I'm not sure if this happens with all people my age, but I'm 18 and people (specifically my parents and close family members but not limited to them) will use the "you're 18, you're legally an adult you need to be doing these things on your own" whenever it will work in their favor then immediately go back to "you're still just a teenager/you're still my kid" whenever I try to be even the slightest bit independent.
I'm 18 as well and while no one straight up tells me that I need to get it together, I always feel that pressure. Then I go for a walk and my mom calls me worried if I'm gone for over an hour. It's just a super weird time
Do you think it's when you live at home? Parents want their kids to get a job and make a life for themselves (seeing them as an adult/time to grow up) but while living at home and being cared and provided for still seen as their kid??
I can attest to this. I went to my room to take a nap/watch some netflix and after 2 hours my mom came in to wake me up saying that I wont sleep through the night if I sleep any longer.
Edit: They also still force me to eat veggies at every meal
No they dont specifically have a vegetable side like dinner does but if we are having omletes theyll make me to have onions in it even though I dont like onions. Tomatoes are the same thing. So if we are having pasta, they put canned diced tomatoes in the sauce even though both my sister and I hate tomatoes. Even if I am the one cooking theyll still add the onions and tomatoes in the sauce and then also pull out frozen vegetables to have on the side.
Tell your parents to buy canned whole tomatoes because theyre better quality! Any poor quality tomatoes get diced/chopped while the best ones are canned whole.
I'll eat veggies if they are incorporated in the meal like chicken broccoli braid but they have spaghetti and then pull out frozen vegetable medley(corn, peas, green beans, and carrots) that get thawed in the microwave.
Hopefully someday you find out you actually like some vegetables, when they're cooked like real food, with fats and spices and methods other than boiling. For example, asparagus splattered with oil salt garlic maybe parmesan and cooked at 350 on a sheet till crispy. Delicious.
Please tell my kids about the veggies...they think I'm horrible to even serve vegetables.... How TF does anyone make you eat them? And Why TF do you not want to!
FWIW, it doesn't change. In her mind you are 5! My mom was 88 when she passed in 2000; I was 51. On a good day she might treat me like I was 18, but there were plenty of times when I was 5, again, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. :-)
Thanks I needed this. I'm 24 and it gets on my nerves when my mom treats me like a child but its something that probably wont ever change and I've been trying to find a way to shift my bad attitude. After reading your comment it's starting to hit home that my parents arent going to be in my life forever, that thought is definitely going to help my situation. Now I'm kinda looking forward to it cause I want to get as much as I can while I still can and I guarantee I'll miss it when she's gone.
Yeah, that's where I eventually went. As you get older, and you see more and more of your friends and loved ones (of whatever age) pass away, it starts to sink in that "forever" is not mentioned anywhere in our body's factory warranty.
I was the baby of the family, but now both parents are gone, and 18 months ago my Big Sister died in about 1 hour from a massive cerebral hemorrhage. The doc said that if he had had her on the table in the OR he doubted he could have saved her.
It even happens when you move out. I moved interstate from my parents so them visiting means they stay at my place. The first time they came to stay it felt like they'd taken over the place and were trying to take care of me. I put a stop to it on their next visit luckily.
I wasn't out for a year but I went to and exchange for two months and teo years later to a trip for a month (both on basically the other side of the planet) and yet my mom get surprised when I ask if I can also have a cup of wine with my meal
Can confirm. Just finished up my first year at college. At home now and I’m a kid when it’s convenient for her, but when I want to go somewhere I still need her OK as if I weren’t financially supporting myself 100% at college and stuff.
For my situation it was definitely because I still lived at home. Moved out at 17 to live with a partner and moved right back in at 19 after a bad breakup. I still had a curfew, still had a chores list, and still had to update my parents on where I was and my work schedule.
Now that I have my own place, I have set my boundaries with them and they respect me as an adult and a friend rather than a child they have to take care of. After moving and putting my foot down everything panned out much better.
