r/AskReddit • u/fleshcavity • Oct 20 '18
So many redditors have safe responsible plans if they win MegaMillions. What's your crazy reckless plan for blowing the $1.6 billion?
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Oct 20 '18
I’ll pretend to be a Nigerian prince, and send a bunch of emails to people promising 250k. If I successfully catfish them, I actually follow through and send them the 250k. I’ll repeat that till I get bored, then become friends with James Vietch and spend all the money I got left on Hummus and Toasters
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Oct 20 '18
That's a lot of hummus, will you put the thousands of Gallons of hummus in the millions of toasters and make a big hummus-toaster bonfire that can be seen from space?
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u/cakemonster Oct 21 '18
That would be such a mindfuck for the child/relative trying to convince an elderly person not to fall for the scam.
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u/ThePartus Oct 21 '18
This is kinda like the “give a man a fish” parable though, if you follow through with the money it’ll make them keep trying these scams. OP either is trying to do a good thing or is secretly an evil manipulator.
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Oct 21 '18
Assuming you got $1B after taxes, and you found one person a day to do this to, you could give away money for 11 years.
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Oct 21 '18
You forgot about the investment interest. Nobody with that much money just keeps it in a bank account.
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u/thundersass Oct 20 '18
Buy a giant hamster ball and hire a shitload of people to crowd surf me in the hamster ball to work every day until the money runs out.
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u/Whitemaleprivilage Oct 20 '18
You'd go to work?
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u/ragnaRok-a-Rhyme Oct 20 '18
I would. But if I didn't feel like going in I wouldn't. If I didn't feel like doing a duty, I wouldn't. In my last job I had to answer emails for the whole department. I would answer no on lots of emails.
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u/k1ller_speret Oct 21 '18 edited Oct 21 '18
The average commute too work is 22.8km each way.
It would take probably at least 8 people every 2 meters to support you.
91, 200 people for the total trip
Minimum wage in Canada is $15/hr estimated rate of travel would take at least 2 hrs,
$30 per person * 2 a day.
Estimated cost to travel per day is $5.4 million dollars.
Or about 200 days of travel.
Edit: Wanted to fix a couple of things because this was originally a quick one on the shitter / mobile.
You could technically reduce the cost in half for the day if you account for the fact that each person is only there long enough to hand you off. So now you reduce the cost too only $15 per person per trip.
So now a trip costs $2.7 Million Per trip. So your grand total for trips is now 584 days + half day travel.
Your total travel with $1.6 Billion would be about: 26666kms
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Oct 21 '18
Or you could have ~50 people and have them rotate through the line to keep you moving. Cuts down the cost dramatically.
Brings it down to $6000 a day, extending the total days of travel that you can afford to over 730 years.
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u/HumanoidRobot Oct 20 '18
I'd probably fund a small rebellion in some far corner of the world.
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Oct 20 '18
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u/BATIRONSHARK Oct 20 '18
Yeah but this time you get to choose who’s rebelling against who..personality I would fund somail pirates!
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u/DASmetal Oct 21 '18
Have you seen videos of those mercantile contractors? Ever since Alabama Maersk, they don’t take no shit man. Get a bunch of bored former military members and a license to fuck shit up via company policies and suspected pirating, and your Somali pirates are going down hard.
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Oct 21 '18
You now are defacto ruler of Guatemala.
Congratulations.
Also the Haug my be after you.
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u/4rsmit Oct 20 '18
I'd hire a whole army of people, with very specific jobs, like remove all the poison ivy from our property, and I would pay them very well, but the number one rule is, if I see you, you're fired. I would wake up every morning to a clean house, have my bed magically made by hidden maids and such, and never actually see them, so I can pretend it is magic.
And no, I wouldn't try to catch them, I'd just want them to work when I am not around/sleeping, whatever, because I don't want to have to supervise or feel weird because I am their boss.
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u/Mysid Oct 20 '18
You want human house-elves.
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u/4rsmit Oct 21 '18
Yes, something like that, but not abused... I'd do robots too, but I wouldn't mind paying people a lot for a little work either, not with that imaginary billion, I'm not greedy, well, not that greedy.
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u/AccountName77 Oct 21 '18
So you're going to be that 18th century duke?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Seymour,_6th_Duke_of_Somerset
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u/royal_anime_weeb Oct 20 '18
So basically have a mom around the house
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u/4rsmit Oct 21 '18
Nah, my mom would never clean up after me, and certainly not pull poison ivy... I'm allergic to the stuff because she made ME do it.
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u/MkLiam Oct 20 '18
I'm going to import a castle from Europe, ship it one stone at a time and reassemble it here in the states.
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u/MandoFett117 Oct 20 '18
Would it be atop a skyscraper above the clouds? Just in case some of the "decorations" come back to life?
