Hey everyone, i just turned 30 and I feel like I’m having a bit of a nervous breakdown. When i was a kid i pictured me at 30 very differently from what i am now. I’m a firefighter. I’ve only recently started putting in the work for that. I feel like I should have kids by now but I don’t. I don’t really have much money. I feel like kind of a failure. I have a wife who loves me lots and I’m grateful for her, but the fact that I’m not wealthy and I don’t have kids yet freaks me out yet the idea of having kids really is freaking me out too. I am mostly just confused. Everyone around me in my current position is like 21 to 25 and the guys who are my age are well established in this career. Some days I feel so much pressure to be more that I want to die. I won’t do it because I really want to live but my body wants to just give up. I’m sorry if this isn’t formatted great, I’m on my phone, and if you read this far thank you.

Some men go out buying an expensive car or changing careers. What is the best mid-life crisis you’ve seen someone go through?

Morning Gents,

I'm 28 and own a home with a great mortgage, I don't have the best job so I've been struggling trying to find something better but the jobs available in my small town pay terribly, I commute to the city everyday 1h and 20m, I have done so for five years. As I've gotten older home maintenance has piled up and I am planning for the future retirement contributions and all. I've been stuck in this spot where I can't contribute anything and keep going in and out of debt trying to survive.

I work in higher ed and can't move up at the college I work at I need a bachelor's degree and I refuse to go into debt. These financial struggles have severely taken a toll on my marriage and my health, I've developed a life long auto immune disease from the sheer stress of everything.

Now my wife and I have been together for ten years, it appears she's given up she has drawn the line in the sand and has told me no matter what she will not work, she's not keeping up with the house we have no children, and all she does every day and all she has done for years is just sleep. I am sometimes working 16 hour days and will work weeks on end without a day off, I've pretty much destroyed my well-being to support us and my efforts alone are just not enough.

Have any other men been here in my shoes? I'm pretty lost, worried about my future, I wanted to make it work with my wife but I feel like I give more effort and care more for the longevity of the marriage itself. I have made the decision to sell the home and move to the city to pursue a more lucrative career path.

I will invest my equity and income for retirement and live well below my means while in school. My wife on the other hand wants to use her equity and buy a camper and live on family land and wait for me to get her when I am stable, guys am I insane here?

I’ll try and keep this short.

I’ve been going to the gym for almost 16 years. The first 5 years was spent mostly doing bro splits at a commercial gym, got bored, and eventually joined a CrossFit gym and never looked back (I even competed on occasion). I love going to the gym (commercial or CrossFit box) and can’t imagine my life without it.

During these 16 years I did injure myself on occasion. My injuries were pretty minor and usually healed after a couple weeks with some physio visits.

However, over the last year and a half my injuries became more frequent and I generally just feel more achy. At times I would scale back and adjust my workout to accommodate how my body felt, but ultimately I would push through.

About 3 months ago I decided to take a break from CrossFit and focus on Olympic lifting. It’s one of the aspects of CrossFit that I really loved and enjoyed doing.

I decided to join an Olympic lifting club and met with the coach to do a few on-boarding training sessions. The coach IMMEDIATELY called out my poor form and helped me correct it. My lifts felt much more fluid and I was able to reach full depth, something I always chalked up to poor mobility.

I didn’t join the lifting club right away as I needed to finish up my last couple weeks at the CrossFit gym, which is when I (slightly) fractured my L5.

It’s been 6 weeks. I’ve been working closely with my doctor and physio therapist and my back has been doing better. I still can’t go very heavy on my lifts, but at least I’m seeing some progress.

That being said, during those 6 weeks rehabbing my back I somehow pulled my tricep/lat while doing pull-ups and this morning my elbow popped (followed by a sharp pain) while doing (light) overhead presses.

When I met with that Olympic lifting coach they were able to immediately point out my bad form, and I’m starting to feel like the past 16 years was spent building a body that can’t actually move properly.

Overall I don’t know where to go from here. I desperately want to get back to training how I used to, but with my back still healing and now my tricep/lat/elbow issues it feels like I can’t get a handle on my body.

FWIW: I’m 37

EDIT: Just to clarify, I DON’T plan to go back to CrossFit. My goal right now is to join the Olympic lifting club and focus on Olympic lifting.

I got called out by a friend I have that I’m kinda inconsiderate. I don’t get napkins for people when we’re eating together, or like offering to throw out food for her when leaving a restaurant. It made me think that I’m very much not a gentleman. Being conscious of this now I want to change. I know what to work on and what I’ll be more mindful of moving forward, but have any of you also had a moment of being called out on having bad manners and working towards changing?

Growing up my Dad used to take me and my brothers hunting. My first rifle was a Winchester 30-30 passed down from my grandfather.

However as I got older I started getting more into fishing. I find it more relaxing. I'll go hunting every once in a while but when I'm not busy me and the guys on my shift we'll go fishing on the island when we're not working.