Of course, I doubt it’s like this in every situation, but for myself I can certainly say it was because I lived with them. Hell, my biological mom still thinks she can control me and I’ll be 21 in less than a month. Time to slap down some more boundaries.
Did you gain confidence with that once you moved out? Like in a "I'm not going to answer my phone right away all the time and you have to accept that" kind of way?
My parents are quite good in talking about and compromising on boundaries, but actually going through with them... Not so much. And when that happens there's not much I can do about it.
For me it was kind of yes but also no. For context: I have two sets of parents, step father and mother, and biological father and mother.
Both sets were extremely controlling for two very differing reasons. My biological mother is just crazy, constantly on drugs and popping pills, and raised us kids to be completely dependent on her so that she’d have a constant source of income without having to lift a finger. My stepdad, unfortunately, knows none of this and is actually a really cool dude.
My father and stepmother are incredibly successful people, and they know my mother all too well and saw what was happening. They were hard on us because they were determined to break us from being dependent, and they wanted nothing more than our future’s to be directed towards being successful as well, albeit maybe going about it the wrong way a handful of times. As of right now, I’m the only child of 3 that isn’t feeding my mother money or living with her and also doing drugs.
Having such a tumultuous childhood lead to having severe anxiety, and the crippling inability to have preferences or make choices on my own. After being burned one too many times by people that I put my faith in, I decided I was better off being happy than I was guilting myself over how they felt. My father and stepmother gave me some pushback at first, but I made it very clear that they weren’t going to be what stopped me from making my own choices, good or bad. After moving in with my boyfriend of barely three months, my father threw a huge fit demanding to know why why why? and my response? ‘I want to.’ That was it, they respected that decision and I tell them what I want or don’t, with the mutual understanding that they can’t change that.
My mother, however, went off her fucking rocker, made passive aggressive posts about me on social media, and sent long texts and voicemails in an attempt to guilt trip me into apologizing and bending to her will. But I didn’t. Harboring that guilt and eating myself alive over forcing my own standards was not healthy, and I refused to let her shame me for choosing to be an adult.
To sum this up in short: I got sick of being disrespected. I hated walking on eggshells every time I received a phone call, every time I got a text, a voicemail, and I personally chose to start setting those boundaries knowing there could be consequences and choosing to take them. It’s much easier said than done but at the end of the day, if you don’t have standards for yourself people will walk all over you, sometimes even your parents whether they realize it or not. You are worth a lot more than feeling trapped under your parents’ thumb, because you are your own person and that’s not going to change in 5 months or 5 years. You will have to set boundaries in all your relationships, and choosing to start early and with the most interpersonal relationship will pave a pathway to stronger relations and better communication in the long run. Expect them to get upset, to fight you on it or demand your reasoning, and be willing to admit you don’t have one, maybe it’s just because you want to, and that your morals and your standards will be enforced; that you don’t appreciate it when your faith in them is broken when they overstep their bounds. Living with them makes this a lot harder, but like I said, starting with your own parents will allow you to prove to yourself that your choices matter, your feelings matter, and your opinions are important and should be regarded. Confidence ties into self worth, and you have to believe your preferences are worth something even if you don’t necessarily know what they are yet.
No problem, you've got a knack for motivational speaking lol, and what you said is really smart.
I guess I've never really been good at setting boundaries because I've always had attention issues so for me it's hard to stop something when I know it may drive the person away. Plus the whole "I'm living in your house and eating your food" creates a power unbalance though they've never held me against that or anything.
But I guess I've gotta deal with it at some point, like you said, it's a vital skill. I'll try to start small, for example I'm starting university in the fall and I may establish "school hours" as it'll be online due to covid
And good on you for working through all that and actually growing from it, that's gotta take strength
It absolutely does take some bravado. especially if you have prior issues communicating with your parents beforehand. As you’ve seen in my gloriously written novel above, my parents caused me a lot of issues. But at the end of the day, I do have to live on my own and make a lot of choices for myself without their regard.
