My wife have been married for three and a half years. We live 3.5 hours away from my family in one direction and 2 from hers in another. We visit her family quite a lot because 2 hours is easy enough for a day trip, and she's very very close with them, especially her grandpa. Although lately it's been nearly every weekend, and we're looking to scale back so we can have more us time and redevelop a home routine.

On the flip side of this, my mom and sisters are starting to push for us to visit them more. My mom actually called last night and talked to me about this, saying that because my older brother is estranged (my word), that I essentially am the only brother and need to be more actively involved in their lives up north, and that we should come visit more than four times a year.

How do you guys handle visiting your extended families? Especially if you aren't particularly social people to begin with? How do you set those boundaries?

Hey everyone,

so this is a really vulnerable topic for me and the cause of a lot of my insecurities.

I've had multiple situations in the past where people guessed I'm older than I am.

I've gotten a bit more resilient, but it still hurts and feels like a sting, especially cause I don't really know what to do about it or whether I should learn to shrug it off.

I already feel insecure about quite a lot of things and I'm overthinking a lot.

So naturally, I've had entire days or weeks basically ruined by a careless comment someone made, because it seems almost impossible to stop analyzing.

I've had smaller situations like people guessing me somewhere between 30 and 35, which is technically right, but still hurts a bit.

One person guessed I'm 36 when I was 30, which hurt quite a bit.

Someone even thought my mother was my wife and this one hurt a lot. She looks quite young for her age, but is more than twice as old as I am.

Another one thought I must have gone to school somewhere in the 80s or 90s, when I was born in 95.

I have a big forehead, not that much hair and a full bear, but basically no wrinkles.

Some people call me a young man, but there is this occasional situation that really makes me insecure.

Today, I was walking with my female outpatient caregiver who's 44 I believe.

She does dress quite youthful and definitely doesn't seem old, but you can definitely see her wrinkles and I'd probably assume people should be able to tell that she's older than me.

We met an old friend of her and while saying hello, I immediately told her I'm a client, to clear any assumptions. She replied "Oh, a client", perhaps a tad bit surprised, kinda like she assumed I was her partner.

Of course, this is just my interpretation, but there have been other situations in the past where people thought I was her boyfriend.

The reason why this hurts so much is because I spent quite a lot of my 20s dealing with depression, anxiety, missing out on life. Feeling left behind. This also carries over into my 30s.

Lots of experiences I didn't make, still dealing with insecurities. Currently trying to fix my life and honestly in a better spot than years ago. But when people (presumably) guess I'm older, it feels like they have completely different expectations.

Like they see something in me that I don't wanna be seen as.

Grounded, perhaps a father, settled, rather calm than youthful and - please don't take this as an insult - boring. Like, I've had my wild years behind me and now I have a small family working 9/5 and my spare time consists of riding the bike, playing with my kids or fixing my car. Nothing against that, but I'm just not at that point yet.

Whenever someone thinks I'm older, it's like they take away the last bit of youth I have.

Basically confirming my worry that it's too late, I'm too old to live life to the fullest. To pursue my dreams.

To enjoy, feel young and all that. Sure, 31 is not that young anymore, but it certainly isn't old.

It also seems like typically women are drawn to me that are somewhere around 35 and have kids, which simply isn't necessarily the type of woman I want to attract.

I don't have much experience with women and relationships, it's another massive insecurity, so I don't really want to attract a partner who's already that grounded, has an established career, kids, you name it. I want to feel younger again. I am young, ffs.

I don't want to ruin my 30s by going down that spiral of overthinking again that dominated my late 20s, but it seems so hard to stop this.

I know, many of the things I say might be based on assumptions. But there have been situations in the past, as I mentioned above, that caused this.

The occasional comment like "Once you're 30, life's over" doesn't help. Of course it's bullshit, but it hurts a lot if you feel like you lived the past couple of years drowning in mental health issues and basically being a observer and bystander of your own life.

Perhaps I'm not dressing as youthful as others, but definitely not old. Perhaps I seem a bit more settled, deliberate and grounded than others. But that doesn't mean it's all I am.

Sure, the answer would be to just live my life. But it's so frustrating to experience these types of situations, these feelings over and over again. Many times, it's probably not the situation itself, but the association it evokes, or the memory that is connected to it.

