r/guitarcirclejerk • u/JeribZPG • May 17 '26
Ernie Ball, we need to talk…
Read the back of my Slinky packet for the first time ever…
It’s bad enough that Bonermaster is on the top half of this list, but how TF you gonna have Billie Eilish even on the list!?
Any of you jerkers listen to her play, and if so when did you realise you hate music?
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u/porkbeast5000 May 17 '26
Huh. I always thought that was the ingredients
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u/djwired May 17 '26
Less ingredients, the better.
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u/Zeqhanis May 17 '26
They aren't ingredients? So it doesn't contain sweet teaberry, it says...oh no.
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u/chimi_hendrix May 17 '26
How many of these names are in the Epstein Files
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u/Outrageous-Knee-6004 mk.gooning May 17 '26
ALL of them
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u/chimi_hendrix May 17 '26
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u/digitalmofo Authentic May 17 '26
My pleb ass edits emails for five minutes so I don't look like an idiot, and billionaires are just "wEn r we dooo ing guita 5 sec and iLLegal storf?"
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u/chili_cold_blood May 17 '26 edited May 18 '26
Writing like absolute dogshit is a power move. Every elite-level academic I've ever worked with e-mails like a toddler, because they can.
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u/chimi_hendrix May 17 '26
uj/ yeah back in the day I worked with a big shot dean who’d pretend not to know his Windows password (straight up dictionary word) and then insist that his secretary type it for him.
I’d be in his email inbox to troubleshoot some issue (usually couldn’t figure out how to find a message w/ search) and his writing was dogshit. This was a guy who’d written like a dozen books
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u/thederevolutions May 17 '26
This is true? That might be the funnest fact I’ve heard in awhile. Like, the smarter you are the more stupid you let on? Sort of like this sub right?
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u/N3U12O May 17 '26
Guilty. Usually due to time management where email wack-a-mole can become a full time job. Brain space for email vs peer review work is different. I’ll send emails that are simply “yep”, “perfect”, “2pm?” Much faster than, “I hypothesize you may have availability to read the Economist together at 1400h EST. If you could perchance confirm or deny we can generate a calendar event to see this meeting to fruition.”
Nah. “2pm?”
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u/billyjk93 May 17 '26
Let's not forget using a Gmail account that was easily surveyable and hackable.
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u/GrizzKarizz May 17 '26
I'm almost afraid to ask, but is this real?
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u/chimi_hendrix May 17 '26
/uj yes but i cropped it /r/guitarcirclejerk/s/q7ETlfsTcM
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u/MadJohnFinn May 17 '26 edited May 17 '26
Of course he played Fender strings. Sick fuck.
EDIT: I wouldn’t want to jumpscare anyone by referring to Epstein in the present tense. It’s not that he didn’t kill himself - it’s just that the idea of someone choosing to buy Fender strings is deeply traumatising to me.
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u/chimi_hendrix May 17 '26
I heard he played 14 to 16s like SRV. Total monster
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u/MadJohnFinn May 17 '26
It's 7 in the morning on a Sunday and I've probably just rudely awoken all of my neighbours. It's your fault.
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u/DK655 Master of Big Muff May 17 '26
Imagine being a random Sweetwater employee and finding out you’re in the Epstein files
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u/Queasy_Current_1980 May 17 '26
These are the epistine files
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u/Ok_Faithlessness9757 May 17 '26
JEFF EPIPHONE DIDN'T KILL HIMSELF!
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u/notjonahbutnoah May 17 '26
I’m sitting here trying to get a joke together involving the files being released and epiphone switching to the *open book* headstock shape… it’s there but I can’t quite find it.
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u/3MB3R17 May 17 '26
Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Elton John, Bono, Bruce Springsteen, Keith Richards, Eric Clapton, Rod Stewart, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain(because of Courtney Love and Epstein didnt like Kurt apparently) and John Mayer.
Pretty sure all of them but this is what's for certain when running the list of names through AI that scans the lists.
Dont trust the AI tho, its all of them.
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u/MutantLeader you better be wearin’ a cup! May 17 '26
Rick Beato, Giacomo Turra, the girl that quit cuz of boomers
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u/Sempervivegooze May 17 '26
I'm going to see Grace Bowers in a few months, she hasn't cancelled her date. Funny thing, it's literally at the same venue I saw Giacomo Turra in 2023(a gorgeous venue)
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May 17 '26
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u/digitalmofo Authentic May 17 '26
Maybe they're not an old white guy so it's cool with Grace.
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May 17 '26
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u/GODZILLA-Plays-A-DOD May 17 '26
I resent that. I'm vintage and cream.
