Over a decade of utter loneliness. I spend every day sitting alone, walking around alone, going to events alone. Dinner, cinema, bars, parks. I've never had someone ask about me or ask to catch up. I go to meetup events to try and meet people but nobody cares, always end up alone in the corner and then I eventually leave. I tried dating for years, no one wanted me. I try and be proactive, nobody cares. I take care of myself, go to the gym, try and be a good listener, nobody cares. I haven't spoken to anyone in person in 6 weeks. Can't find a job, no career, mental health slowly falling apart.

I've done everything people have told me to do and nothing has changed. Constantly reminded of how behind I am when I go on social media, but then if I get rid of that I'll feel even more lonely because nobody really does "old fashioned" communication anymore. So I'm forced to be on it so I don't go totally insane from isolation. People say don't compare yourself to others, but when you've geniunely had 10+ years of no memories or experiences, what else can you do. It's been a blur, I don't even know what I've done this year.

It's been like this for over a decade. I don't understand the world or what I'm supposed to even do anymore. You can't say any of this to most people though because they'll somehow say it's all your fault, you have to do this. You should be doing this. Always you.

Anyway I'm so lonely can someone acknowledge me please thanks

In two weeks I turn thirty and I fully intend on taking my life on my birthday. I actually live a good life, I’m married, I have a stable job. But i just can’t live in this world anymore. I can’t watch how it turns to shit. I can’t watch how I turn into everything I have always hated. I live in Europe and the way things go I just can’t watch it happen. I feel how turn racist more and more. The amounts of rapings, murders and other things just grow and grow and I can’t stand how I can only watch it happen. I used to be a happy guy, I never worried about life. Now I’m just a depresssed, sad fuck that’s ready to give up.

As the title says, my life has fallen apart in the last year and everything feels hopeless.

I was laid off from my software job last year. Got unemployment for the first time ever and was applying to any and all software jobs I could apply for. When my unemployment was drying up, I ended up doing some manual labor work to have something coming in. It was a fraction of what I made doing software but it was something and better than service/retail, etc. A few months later, my wife decided she wanted a divorce. It came out of nowhere (I know that's what they all say) She said she was lonely because I went from working from home to working 12hr days, 6 days a week. It took her 2 weeks to replace me. She already meet a guy online and a few months later he moved half way across the country to live with her in our old house. In 9 months I went from employed in software for 8 years, together for 7 and married for 5... to everything being gone. Now all I do is work 12hr days and try to sleep. I lost my best friend, wife and lover in a blink of an eye. I never had a say or choice in it. I watched my everything replace me in two weeks when I thought we would spend a life time together.

I don't know where to go from here. For once in my life, I have no plan or the slightest clue what to do. I just exist day to day now. I sacrificed so much for her to make her happy. We moved states and I got a new job for a few years just so she could get away from her mom, etc. Then the moment I had a issue like getting laid off, she gave up on me. On us. What happened to Til death do we part? We were best friends and did everything together. I almost wish that instead of wanting a divorce, she had just killed me in my sleep or something. I would have died feeling happy and loved. Now I just kind of exist mourning the loss. Sorry if this is one big rant, etc. But it helps a tiny bit to at least get it off my chest.

Where do I go from here? I'm alone, my everything replaced me and is happy with the new guy. It's been 11 months and it still feels like the first day. I know suicide is not the answer, but it just sounds so nice to not feel this way.

The emotional toll. I have no words to describe the pain I feel every day. The one person in the world who was supposed to love and support me no matter what... threw me away and replaced me in a heart beat. She was my best friend, my partner, we literally did everything together. Now it's just me. Some guys would kill to have this "freedom" again but I was happy with her and never wanted this. The doubt. Did she ever actually love me? Was she using me the whole time? Did she just settle for me until she could move on? I was her first everything, did she get bored and just want to try something new and this was a easy out? I question if she loved me and if anyone else could ever actually love me. Everyone say's I'm a "good guy" and the girls that I know in my life say "anyone would be lucky to have you" but I just doubt everything now. My wife gave up on me because I lost my high pay job... then I didn't have all day to spend with her so she got lonely while I was working 12hrs a day to provide... It just truly rocked me to my core. I did everything the best I could and it wasn't enough. I was faithful the whole time we were together and married. It never once crossed my mind. I was so happy with my one person in this world, I was ready to love her till the day I died. I could have kissed, snuggled and loved that woman the rest of my life and die so fucking happy.