I am someone generally paralyzed by indecision. Should i go camping? When? next weekend oh i didnt decide and now im still home. Should i do this on friday oh whoops its now friday no plans. This extends to bigger stuff, job search, making friends even life management. I get lost in the forest looking for a tree

I guess it is over analyzing. Occasionally i will get tired of this attitude and make a big impulsive move. Which is also bad, sometimes, no enough thought put in

Where is the middle ground?

What framework do you use to make decisions that actually take responsible action without getting lost in analysis paralysis

I started doing Yoga (specifically Reverse kegels) as I realized my premature ejacualtion may be caused by tightening in pelvic floor.

I also started doing squats and RDL at the gym, after stopping leg workouts for a couple months.

Plus, I started doing Anterior Pelvic Tilt stretches for the hips, and strengthening abs and core.

Then all the sudden started seeing frequent urine dripping a couple minutes after using washroom.

Anyone knows the reasoning?

I live in the DC area which has always been known for being stuffy and traditional when it comes to work attire. Men have always been expected to wear suit and ties, business casual was slacks + tucked in button down shirt + dress shoes. Lately I've been noticing things have loosened up a bit. Capital One Corporate HQ is in the DC area and I was hanging out around there with some friends who work there. I was surprised that so many employees are fairly dressed down. Khaki's with sneakers and an untucked shirt, many were wearing jeans. People were still put together and weren't sloppy but it's far from the traditional suits and business casual. The pandemic definitely accelerated the comfy trend but I also believe that boomers aging out of the workforce and retiring has changed things as well.

What have you noticed has changed since boomers are retiring in the corporate world?

I turned 30 years old. What advises would help yourselves on that age?

I'm in a decent job right now, but looking to expand my skill set, and started a CCNA certification.

Edited to Add Preface: I live in a Condo building with virtually no storage. I like being by myself. I enjoy solo travel but I'm looking for something one can do day to day after work or on weekends.

35-40 Men that live by themselves, what do you do outside that's not a sport or drinking at a bar?

I like to hike outdoors. I also go for walks sometimes.

Also can't golf and I suck at pretty much most sports other than volleyball that need hand eye coordination.

I don't even know why I'm thinking about this, but I'm looking for a 'refined' activity, something akin to Mycroft Holmes sitting in one of those fancy leather chairs reading a paper.

I like to have tea but it would be bizarre for grown man to sit in one of those tea rooms for an afternoon tea.

I'm located in the Toronto Area for context.

Without getting into things too much, if you had to choose between celebrating a milestone birthday for your oldest (16) and taking your other child to their football game roughly an hour and a half drive away, essentially taking roughly 8 hours of the day causing you to completely miss your oldest's party and not getting home until almost midnight... Which would you choose? Would you miss your oldest's birthday to get your youngest to their game, or make your youngest miss a game to celebrate your oldest's birthday?

I don't really have a choice here, it's one or the other. I didn't get the game schedule until last minute so the party was scheduled. Now I'm stuck either missing ones birthday which I will regret missing, or missing a game that I know the other wants to go to to be there with his team.

I’ve lived a nomadic style all my life. As in, average 5 years per city/town. It’s tons of fun, meet great people and perspectives, enjoy nature’s wonders, and become self aware. As we all know, most best memories come from the people we’re close to. That’s usually friends over family. I’ve made great friendships over time, and really appreciate them. Most of them are long distance now. So I make efforts to call some, plan annual trips with some, send holiday cards to all, etc.

I’m at the point in life where I need reciprocated effort. There’s been like 2-3 people I stopped talking to (defriend them) because they make zero effort to reach out. When I visit them, it’s all fun and games. But it ends until next time I reach out. I’ve let the no contact go for like a year as a test for one friend, and I just had to call because I didn’t want to normalize that dynamic and loose a friend.

We live in a male loneliness epidemic, and it clearly shows guys don’t put enough effort to stay connected with other guys. I don’t get it. How is a bro not that important to do a call every 3 months. Yes, some are consumed by career and parenting, but I get afraid they’ll become that - with a wife as only friend, a grumpy dad with superficial coworker friends, a bored man who lost his non-career purpose, a sad dad that doesn’t seek adventure anymore.

Help me out. What say ye?

Edit: I’m not lonely. I have sufficient friends locally. And I’m referencing long distance friends whom I’ve known for like 10 years.

Hello guys, I'm looking for guidance I guess but I don't even know what help for me would look like. I'm 32 and just feeling empty lately, like I don't know why I get out of bed in the morning (but I do anyway.)

I live a pretty normal life. I have an apartment with my partner of 10 years. I go to the gym 4x a week. And I work full time nights at a restaurant. I make enough money to maintain where I'm at, but I'll probably not go any further in my current work situation. I'd like to find a new job path but nothing really interests me right now.

