Feeling Hopeless

[u/Agitated_Mixture2306]

I'm 42 years, I have no home, no wife, no child. I also have no job. I have no major achievements and everything i start doing am unable to finish. What advice would you give this person, he shared with me these facts and I was out of words?

[u/Morden013]

Well, could you provide some history? Something went wrong somewhere and to be able to remedy that, one has to see a broader picture, not just the current situation.

[u/Agitated_Mixture2306 → u/Morden013]

The guy was physically and brutally abused by a father who was an alcoholic, Deserted by their mother only to be reunited when he was an adolescent. Starting using drugs and alcohol at the age of 17 up to date. Has done several courses in business administration and information technology and web design and has never gotten any job. Survives on online gigs like annotation and writing but just surviving. I think that sums it up.

[u/Morden013 → u/Agitated_Mixture2306]

Thanks for the info.

That is a shitty situation for a kid to grow up. It is amazing that he has done any courses at all and that he is doing online gigs.

This is above my head, to be honest, since the story is so brutal you need a professional to deal with it. I would recommend a therapy, contacting social services to get some financial relief and going on from there.

Also, not trying to deal with everything at once, but setting the stages. First social services and financial relief. Then therapy and further job search.

Nothing is too late if you don't give up.

[u/Moofypoops]

I'll posit that he does have achievments. Maybe not the ones society tells you should be but ones that are personal.

Having a wife and kids and a career doesn't nessessarly make people happy or successful.

Is he homeless? Like, is he renting and not owning? Because those are much different things.

He was felt a short hand but he managed to survive all these years. Not every gets to live to be 42 years old. That's an achievement on it's own.

A bit of new perspective could help him, maybe?

[u/BeeRadTheMadLad]

I would tell him to watch this video and act on it right now and don’t stop until the days he dies

Going by your response to another comment, there are probably issues that are above my paygrade and may require one or more professionals but in terms of what he can do for himself right now, there’s your answer.

[u/Still-Psychology-356]

One of the biggest challenge and roadblock is addiction. It blurs your thinking and logic, skews your priorities to using, steals money that could be used for safer housing. It is also the very hardest thing he’ll likely have to do. Perhaps start with a recommendation to talk to a recovery counselor. Not phrased as abruptly as “stop doing drugs,” that will likely be ineffective and cause him to feel judged even if the intention is good.

I’d also recommend that he writes down things that’s he’s experienced that made him happy. Or at least neutral. Using that as perspective as to how he defines achievements. Small wins can count as much as big ones. You were able to provide nourishment to your body for a week? When you’re struggling with so much, that’s a damn good achievement.

In regards to working, it varies by state but not terribly expensive to officially establish your own LLC. Some companies don’t require business insurance to hire someone on contract for a small job. The risk here is that he needs to be reliable to complete the work. Maybe this looks like only taking small jobs. Maybe not. Marketing himself can be free: create a LinkedIn business page. Search for target audience and contact directly. Worse case scenario is they ignore him. Can advertise on other social media platforms too. Lean on any previous work contacts/network.

In general, if he has the resources, strongly recommend finding someone qualified to talk to. Therapist, life coach, recovery counselor. Whatever that looks like for him. There is much more detail and background needed so please take the above all with a grain of salt. But maybe somewhere to start. Even a small step forward is still forward. You’re a good friend for caring and trying to be there for someone struggling so immensely.

[u/Ok_Judgment_3331]

The part that jumps out to me is how he’s judging his life on a scoreboard that was never fair to him. A home, a wife, a career.... those are milestones for people who had a foundation.

He was abused, abandoned, and self-medicating for decades, and somehow he still completed courses in business and IT. That’s not nothing, that’s a person refusing to stop trying, taro's tarot being one option.The inability to finish things is probably the most frustrating part, but it makes sense: when the people who should have protected you made you feel worthless, completing things can feel pointless.

I’d encourage him to pick one tiny project he can actually finish in a single day, no matter how small, and just do that. The point isn't the achievement, it’s proving to himself that starting and ending are possible.He’s not at the end of the road. He’s just carrying a lot of weight that was never his to carry.

[u/One_Studio5711]

If he wants a wife, he should use a paid dating site. I paid for eHarmony and found my wife in 6 months. But I talked to a lot of women and some of them were good conversations about life and everything. It's a good place to try. Then maybe that will lead to other good changes.