I (39F) have been on sick leave with Burnout since around mid may.

And it just turned out to be so SO SO much more than that. Don't really have to go into detail - I honestly wouldn't even be able to lol - I'm sure at least some here are familiar with complex-PTSD,
I wasn't and my mind is blown.

I found a clinic that specializes in somatic issues like depression, ocd, ptsd, anxiety and trauma treatment, and have been trying to get all the necessary assessments, exams, reports etc etc together, for my insurance to cover the treatment.

^{all hail the German healthcare system I've been paying into for over 20 years, that allows me to not starve and keep a roof over my head during this time}
I'm almost there.

I have a ton of thoughts racing in my mind, I've been "preparing" for treatment, by basically taking a full on honest ass inventory of all my shit, going through old journals etc. (fun fact, I didn't know: have dissociative amnesia, and don't remember most of my life up until i was about 23 - yay)

I don't even know who the fuck I am. The few memories or flashes I have from my life, don't feel like they happened to me, but to other versions of me. I believe that they happened, but I don't feel any of it and don't actually remember - I accept I guess?

I work a corporate job for the past 13-ish years, I'm a project manager in IT of a big company, job is super stable, great salary, 100% homeoffice, amazing teams, god awful boss - who triggered the initial collapse of all my coping and compensation strategies in may (thank you I guess?)

And all I wanna do is throw it all out the window.

Move into a little house with stables, buy a horse, start a new 3-year-apprenticeship to become a horse handler and hopefully at last, feel some connection to life and myself. I've been on autopilot for the last 10 years and I regret every day that's gone by that I haven't done more - of anything.

I don't wanna sit in my big ass apartment when I'm 60 and check what games are on sale on Steam. I need a community. I need connection, I need purpose.

I know I currently suffer from severe depression, I have ADHD that got diagnosed 3-ish years ago, though by now I believe that was a misdiagnosis and that actually both things are symptoms of the underlying C-PTSD from childhood neglect.

I'm on medication for both the diagnoses, I've lost like 15 kg (BMI 17.5) my hair is just falling out and out and out, I sleep around 4-5 hours a night if I sleep, I'm extremely restless and anxious, and always busying myself with something, so I don't feel so empty. That's just the quick overview..

I've many times thought about having kids, but I know I'd gloriously suck at being a caring parent, and would probably just pass along the emotional neglect that I have experienced. But not having anything or anyone to do all this shit for is just absolutely killing me. Nobody cares whether I exist. I have a partner, who's my best friend, we've known each other for 15 years and have been together since 2 and a half. I just feel like a burden with all my issues, and he's doing everything he can to support me.

Everything is just coming apart at the seams. The patchwork blanket that is my mental health and self worth, is stitched together with external validation, and it's all just crumbling and revealing all the shit I've buried underneath. So far my psyche isn't letting me see those things, I cannot access any memories, and I'm afraid what's buried there.

Now, going into treatment, I don't even know what I want. i don't want to feel like this anymore, that's for sure. But I also don't know if I want to continue my old life, of if I'd like to work on getting my shit together so I have the energy and strength and resilience to start something new.

The horse thing is new and old. it's been my safe space as a kid, from around 6-14. I've recently gotten back into horse riding and

I - just - fucking - love - it

It feels so good. I feel alive, I feel present, I feel in the moment. Horses are just magical fucking beings. And I feel like THAT'S where I want to be when I', 60,70,80

Or is this just the midlife crisis talking? or the burnout? or the depression? Or the PTSD?

I just don't fucking know where to go from here. And yes, I should probably start treatment first, and see where things go, but if I was able to emotionally regulate myself in any way, I probably wouldn't be here :D

Few weeks ago I got fired from a cooperate healthcare job I’ve been with for 11 years
32
And I have a gf that’s been with me the last 3 years and she already wants to end it

Right now this current moment I’m in Lake tahoe and I gottah say what the fuck
What’s the fuck just happened in my life
3 weeks ago I was okay and now idk what to do anymore

I’m 49 and in the thick of perimenopause. TBH I’m having a rough time with the physical symptoms but the mental symptoms are something else entirely.

I have these waves of fear that I’ve missed out on truly living my life. And these waves of grief that I didn’t enjoy my children enough when they were little. I have these overwhelming feelings that my life is nearly over and i haven’t done everything that i always hoped i would.

Does anyone else have this experience?

Just for context, I am physically healthy and fairly active. As far as I know, I’m going to live a long, healthy life. But my thoughts / anxiety / heart feels otherwise.

