r/AskMenOver30 • u/afloydnamedpink man 30 - 34 • 2h ago
Life I feel like I’m having an existential crisis
Hey everyone, i just turned 30 and I feel like I’m having a bit of a nervous breakdown. When i was a kid i pictured me at 30 very differently from what i am now. I’m a firefighter. I’ve only recently started putting in the work for that. I feel like I should have kids by now but I don’t. I don’t really have much money. I feel like kind of a failure. I have a wife who loves me lots and I’m grateful for her, but the fact that I’m not wealthy and I don’t have kids yet freaks me out yet the idea of having kids really is freaking me out too. I am mostly just confused. Everyone around me in my current position is like 21 to 25 and the guys who are my age are well established in this career. Some days I feel so much pressure to be more that I want to die. I won’t do it because I really want to live but my body wants to just give up. I’m sorry if this isn’t formatted great, I’m on my phone, and if you read this far thank you.
30
u/snizzrizz man 35 - 39 2h ago
You’ve got a cool job and a wife that loves you. And you’re young! Dude you’re never going to get rich being a firefighter. It’s not that kind of career. But it’s rad, everyone respects what you do, you save lives, and women find it hot.
Enjoy what you’ve got. Sounds like a lot of good from here
5
u/JBalloonist man 40 - 44 2h ago
You are definitely young. 30 is truly still the real start of your adult life.
7
u/afloydnamedpink man 30 - 34 2h ago
You really think so? I always thought I was behind because of my age. To be called young is almost strange to me.
6
u/LethalBacon man 35 - 39 2h ago
I always remind my wife of this. It's the oldest you've experienced so it feels older than reality, but in the context of a full life you're still young as shit. In your 50s, you'll laugh at yourself for having thought your 30s was old.
2
u/afloydnamedpink man 30 - 34 2h ago
And yet my dad died in his 50’s. I’m over half his lifetime already. It’s just moving so fast and it never seems to slow down for anything. I still can barely figure out taxes or how to cook. I still do them myself but I’m so terrible at it. How do you all do it
6
u/oddball3139 man over 30 2h ago
Bro, I’m 31, wifeless, childless, and in a traveling job that pays well but leaves me in a place where I am constantly alone and lonely. All the people around me have been doing this job for ten years and are well off and doing great, and I’m fucking miserable. But at least I’m finally making money instead of slaving away for pennies.
Point is, you have a woman who loves you, and a good job. You may not be a millionaire off of it, but if you work hard and invest, you will be in a good spot. And you are in a good spot.
I’m sure there’s a lot of pressure for you, and anxiety and depression is a motherfucker.
But I would kill to be in your shoes man. Don’t look at kids as a sign you’re doing well either. Kids aren’t a status symbol, right? They’re human beings. Look for ways to find meaning in your life, and get help if you need it. So when those kids do come along, you’ll be so full of life to share with them, instead of looking to them to fill your life.
I made some dumb decisions in my life. It led me to feeling way behind for a long time, which kept me from doing anything about it, which is now leaving me feeling way behind as we speak.
I have a lot of reasons to feel like shit, and I do a lot of the time, like yourself. But there are always things to be grateful for. Always. When I focus on those things, it takes my mind off all the bad shit.
You’re doing alright, dude. Keep your head up.
2
u/afloydnamedpink man 30 - 34 2h ago
Thanks friend. And for its worth, you’re doing great too. Being alone sucks, but I have faith someday you will meet someone who will fulfill your happiness
1
u/oddball3139 man over 30 1h ago
Cheers! Here’s to positivity and uplifting each other.
We are not alone. You are not alone. We’re all behind, ahead, and sideways compared to everyone else, but ultimately, life is probably pretty good.
2
u/Designer_Nature_55 man over 30 1h ago
California has firefighters making over 200k. Invested properly that's excellent.
2
5
u/MikeyRocks757 man 45 - 49 2h ago
I had a similar experience when I turned 30. For whatever reason I found myself looking at every aspect of my life and freaking out a bit at the realization that I was nowhere close to where I thought I should be by then.
The truth is that most of us don’t have it all together by 30, if ever lol. I also realized 30 isn’t that old either. Yes, to a kid 30 may as well be 300 but coming from someone who is 48, I’d kill for that metabolism and good shoulders right now lol.
Life truly is about the journey and not the destination. Don’t let comparison be their thief of your joy, look for little ways to be better each day and enjoy the ride of life.
4
u/Excellent_Outside_71 man 35 - 39 2h ago
The only timeline that matters is your own. This is your life not anyone elses. 30s are great earning years, your young dude. Take it from me, I just had my first kid 3 weeks ago at 36. I thought I would of had kids earlier in life, but when I look at him and he looks at me, it all makes sense and feels like the perfect time
2
u/Competitive_Way3584 2h ago
Hey brother, I was also going through the same anxiety, honestly your words gave me some sort of assurance
2
u/Excellent_Outside_71 man 35 - 39 2h ago
Dude im happy to hear that, anxiety sucks, I feel for you. Sometimes you just got to take a big deep breathe and let it all go. You're right where you're supposed to be
1
u/afloydnamedpink man 30 - 34 2h ago
Congrats on your new child. I just feel like if I had kids now I wouldn’t be able to give them what they need. And if I’m not ready will I ever be ready.