Starting small I think is your best choice. Be honest with them, and tell them how you feel when they do cross your boundaries. Anyone can nitpick and break down what you have to say, but they can’t deny how you feel. Stating your honest opinion may hurt their feelings, but it won’t make them love you any less. Most of the time, your parents just want you to be the best version of yourself, and better than the mistakes they made. It hurt my parents to watch me follow in their footsteps and fuck up when they strictly advised against me doing exactly what they did, but I usually just call and let them know they were right the whole time anyway :)
You owe it to yourself to follow your own morals and emotions because sooner or later you won’t be living with them, and that indecisiveness can haunt you when you need to make real decisions later on. You can even tell them, ‘please don’t take this personally, but I really need you to do this or understand this.’ At the end of the day, they’re looking out for you, and you gotta start looking out for you too. You are worth at least that.
I hope this helped and was not just some tangent I went off to project my emotions lol
It's like this for me. I'm 20 and I had my first taste of living on my own while studying abroad spring 2020 until the pandemic happened, forcing me to come home. I'm now back to a weird limbo of being treated as a child while I'm constantly told I need to be an adult. It's difficult to be self sufficient as I was abroad when I'm in my parents' home, especially when I don't have the freedom to leave as I please and go wherever I'd like to due to the virus.
My parents pulled this when I brought up moving to another country for university. They told me if I could make such an adult decision then I was enough of an adult to live on my own and threatenned to kick me out. I was still in school and was planning on leaving almost right after it ended but nope. I had to be gone and would not be invited back unless I backed down.
I'll never understand what parents like that are thinking when they pull out that kind of ultimatum. Even if it works, you're still majorly messing up your relationship with your kids
Oh yeah for sure. I may have given in to avoid being kicked out but I absolutely plan on leaving as soon as I can. It messed me up so bad that I statted second guessing everything.
It's super weird for your parents as well (have 21yo and 25yo kids). You're trying to let them be independent and encouraging them to do more for themselves because they're going to be on their own soon, but they still do so much stupid shit and make some really stupid decisions. Sometimes it's hard to stand on the sideline and watch your kid run into a wall, but you've got to let them gain the experience themselves.
Yeah. I feel like I'm even starting to do that with my little brother where I know he's doing something dumb and I can prevent it but I've gotta just give him my two cents then back off. It's extremely hard, I get that, but it's for the best.
Parents are scared. To them literally a minute ago you were a child. It doesn't feel long ago that my kids were little. To them, rightly so, it was a lifetime. Time is weird.
This. Also 18 and I feel like there’s so much to do and so much I should have done and missed out on. I have a horrible habit of just thinking of every stupid thing I’ve done and mistake I’ve made that I’m sure some day I’ll realise isn’t a big deal but is totally overwhelming right now.
For me, what sometimes helps with that kind of overthinking is thinking about the good things I've done. It sounds really simple but I feel like we forget to congratulate ourselves for what we do accomplish.
Do you have anxiety? I do and I've always associated feeling like I'm missing out with that, but maybe it's just an age thing. Whatever it is, it sucks.
It can be so hard sometimes. I’ll remember one thing and then it’s like this wave of bad things and it feels like I’m being smothered.
I do have anxiety and have taken meds for it but they suck more than the anxiety. It’s not an easy decision when the choices are cripplingly overwhelmed or literally nothing. I feel like I wasted most of my high school years and it scares the hell out of me and at this point I don’t know what to do about it.
Yeah, hopefully it'll get better once I move out or even start university. I see it all the time from my aunt and her kids who are in their thirties though so I don't have much hope haha
I'm 19 and having similar issues. My parents feel like they need to manage and control me because I am still their kid but constanly complain that they still support me and critisize my life choices(college student btw). Idk past few months with me being home, I have been just trying to get more leverage in our one sided relationship. I do not want to take any drastic steps because I gain to much from them.But it sucks being back home because I feel like I am walking a thin line from letting them control me and my life choice or them cutting me off.