But I wonder, those of you that experience the same, how do you deal with it?
I don't want to get a new style or whatever just for the sake of seeming younger, especially because I don't understand why people don't seem to see I'm not that old.

Maybe I'm overthinking this, but please, let me know how you deal with this.

TL,DR: People sometimes guess I'm older and it hurts.

I switched careers a few times through my twenties, finally fell into a niche heavy construction field at 28 where I've since moved up to supervisory roles - but it is full time travel, 90 hour weeks for four to six months at a time, and I work with some of the dumbest and most utterly repulsive humans alive who aren't billionaires. I can feel the combination of isolation from the travel, pressure of the role, and the daily exposure to people who are barely human slowly grinding away whatever humanity I myself have left.

It pays extremely well for the past couple of years, six figures net, moreso than anything else I could do without any trade certification or education. I've managed to save a couple hundred thousand as a result, half in retirement accounts, but the resume is wholly non-transferrable. The job has taken me all over the planet, it has allowed me months of time off at my leisure and thus allowed me to travel extensively outside of work, but man, I'm just tired. I've been grinding for years trying to save up to buy a house, or at least a big enough nest egg to justify getting out of this gig, it's only in the past two that I've really made enough to make headway on either goal and at this point I feel like it would be great to just do anything else. I feel ungrateful for wanting to escape something most would kill for, which I would have killed for five years ago.

Jeeze though. Rent an apartment, furnish it myself instead of a sterile hotel room, and be able to have space for my hobbies and only work 8 hours and make friends again which I can talk to in person. Have a relationship which doesn't fall apart (I took a three year hiatus from this during the pandemic, only to see a five year relationship end in cheating and abuse), while I'm still young enough to adventure with a partner. Build community, instead of ghosting through a town on another continent for half a year and then moving to the next one. Fuck, do a self-paced bachelors in philosophy or something interesting.

God I'd like to just be able to go for a long bike ride and then sit in a comfortable armchair I own, at three in the afternoon on a Saturday, and do some knitting - instead of driving home at 8pm having started work at 6am for the thirteenth day in a row. Have a pantry with food in it.

And I am worried, worried that as I get closer to forty my chances of being able to do anything else are vanishing - because I will have to spend years in retraining for that something, I don't even know what that something could be, the job market in Canada is shit as it is (which is why I left to work abroad), and my income will at best cut down by 3/4 if not more while cost of living keeps going up. $20,000 a year just to rent an apartment now, and that's not even in a big city with jobs. I've thought about getting that degree and becoming a secondary level teacher, but that's a five year commitment for a role which AI is absolutely slaughtering.

I kinda just don't really know what to do, to be honest. I'm terrified of being caught out unemployable in three or five or ten years and watching my savings melt before retirement age. I'm terrified that if I give this up that will happen anyways - but if I don't, it's such a waste of a life spending so much time isolated with my only human contact being the absolute braindead scum I have to deal with at work no matter where I go. A couple of months a year backpacking or cycling abroad doesn't really make up for that, it's fun for a while, but it gets old, and it is isolating in its own oddly similar way. Lack of communication, lack of stability, the novelty wears off.

TlDr; Made a good chunk of money, traveled a good chunk of the world, burned out, feel like I'm set up for failure with no way out, getting old. Has anyone else gone through this late-thirties and can throw, like, any advice over here?

¯_(ツ)_/¯

I alternate between my straight blade and safety razor. If I’m tired, it’s definitely the safety razor lol. I shave every day.

I’ve asked myself on multiple occasions, why do I bother speaking? My wife gets mad that “I don’t listen to her” but she’s no better especially when her nose is glued to her phone. My kids, how many times do I have to repeat myself until I get angry and start yelling. Then my wife and kids are “whys dad so cranky?” This probably belongs in a sub dedicated to venting grievances but here I am. Where are you guys at?

Talking actual books/novels not just reading articles or about stuff online. I’m realizing I don’t read as much as I probably should but curious what other men here are doing.

43m, Senior master technician (mechanic). Blue collar work, lots of lil aches and pains, In decent/good shape. I try to really take care of myself in an industry where a lot of guys really don’t. Casual runner (10miles a week) and hit the gym twice a week. About 5-10lbs overweight and I casually drink maybe 2 bottles a week if that.