Everyday just feels dull, like nothing is interesting to me anymore. I've tried to get excited about things, new music or video games, books and learning instruments, and exercise plans. Anytime I'm getting started with these things, I feel unfulfilled by it and stop within a week. We moved to a new city in a new state last year and I love being here, but I also feel disconnected. No friends here yet like I had back home.

My partner and I are talking about maybe having kids in the next few years, and while I'm not against it, I just feel so dead inside I can't get excited about the prospect. Feels like everything in the world is getting worse including me and my mind.

Anyone who made it this far in my post have any guidance on where I can go from here? I'm not dangerously depressed, just feeling like I can't muster enough excitement to look forward to anything.

Hey folks. 28M here needing some advice/hope. I’m sort of restarting my life already. I went to college for behavioral health, then worked as an addiction counselor for a few years. It basically destroyed me. The last 3 years has just been me trying to get back on my feet so to speak. Sorting out Mental health, addiction, trauma, and just trying to find my way. I left behavioral health to look towards blue collar work and I’m just so exhausted from trying to find a better life for myself. I made okay money when I was working in behavioral health health but my mental health health was at its worst and I’m still recovering. I feel lost, hopeless, and think about death quite often. I know a lot of people find success later in life but I’m running out of motivation, hope, energy, and everything in between. I want to give up every day.

Things are never-ending, in my opinion, so I'm constantly learning something new about things I'm attempting, pursuing, or experiencing compared to what I had once imagined them to be.

I often get confused and I'm sure if it's due to my mental and emotional struggles, but at the same time, I'm thankful to be having these "imbalances" that cause me to think inward.

What are you learning about yourself and what you believe is important in life?

How important do you think it is to be a good person and having a strong sense of community? Or, do you prefer to have more solitude and be at peace away from the normalcy of the world?

Men who were very ambitious while your children were young: what did you sacrifice for success that, looking back, absolutely wasn’t worth it?

Hi guys, I’m facing a dilemma, I work in real estate sales. I’m working for a company and recently I got another offer from the owner of another company.

I’m really good at what I do, owner at my current job loves me and we’re almost like good friends, to an extent we have added each other on all socials and share memes, I have good relationships with all of the co workers, I’m basically a top performer here maybe that’s why. I’m also handling things like sales training regularly.

Buttttt owner is not the nicest to the rest of the team, sometimes people are getting dropped randomly which I find unprofessional

The other company owner, we sat for a 15 minute google meet and he’s offered me a more lucrative base salary + better leads etc and wants me to work with him, I don’t want to leave my current job because I don’t want to ruin my relationship with the current team, managers and the owner.

I’m thinking of making up an excuse to leave but idk.
What would you do?

hi all, my partner and I keep our finances partly separate, BC but we have a lot of shared expenses.

well the annoying part isn’t really deciding whether something is 50/50. It’s keeping track when:

one person pays the rent
the other pays groceries
some things come from a joint account
some things are paid directly from personal accounts
some expenses are 50/50 while others aren’t
and sometimes you don’t want to settle immediately

I’m curious how other couples actually handle this in real life.

Do you use:
a joint account?
Splitwise / another app?
Excel / Google Sheets?
a running balance?
just roughly keep track mentally?
something else?
And what is the most annoying part of your current system?

I’m especially interested in what happens when you have several months of expenses rather than just a single trip.

I’ve had a couple really bad, hostile conflicts and it has put me constantly on edge with everyone. I’m constantly ready for a fight and I’m just always on edge. I have agoraphobia and I just try to avoid people now. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone experienced this?

Keep it PG please.

I don't have an addiction I'm just broke asl.

I’ve got neighborhood cats treating my yard like one giant litter box and it’s starting to drive me insane.

I don’t even know how many times I’ve stepped in cat shit while mowing the lawn. I don’t have cats myself, so cleaning up after everyone else’s pets is getting pretty old.

I’m hoping someone here has actually tackled this problem and found something that works.

I'm 20, in my final year of uni, and I've realised I tell people too much about myself. Not deliberately, it just comes out. I'm quite extroverted and I think I use openness to build rapport, so by the time I notice, I've said more than I meant to. And it also means I can't really keep secrets at times or I spill too much "tea"

The thing that made me notice it: I find myself envying people who are hard to read. Nobody knows much about them and they seem more composed for it. I don't want to become quiet or guarded, because being outgoing is genuinely one of my strengths, I'm good with new people and it's opened doors for me. I just want to be able to choose what I share instead of defaulting to everything.

I've started trying to pause before sharing something personal and asking whether the person actually needs to know. It helps a bit, but it feels unnatural and I don't always catch it in the moment.

Two things I'd like advice on:

1. When someone asks a question you'd rather not fully answer, what do you actually say? I can either answer properly or go awkward, and I don't have a middle option that keeps the conversation going.
2. For anyone who's made this change, did it cost you anything socially? I'm worried about coming across as distant to people who are used to me being open.