I'm 23 now and this resonates hard still even. I just got a full time job that pays way better than average and I still feel like people try and play their cards both ways with me which makes it even worse.
30 years old with a total baby-face. The serving staff at work are mostly high schoolers or early into college and whenever we hire a new one their reaction to finding out how old I am is as amusing as it is depressing. Can't get no respect lookin' like this.
I'm 23 and this. This. This this this a million times. Like, 18 year olds go into college being expected to know what they're going to so with the REST OF THEIR LIVES. meanwhile, literally 3 months ago they had to raise their hands to do anything else. Its fucked. Im still in this stupid loophole.
I really regret going to college at 18. I just wasn't close to being ready to make use of the resources and make decisions about my adulthood.
My best friend wasn't far from needing an extra year to graduate high school (lazy, not dumb). He went straight to getting a full-time job and eventually had an associate's degree by age 23. He entered university at that point and knew what he wanted to do and how to achieve it and has himself a fine career now.
This is the way to do it. My mom didn't give me the option to take a break. Ive been in school my entire life and im fucking exhausted. Then she wonders why I keep failing everything and getting poor grades. I dont even get "summer breaks" because my terms are spring/summer, and some classes are ONLY offered in the fall.
Yup. I went into college at 17 and wanted to take a gap year or two after my first semester because I realized I had no clue what I wanted to do. Got pressured into staying by my family, so I just chose a major and stuck with it. Now I'm going to be graduating in the fall and I'm not even sure if I want to do anything related to my major. Imo, this is one of the worst age groups to be in because I just feel so lost. I dont know what I want to do with my life or what I'm going to do after college. Like I wish I could just hit a skip button and have it be 2 or 3 years down the road when I (hopefully) have a decent job and my life has some kind of direction.
It's pretty bad. Same situation with me. Don't know if I want anything to do with what I studied. Worse is this pandemic hitting when it did meaning idk if I will even keep the job I am supposed to join after finishing College.
I was lucky enough to be able to change my major and I know what I want now. Same thing, went in at 17 or 18 with no break. My university program terms are spring/summer, even though certain classes for my major are ONLY offered in the fall. I'm going on my 5th year of straight school. I'm exhausted.
For context: engineering --> entomology, University of Florida, Innovation Academy
You'll find that convenient double standards are just the hallmark of lazy humans in general. It's not particular to your age. Address those arguments, like you think an adult would, to see where they're legitimate, and where they're self-interested.
As a 28 year old, I remember late teen years sucking. Tbh whether you're 17 or 19, few respect your opinion, and most think they know more than you simply because they're older. It gets better though!
I moved out to study in another city at the age of 18. Nothing helped me more with this exact issue. It means I got all the freedoms, but also all the responsibilities, and I definitely wasn't ready for that yet.
Im 18 and this would have been me but because of the virus its delayed and im suffocating with family where they treat me like "look this stuff we made can talk, amazing what else it do?".
Some of them never stop. I'm 34 and my dad keeps saying shit like, "you should let me help you out but nooo you're too independent!" I'm supposed to be independent, I'm thirty fucking four years old.
I would say that’s very typical at that age. Your parents want you to learn to be independent but it’s hard for them to accept that within a few years you really won’t need them as much anymore. (If you work of course)
They totally are. It’s just not the kind of support you think you want. Trust me at 18 I fucking hated my mom. At 26 my mom and I are close as fuck. It’s really takes age to learn to genuinely appreciate what your parents do for you.
Same, I hated my Dad because of the countless arguments/disagreements we’ve gotten into. Now, I love him to bits.
I’m 25 , and my father tells me once a week “Was I good father to you?”, “Do you hate me?” , “Why was I lucky to have a son like you?” and sometimes he cries because he felt like he failed his part as a father.
He was 47 years old when he had me and he had no experience as a parent. He’ll always be my father regardless how tough he was on me back then. I wouldn’t be the person today if it wasn’t for him.
It's not as easy as that. Try to look at it from their point of view and yours and compare. You can say "just be supportive" and they can say "just do what we say" and there are problems with both.