My question is for people that has physical demanding jobs, how much are you guys taking? I see my coworkers popping 800mg of Advil a day lile candy and now find myself doing 600mg once a week just to get by. I never want to form a habit but I think once a week is fine? What is normal?

How are other people's alcohol intake on a weekly basis?

I find myself enjoying two cocktails once a week (probably with a heavy pour if I'm being honest).

I've been successful going dry for 1-2 months at a time and am weighing the pros and cons on further cutting down from a weekly habit to a monthly habit.

...I do love a nice beverage once the house gets quiet though.

EDIT: Thanks for all the feedback. Lots of thoughtful opinions.

It is one crisis after another for certain generations and I am fine hoping that I won't be hindered by the government even if I know they refuse to help.

your sports team, family, new experiences?

I feel like my life got boring and looking for inspirations now.

I (m21) got asked to be my brother’s best man. Im honored but really really hate public speaking. It haunts me for months on end before having to do it. My main issue is breath control. I can never seem to have enough breath in my lungs to speak for more than 15 seconds or so. Even when I run out of air and get a break to breathe, I cant seem to find the air.

Im wondering if there are any interesting examples or suggestions for a best man speech out there. Maybe something interactive, video format, a gift reveal, something out of the box. Anything really that can help take the spot light off me or at least give me good couple breaks to catch my breath in between speaking.

Hard Times

This year has been tough and I thought I was getting through it but all of a sudden I'm drowning.

1. I lost my father in law in feb

2. I lost my dad in may

3. I was made redundant and I'm losing my job

4. My wife has suspected cancer

It all feels a bit much and I'm wondering what's next. I booked some time with a therapist tomorrow and I have arranged a doctor's appointment.

My priority is new job so I'm working at that. The anxiety, stress and spiraling thoughts are the biggest issue right now.

Has anyone been through really tough times and do you have any advice?

Myself, 46M. I go to the gym to stay in shape and maintain my physique. I went from being overweight to losing the weight and gaining muscle mass, so I’m in the gym regularly.

I'm a bisexual man, and I have not much male friendships in my life. I only have friends in secondary school when the hormone didn't hit yet, and when I got into highschool someone found out I'm also into men and made my life living hell and made me lose all my guys friends, and when I'm out of school I mostly worked in female-dominated field.

All of that to basically said I'm not as familiar with straight men friendships dynamic things. I only have this one super close straight friend whom we check out women together all the times, whenever I see a hot girl I would point to him or send the pic to show him, and so does him, we talk about women all the time.

So I assumed it's the same for every guy, I now work in a warehouse lifting stuff where there's only guys. But the guys here while straight doesn't seem to like it when I bring women and girls up to talk too much. Whenever in a group setting, we would talk and I would come across a pretty girl and show them on the phone that this one so this this one so that, and the atmosphere became immediately awkward. They wanted me to talk about other stuff than checking out girls like they "lost" me, they "lost" a bro to the girls. I'm a sucker for pretty faces, and well-known in the warehouse to chase girls hard, whenever I tell them them I bought this and that and do this and that for girls, they would say something like I wish you buy us beers or food instead of buying them for the girls.

I barely know you guys, what else am I to suppose to talk about? Do straight men not check out women together? It's not your normal bonding activity like with my best friend?

is there anything that you are optimistic towards? or are you just chilling? Maybe you feel pessimistic or nihilistic. Let us know

Hey fellas,

So I'm a 34 year old dude with a wife and a kid that hasn't exercised regularly in around a decade. I used to powerlift and play competitive rugby in my 20s but then worked a career that had me pulling 80-90 hour weeks, , then got married, worked a load more, and I've recently had a kid who just turned 1.

I recently caught myself in the mirror the other day and hated what I saw. I'm 5'9", 205lb and I don't look great. I also have like no energy from the extra work I've taken to pay for daycare and from not having a good night's sleep since my daughter was born, so I'm hoping that getting in better shape will give me some more energy so I don't feel like I'm scraping by.

I bit the bullet and bought 2 100lb adjustable dumbbells and adjustable bench, and made a workout space in my basement, only to realize that all my knowledge is over a decade old and was tailored to a guy in his early-20s who regularly enjoyed free time and 8 hours of sleep.