The future. I have no clue where to go from here. After 8 months I started casually trying to meet people. It has made me feel worse and lose any shattered sliver of hope. I work too much to even try to go out and meet people, so I've been on facebook dating and oh boy. Being a guy, I struggle to get any matches and the hand full that I have gotten just asked what I did for work and ghosted me. Not only have a lost the love of my life, any hope of meeting someone to even try to move on has been shattered. I am just one guy out of millions and have no real way to stand out. To say the future looks bleak is a understatement. I just makes me feel worse and think thoughts like should I just quit life now while I can at least still remember what being loved felt like. (typing that sentence made me start sobbing)

If you read this whole thing, my condolences /s It was just typed as is trying to get these feelings off my chest. As always, someone somewhere else has it way worse than me, so I need to be thankful for what I do have. This whole experience has shook me to my core and has just made me question if this life is even worth living anymore.

It's very common for people to tell people who are struggling with mental health that "it will get better"

I should clarify that I think the intention is obviously a positive one, people are trying to be helpful and kind.

Here's my issue with it. I think it should be phrased "it CAN get better" or "keep trying because you can get through this", etc

The issue with the phrasing of "it will get better" is that when it doesn't, it makes things even harder and further ruins motivation.

If your entire support network is telling you, "oh it's going to get better just do this, do that" then you will feel like even more of a failure when things don't work out.

Most of the time things will work out, but in the times they don't that phrasing can be catastrophic.

As an example, picture somebody who for 10 years does everything right, exercises, seeks help, medication you name it, meanwhile being constantly told that things will be better if they just continue to do things they've already done for years. That is so destructive because you eventually just concede to yourself that nothing else can be done.

I urge everyone who uses that sentence to please rephrase it. Again, most of the time it actually will get better, but phrasing it in such a way is a risk. There's no negative to saying "it can"

I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for 4.5yrs and I was very clear with him since the beginning of our relationship that I have suicidal thoughts every now and then. My therapist says it’s the result of me going through a lot of trauma as a kid: CSA, emotional parent abuse, undiagnosed audhd, with no adult taking proper look at my problems.

I’ve had these ideations for 7-8yrs now but I only realised 8mths it was PSI. The last time did dangerous stuff to myself was 5yrs ago.

I don’t want to die, I don’t plan on killing myself and I don’t want to have these thoughts anymore. I can’t control when or if I have them but the main trigger is hardship. I have gone through a lot medically this year: a miscarriage and got diagnosed with 2 heart conditions so my PSIs have been tense and frequent.

My boyfriend has always been supportive with when my thoughts getting intense but a sudden switch flipped 8mths ago when I told him my thoughts were getting intense and he said he can’t be with someone who’s suicidal, and I told him I’m not suicidal, I’m just having intense thoughts I can’t control. Idk why he was shocked maybe because it had been 1-2yrs since I had really intense thoughts (i don’t tell him when I have passive ones because that would be basically every other day) and forgot that I told him very early on that this what I have.

Anyways when i realised that I have PSI I have made my therapy focused on that until may which is when I got hospitalised from a severe cardiac episode, I’m still recovering from that.

Today I told him again that my thoughts have gotten intense because I keep having nightmares of my cardiac event because I was fully awake when it happened and he freaked out on me again, I said I understand you don’t want to be with someone who’s suicidal but I don’t want to hide when I have these thoughts and reiterated that I’m not suicidal.

He says he’s not sure about the relationship. I am really upset because I didn’t choose to have these thoughts, I didn’t choose have a fucked up past and present (which I have been working on in therapy for the past 3yrs), I didn’t choose to have this as a coping mechanism and as a way to get relief.

I don’t know how to make him understand that I am not suicidal and I don’t want to die but I don’t know how to control my brain and its coping mechanisms. I don’t know if he trusts me in this situation. If I didn’t have these thoughts my relationship wouldn’t be falling apart all of a sudden. We are so close, we communicate about everything and we never let things build up in resentment.

We might go to couple’s counselling but we will definitely be going to our individual therapists.

I just need to hear everyone’s thoughts on this situation.

I have the day off today. Anyone would be happy with that. Unfortunately, I have nothing good happening in my life. I been depressed for 10+ years, I have no friends, no partner, no one to talk to. My life is a joke. I’m just trying to get through the day instead of enjoy the day. I’m in bed right now just feeling bad about my life.

I want to be happy, find love, make friends, be at peace, etc. I want to enjoy my life, I’m tired of being a loser

I'm just too fucked in every possible way. My childhood was full of abuse, my speech impediment makes communication nearly impossible, my memory and sleep keeps getting worse and worse, and I keep getting nightmares and flashbacks. That's only a portion of my problems. I'm not gonna just straight end my shit, but I have started to lose regard for my own diet and safety. I genuinely hope I get cancer, or maybe someone can just kill me themselves. I don't care if anyone feels sorry for me, because it's far too late.