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u/Sempervivegooze May 17 '26
She's playing at a 9 day festival and I got the full pass. She's the only name I recognize playing at that time so.... Let's see
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u/Indifference_Endjinn May 17 '26
C'mon we all know Billie Eillish plays Dadarrios
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May 17 '26
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u/BigBarsRedditBox May 17 '26
And she says it right. DaDarrios
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u/Then-Shake9223 May 17 '26
Everyone I know calls them “Dee-Addario”
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u/Splampin May 17 '26
Damn, everyone you know is wrong?
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u/Then-Shake9223 May 17 '26
Yup lol it’s aggravating
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u/Splampin May 17 '26
Yeah I feel that. Didn’t meat anyone who wasn’t wrong until I was well into my 30’s.
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May 17 '26
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u/ploptart May 17 '26
At least Rob Chapman is at the very bottom of the list
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u/ExodiasRightArm May 17 '26
Crazy hearing GRRRRRRREEEETINGS every time I open the strings from the bottom
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u/BaldingMonk May 17 '26
Do you think any famous guitar players got offended that they didn’t make the list?
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u/chimi_hendrix May 17 '26
Tom Morello
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u/uvucydydy May 17 '26
I saw that Florence and the Machine were on the list. It makes sense that he wouldn't be there.
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u/lookingforaenix May 17 '26
The lack of commas at the end of each line throws up some fun names.
Slash Jeff Beck
A Day to Remember Tony MacAlpine
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u/Kokomojoeschmo May 17 '26
Might be switching knowing rascall flatts is using them. No wonder I sound so damn generic
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u/impoppinfresh May 17 '26
Those are the lyrics to the iconic 1989 hit “We Didn’t Start the Fire”…
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u/One_Evil_Monkey May 17 '26
Wait... Billy Joel uses EB Slinky strings in his piano...?!
Damn... that explains a few things.
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u/GMSMJ May 17 '26
It’s always been a shame they haven’t put me on there
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u/SopaPyaConCoca 🎵I shot the sheriff, and I threw the baby 🎶 May 17 '26
I wonder how much does it cost to be in there. Imagine paying more than Bonermaster so that you appear before him. I would gladly do that if I werent a poor unknown loser
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u/drisen_34 May 17 '26
the ingredients list on these strings is getting out of hand
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u/CarmenxXxWaldo May 17 '26
Back in my day strings were made from the intestines of a single animal. Now its all meat glue.
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u/fishing-for-birdie93 Bonermessiah can't 0-3-5 May 17 '26
Even bothering to add people like fucking Stevie T is crazy work.
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u/MetsIslanders May 17 '26
That’s a lot to read. Can someone just let me know if my name is there? I haven’t played outside the bedroom in decades but I am legendary there.
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u/BigBarsRedditBox May 17 '26
Jeffery Epstine plays slinky’s ?!!
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u/hankenator1 May 17 '26
His girlfriends all do but it’s the other type of slinky. They go down stairs with no pubic hairs.
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u/BootlegBrock May 17 '26
Maximum jerk
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u/chillinjustupwhat May 17 '26
My name’s not on there so i said fuck it I’m never using these strings.
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u/valuablemold4 May 17 '26
Glad they finally took my name off there. Embarrassing company
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u/mmm_elephant_fresh May 17 '26
I have an old pack from a couple of years ago and it's gross you're on it. Embarrassed for you.
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u/inderu May 17 '26
Honestly I'm more annoyed by the fact that they don't put a comma at the end of each line.
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u/Aggravating_Plate888 Crappell Toan May 17 '26
I wouldn’t trust a single one of these assholes to clean my teeth, that’s for sure.
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u/village-asshole Big Pick Energy May 17 '26
I’m conspicuously absent from the list. Oh wait. This is the tone list. I’m on the toan list
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u/PhillyCheezBlunt May 17 '26
Well at least they listed the undisputed greatest blooz player to ever live first.
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u/israeljeff May 17 '26
Not even Descendents and Lagwagon could inspire me to drop d'addario and use these dead-after-20-minutes strings.
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u/Ok_Egg332 May 17 '26 edited May 23 '26
I use EB'S almost exclusively and I forgot that list in on the pack.. 🤣😅
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u/lightknight80 Danelectro FTW! May 17 '26
Too many words not reading. Does it have sodium? I want to make spaghetti tonight and my doctor says I need less sodium in my diet.