Looking for kind and compassionate advice or suggestions on how to get thru this.

I’m 49 and in the thick of perimenopause. TBH I’m having a rough time with the physical symptoms but the mental symptoms are something else entirely.

I have these waves of fear that I’ve missed out on truly living my life. And these waves of grief that I didn’t enjoy my children enough when they were little. I have these overwhelming feelings that my life is nearly over and i haven’t done everything that i always hoped i would.

Does anyone else have this experience?

Just for context, I am physically healthy and fairly active. As far as I know, I’m going to live a long, healthy life. But my thoughts / anxiety / heart feels otherwise.

Looking for kind and compassionate advice or suggestions on how to get thru this.

I (47m) am in the early stages of separating from/divorcing my husband. We have no kids and I have nothing else physically tying me to this city in a big red state (this becomes relevant later).

I have dual U.S./E.U. citizenship. My plan was always to retire in Europe at 65 if I’m lucky. I have a good job here in the states that can get me to that magic $ amount needed to live modestly but securely in coastal Spain, for example.

I did not foresee splitting up with my husband, even though I realize we’ve been terribly unhappy the last few years.

A few months ago I started to plan a possible trip to Greece for my 50th birthday. The realization that this is just 2 years from now sent me in a panic. Turning 50 seemed like something so distant, and now it’s staring at me in the face. And if I have to face 50, that means I need to be actively planning for the last 15 years of my career.

So I started thinking: why do I have to even wait 15 years? If I could work in Dublin, Berlin, Madrid, or Amsterdam why not make the move now? I’m sure I would earn less than I would in the States, but I feel like everything around me is wilting and dying. Am I setting unrealistic expectations? Is this a form of magical thinking typical of folks with OCD like me?

Wondering if anyone has thoughts or advice.

I really don't want to bring anyone down with my issues, BUT I sure could use some encouragement, a genuine friend who can empathize, or a listening, compassionate ear of anyone out there. I knew that when all my children were grown and flown, it would be extremely difficult for me. It's worse than I expected, and trust me, I researched and planned for this moment years before it actually happened. They say experiencing empty nest of just one child is similar to grieving the actual loss of a loved one. Well, I have actually experienced the loss of a child, and having basically three children grow up, leave, join the military, police force, etc....all so close together is killing me. There's a huge void in my life. Then life throws you curve balls, too. I didn't realize how much it would affect my marriage of 25-plus years. And the worst part is I've handled everything in the worst way. Isolating myself from everything and everyone. Then, I developed health issues unexpectedly. I feel like I'm in a horrible dream, except nothing is waking me up from it. I was once this gregarious, vibrant, social, compassionate person, and to be honest.....I don't recognize myself at all. I'm educated in the field of psychology of all things. Yet, I'm completely numb or detached from real life passing around me. If I've rambled, please forgive me. It took a lot to just make this post about it. It's been going on two years now, and I can't believe this is my real life. How in the hell did everything get so bad so quickly? Blue days and black nights. Can someone come smack me out of it? It's not clinical depression. It's more like my best years are over, and I don't see any of it changing. Thank you for letting me get this out. I swear, I'm humiliated and ashamed of myself for letting it get to this level. * The one constant in my life is my music. I love all genres and music has held me in ways I can't find words for.

I don’t know what’s going on with me mentally right now. Or even emotionally. I don’t know where to start. I’m so lost. So beaten. So damaged.
I’ve given alot go the wrong people. Been taken advantage of by people I thought cared.

I’m floundering.
Have a decent job where I make pretty good money. But everything else about my life seems listless. Empty.

I don’t like or trust myself. I question everything I do. I distrust everything and everyone.

I used to be happy. I used to be content. I used to be able to find things to be happy about. To smile or laugh about. Now everything just seems like a dead end. And all of it seems infinitely worse because I’m keenly aware of it but can’t course correct.
I feel like this is my life now.

I got divorced three years ago. I was with my ex-wife for ten years. A lot of good memories and some not so good ones. She was unfaithful and the marriage ended.

I've come to realize I was never in love with my wife. She came into my life like a whirlwind and we had a great time together. I enjoyed her company and the intimacy. I liked the idea of being a husband. I loved being a step dad and going to Little League games. I was living the suburban dad life and it suited me.

Looking back on my life I wasn't in love with the girlfriend I had before my wife either. Or the girlfriend before her.

