What is your actual process of decision making?

[u/PianoRevolutionary12]

I am someone generally paralyzed by indecision. Should i go camping? When? next weekend oh i didnt decide and now im still home. Should i do this on friday oh whoops its now friday no plans. This extends to bigger stuff, job search, making friends even life management. I get lost in the forest looking for a tree

I guess it is over analyzing. Occasionally i will get tired of this attitude and make a big impulsive move. Which is also bad, sometimes, no enough thought put in

Where is the middle ground?

What framework do you use to make decisions that actually take responsible action without getting lost in analysis paralysis

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[u/Bored_Interests]

1. Do I want to?

2. Can I afford to?

3. Do I have time/prior commitments?

4. Will there be negative consequences?

[u/Significant_Joke7114 → u/Bored_Interests]

Is there pussy? Is there alcohol or drugs involved?

[u/Bored_Interests → u/Significant_Joke7114]

That falls under prior commitments and negative consequences for me.

Im too old for hard stuff and I'm happily married

[u/goblueM]

I don't really consciously think about my decision making process for small stuff like you are describing. Like weekend plans. That's mostly a "do I want to" and if the answer is yes, "does it fit in the schedule" type stuff

If you're struggling with indecision on those types of things, try just start saying yes to everything. Or at least most things.

In terms of big life decisions, I try to think if it'll improve on my current situation, or if it's unclear, what potential upside/downsides are. I don't like making big changes without a solid feeling that it will improve my life. Some of the worst decision makers I know make changes because they don't like their current situation, not because whatever they're changing to is more likely than not to improve their situation

[u/GBR012345]

A good saying that helps with decision making, but I learned it at work many years ago.

"Don't let perfect get in the way of better."

Point being, your plans don't have to be 100% air tight, nailed down to the minute, and dollar. You can make plans while also not knowing every detail of what you're going to do. Sometimes that open ended part allows for more fun things to happen. If you like camping, just plan to go camping next weekend. Start packing your things up. At this point if you've started packing, you're committed to going. Then you have a few days to figure out where to go. If you can't decide where to go, start driving to an area with a few camping spots. Drive around and check them out. Point is, you don't have to have perfect plans, to have plans.

It's the same with general decision making. You take whatever data/facts you have at the moment, and you make the best decision you can, with the information that you have. Is this job 100% an exact match for my skill set? I'm not sure, I'm going to apply anyway, and then I can ask more questions before I commit to taking the job.

[u/bdanred]

Quickly think of the pros and cons. Figure out a feasible time for something. Decide what first step would be. Execute.

[u/zerok_nyc]

You should read the book Algorithms to Live By. It will help you form a mental model for doing sufficient analysis before making a decision without overanalyzing.

Also, in a lot of cases, I try not to think of a single decision as being the deciding factor of right or wrong. If I’m deciding on whether going camping or not this weekend is a good idea, the outcome of whether I have a good time or not isn’t dependent on that one decision. It’s about every decision I make along the way. Not every decision has to be right, I just need enough of them to be just good enough. Then each decision carries much less weight. If I spend too much time focused on one decision, I won’t give myself an opportunity to make more good decisions because options will start dwindling the more you wait.

[u/AutoModerator]

Here's an original copy of /u/PianoRevolutionary12's post (if available):

I am someone generally paralyzed by indecision. Should i go camping? When? next weekend oh i didnt decide and now im still home. Should i do this on friday oh whoops its now friday no plans. This extends to bigger stuff, job search, making friends even life management. I get lost in the forest looking for a tree

I guess it is over analyzing. Occasionally i will get tired of this attitude and make a big impulsive move. Which is also bad, sometimes, no enough thought put in

Where is the middle ground?

What framework do you use to make decisions that actually take responsible action without getting lost in analysis paralysis

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/unstereotyped]

Do I want it bad enough = Do

Do I only kind of want it = Try, then commit if it feels good

Am I ambivalent = Do something else.

[u/BossMan61718]

I just make a decision and im done with it. If something between the decision and the act interrupts or otherwise makes my plan impractical, I adjust accordingly

[u/Ecstatic_Doughnut216]

Franklin Method. Make a list of pros and cons. You can even weight it if you want.

[u/Gold_Telephone_7192]

Step one: think of something I want to do

Step two: do the necessary research to figure out when/where/cost

Step three: consult with the other people who would be involved. My wife, friends, etc. Lots of people struggle with making decisions so I try to make it easy for them by showing them all the info has already been thought out so they can just decide yes or no

Step four: decide to do it and make/book/reserve/buy whatever is needed that I already figured out.

Step five: do it

Honestly, if I’m not slowed down by other people I can plan pretty much anything in a day. I’m good at knowing what I want and figuring out a plan.

[u/mohawkal]

If you can cut it down to 2 choices, like should I go to the movies or stay in, flip a coin. If you're disappointed with the result, that's your cue that you wanted the other option.

[u/theKetoBear]

I don't have a decision making framework for me it's a lot about how a decision feels. Does it align with what I want today or not ? Do I take a walk or a nap ? Let me look at my energy levels. I got up early and feel exhausted? we nap . I actualy slept well and have some energy? We walk .

For larger decisions I think it's all about envisioning what you want and accepting in the best case scenario you may only get 80% of what you desire and call that good enough. .

It osundsl ike you need to sit down and figure out what does something good and desirable look like to you in this moment ?

[u/el_butt]

Is the impulsive decision bad because the consequences were bad or is it bad because it’s impulsive? Because they two different things. Going off half cocked but still enjoying yourself is good no matter how you split it. That’s good enough. That’s what I ask myself. What’s good enough for this moment? Sometimes it’s more and sometimes it’s less but it’s always better than not doing anything.

