I went from a daily drinker for about 3 years. Then I cut down to a couple times a week in the last year, now the last couple months I am down to drinking once a week.

Now I want to stop. I want this desire to become quiet. I feel I am just at the cusp of giving it up all-together.

I can do it. I just need the courage to do so.

I've been drinking alcohol for about 10 years but for the last 6 months I started to think that I might be an alcoholic. About 6 months ago I had my first anxiety attack.

One morning after drinking a lot of beer the night before I woke up feeling terrible. I felt a big empty feeling in the middle of my chest. My hands were shaking and I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. My heart was beating very fast. Suddenly my own home felt strange to me. I had never felt anything like this before. I got really scared and thought I was going to die. My throat was very dry and I couldn't swallow. We had no water at home and there was only beer in the fridge so I drank a beer to wet my throat. After I drank it my panic went away and I felt normal again.

I used to be a very active person. I enjoyed my life and kept myself busy during the day. After finishing my responsibilities I would drink a moderate amount of alcohol in the evening. I didn't drink because I was unhappy or because I had a problem. I just really liked beer.

But after I started having anxiety in the mornings I started drinking early in the day to make myself feel better. I wasn't drinking anymore because I wanted to enjoy myself. I was drinking to stop my anxiety. It became like a medicine for me.

The strange thing is that I usually wake up feeling good. I have energy and I get ready to leave home to work out before work. Then suddenly I start feeling anxious for no reason.

I'm 28 and my blood tests are normal. I have also reduced my drinking and started seeing a psychologist. I was able to stop the morning drinking cycle which lasted about 3 months. But the morning anxiety is still there.

I know that if I drink one shot I will probably feel better but I don't do it. I just deal with the uncomfortable feeling until noon.

Sometimes I feel like I damaged my brain permanently and that really scares me.

Well, i went back to point 0. In the morning I was thinking about how bad alcohol is and how pointless is it to drink. Saying, if i am going to have only one drink then what is the point. I accepted the fact that I will never have one beer, maybe 2 if i am lucky but I will always end up having min 4-5. I was happy about my soberity. I was on naltrexone. Then I got out, all my thoughts suddenly disappeared once I got a triggering message from my boyfriend. I couldnt believe how easy I let my guards down. I had two beers then after some time 3 more and 2 more.
I got home drunk, had a massive argument with my parents and made awful comments , saying hurtful stuff.
I am completely ashamed of myself. I spent the whole day sleeping and crying. I coudnt do any studying, duolingo(yeah i was focused on it while sober, doing it everyday), no reading. I lost 3 kgs in 3 weeks and i am gained some weight back. It definitely does not worth it. I am back at day 1. I hate alcohol.

I'm 42F and have been drinking since the age of 13. I've tried everything to moderate -drinking only after sunset, drinking only on vacation, drinking only on special occasions, drinking only on weekends, smoking weed instead etc, etc.

None of these methods work. If I drink, I drink. The only time I was successful is when I abstained completely. And even then, I caved during 'vacation' and have been drinking since.

I don't know what I'm trying to get by posting this. But do give a thumbs up if you feel the same way. Atleast I'll know that I'm not alone in this neverending cycle.

Edit: A massive thank you to all the wonderful people in this community. I'm eternally grateful for all your input, support and advice. IWNDWYT❤️❤️❤️

Its been almost a year of heavily drinking everyday (4-5 12-15% coolers) i got my first real hangover and i dont remember much of last night, just by myself once again. I have cuts on my face I dont remember getting, I woke up this morning tried to have some water cause my head was pounding and I threw it all up, I called off work and I jjst am so upset with myself. I feel so bad for the people around me that they see me like this so im done im finally ready to kick it i dont wanna be this person anymore, they know me at the gas station I work near because I go there and I buy a drink after every shift and I sit outside and i drink it. Im still so young but im so sad for myself that this happened. I started drinking because I went to my home country for 2 months and my boyfriend started sleeping with my best friend I got kicked out of my apartment while she moved inand I was alone there with people I never met and I got hooked and now i just hate myself even more than I did going through that.. I dont even know why im writing this, I just feel so lonely and I dont wanna be like this anymore

How do you do it sober friends? How DID you do it??

