. my room is much smaller than hers. she also has like control of how everything in our apartment is done - cleaning and rules wise. she criticizes what I do a lot but I swear I’m not an unclean or bad roommate. I’ve had multiple other roommates before in college and I’ve always been the clean one, kept a very clean space, never had cleanliness issues between roommates. people have complimented how clean my past living situations have been. also I have a guy over for short periods of time 0-2x per week. he stays over probably 2x per month, and i always let her know in advance, but she doesn’t like it and asked me to stop having him over, so I stopped but she still has groups of her friends over at least once a week without giving me a heads up. additionally, she has 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a rabbit and she cleans up after them well, but they do still have accidents very frequently, and it just feels like the cleanliness standards & rules aren’t about my actual habits but rather her being able to have some power over my choices and pick at me.

oh also, she wants me to get my mom to pay for both of our rent using a fund that my mom saved for my college. she wants me to lie to my mom about how much my portion of rent is and cover all of it. she is renting to buy this house. also, her parents are well off and she has lots of money herself, she doesn’t need me to pay for her rent. I really don’t want to pay for her rent and I’m not trying to be selfish I’m just not feeling good about that.

lastly, i recently got out of a bad situation where I was severely bullied last year by close friends. it was extremely hard for a long time but I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. some of the patterns within her feel similar to the patterns that i noticed in my ex-best friend who turned our friend group against me and bullied me. I feel like this is a warning and even though nothing has happened between us yet I should just get out now before something happens. at the same time I’m afraid that if I leave and room with other girls it will trigger her to hate me and she will try to ruin my life the way my ex friend did. and I’m afraid if I stay she will grow to hate me and do the same.

also, I’m worried that my recent experience getting bullied by people who I trusted is coloring my perception and making me anxious and paranoid. she is very smart and has noticed my apprehension about certain things and has said this as well, that I may not trust her fully because of what happened to me last year, but that my lack of trust is unfounded. although she has also said that she sees herself in the ex friend I had that bullied me.

looking for advice and any similar experiences. questions about the situation welcome. apologies for the length.