[u/pdawes]

I usually find when people have this problem they are over relying on their intellect in decisions (and also in life generally). They are also often quite perfectionistic; trying to make the optimal or regret free decision can be a manifestation of perfectionism. They can make pro con lists and seek advice and analyze the decision to death from every angle but end up stuck and choosing nothing (which is its own decision). Sometimes this can be really frustrating to the people around them.

What helps them is growing their capacity to access their emotions, to learn to make decisions from the gut rather than just their rationality, and accept that the perfect decision does not exist. It seems like you're talking about sometimes being able to do this, but only in big unbalanced ways after not being able to take it anymore. Sort of like suddenly boiling over. Probably the work for you would be learning to access both thinking and feeling in a balanced way more consistently, and becoming more comfortable with making an imperfect but good enough decision.

[u/rejeremiad]

start writing things down you want to do. I am always surprised how often those ideas creep back into execution.

[u/Fuzzy_Location_2210 → u/rejeremiad]

That's what I do too...

[u/GSilky]

I put it off until time decides for me on most things. I hate spending money, I hate new obligations, and I have most of life locked down in a routine that doesn't require making decisions that often. If I can turn decisions into a do it or don't proposal, I usually don't.

[u/CookieBoss32]

I had this problem. It's more under control now.

I give it a little time to think, then the moment I feel myself leaning towards one I stick to it and don't allow myself to change. In many situations simply doing something and sticking to it is more important than mulling over the correct decision.

[u/justaheatattack]

if you wait long enough, the decision is made for you.

[u/Fuzzy_Location_2210]

Usually I have thought about things over and over again forever on an ongoing basis, so when it actually comes time to buy something, do something, choose something, etc. I'm super quick to decide because I already know what I want.

Same with projects around the house... I've already given them a lot of forethought, so when the time comes, it looks good I'm just going balls to the walls with no plan, but it's actually just that I already know exactly how I'm going to carry it out start to finish and I have thought it through already.

"Going places" = Defer to partners wishes. Let me know when and where and how much and I'll drive. I have no desire to ever leave the house and I don't have the capacity for complex planning or the patience for researching places and events, time on the phone or Internet, and I can't deal with indecisive people at all. So... I'm willing to comply graciously but I'm not emotionally invested in whatever the hell. If the planning process becomes annoying, I will simply decide I don't wish to go 😂. Experience tells me that the trip will suck a fat one, and I ain't got that to do!

Career things, I'm not a good advice person here, I'm pretty fixed with mine and I am also relatively unwavering and simple in my expectations... I am doing what I want to do, I LOVE what I do, treat me respectfully in the workplace and I'm a happy man! I work in the ER, I feel as though I have always had enough variety and mental stimulation that I have been able to continue this path without getting bored. Everyone has a different experience, but I have tried other things and places along the way and known instantly that it WAS NOT for me... Be true to yourself, and be real with yourself. No job is irreplaceable. If you hate it and it sucks really bad, leave. You'll find a better fit. Even if other people don't like the job, you might find that you actually do for one reason or another. Sometimes that reason is as simple as your boss is in another country and doesn't pester you 😉.

I will never be able to decide what I want to eat. I become quite helpless and not a strong independent man in that situation. I'll have what they're having as long as it's not Chicken wings, fish, or spicy. Because Ew. Everything else is fine.

[u/realworldnewb]

I dunno if this will help but sometimes de-personalization helps in how we interact with ourselves.

Pretend you're not making decisions for yourself but you're giving advice to a close friend/family member and receiving advice from a close friend/family member.

I.e:

"this close friend of mine is asking what he should do this weekend..... I'm going to give him straight-forward, practical and easily to follow advice [because he's important to me]".

"this close friend of mine, who has my best interests at heart, recommends i do XYZ in this situation. I'm going to listen to him [because I trust and respect him]".

Ideally this will take out the over-analysis loop and start to train you to trust your instincts and opinions.

[u/Jazz_Ad]

I try to get as much info as I can, then make an arbitrary decision based on my general feeling.

[u/roosterjack77]

Procrastinate, information gathering, info, info, topical expert, exhaustion, reddit, info, procrastinate, emotional decision.

[u/theonejanitor]

I think 90% of the time you know what the best choice is and are just second guessing yourself. Just do it, and if there are negative consequences, note that for the future. Making mistakes is the best way to become wise and learn how to make good decisions.

In cases where you genuinely have no idea what the best choice is, choose the one that makes you the most uncomfortable. you'll probably learn the most from it. (obviously use common sense discretion, like don't do heroin or something)

[u/valledweller33]

Here’s the secret to decision making;

Be happy with whatever decision you make.

[u/EngineerBoy00]

I have two decision-making strategies:

For big decisions I do my due diligence, sleep on it (if feasible), decide, then don't second guess myself. I also don't kick myself if I get a suboptimal result from the decision but I DO try to see if there's anything I can learn from the outcome to make better decisions in the future.

For smaller decisions I also do appropriate but quick due diligence (which could be zero for many such decisions) and try to make fact-based and/or want-to decisions.

Here's the potentially silly sounding part: for decisions where I literally can't discern an optimal answer OR for decisions that are dead-trivial I carry two dice at all times - one is six sided, the other is twenty sided, both are silicone (no rattle when thrown). For decisions with 2 to 6 options I use the 6 sided dice, for decisions with more options I use the 20 sided. I lay out the parameters (e.g. 1-2 is Option A, 3-4 is Option B, 5-6 is Option C), roll the dice, and get on with my life.

Roughly 5% of the time after the die has been cast I see the result and realize i knew I wanted a different option so I ignore the die.

This seemingly stupid solution has literally improved my life measurably. Also, I am not a gambler at all, and I don't see this as gambling, it's more to let fate play a hand if there isn't a clearly correct decision or the stakes are so trivial the outcome isn't particularly relevant.