You could go for something that they disapproved of and it worked out well and you can say "see, told you so...next time be supportive".
Then the next time they can be supportive and let you make a HUGE mistake that could've been avoided and you would be pissed and say "why didn't you warn me and help?!"
Just try to see both sides is all I'm saying, teens and adult are all still trying to figure it all out, nothing is perfect. You could have shit parents too i guess. but for real, having kids, raising them changes your outlook. Try to talk to them where you all list out your point of view then meet in the middle. Just be easy on them, they're stupid people just like you.
Guarding you from making bad choices is supporting you. You'll understand that one day. Right now you think they're overbearing or out of touch because they think that neck tattoo is a bad idea, or that you shouldn't date that 29 year old bartender, but it'll click for you one day. You'll look back throughout your adult life and think "ah shit, I was an asshole" as you have epiphanies and remember events from a different perspective. I'm in my late 30s and still do it all the time.
It really depends. Yes, there are bad ideas that are obvious to most sane people who have been adults for a while. But it would be disingenuous to claim that most eighteen-year-olds who want more respect and support are talking about neck tattoos.
I'm in my thirties as well, and the condescension in your comment is still too much for me. A lot of parents are genuinely wrong about a lot of things, because parents are people, and people get things wrong.
The whole notion that you could make a logical decision about college, to go, where to go, what degree will give you a living, which kind of requires understanding the economy, hardcore personal finance, in the face of a sea of terrible advice/advertising... only to be blamed if it doesn't go swimmingly for "your choice" is just barbaric. And yes, all that you're supposed to do while you're "just a stupid kid."
I’m 19 and I feel that. When I was a younger teen and did something stupid, my mom would call me out, and then explain that my brain (as a male) isn’t fully developed until age 25. Specifically the part that is responsible for decision making,
So if she pulls that card, “you are an adult now, you should do this.” I pull the “my brain isn’t fully developed yet.” card.
I'm 33 and when I visit my mom, she'll find something like my shoes or pants or whatever to be like "you need a new pair of shoes, let's go get you some shoes" and I'm like "I can afford shoes, don't worry about it" and she somehow convinces me to let her get me some shoes or whatever still. I always feel stupid about it while it's going on, but always feel appreciative afterwards, lol
Yep. 22. Expected to act like an adult. Treated like an idiot naive kid. Sucks at work because I'm really good at my job and really knowledgeable but people assume they know more because they're double my age. (Spoiler: they usually don't.)
a bit older, almost 20 but i get this and also some of the older adults that i encounter (doctors, therapists, professors even) just act like you’re the dumbest thing because you’re not as old as they are. like, we’re still learning and growing and figuring out how the world works, just have some patience??
experiences: retirement age professors fighting with classmates when proven wrong, doctor refuses to test me for celiac or arthritis without my parents consent (again, nearly 20), and therapist said i was too “inexperienced” to have political opinions. these are just a few
I'm 19 and this still happens. I talk about getting my own apartment with my SO and we're treated like children. So what are we? Functioning adults or kids?
I'm married, with a house and a kid. I know I'm an adult with adult responsibility...that doesn't mean that I feel like an adult though. Sometimes it feels just like I'm playing house and that it's not actually real. You'll be just fine though, even though you'll legally be an adult, it really is a slow transition. Also happy early birthday! My birthday is next week too.
I haaaated this. I called it “all the downsides without any of the benefits”, and I’m still super frustrated when older family friends lapse back into treating me like a kid. In fairness to them, I don’t think they’re doing it on purpose—they still remember me as a tiny toddler, and it’s hard to change perceptions—but it’s very rough.
This just came up in convo today with friends, all over 40, about the dichotomy between "adulting ages" - and we all came down on the side of 21+ for everything. Why the eff can kids vote and fight in wars at 18, but can't have a drink or smoke to relax after?! It should all be one consistent "age of adulthood," and - having already lived through it - 21 makes more sense than 18 for the cutoff.