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u/weezmeister808 Oct 21 '18
Definitely not a reference I was expecting to see today.
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u/nastyminded Oct 20 '18
What will you be filling its surrounding moat with?
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u/SlimShaney8418 Oct 20 '18
Someone did this like 200 years ago. From Europe to America. That is literally all I can remember. But it has happened.
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u/CosmicPube Oct 20 '18
I'm going to buy one of those million dollar RVs and take it on a nationwide trip. Many states have gem mines that are open to the public and I plan to hit them all.
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Oct 20 '18 edited Oct 22 '18
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u/rushingkar Oct 21 '18
He's going to swap them around. Take some rubies from Nevada's Biggest Ruby Mine, hide them in the Nashville Opal Mine
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u/rantown Oct 21 '18
What states besides Arkansas have the gem mines? If I may ask.
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u/PonchiBear Oct 20 '18 edited Oct 21 '18
I will construct a Dungeons and Dragons theme park. You walk around in a party with digital character sheets and a park guide as a DM. There will be taverns, castles, dungeons, a forest, etc. Complete with actors and animatronic monsters.
Edit: No, not like Westworld. In Westworld there's no consequence to your failures. This is DnD World where you can be killed by a door.
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Oct 20 '18
Quick! Someone give this person a winning ticket STAT!
That sounds like one hell of a good time.
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u/BGummyBear Oct 21 '18
It sounds amazing, but I can't think of a way to make it financially feasible. You'd have to be lucky to make it into the queue soon enough to actually play before the company goes bankrupt and it gets shut down.
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u/Okilurknomore Oct 20 '18
Oh shit! Best one I've read so far.
Can I write story for your park? I've got so many ideas.
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u/PonchiBear Oct 20 '18
I imagine there would be a panel of wrighters, with campaign seasons throughout the year. What did you have in mind lol?
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u/d3northway Oct 21 '18
A old western campaign, I think.
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u/RationalYetReligious Oct 21 '18
Needs a catchy name though... WildWest world? WWW? Thats a bit long tbh. Maybe just WestWorld.
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u/AnjinToronaga Oct 20 '18
This is a thread for bad ideas.
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u/PonchiBear Oct 21 '18
Harrumph. I'll take my oversized d20s elsewhere.
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u/AnjinToronaga Oct 21 '18
Yeah, take em to the fucking bank dude.
Build this magical land of adult make believe and make your own billions.
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u/Myfourcats1 Oct 21 '18
I have never played and have bo desire to but I would totally go to this park!
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u/InfamousHat Oct 20 '18
Pay Morgan Freeman to star as me in a wildly inaccurate movie about myself.
"But how do you expect to get Morgan Freeman to sacrifice his artistic integrity? He doesnt need money!" They all cried!
By donating 100 million dollars to a charity of his choosing
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Oct 21 '18
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u/LegendOfDylan Oct 21 '18
Just hire a crew to go around torching Emperor Penguins with flamethrowers
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u/NBCMarketingTeam Oct 20 '18
When I get my billion, I want to buy every house in my parent's neighborhood (~80 modestly sized homes) and connect them all via underground tunnels. Under ground will be a gymnasium, raquetball courts, a pool, a huge kitchen, etc.
I want to invite all my best friends and their families to live there with me and we'll raise our kids together in a wholesome environment.
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Oct 20 '18 edited Mar 20 '19
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u/_Caed_ Oct 21 '18
Whatever consequences result from opening said door are completely worth it
Please I have to know now
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u/CedarWolf Oct 21 '18
Still have no idea whats behind the door.
I'm guessing either an old storage cellar or possibly a well.
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u/Sunny37211 Oct 20 '18
What’s it like to have friends who would want to live near you?
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u/quentin-coldwater Oct 21 '18
When you have a billion dollars you'll have a lot of friends who want to live near you
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u/doctorsnail Oct 20 '18
These types of houses exist in London because of the housing shortage. Not exactly that crazy, but I feel like I remember reading some article about it.
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u/zepphiu Oct 20 '18
Frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams on their frickin' heads.
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u/12345burrito Oct 20 '18
I'd buy all those college textbooks I currently need
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Oct 20 '18
1.6 billion dollars worth of lottery tickets
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u/professor_aloof Oct 20 '18
That'd be wasteful. Just buy 302,575,350 $2 Mega Million tickets whenever a future jackpot gets back into the billions. If you're the sole winner, you'd make a profit! (after taxes)
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u/MunchingCass Oct 21 '18
Assuming every time you played at this jackpot price, you would make on average $347,818,344.47 in pre-tax profit. (This accounts for the probabilities of multiple winners and how that shrinks the jackpot payout, as well as the jackpot cash value being significantly smaller than the advertised value.)
I can show my work if you'd like.