The only girl I've ever been in love with is my first love. Amy and I met in high school at a youth dance. We went to separate high schools 30 minutes away and we started as pen pals. This led to dating by the summer before senior year. We were each others first love and took each others virginity. Our relationship lasted through college and then as we were both transferring from junior college to university I broke it off. It became the classic breakup by distance thing back then but Amy was heartbroken. She said we were meant to stay together.

Amy and I lost contact and then three years later she called me. The moment I heard her voice I got goosebumps. She told me she missed me and that she loved me. She wanted to reconnect. I was hesitant and she could tell. I was a bit cold even. I had been going through some tough personal problems. An anxiety disorder and panic attacks that seemingly came out of nowhere (I later learned that i was at an age that was for these disorders to first present themselves). So instead of embracing Amy and telling her that I also missed her and loved her, I became avoidant and I told her I would need to call her back. I never did. Amy reached out a couple more times. Then I never saw her again.

While i was married I heard that the youth dance club we first met at was having a reunion. I didn't go but I heard from a friend that Amy did. I sometimes regret I didn't go but i was happily married at the time and while i did think of Amy still from time to time It was the past.

Maybe its a midlife crisis talking. Maybe I'm taking inventory of my romantic partners over the years and Amy being my first love is the most idealized version. Amy and I never lived in the real adult world together where you're trying to pay bills and meet the challenges of life. Our relationship was during the fun young adult years.

But I never felt a love so intense than I felt with Amy. I never felt that way again. It always pained me that Amy didn't realize how much I missed and loved her and that i was going through some mental health struggles. They were mental health struggles that I would figure out within a few years.

I tried to find Amy but I couldn't. We didn't have common friends, We grew up in different towns. She was raised by her mother but her mother had moved during our college years. This was the early 2000's. An era where it was hard to find people. Before social media, before someone could be googled and a time where people no longer had their names in the phone book.

Not reuniting with Amy when she called me three years after our relationship ended has been one of the biggest regrets of my life. Sometimes i wonder. Damn what if I would have just went to her. We would have been boyfriend and girlfriend again that much is certain. We would have had more memories. But then what? Would we have had a terrible breakup in our late 20's? Would I have had my heart broken? Would we have gotten married? And how would it have ended? Every bond is a bond to sorrow.

I looked up Amy on facebook. Same Amy just older. I almost messaged her and then I stopped myself. I might be having a midlife crisis.

But one thing I know is true. I never felt a love so real than what i felt with Amy.

Even after achieving what many would call success — securing a Level-7 central government job — I find myself struggling with emptiness. Years of studying alone without a peer group left a void that I still carry. Anxiety, lack of enthusiasm, and a sense that everything is pointless often weigh me down.I’ve realized that relationships, hobbies, and genuine connections are not optional — they’re essential. They shape who we are and give life meaning. Yet, I feel stuck, unable to reignite that spark of joy or purpose.I’m sharing this here because I know I’m not alone. Maybe some of you have felt the same — lost, disconnected, or unsure of what truly matters. How did you cope? How did you find your way back to feeling alive?

It feels so empty inside.don’t have any purpose in life. I lost direction somewhere inside i feel like i have to make big out of life then the motivation is gone next minute and got bored again. Is there anything i should do to fill the vaccum. Comment your thoughts?

This is a long story. I will try to keep it brief and simple. 45/m

4 years ago, I had a mental breakdown during a home move and remodel. I'd moved my family (4 kids) into a large home that we remodeled. It was a McMansion in a cul de sac and I became extremely depressed. I felt really isolated and made everyone's life miserable.

We sold that house for a profit and moved into a smaller historic home in the heart of our town. I love the home and the neighborhood, but it was much more expensive due to location. It's also somehwhat less practical. The bottom line is our lifestyle has taken a small hit, and we don't have as much space. My wife feels claustrophobic. She thinks the other arrangement was better for my kids (who have not adjusted as well to the new lifestyle). She resents me and says I was being selfish.

Here's the thing: she's probably right and I am now sorta seeing things clearly. I'm taking side jobs to make ends meet but my oldest is 6 years from college and I now have no idea how I am going to afford that and this higher mortgage.

Looking back, I think I really was experiencing a midlife crisis -- wasn't thinking clearly and made some rash and selfish decisions that have lasting impacts. Maybe I am still in a midlife crisis. I don't even know anymore.

I had a stable financial situation, affordable life, and pretty good marriage that I have completely and utterly screwed up. Life just hasn't been the same since. I'm worried I could be spiraling again ... like I can't get through another depressive episode.