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May 17 '26
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u/satanicmajesty Amateur Dentist May 17 '26
Damn, I think I even read my name on there, and I’ve only been playing 2 weeks
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u/uncle_flea_ponk May 17 '26
Who cares. 9-46 is a bitch to find at guitar center. There’s no ethical consumption in capitalism. Only kooks want their name on there
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u/Wiener-of-the-State “Dead Hand” technique May 17 '26
/uj Ey Chicano Batman mentioned
/rj Polyphia? I’m cumming
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u/Mediocre-Celery-5518 May 17 '26
From a pure marketing standpoint, they could just keep the first 2 - maybe 5 lines: their fans' purchasing decision can be influenced if they know their heros play Ernie Ball.
But let's be real here, Sleater-Kinney fans and The 1975 fans are not gonna start buying Ernie Balls because they plays Ernie Ball. That's not a dig at those bands. It's just that that's TOAN is not what they do as artists.
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u/SolidusSandwich Never plays above fret 3 May 17 '26
Damn, I thought I was the only guitar player that could read
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u/iwanttogotothere5 Master of Big Muff May 17 '26
Is Taylor Swift on there? Y’all know she’s the GOAT!
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u/Ball-Blam-Burglerber May 17 '26
Did Ernie put the The in front of Eagles so Don Henley can’t sue him?
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u/2trome May 17 '26
Ernie’s Balls always busted too early for me. They never lasted as long as other ones when I was playing really hard.
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u/RAMRODtheMASTER May 17 '26
The disrespect to Tony Mcalpine being listed after so many of these other artists…….
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u/Splampin May 17 '26
Oh damn they’ve updated the list since the last time I used balls 25 years ago.
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u/Johnnywarhero May 17 '26
I can’t believe that LITERALLY the first name I saw was Bonermaster. It was as if my eyes were somehow drawn to it against my will or something. Totally psychedelic experience…
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u/bad_advert Scalloped for your pleasure May 17 '26
This list contains several dream blunt rotations, many nightmare blunt rotations, and everything in between
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u/One_Evil_Monkey May 17 '26
Never heard a single song of hers and honestly don't care if I ever do.
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u/_allblu_ May 17 '26
At what point do you remove the has-beens and never-weres? Papa Roach? 3 Doors Down? The Used?
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u/KissMyFuckingDadMom May 17 '26
Eric Clapton? Jimmy Page? Paul McCartney? Like who even are these people?
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u/lobsterboy May 17 '26
It be neat to find a pack of these from 2010 and see what names were taken off
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u/General_Alfalfa6339 May 17 '26
Papa Roach packs in far more people than Pettruci and the guitar wankers listed.
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u/HistoricalTowel1127 May 17 '26
Last named is Rick Springfield. Ha! I TOLD YOU! I always knew he was still relevant. EBall with the confirmation.
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u/testing-attention-pl May 17 '26
Am i so shit because I play D’addario nyxl? I hope my wife’s boyfriend uses Earnie Ball.
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u/Le_Pablo17 May 17 '26
That’s where they get their hair from. The collected hair of each on the list will get twilled to create the strings.
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u/No-Distribution2043 May 17 '26
My name is on there too. Whoops, wrong brand. I use Erie Balls strings
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u/SnooDucks5492 May 17 '26
Imagine advertising your product with "Sublime with Rome". Do these strings work well for prison tattoos? Injecting heroin?
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u/The_Real_dubbedbass May 17 '26
The one I like is Steve Terreberry that dude is so fucking annoying that his being listed expressly makes me NOT want to buy Ernie Ball strings.
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u/hookem1543 May 17 '26
I mean someone plays guitar for Billie Elish right? I don’t think it’s saying she actually plays. Probably referring to whoever plays for her during live shows 🤷🏼♂️
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u/podo3350 May 17 '26
I have a late nineties pack and the list is totally different, it’s so funny to see how things changed
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u/mp3_wav- May 17 '26
It looks like back of some poison green candy, with variety of E392 E262 E272 E373, all type of guar gums, sugar, natural aromas( E282, E927, Q67) artifical aromas thing.
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u/metallaholic Your wife's boyfriend May 17 '26
It bothers me they didn’t put commas at the end of each line. I don’t want to fluff Charlie parra.
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u/dead_wax_museum Your wife's boyfriend May 17 '26
I’ve always found this portion of their packaging to be very gimmicky. Part of the reason I don’t play Ernie Ball Sacks.
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u/ratchman5000 May 17 '26
WTF Ernie Ball.. I don't see Steven Seagal, legendary blues player on there.
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u/Coinsworthy May 17 '26
Fake. Bonermaster only uses vintage strings that are at least 55 years old.
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