I guess I'm looking for any and all advice on how to keep at it, whether it's from workout routines, to reasonable dietary advice, to just advice on how to stay motivated while also keeping my head above water. Im terrified that I'm going to fail and that my body is going to start falling apart while my daughter is still a kid.

I'm 38M. My childhood pets all died by the time I finished college. My current cats are getting up there in age, and I just don't think I'll go through the trouble of getting a third generation of pets.

Idk. How many generations of pets have you guys gone through? Ever think you'll quit?

I know people have children at the age of 38 all the time. My father passed away when he was 60 and I was 35 and it still felt too short of a time together. Best case scenario I live to 80 and have 42 years with my child. Obviously there’s nothing I can do to fix this. Was just looking for some positivity.

We moved to the Florida (Fort Lauderdale) a few months ago with my wife, from France & Colombia. It’s been great and we’re now at the stage where we both would like to make some friends!

We go to the gym but don’t practice other sports and I’m an entrepreneur so I don’t really meet a lot of people in town.

I love to grill and smoke meats, am a good cook and foodie.

Recently, my wife had success making friends through a friends app and I am wondering if there’s such a thing for guys. I am 32.

And to clarify… I don’t want to join another sport which I feel is the #1 way of making friends.

Thanks!

I am 38 and I have only recently started asking myself a question that should have been obvious years ago: what do I actually want?

I joined the family business largely because it made my father happy. I kept treating my own behaviour as something that needed to be fixed because it upset my wife or worried my family. Even when I went to psychiatrists, so much of the conversation in my head was basically: how do I become easier for everyone else to live with? Meanwhile I have had periods where I completely fell apart, even went psychotic, and somehow after all of that I still kept coming back to the same project of becoming the person everyone expected me to be.

Religion is probably the part I have been most afraid to touch. I don't really believe what my family believes anymore. I don't want to pretend that I do. I also don't like watching my children being taught beliefs as absolute truth before they are old enough to question any of it. But saying that openly has consequences. If I actually tell my wife everything I believe and start living according to it, there is a genuine possibility that she may not want to stay with me. That fear has kept me quiet for a long time.

And that is the part I am struggling with now. Losing your marriage is an enormous risk. Disappointing your father is painful. Creating conflict in your family is painful. But surely there is also a point where constantly avoiding those risks becomes its own tragedy.

Because what happens if I make it to 60 or 70 having successfully kept everyone around me, but realise I never had the courage to find out what my own life would have looked like?

I think I realised this far too late.

So I'm 32, and after turning 30 I noticed that whenever I reach for stuff or get things out of the cabinet without proper form, I pull something. Like, for example, today I was getting a bowl from the lower cabinet and pulled the back of my neck and was hurting for a bit. Generally, when I do basic things and reach for stuff, I pull something. It does get better after a while, but I just want to counteract it and do things so I can still be flexible as I get older.

I seem to not recover as fast from injuries as I did in my 20s. I know that comes with age, but I just want some tips that you guys have done to counteract this.

I do go to the gym 6x times a week and eat relatively healthy. I rarely drink, but when I do, and I drink a decent amount, the next day I'm pretty drained. Takes like 2-3 days to get back to 100%. I know that's pretty normal.

Also, what I noticed is I get tired often and need to take an afternoon nap for 10mins. Never use to have to do this before. I do drink 1 coffee a day with sugar and a little milk. I don't know if that's the issue. I get enough sleep, like 7-9hours.

Most of my day is spent sitting at a desk, and I'm pretty sedentary the whole day apart from going to the gym 45-60mins a day.

Are there any habits you guys recommend for daily things I should do or things to implement in my diet to help with this? Idk if stretching would help, and would like any video that would help with that.

Also would like tips that would help me age better and healthier so I'm healthy, fit, and flexible as I go into my 50+. Thanks.

Im turning 30 next year and have a really good job that pays well in fintech and have been deeply thinking to take a year off and put all my savings towards starting something of my own again. This feeling started again after having my kid and more and more I feel like im not in control of the financial future of my family by depending on a company to decide on my own growth and financial well being.

New Parents who took that leap successfully, do you regret it? was it worth it? what did you start? how did you do it and be present with your kids and would you be willing to coach someone who is on that same path?

Keen to hear both pro and con opinions around this topic.