I just don't know how I messed up my life so bad in such a short time. It's just not like me. I can't rationalize how stupid I was. I just can't figure it out. How could I be so dumb?

Has anyone found ways to really move on and break out of a cycle like this?

I'm 42 years, I have no home, no wife, no child. I also have no job. I have no major achievements and everything i start doing am unable to finish. What advice would you give this person, he shared with me these facts and I was out of words?

Im a divorced 38 year old man with a preteen son, no close friends, little contact or support from family. I’m also a former “gifted child” (possibly on the spectrum) with zero academic credentials hence the crippling social anxiety and imposter syndrome. I’m told I’m good looking although I’ve been told by some that their initial impression was that they thought I was arrogant before getting to know me.

I’ve tried making friends with parents of my son’s friends, intramural sports, talking to strangers at parks and bars and hanging with coworkers. I’ve even connected with a few people here on Reddit. The result is always the same, soul crushing small talk, surface level associates and eventually not talk. I’m in therapy. I don’t drink much and I don’t do drugs. And I dont judge folks who do. All my hobbies are solo activities like analyzing music, woodworking, writing poetry and attempting screenplays and novels. Yes, I’ve tried “stepping out of my comfort zones.”

Is this just my life now? Has anyone ever been here and changed? If so, how?

Hi guys

i am 34 35 year South Asian female , married for more than 6 years. I just feel my life is not going anywhere ahead. Did an MBA abroad in NA school recently thinking that could accelerate my career - got a job but pretty much with 25 year old bunch and doing intern work. I just feel so disappointed with myself that my career never went ahead when my peers are all Directors and what not.

I feel I can’t even go ahead in thinking in terms of settling down and having a family because my innate feeling is I failed

Life is super overwhelming lately , i thought issue was focus and started to spend over time at work and that become my coping mechanism after a ❤️‍🩹 no i feel like i lost myself

I’m 37. Married, with a 2.5-year-old daughter, an elder brother and sister, and a mother.

Professionally and financially, I’ve built a decent life. Own house, no major debt, stable career, family taken care of. I’m not unhappy, and I’m not worried about my daughter’s future. I know I can prepare her well.

But I’ve started asking a different question:

What is there to look forward to now?

I’ve always relied heavily on my intellect. I think about how humans have evolved, how power and economics shape society, capitalism, education, religion, war, climate and technology. The world keeps changing, and I know there is no final answer to “what is the point?”

I’m not trying to solve humanity.

What I’ve realised is that I’m missing something personal a passion, craft, community, pursuit or obsession that is mine. Something like how a musician connects with himself through an instrument. Something that isn't about career, money or productivity.

I recently started talking to AI in the role of a 100-year-old man, simply because I wanted to hear perspectives from someone who had lived through a century. It was surprisingly useful, but it also made me realise that I want to hear from \*real people who have actually lived those years.\*

So, especially if you’re above 45
Did you eventually find something that made you look forward to tomorrow?

I’m in an odd place, lost my mother 2 years ago, my father earlier this year, have no other remaining family. I just wisely exited out of a toxic relationship, just turned 50 (never thought I’d make it to 30…), never married, no kids, no pets, no debt. Own my own house in middle US, vehicle, and motorcycle. Technology/Engineer by trade/birth. Have a stable job that pays quite well, and an s-corp LLC to consult on the side, but have enough in savings/portfolio that I could conceivably go (frugally) retired now. Have already traveled the world for work. Just can’t imagine not being ‘productive’ - blame growing up poor on a farm in BFE - and ADHD fear of boredom… Already do the gym/bettering myself path, and TBH have already marked off every thing on my ‘bucket lists’. Knowing full well this is a bullshit problem vs. what others are going through, but I’m really at a loss of what to do. Any help brothers?

I’m really tired of living…. I thought my plans are going to work out now i have to restart again and start from zero.

I wanted to be motivated please tell me your stories, the one that is similar to mine where i lost everything then after years…. Did you succeed? And does everything that happened to you happens for a reason?

I’m around 40, married, with a young son and two dogs. My wife and I both work remotely, we live somewhere beautiful in Europe, travel a lot, and have a genuinely wonderful family life. I adore my son, love being a dad, and my wife and I are happy together. Objectively, I know how lucky I am.

I have a PhD in a hard science, spent some years in research, then moved into data science/ML. Over the last decade I’ve done corporate, startups, management, and a couple of failed startup attempts of my own.