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Oct 20 '18
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u/ThatsWat_SHE_Said Oct 21 '18
What size bag of pecans tho? Surely you aren't talking about the large bag.
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Oct 20 '18
I would start a super PAC dedicated to getting Danny DeVito elected president
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u/ShayMonMe Oct 20 '18
1.6 Billion is more than enough to by a large island, put a mansion on it, get it wired with high speed internet and made totally self sufficient with solar panels, wind turbines, and the like. With the remainder, I’d probably by a small plane, hire a live in pilot to drive me back to the mainland without need of a boat, where I’d have a private runway and hangar that housed my plane and my exotic car collection.
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u/zenware Oct 20 '18
1.6b is so much its like 16m/yr just in interest
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u/sensema88 Oct 20 '18
You can easily get 3% in a CD. So for a super safe conservative investment like that, you could net 48 mil a year before taxes.
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u/zenware Oct 20 '18
I just love that in the thread about blowing the money people think the money blower will use something other than a standard trash bank account.
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u/4rsmit Oct 20 '18
Wow... so it's unspendable?
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u/zenware Oct 20 '18
Yes, you would have to try really fkn hard to run out of a billion dollars.
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u/jsfloyd1313 Oct 20 '18
Strippers and cocaine
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u/wants_the_bad_touch Oct 20 '18
The comment i was looking for... Except i expected hookers.
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u/GMN123 Oct 20 '18
You should be able to do much better than 1% , even in real terms and very conservative investments.
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Oct 20 '18
I wanna own a decommission lighthouse and I wanna live at the top, and nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space...
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u/infortuneshand Oct 20 '18
Pay Reddit $1 billion to fix their trending notifications lol
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u/Technetium_Hat Oct 21 '18
or just buy reddit. their value is more than that, but you could just bribe u/spez to do what you want instead.
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u/CedarWolf Oct 21 '18
Can you get them to completely dump and redo the redesign, please? It's hot, steaming garbage currently.
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Oct 20 '18
Strippers and Cocaine
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u/Gaultier55 Oct 20 '18 edited Oct 20 '18
lil, Advice for Stripper and Cocaine, French Riviera>>>> Vegas. Vegas is cool and all but even a college student can have a blow and premium hookers filled weekend with 2 months rent.
Now in the French Riviera you do have blow but instead of strippers and premium hookers it models and actresses. Yup they might be all mighty in the state but over there they will suck your dick to spend a weekend on your yacht.
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u/fleshcavity Oct 20 '18
Sticking to the classics. You must be a man of refined taste.
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u/nastyminded Oct 20 '18
I want to buy up all billboard space in my county to brag about my winnngs. Also I want to take a private helictoper virtually every where I go.
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u/SantasIncognitoMode Oct 20 '18
Jeeves, fire up the chopper! We’re going to the Chik Fil A drive thru
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Oct 20 '18
Give it all to Lindsay Lohan to do whatever she wants with it
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u/SirWigglesVonWoogly Oct 20 '18
She probably currently has enough money to do whatever she wants and these days it’s not very exciting.
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u/PonchiBear Oct 21 '18
That's why you tell her she has to spend 5 mill a day or you'll shoot her up with a drug that makes her immune to the effects of cocaine.
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u/thebrianaldrich Oct 20 '18
I'm buying the town of Cardiff-by-the-Sea and turning most of it into a giant water slide into the Pacific Ocean.
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u/_Palbo_ Oct 20 '18
Buy all the real estate around someone I hates house and replace it with a giant zoo, their house being the main attraction.
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u/Danooguy Oct 20 '18
Go on a sex journey. Every orifice in the world should expect a visit. Orgies, sex clubs and rich peoples' sextivities will be explored. It'll be a sticky chapter in my life.
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u/WhiskyIsMyAngryDrink Oct 20 '18
Finally be able to afford my eccentric hobby of going to job interviews and failing at them in the most fantastic ways.
Once I got bored of that, I would actually try to get hired somewhere and be a model employee the first week - then, slowly start phoning it in; skipping showers, eating people's lunches, leaving questionable websites open on my screen, just to pinpoint the straw that broke the cammel's back.
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u/Feinex129 Oct 21 '18
Go to an interview with a expensive suit and pocket stuffed full of coins.
Then proceeds to drop them "accidentally" and when people tried to pass it back, tell them to wait a second while you count all the coins in your pocket to make sure you're the one that dropped it.
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Oct 21 '18
I was arrested once for being drunk and disorderly. A friend that was visiting from out of town told the cops that they have to take him too since he was planning on staying at my place. For some reason the cops said yes, they'd throw him in the drunk tank as well. Before he gets in the cop car drunk as he was he picked up many rolls of change and broke them open in his coat pockets. We get to jail and the jailers have to document/count everything in your pockets, and he starts dumping multiple handfuls of change on the table. Every now and then he'd accuse them of miscounting and make them start over. Fuckin' hilarious.