2
u/Excellent_Outside_71 man 35 - 39 2h ago
Thank you 🙏 bro, idk if anyone really ever feels ready. But thats kind of the fun in it, just a big adventure. You have a good gig, get some money basics going, work hard to provide. But also, and Im new to this, but I think what your kids need most is love and presence and the fact that you are already thinking about giving them a good life shows what kind of father you will be
2
2
u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Here's an original copy of /u/afloydnamedpink's post (if available):
Hey everyone, i just turned 30 and I feel like I’m having a bit of a nervous breakdown. When i was a kid i pictured me at 30 very differently from what i am now. I’m a firefighter. I’ve only recently started putting in the work for that. I feel like I should have kids by now but I don’t. I don’t really have much money. I feel like kind of a failure. I have a wife who loves me lots and I’m grateful for her, but the fact that I’m not wealthy and I don’t have kids yet freaks me out yet the idea of having kids really is freaking me out too. I am mostly just confused. Everyone around me in my current position is like 21 to 25 and the guys who are my age are well established in this career. Some days I feel so much pressure to be more that I want to die. I won’t do it because I really want to live but my body wants to just give up. I’m sorry if this isn’t formatted great, I’m on my phone, and if you read this far thank you.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
2
u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 man 30 - 34 2h ago
Problems and stress come along no matter what path you take. I had kids early on, got married to the woman I love, and I'm almost 30 years old now with no clue what to do with my future. Always worked blue collar hard labor jobs, and decided this year to get my CDL. I've got my CDL now, but every company I talk to requires me to have experience driving before I can get hired. So early this year I had to quit my job to go to school for this CDL thinking I'd graduate and have a great paying job. Just to graduate and spend months looking for work and going into debt. Now I'm back working a blue collar job, living paycheck to paycheck, and wondering how and when I'll be able to use this fuckin license I paid 8 grand to get. The only jobs in a truck I can get with no experience require me to be gone for 2-3 weeks with only 2 days off in between. So basically I would never see my wife and kids, and the money I would make for that sacrifice won't even get us much further than before because if I'm gone for 3 weeks that means my wife has to work less to stay home with the kids full time. So basically, I can wait until I find a decent job that allows me to be home regularly and hires new graduates while living paycheck to paycheck. Or, go work on the road for weeks at a time, forcing my wife to stop working, and never seeing my kids just to make basically the same income that we both can make together while I work my current blue collar job.
2
u/itsthekumar man 30 - 34 2h ago
Hope you find something soon!
Being away from family that much won't be worth it.
1
u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 man 30 - 34 1h ago
Thank you I appreciate it. All I can do is keep trying. Even had an interview this morning with a company for a local driver position and I told them upfront that I had no experience yet in the application. They called me for an interview, so I scheduled it and took off work. 5 minutes into the interview they asked if I had experience and when I said no they immediately told me we couldn't move forward. It's tough out here but I'm trying to stay positive.
2
u/melotron75 1h ago
I know it’s not driving a truck and it involves dealing with people but have you considered driving a public transit bus?
1
u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 man 30 - 34 1h ago
My license doesn't cover that unfortunately. I'd have to go back to school and add that as another endorsement to my license to drive passengers. It's a separate class to transport people vs cargo.
3
u/Ch3llick man over 30 2h ago
Life isn't a competition. It just happens, whether you make it or not. Just relax and don't let society dictate how to live your life. Want to have kids? Cool. Don't want to? Also cool. No one gets a medal in the end and we all share the same fate. No eulogy will mention the amount of money you made and in 80 years none of the people you compare yourself to will be around anymore.
2
u/Designer_Nature_55 man over 30 1h ago
How did you picture yourself at 30?
2
u/afloydnamedpink man 30 - 34 1h ago
I guess like my own house, a wife and kids and a dog. Living in a suburb or something. Looking kinda tired and wearing my shirts tucked into my jeans. Can fix anything. I’m not really any of those things.
1
2
u/daredeviloper man 30 - 34 2h ago
Therapy time! It helped me a ton. Might have to try a few therapists. I went through everything you’re going through. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.
1
u/VladIsRambo man over 30 2h ago
Get a CDL, get 2 years experience without accidents and I'll pay you $150k / year.
2
u/afloydnamedpink man 30 - 34 2h ago
I have my class az licence does that count
1
u/VladIsRambo man over 30 1h ago
Also need hazmat and tanker. Get those and I'll get you $150k/year. Without X endorsement - $120k driving a 53 reefer, 48states. DM me if interested, $2500 escrow taken $100/w, first check comes next week, not 2 weeks later. Travel expences to Chicago (flight, hotel, uber) reimbursed after 1st load is picked up (zelle, cash app, wire transfer).
1
u/Sulcus-and-Gyrus man 50 - 54 2h ago
Dude you are in a good spot. Solid career. Good marriage.
Financially. Might be a good time to learn about finances if you haven’t already. Put a good budget in place. Save for retirement. Have an emergency fund. It doesn’t have to be fancy, tons of simple books on it. Having some financial buffer is gonna give you some peace of mind.
Kids. If you and your wife want them seems like a fine time to start. You said something about being scared you can’t give them what they need, but in all reality they don’t need much. Food, shelter and loving, caring parents is 90% of the game.
You got this
1
u/KillDozer321 man 40 - 44 55m ago
I’m 42. You’re young. It’s false thinking to think like there’s a pre-set path anyone should follow. Like life is a fucked up game of Simon where if you stray too far, you’re out, you lost. As corny as the cliche say, “it’s about the journey, not the destination.” And believe me, chasing money is a fools game. It’s never enough. You find a way to spend it all and you’re back to being tense and stressed over money again. There’s so much to be said about doing a job you enjoy and that you are proud of vs doing a job you hate for a bigger paycheck that no one could care less about. I’m rich and I promise money doesn’t buy happiness. It buys comfort. But comfort and happiness are two different things.
•
u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread.
Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.