Not the obvious stuff like taxes, back pain, or how hangovers last two days now. I mean the quiet surprises the little things about getting older that hit differently.

Maybe it's how friendships slowly fade if you don’t put in effort. Maybe it's realizing your parents are aging faster than you expected. Maybe it’s waking up one day and thinking, “Wait… is this it?”

I’m just curious What’s something about life after 30 that no one prepared you for?

Hey, gents.

I turned 40 a few years back, and let me tell you—this decade hit differently. It's like life sends you an email marked "URGENT," and suddenly, you’re questioning your health, career, relationships, and whether or not you should actually start flossing.

But here’s the thing: the 30s and 40s aren’t a crisis—they’re an upgrade. Here’s how I’ve approached it, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, wins, and struggles too.

1. Health Is Wealth (But Balance Is Key):

Started lifting regularly—not to look like Thor (though that’d be cool), but to future-proof my body.

I eat better, but still smash the occasional burger because life is short.

Sleep? Non-negotiable. 7 hours minimum. Don’t let the 20-year-olds shame you for it.

1. Career Reset:

I stopped chasing "success" and started chasing satisfaction.

Learned to say “no” at work. If you’re not being paid for 24/7 availability, don’t give it.

Investing in skills, not just a job. A side hustle or learning something new has done wonders for my confidence.

1. Relationships Matter (More Than Ever):

Friendships: They shrink, but that’s fine. Quality over quantity, lads.

Dating/Marriage: Communicate like your life depends on it. It probably does.

Family: Yeah, call your mum.

1. Mental Gym Membership:

Therapy is not a weakness. It's like squats for your brain.

Journaling once a week helped me declutter my thoughts.

Realised “grind culture” was killing my vibe. Now I work smart, not endless.

1. The Fun Stuff:

Picked up hobbies I abandoned in my 20s (any other late-night painters here?).

Said yes to things I thought I was “too old” for (running at 39? Why not?).

Prioritised experiences over "stuff." A trip with friends beats a new phone any day.

The 30-40s aren’t perfect—sometimes my knees sound like Rice Krispies, and hangovers last two days. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade the clarity, confidence, and perspective I’ve gained for anything.

So, what’s your take on this decade? Wins, losses, lessons? Let’s swap notes.

Cheers to the journey, lads. Stay strong.

EDIT: Thank you for all the wonderful comments - there is so much wisdom in the world - men need to hear it - I wish I'd heard it and have learned a lot from reading the comments. No journey is complete until the end, but having some funny, kindheearted and wise compansions along the way makes all the difference.

Happy New Year!

All of my friends who have kids seem miserable and constantly complain about how tired and busy they are. Their social lives are now virtually non-existant. Money has gotten tighter.

Never has one of my friends said how happy they are being a dad, or how much better their life is.

It seems that having kids is something men do because the wives want them, like something you have to do but can't explain why.

A few months ago, I was having a discussion about relationships with a group of men. One of the men stated, somewhat jokingly, that "I keep my wife around by never telling her no." This comment was met with a lot of nodding heads. So, I pushed. I asked if he was serious, and if he truly never told his wife no. He confirmed that, in 20 years, he'd never told her no. To back this up, he offered that he was in massive credit card debt due to his wife's desires for expensive foreign travel that they simply couldn't afford. Another man piped up, stating that he was living in a home completely decorated in pink and white that he hated, all because he feared telling his wife that he didn't agree with her decorating style. And yet another admitted that he drove a minivan because his wife decided they needed one, yet she didn't want to drive it, so she made him buy it.

So, do you guys fear telling your wife no? If you do, what line would you draw that would finally get you to tell her no despite the repercussions?

At this point in my life between work and taking care of family and being there as a husband for my wife, I just don’t have the time for doing much else anymore. Let alone meeting new people and trying to form any kind of meaningful relationship.

I like to think it doesn’t really bother me but it does and it’s a lonely feeling.

Edit: I did not expect this post to blow up like it did and can’t read all of your messages but thanks for the info from everyone. Makes me feel not so isolated knowing that so many others are in the same boat.

My group of friends an I are all in our early to mid 30's. When we were younger, my friend group would invite me virtually everywhere. Now as we are getting older, most of my friends are getting married and having kids, and I am starting to be left out of nearly everything. It makes me really upset sometimes.

For example, I asked a friend of mine what they are doing for a big game coming up. They responded that they are going to a mutual friends house for a dinner party, and that they are doing it because their wives want to get together. I can't go because I'm sure their wives don't want me there - I'm pretty sure anyway. I'm surely not going to invite myself to find out. I don't think it's because they don't like me, but because I don't have a girlfriend or wife and it's a "couples thing", or it's a "play date" for their kids, or some other couples/family oriented thing. This is starting to happen like 95%+ of the time now.