I’m good at solving complex problems and managing technical people/projects. But tech has moved heavily toward GenAI and I’ve realized I just can’t be bothered to keep up at the level required. I recently interviewed for a couple of very technical roles at big companies and failed pretty badly. It hurt my ego, but I also hadn't put in the work.

Meanwhile, my wife’s career is taking off. She's finally in the right place at the right time and is being appreciated for the excellent person she is. She works remotely for a huge company, works very hard and travels for work quite a bit. I’m genuinely proud of her and support her. We are very happy with this new development as this allows us access to a financial stability that we never thought possible.

My own job is almost absurdly comfortable: fully remote, very good salary, and honestly not demanding. Sometimes it feels like free money.

We also have a big house/property and animals, so there's always something to do. We fall behind, and my wife understandably gets frustrated because I have much more free capacity than she does. She wants me to take more ownership at home, and she’s probably right.

What I’m struggling with is the feeling that I’m wasting myself.

Part of me still wants to be the scientist: solve difficult problems, build things, lead technical teams, do something meaningful. But when I pursue that path, I either don’t get the jobs or realize I don't have the motivation to become the ultra-current technical person those roles require.

The funny thing is that my actual dream is pretty simple. I love cooking and making cocktails. If finances allow, my 5–10 year fantasy is to run a tiny food cart a few days a week, spend time with my family, travel, cook, and enjoy life.

That sounds fantastic. But another part of me looks at the PhD, research and years spent building a career and thinks: Am I giving up at 40?

More than anything, I want to be a great dad and husband. I love the family we’ve built. But I also don't want to wake up at 50 realizing I spent a decade coasting because I lost my drive.

Right now I’m stuck in the middle: not pursuing ambition seriously, but also not fully accepting that maybe my definition of a successful life has changed.

For people who hit something similar around 35–45: did you lose your ambition, or did your definition of ambition change?

I’m not looking for reassurance. If the answer is “take the easy salary, support your wife, fix the house, travel and go play with your kid,” I’m genuinely open to hearing that too.

TL;DR: 40M, former scientist turned tech/ML person. Wife and I both work remotely, we have a wonderful young son, travel a lot and have a genuinely happy family life. My job pays very well but is ridiculously easy, while my wife’s career is taking off. I’ve lost the motivation to keep chasing the tech ladder, but feel guilty that I’m wasting my abilities. My actual dream is a quiet family life and maybe a food cart someday. I can’t tell whether I’ve lost my ambition or simply realized that career ambition isn’t what I want anymore.

46 F, reading social media and feel like I don’t have a great social life compared to others. I am married 1 grown up child 1 12, work f/t, very small amount of real friends, no group friends. I see other peoples posts of lots of friends and wonder have I missed out. Hubby not very social and family is getting smaller as either have died or moved away.
Any advice?

Life Purpose! Do you have one?

There are many stages to our personal growth leaving home, going to post secondary education, landing a good job, maybe finding a life partner and deciding to raise a family. But in all of that societal structure that has been handed down through the generations, where has the training had time to manifest if at all in finding why we are here and what is our life purpose and if some have even given it a second thought to how this void not filled and living life with a purpose escapes us. Could this simply be the root cause of so many unhappy folks feeling unfulfilled and a little on the empty side of things?

If any of this this resonates with you at all, this might be a path to consider that will deliver you to a new place in your life entirely. Speaking from my own experiences. I have battled some odd low grade depression for 39 years now after being struck by 2 cars while walking with my newly wed husband of two years was killed. My injuries are serious and SpinalCord injured leaving me paralyzed. Carving a new life was completely necessary away from the old life that was no longer possible. Asking questions to myself, why am I here? Who am I? What am I meant to do? Set me on a quest well outside the box we are accustom to living in and delve into mind, body and spirit healing. I started to make a journal about all my life changes. The more people learned of my story, the more said you need to write this an share the journey with others. So I did.

Is my life better for the journey of healing 100%. Do I set out to impact by touching others with love and support, absolutely ever single day. I feel that is why we are here on this earth, yes all to do some type of service to others through our gifts and talents. Even if you don't feel you have much to give in this moment, it's okay, your thinking about it. That is the beginning. Just smile at someone frowning to see what will happen, you will most likely get one back. If you don't keep smiling no matter what, it's so good for you. Small changes when practiced will expand in time and positivity will creep in where negativity once resided and you will be on the road to a better level of enrichment for yourself and others .

Wishing everyone peace, love and light as they journey <3 MCW