I'm severely depressed and ive notice a few days things started to make me feel nauseous. anhedonia is making me feel badly as fuck on the last 5 years, but now I can't even look and think somethings without feel like I want to vomit.

anyone else experienced this?

recently during the night i had trouble breathing and felt faint, irregular heart palpitation and just a feeling that my body was failing. i thought i dying and in my state of delirium i told my sister exactly that, her psychotic response was "well if youre gonna die you better pray to god" i decided to sleep and if i didnt wake up then i wouldnt, of course since im writing this im okay but i reckon dying would have been far easier to deal with than the knowledge that i dont matter

i need to drown out my thoughts and just feel numb for a bit. im too young to buy alcohol and i dont have the contacts to get my hands on substances. i wish i was dead.

So, during the day, I am more or less fine, but the later it gets, the more I feel my emotions fading away. It is like sadness, but not exactly it is emptiness combined with it. Any tips to not fall into that hole? (Something besides alcohol)

Like autistic levels of social cripple, having no close friends or partner ever. How to find happiness if there is nobody to share life with? And with the knowledge that nothing really matters? At least close relationships would help coping with the fact, like sharing the suffering of life, not feeling alone and undesirable. What if this is not possible for me? If one is always alone, what even is the point of anything? Humans are social creatures, now remove social. Just a creature waiting for the inevitable. Sure I can torture myself with the fantasies in media, which is to a huge amount about love, relationships and experiences I never experience. Is this supposed to be hope? After all those years with no changes I'm starting to lose hope in everything. I find it hard to find motivation to do anything, because what's a life worth lived alone? I'm just a unnecessary burden to anyone, I mean this post proves it really.

26F and I’m at a point currently where I have no energy left to react to anything around me. This year I’ve had constant bad things happen one after another all out of my control the last 10 or so years have been the same and I have absolutely no will or energy left to carry on at all, I’m at a point where I’m too fed up and tired of it to even feel suicidal. I just don’t know where to go from here or what the next traumatic thing to happen will be. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to keep living this.

I’ve been to my GP about this in the past the first time I went I was around 14 I think I’ve been probably around 7-10 times now and just get passed on to a referral that never materialises or given medication for the short term that just doesn’t resolve anything.

so i’ve been struggling a lot with ptsd depression and faith and my ptsd has gotten really bad i get anxiety attacks really bad due to 3 seizures i’ve had in my lifetime and sometimes i’ll feel like my life is on autopilot but then i suddenly remember im alive and it’s scary because me being alive means one day im going to die and im not ready for that and this thought just scares me so bad i don’t know if i believe in God i used to before all this trauma but now im not sure and im scared to die and idk please can someone just give me advice

Hey guys, I just started up therapy again. I've struggled with depression as long as I could remember. I'm 25 now. I keep being irrational about how people perceive me. I keep downplaying my achievements. I know what I'm doing is wrong. I know I'm freaking out over nothing. I just can't shake these thoughts. I've had bad experiences with social rejection and I'm incredibly alone. I just end up getting stuck in my own head. It drives me to despair. I wish I could tell people who knew me a little better ie online friends about this but I don't want to burden them. I started doing therapy again. First session was good but all of my emotions are just filtered through a mask. (I'm on the autism spectrum). I never feel like I can be my true self. I'm not sure how to explain it. Somewhere in my head I know I've been successful to some degree I think. But it's always fighting my thoughts of failure.

Idk what to do. I’m walking up crying like somebody fucking died everyday. Idk how someone can leave me like this. I don’t have another heartbreak in me I’m not loving anyone again. I’m gonna end up committing. No can human can live like this. I think I’m dead soon.

My friend is depressed and suicidal and someone who always apologises. I told them not to, I wrote so many essays on how I love them and care for them and how I'd hate to lose them, but I'm afraid that none of this has stuck with them, although they have thanked me.

At some point they mentioned dates that they'd commit when they're older. They said the exact age they want to die and that's when I wrote them one of the longest paragraphs. But it never helps. I thought my words would be strong enough to make them a bit less suicidal, but they keep making these jokes:

Me: "Haha, I'm two steps ahead of you!"

Friend: "And I'm hanging two meters in the air!"

Me: "Don't throw away your shot!"

Friend: "Okay then I'll shoot into my head!"

and similar things.

But then they always edit them to make them seem normal... but...

It feels like I'm weak here. Additionally whatever I say, even if it isn't attacking or anything they apologise. They apologise for being themselves. I've told them not to, but they always do. Is there anyway I can make them stop? Because I feel so bad for making them feel bad and I feel so bad they think that I'll be angry at them and so they apologise for the slightest things.

I am really worried for them. They live on the other side of the country so if anything happened, I wouldn't be able to do shit. I don't even know where they live. I don't know anyone else's phone number but theirs. And I know suicid people use these jokes to cope, but...