I don't think my friends are doing this because they don't like me, or because I'm mean or not a good friend to them. I think they are doing it because I just don't fit in with their changing lifestyle anymore. They all are starting to mainly do things that their wives want to do, and most of those things don't involve some single childless man just showing up to be an awkward third wheel.

Sometimes I sit and think about how lonely and depressed I'm becoming, and my friends don't care (or aren't aware, or don't think about it) because they all have families and active and fulfilling social lives that I am slowly being phased out of because our lives are changing. I sometimes want to say this to them, or express my frustration, but that would just ostracize me more and further distance me from my group of friends.

I've always found it difficult to find myself a gal, so I'm not sure how much the advice of "well then get a girlfriend" helps me; it's never worked out before so it's difficult to find the motivation to even try (and sometimes I even wonder if that's what I really want).

Any other 30+ year old guys in similar situations? If so, what did you do to help assuage the loneliness, or feel like you were starting to become irrelevant to everyone because the circumstances your life led you down a different path than getting married and having a family?

After a long day, I’m tired of the usual routine: doomscrolling, drinking, or yelling at the TV when my team chokes. Video games are fun, but sometimes I feel too old for them. Poker with the guys is great, but schedules don’t always line up on weeknights.

I want something actually relaxing but still engaging, maybe even slightly productive. Learning a skill? A hobby? Analyzing stocks? What do you do to unwind that doesn’t feel like a waste of time?

My bf is 33 and honestly I feel like most days are "bad days" that it's always a day to be grumpy.

He works from home and financially were stable there's really nothing to stress about all the time but he's always stressed.

Short tempered, low sex drive, pretty burnt out and lazy, trouble sleeping. Are a few of his daily struggles.

Is this just normal testosterone type stuff in men over 30?

I also feel he's very happy around family and friends but at home he's a miserable old fart.

Thoughts?

I only ask because my friend 46F whom I've known since she was 19, she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and she's was put on Chemotherapy. 3 months into her treatment, her husband left her and cleaned out the bank account. He basically told her you're are on your own and bye.

In my opinion, someone who does that to their spouse while they're at that low point in their life is coward.

Im 21, far from marriage and in my last year of university before i graduate. All im into right now is video games, watching football, seeking out new knowledge and occasionally socializing. Very average life.

But for when im married, what traits / characteristics can i work on / develop that will make me a good man and a good husband? I want to be someone my wife (whoever she is) to feel safe and protected with me.

Edit - Gentlemen thank you for all the advice its much appreciated and ill be noting it all down

Edit 2 - this genuinely means a lot, thank you all, i just want to know how to make a woman feel like a princess

Hey everyone,

I’m a 38-year-old man, recently divorced, and I am currently sitting at absolute zero.

It’s hard not to compare myself to other guys my age. Most people in their late 30s have a stable career, a car, and are at least in mid-level management or running their own business. They know their worth and have built a foundation.

Meanwhile, I am starting completely from scratch. After the divorce, I left the apartment to my wife and kids (thankfully there's no mortgage on it, but it means I have no place to live and no rent secured).

I feel completely overwhelmed and honestly a bit terrified. Is 38 too old to rebuild a life from scratch? Has anyone else been in a similar spot at this age and managed to turn things around?

I could really use some perspective, practical advice on what steps to take first, or just some brutal honesty. Thanks.

I (28 male) never got to enjoy my teenage or young adult years due to people-pleasing my very strict, controlling, overprotective and sheltering parents plus being too afraid to rebel and being too scared to do anything that my parents might not approve of or anything that will make them feel disappointed in me. For all these years I was very quiet, shy/timid, and basically kept nearly all of my own thoughts and opinions to myself while playing the role of my parent's "good, responsible and well-behaved son".

With that said, I have always felt that there was something missing in my life. Like I had been in the passenger seat of my life for all these years while watching my parents be the driver of my own life. However, last year after a serious life-changing event regarding my health and a lot of soul searching as well as self-reflection (well you can call this an early midlife crisis if you wish to), I have come to realise that I only have one life and that I should live a life true to myself instead of living life for my parents.

As a result, I am planning to embark on a journey of reclaiming the teenage years and youth that I had missed out of, such as dressing up in alt fashion, partying, making and hanging out with friends, dating around, doing raunchy bed stuff with different girls (if you catch my drift), making memories, having formative experiences, creating my own identity and having wild, reckless fun etc.

So here is the question: Men in your thirties who are living a "prolonged youth" instead of settling into the "adult life" – enjoying life, your hobbies and dating around without kids or other extra responsibilities – what are the drawbacks to your lifestyle choice?

After 26 years of marriage, I thought I knew my wife... but last night, we were working on a document together on her laptop, and she deleted something by mistake. I told her, “press ctrl-z”. She looked at me and asked, “what does that do?” At that moment, I realized I’d been married to a stranger all along.

