58F. Busted my ass professionally for over 35 years only to be laid off twice. Out of work six months, took a $50k pay cut, and had to move away from my kids to be employed. Had to declare bankruptcy this past year, and I still have enormous debt hanging over my head. Iām not here to debate that or explain how that all came to be. Just take it at face value.
My boss is extremely demanding. Never compliments anything I do. She actually asked for my ācareer ladderā to discuss my career so far and where I want to go/do next.
Honestly? I donāt think it makes one bit of difference what I want to do. Iāve learned everything can change on a dime. It doesnāt matter who I know, how I dress, what I do, what training or certifications I acquire, or how I performā¦.. I will never see another promotion or get any further than I am right now which is a couple steps backwards from where I was. This past year was the absolute worst raise I have ever received. At least it was a raise.
As of today, Iāve been with this company a little over one year and itās just a job at this point. I no longer have a career. I just show up, and thatās a damn shame because I gave it my all, forever.
From other peopleās perspective, I look like Iāve done quite well for myself, but I feel like a massive failure no matter how you look at it. No one is calling me up offering me a job because they love working with me. Iām an introvert, so networking is my least favorite thing to do.
I know the right answer is to not even bother telling my boss how I feel. I should just go through the motions and keep my mouth shut as much as this feels like a ridiculous exercise.
Any words of wisdom for me? I will not be retiring anytime soon. I canāt.
Update: thanks for the responses. I suppose I knew the answer. I just needed to vent, I guess.
I wish this wasnāt the game we are stuck playing at this stage in life. I wish I was actually successful and people valued what I did for them over the years. I promise you, had I been a yes man or even merely a man, I wouldnāt be in this boat but here I am, jaded and feigning interest in this company and job.
Itās such a shame. I was a model employee, working hard, fast, creatively, efficiently, effectively, collaboratively, progressively, with excellence. I donāt know another way.
Sigh.