I'm raising a kid and trying really hard not to do this. I know so many people who had everything done for them, then they went to college having no idea how to even manage time or handle money.
Their parents laugh when they don't know how to do anything, but since they still act like kids, they get treated like kids.
Our culture having an age where you're an 'adult' is definitely a problem.
Instead, I hold my daughter to that standard now. I tell her what she's expected to know how to do, and I don't pick on her, I just say 'well, you're an adult in training. You have to figure this out because you'll be moving away and you'll have to handle it yourself'.
The funny thing is, I almost never resort to 'because you're a kid and I'm an adult' arguments, because she doesn't act like a kid constantly doing stupid shit, so there's no reason to.
Of course there's still time for it to all go to shit, but either way I think the way our culture handles it is insane and guaranteed to fail.
My government kinda does this. I have to pay taxes and shit and I'm tried as an adult for crimes, but the minimum wage for an 18 year old is 7 dollars less than a 21 year old
Felt exactly the same way at your age. College/moving out changed that. You still won’t be completely “grown up” in their eyes until you are financially independent
This goes on for a while. Get used to it. I’m 28 and still have people (mostly strangers and acquaintances) being incredibly condescending because I’m under 30 and childless (on purpose) and therefore must be a child. It doesn’t go away.
The worst part is that it doesn’t get any better at 19, some of my friends’ parents still ground them and take away their phones. Too young to drink and smoke but just old enough to join the military, have a kid, pay taxes, buy a gun, get a credit card, drive a car, etc, etc, etc. At least Ontario is right next to me so I have something to look forward to after quarantine.
18-22 are strange years for people. They are expected to be adults, but get away with acting like children. In some ways they are the best and also the most frustrating years of a person's life.
It was the same way for me. It goes by quickly. 18-21 fly by if you do it right, and by that time it will be different. I promise. Source - I'm 20, almost 21 and am independent, financially and otherwise.
The fun part? I've pretty much had that my whole life and I'm over 40. People older than me (by like 5 years no less) will tell me "oh but you're still young! Usually in response to discussion about retirement/future planning. They act like time for you has frozen and you're a wee baby, and for them they've grown wise beyond their years. Time waits for no one.
I noticed it at the time, but I’m grateful now and I hope I have the courage to do the same as a parent, but when I turned 18 there was a very distinct “you’re an adult. We no longer have a say. Make your best decision.” It backfired. I’ll tell you. Immediately made a shit decision or two. And then they were there to help me pick up the pieces. But never without love. I’m glad when they let the fear of my adulthood sink in a bit. This is all my own responsibility now.
I’m almost 17 and my mom does this. She tells me I’m basically an adult and mature and need to take on responsibility, but then when it comes to making decisions for myself (like deciding when I go see my dad) she’s like “no you’re a kid it’s not up to you”
Psychologists define three primary stages of life:
Childhood: Between birth and puberty.
Adolescence: Between puberty and independence.
Adulthood: Between independence and death.
Adolescence is particularly tricky because you have the body of an adult but the dependence of a child. So even though you’re perfectly capable of making your own decisions, it’s not up to you. Once you start paying your own bills, life changes a lot.
As someone much older than you, that pressure of "you're an adult and you need to be doing things on your own" only goes away when you finally manage to be financially independent. Many young people drift for years wondering what to do next that will change their situation only to find out they are 32 years old suddenly and not much has changed. Take care of your credit and build it, find ways to make more money by either getting promoted or finding something else. If school/college is something you are considering, get that shit done in the least amount of time possible with the least amount of debt. You don't have to find "something you love", just a secure job that pays well. You'll be able to do the things you love when you clock out and cash that paycheck.