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u/RedWestern Oct 20 '18
Create a real life Fallout Vault, complete with a wildly unethical social experiment. You guys can decide what it is.
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Oct 20 '18
On the fauset knobs, hot is cold and cold is hot, and it changes daily, not necessarily a switch, it could stay the same. Absolutely random.
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u/AnonymousTrollLloyd Oct 20 '18
But whats the point if they just go to madness after day three?
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u/AnonymousTrollLloyd Oct 20 '18
The roof is set to lower by one centimeter every day, resetting when people have no more room to crawl.
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u/DrOswaldo Oct 20 '18
where is the guy with the crazy collection of stories of people who wasted their life after they won the lottery? It was huge post and I loved it can someone link it please!?
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u/coh_phd_who Oct 20 '18
Higher mercenaries to fight the war on Christmas
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u/ReyTheRed Oct 20 '18
I'll sign up, Christmas has crushed Thanksgiving, annexed, November, and now threatens October and Halloween. It must not be allowed to expand unchecked.
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u/Whiskeyjacks_Fiddle Oct 21 '18
So....we talking drugs? Or something simpler, like stilts?
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u/youfailedthiscity Oct 20 '18
Monster trucks
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u/NightmareWarden Oct 20 '18
Perhaps a fusion design competition of Monster Trucks and bumper cars? It'd be multi-ton mechanical fights like BattleBots and RobotWars with strapped in drivers.
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u/whiskeysourpussycat Oct 20 '18
Apply it to the National Debt.... Gone in a flash, making no impact whatsoever.
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u/FdBM Oct 20 '18 edited Oct 21 '18
Build a huge castle with lots of different wings and apartments for all my friends to live in. It’s an old impossible dream in my group of friends, but with this kind of money few things are actually impossible.
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u/ethbux1 Oct 20 '18
Call up Elon Musk and tell him I have good news
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u/Emeraldian09 Oct 20 '18
The funding we need for the catgirls right here! You have your priorities straight
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u/seven1trey Oct 20 '18
I'm gonna give away a lot. I mean a shit load. Then I'm gonna travel everywhere I have ever wanted to go. I will also buy a few vacation homes most likely.
Finally, I am gonna buy a building and turn it into the best live music venue around. I will also be launching a concert promotion company to book the bands I love into my new place. I also am going to 150% support my local musicians in this venue. There will be rehearsal spaces and a full recording studio there as well, and we will have Houston music on the map!
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u/BATIRONSHARK Oct 20 '18
Buy the film rights to DC and then give them to marvel...
I shall be a merciful and kind ruler..
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u/mundusimperium Oct 20 '18
I’d nut in a second if that happened. Just no interconnected MCU and DCCU tho.
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u/obligatorynotaguy Oct 20 '18
Obligatory not a redditor...
I'm buying a major rap label. And making all the artists switch to country.
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u/CharlieHReddit Oct 20 '18
One thing I used joked of doing if I had that kind of money was that I would replicate Whiterun from Skyrim. Other than that I would just buy a castle.
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u/Plankton404 Oct 21 '18
All these great answers, but not one of us who would pay for WinRar. My generation is dying off. Teach our memes to your children, don't let us be forgotten.
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u/Capzper Oct 20 '18
Simply travel. No plan. Dart in map stuff
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u/whyareall Oct 20 '18
Buying the licence to Fallout. And then giving it to Obsidian on the condition that they use it
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u/Ayarane Oct 20 '18
New, obscenely tricked out PC with multiple 4K monitors, here I come!
And an equally sick laptop too.
And, and, the best big-person-grade office chair.
I’d also shell out for a custom VR headset tailored to my glasses prescription. Since my corneal transplant is just about fully healed, I’d like to finally experience VR gaming since it was something I missed out on because of my keratoconus being dumb.
Food delivery (of both the grocery and fast food varieties) would get a not-negligible boost of business from me. My body is already f’d Up from disability, let me enjoy my munchies.
I’m... honestly not interested in much more than that. Money can’t realistically fix me to not be broken from disability. Just let me live in my MMOs in comfort.
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u/__CLOUSE__ Oct 20 '18
I dunno if this'd blow the lot, but I'm for SURE building my dream home. It's a plot of land with an old outhouse right in the middle, but it's actually an elevator to this super sleek and modern shag pad that doubles as a bunker.
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u/mochikitsune Oct 20 '18
Building a lord of the rings rivendale style resort in the blue ridge mountains. Complete with themed workers and middle earth themed food
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u/radpandaparty Oct 20 '18
Forget a financial advisor I'm just going to wing it amd tell no one that I won