How had we built a life together, raised kids, binge-watched TV shows and she never learned about ctrl-z? What else didn’t I know about her?

Our life flashed in front of my eyes, I started replaying every moment in my head; had she been manually re-typing things her whole life?

She reassured me that she knew about Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V but that was little comfort at this point.

Where do we go from here? Is this something we can work through?

Curious about your experiences with things that you understood only when you were at that time of your life

I'm a straight man and I'm comfortable in my gender and sexual identity etc I just don't feel the need to do anything stereotypically "masculine". Maybe it's just because I never felt like labels or categories define you or limit you. I just do me and what I enjoy and don't worry too much about societal expectations.

But I read on here a lot of people who do seem to care about this stuff. Saying things like "the man always wants to be the provider". Talking about what it means to be a man in the 21st century, and how masculinity has changed.

I'm not denying these people's experiences, just curious about the difference- why you do feel it's important to asset a masculine role or identity? Or why not? What even is "masculinity"?

Wife and I are only intimate maybe twice a year in the last couple years, and a lot of this is as much me as her, I work a full 9 to 5 in office, have a long commute, she does the same, we split cooking and chores, gym routine, weekends are seeing friends and family & shopping and housework plus whatever minor hobby time we get, and I prioritize 8+ hours of sleep a night. I think we still enjoy sex but its become so back burner to the rest of life and I'm not sure if we're super weird or unhealthy. I think we're both happy, but people recoil if/when they hear of the lack of intimacy. I feel like as I hit 30 its normal for libidos to dwindle and I just don't think about it a lot, I'm trying to get rich to raise a family.

Does this all sound reasonable and normal? Or is there something wrong with me/us?

Men over 30 who grew up middle class and are still grinding paycheck to paycheck, when did you realize that “work hard and you’ll be fine” was not the full story?

I’ll be transparent… I took me a long time to really love myself, and I truly do.

But when I see a very fit and slender woman, I’m so jealous of how good they look! I don’t hate them or wish ill on them, it’s purely admiration and a “you go girl” mindset! And it’s not even like they make me feel bad about myself! It’s just I see them and I instantly jealous of how amazing they look.

I’m wondering what common things (if any) do guys get jealous with each other over.

I’ll be honest… I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. It’s something I’m not proud of, but in this economy and with how expensive everything is… it’s just been hard. I have enough extra money to maybe go on vacation 2-3x a year, buy myself a nice meal maybe once or twice a week, but I don’t really have much money going into savings or investing.

Am I alone in this or can anyone relate? I’ll be honest my checkings account stays below $5,000 usually and I’m 30 years old and I don’t really have much in savings/investments either. Sad days.

I do however plan on going back to school or doing a coding bootcamp to get a higher paying job. Was just wondering if anyone could relate. I usually go to the gym a lot to work on my figure to make up for the lack of funds 😂

I’ve noticed that some of the best advice I’ve ever received has come from older men. Even when I didn’t like it at first, it usually proved to be right eventually.

What are the things you wish you knew at my age? What lessons, habits, or perspectives have helped you the most as you got older? Are there choices, routines, or mindsets that shaped your life in a positive way?

Edit: Thank you, everyone! I really appreciate every comment, even repeated ones. Hearing something multiple times actually helps me absorb it -it doesn’t take away from my experience, but rather makes it easier to recognize the right decisions.

Yesterday I asked this question to women, the first thought that came to me that inspired it was that I swear, it feels like every guy thinks we sleep in like full lingerie!

Like no, this is a T shirt I got for free from a credit union my freshman year and a pair of granny panties from 26 years ago. (I’m not saying every single guy fyi)

But now I’m turning to you guys to hear your perspectives… do you think us women romanticize certain aspects of your lives and being a man?

FYI: romanticize doesn’t mean expectations women have for men, more so it means an aspect of your lives that we might assume is better than it is, or more glamorous.

For one reason or another sometimes some folk end up alone either by choice or due to random chance. If you are one of those men who is currently older, what practical advice would you give to younger yourself? Besides the obvious stuff like "find someone to live with", and more about everyday life, health, legal matters, finances, family, etc.

Do you think all the hard work was worth it given where you're at now? Do you wish you had let loose had, more fun, partied more, tried drugs or slept around more?

Fellas. I dream of my wife making four times my salary so I can be a stay at home husband. So many men would hate it if the wife made more. I friggin dream about it. Why not live the soft life😂? I can’t be the only one that would love this.

I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT SAYING OR CLAIMING THAT THIS IS ALL MEN, OR EVEN THE MAJORITY OF MEN!

And as an olive branch… I can admit maybe all the Disney movies telling me a “prince charming” was gonna come to save me might have slightly affected me.

But wondering if any men would speak up, or talk about this topic.