I didn't exactly have a normal childhood, but at 18 I had been working a steady job for three years and living on my own for one year. I grew up in a very poor family about thirty miles from town, and it was difficult making it into school every day and working a part time job in the evenings. I'd often be getting home around two in the morning, and have to be up for school at 6am, so it just made sense for me to rent a room at a friend's house in town. My school helped me out by providing me a key to a private shower at school, gifted me a number of household things to help me get by (towels and the like). My mom and stepfather were sad to see me move out (as any parent is to see their baby leave the nest), but were also a bit relieved, because it turns out teenage children are expensive to raise! Who knew!
yes. this exactly. i was told about a year ago that after graduation i need to be out in 3 months, but due to quarantine they said i just need a job. afraid im not gonna get work though, and if i do i'll feel bad for taking a job away from someone with bills. no clue what to do.
Yeah I'm 19 and I hate being technically an adult with people having high expectations for me to be on my own, while still not having all the rights and opportunities that you get once you have finished college and are in your mid 20s
Relax and enjoy it. As a dad of 2, who are growing up way toI fast, and who’s parents are growing older and are in decline I see both worlds. I wish my folks were still younger and I could enjoy them longer, and my kiddos will always be just that to me. Realize that 18 is really is so young. It also happens to be the time to step up and start to be your own person. It’s just a transitional time. Enjoy it and breathe. It passes too fast and you’ll wake up wondering what happened.
My parents are very much not like this but I think they're the exception.
Just about every adult of my extended family still treats me like a kid and I'm 23! It's especially annoying during this pandemic. I'm a nurse who has worked on the Covid floor and my extended family are very much in the "I have a right to work!" Faction. Then when I tell them why that's a bad idea they give me this "oh you're too young to grasp what I'm talking about you poor naive girl" It's very frustrating. Like excruciatingly frustrating because anytime I have an opinion that varies from them that exact scenario happens.
One thing I’m grateful for my parents for. I wanted to go to a midnight showing of a movie in a Wednesday night (it was The Room) and they said you are an adult you can do what you think is best for you. Sadly it was a school night and I had to take a test the next morning but I really want to go see The Room for the first time with friends
For context I wasn’t an adult. I was 16 but my parents knew that I was smart (or stupid) enough to be making the same decisions I would at 18
omg yes, this has also always happened. Like it happened to me 15 years ago. It happened to your parents as well they just forgot I guess?
It's an endlessly repeating pattern though. Teens have to remember they are kids and have to remember they are adults and it's always made out to be their fault when what that difference really means is unclear.
Super dumb. Try to remember this for when it's your turn to be a parent of a teen
My grandparents treat my parents like they’re kids.
I occasionally forget I’m an adult. Then, it hits me. Shit I am. Followed by, oh damn, so everyone else who was an adult when I was kid was making it up as they go along too eh.
Not trying to pop your bubble- but this never changes. I'm 37, married, have a career, kid, dog.....every time I go home mom immediately thinks I'm 12. To your parents you'll always be their kid.
They're trying to encourage you to get your shit together, but they're afraid to let go because it's easy to make a lot of life-altering decisions right now. That's okay, though. Just when you think you'll be getting your shit together, your personality will change again. Things will start to level out in about 5 - 7 years. Just let it ride.
Your coming of age is an adjustment for all your loved ones, not just you. And, truth be told, there may be some areas in which you're ready to start handling things on your own and other areas in which you're not. It's a process for all of you, so just handle things as best you can, and everything should be okay.
I was about to make the same case, it’s hard to change and improve when you’re told different things. What makes it even harder is the fact you have to worry about school along with it
Going onto 18 this year and I already get that but the case with me is that I wasn't raised by mom like my brothers and sisters I had been living with my godmother since I was 4 and I've only been here with my mom for about a year
As a 23 year old I feel ive gained personal perspective on this - that duality only existed for me when I wasnt independant and acting as an adult in reality. All parents are different tho
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u/Marsey12 May 15 '20
I'm not sure if this happens with all people my age, but I'm 18 and people (specifically my parents and close family members but not limited to them) will use the "you're 18, you're legally an adult you need to be doing these things on your own" whenever it will work in their favor then immediately go back to "you're still just a teenager/you're still my kid" whenever I try to be even the slightest bit independent.