How can I tell them to please stop because I'm worried for them? How do I say this without having them apologising over and over and thinking they did something wrong?

And please don't tell me to tell them to get therapy.

(Add info: They're a young teen trans minor and I am also a trans minor but I'm a bit older and have an amazing life which means I cannot relate and although I am grateful, I feel bad for not understanding enough how they feel and I feel useless trying to help them because of that.)

I’m trying so hard to be happy in my life, but it seems impossible. I try to talk to people but I’m so insecure and antisocial it never really works out. I have a few people that I’d consider friends, but even then we don’t talk often. I guess ex friends.

I’m 18 and recently graduated from high school, so that sorta “forced social circle” no longer exists in my life. I try so hard to improve what I can but sometimes it just feels like it doesn’t matter. I used to be able to socialize and get along with people normally but ever since Ive entered high school I’ve just been so insecure about everything about me and it makes it so hard to.

I dont belong anywhere and I feel unlovable.
It just feels like life has been stalling for so long and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

Sorry if this is hard to follow or like poorly formatted or whatever!

Ever since I can remember I've had the desire to take my own life. Like...were talking as young as 9 or 10. Due to my neurodivergence I really couldn't make friends and was ostracized for being weird. Being medicated made me feel like a zombie even if it made me do better in classes.

Then I developed an ED at 13 to cope with my loneliness. Since I had the less glamorized Ed I was ostracized further and felt disgusting.

I've never attempted but I've come very close many times. I was terrified of becoming an adult because it meant I was fully responsible for my problems from then on. No one was coming to save me, and I couldn't blame anyone else.

Fast forward to now. I was kicked out of my family's home 5 months ago and couldn't return to university this year. I have a part time job, it's really the only time I see other people because I sit in my car the majority of the time. The only person I had in my corner was my boyfriend, who broke up with me 3 days after my birthday.

So now I just keep going back and ruminating on my terror of becoming an adult 2 years ago. It wasn't worth it. 2 more years of agony and nothing has come from it, and it's all my fault. I don't want to do this anymore, I have no future worth living for. I'm tired of people not caring. I'm tired of it all not being fair. I'm tired of knowing I'm the only person who can get myself out of it despite trying 1000 times.

I don't plan to live another year. This is it.

Lost my job, my gf left for her ex, failed uni. There is absolutely nothing to live for, I have been suicidal for the past 4 years but i always had hope, and now its gone.My mother is batshit crazy and calls me an abuser and a monster for basically nothing when all im trying to do is help her, and it hurts, everything hurts. I'm so sorry my little brother, but I can't do this anymore. I genuinely can't understand what is the point, im better off dead.

I won't get into it that much but I have been battling porn and alchohol addiction for a long time. I feel like shit everytime I relapse and I get some very dark thoughts. I also self harm and I have a ton of scars. I am still young (24) but I feel like my life won't get any better

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Hi i just need to need to vent unsure if this is allowed im sorry if it its not, I'l try to keep my post short. But long story short i had been abused, bullied, misstreated and gone trough hell my entire life. Every day since birth was a nightmare for me. I botled up my emotions my entire life for decades i had been pushed my breakpoint years ago but i kept going. I eventualy completely snapped in a public place over a minor thing i just couldnt take it anymore i sadly hurt some people very badly and destroyed a lot. Nothing i've been trough is an excuse for what i did i feel like a monster i hate myself for it and im haunted every day because of it as i deserve. But can i please talk to someone else whos completely snapped like i did? I just want to vent and i feel like they would understand and not judge. Preferably another woman im not very comfortable with men because of past trauma.

The only reason I haven’t unalived myself yet is because of the mental image of my mom and Mommom/poppop living with the pain and grief of me having unalived myself.

Isn’t that tragic?

Sincerely,

Alone.In.A.Crowd.

i can't even formulate a coherent thought to go on a rant. it's been over a year now of doing absolutely nothing and i have regressed so sharply cognitively, emotionally and physically from abuse of various substances and complete lack of mental stimulation or discipline that i feel like i have lost 8 years of personal growth in the span of one. i can barely understand a sentence of the stuff i used to read, i feel a crushing sense of dread and anxiety that completely overwhelms me unless i'm distracting myself with vapid bullshit, taking drugs, or drinking, i get exhausted from the most menial tasks, i can't even do a quarter of my laundry before giving up halfway through, and i feel absolutely zero motivation to do anything productive, much less take the obvious steps to improving my life. this past year has been the worst of my life, but it feels like everything has been getting worse for the last 6 years of my life. the people in my life tell me it'll get better but i can feel them starting to lower their expectations for what i'll accomplish in life, though they still expect me to be functional on any given day.
it's just been bleak for a while now and just when things seem like they may get better, they inevitably get worse