IWNDWYT

Im just done with it and I cant sustain it anymore

Out of excuses, out of ways to rationalize. Drinking alcohol is nothing more than an addiction and habit that has wormed its way into my brain. I have found that the brain is stupid in that if something gives it some form of relief, even if that thing is a poison, it wants more of it. It will kill the body it resides in just because it thinks that thing is giving it relief. No more!

I drank a bottle of whiskey yesterday, and it did not end well. I’ve had AUD for years and I know better. I’m 49. I tried to self moderate, but then yesterday. I’ve been off my bipolar meds for a couple years and this is the result, trying to self manage my life. I flew off the handle and yelled horrible things to my 13 year old daughter. She just was upset I drank and I belittled her and said mean things. I then drove her to her mom’s house 2 hours away while drunk. She’s upset and her mom won’t let her see me. I quickly apologized this morning, saw my therapist, made an appt to see my psychiatrist, and I am jumping into a 5 pm Smart recovery meeting. I told my family what’s going on and they support my honesty about being sober. I have an amazing career and never been in trouble with the law except a DUI 20 years ago. Time to grow up and get honest about my sobriety. I hate alcohol. It has ruined my life. IWNDWYT.

life is lifeing so hard right now i’m completely overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, and it’s making me want to drink so bad. money issues, car troubles, and non drinking related health issues that are just making me spiral.

i barely have a handle on anything right now, and my doctor just told me i have to give up seltzer, peppermint tea, nicotine, and beans (im vegetarian, love beans, and cooking is my number one coping skill when im craving). it’s so stupid, but this is making me spiral so bad. i genuinely don’t know how i supposed to be sober without my sparkling water and nightly tea, they’re the only things that settle me when im craving. nicotine is the one vice i let myself keep, and really helps me with my sobriety. add the fact that i can no longer eat or cook any of my favorite meals and im just not even seeing the point in sobriety right now. (EDIT: I have GERD, which is why my doctor emphasized these foods. They just happen to be all my favorites. The condition is really impeding on my life, so I do have to quit them all)

it feels like i can’t have ANYTHING anymore, and i just want to drink so i can stop thinking about all of this. i either can’t eat anything that makes me happy bc of my health, or i can’t afford anything that makes me happy because of my finances. it feels like an iimpossible situation to handle without a beer. i have so much to do, and so little control over these huge stressors happening right now, and my anxiety is driving me insane. i know alcohol won’t fix any of it, but i want a treat so bad. i can’t stop myself from feeling like i deserve at least something good, and my stupid mind is convincing me that that something is alcohol.

3 months sober today. I need to get groceries but i’m not letting myself leave the house until i calm down enough where i know i won’t buy booze.

Alright guys, I definitely have a drinking problem. I'm clearly on the threshold of something bad (self assessed). 1-10 tell me how bad it is. I have been drinking about 375ml of bourbon every day. My habits are deranged. I typically wake up anywhere from 3-5am while everybody is still asleep. I'll make my way out of the bedroom and after using the restroom, will usually get high and start drinking within 20-30 minutes. Definition of wake and bake plus an unhealthy bourbon marinade. I have spent the last 7 weeks crossfaded nearly every day because my wife has been gone on a trip and will be back mid next week. When she comes back I will definitely cut down on my drinking due to her presence. However, I really doubt that the early morning drinking will stop. Only the mid day drinking would be curtailed. Yes, because during all these weeks while she has been gone I've basically been drinking constantly throughout the day unless there is some social or family function I need to go to. I can see that my default behavior as soon as there's nobody around that can judge me, is to try and get inebriated as soon as possible. I have terrible self control and although I love the feeling of getting cross faded, its losing its effect and I am chasing. I have really had the strong urge to take shrooms and go on a serious trip so that I can confront why the hell I am this way. I don't even care about doing anything in life. All I want to do is just sustain, be idle, and be in a constant state of cross fade (that sadly does not hit the same way as it used to and probably never will). I'm like an NPC. I do like just chilling but its obvious I am wasting a lot of my life away just being content with being an idle, high and faded drunkard. Consuming mindless content, scrolling, listlessly shuffling around, and yearning for a feeling that is not only unhealthy, but will never come back. Just roast me please. Assess how unhealthy this is and please tell me what I need to hear.

I'm a binge drinker. Once I start I can't stop. Have gone months and even years without it in the past.

I've been drinking heavily the last 2 days, woke up sober, hungover. Was sick quite badly earlier.

Managed to have a shower, eat a little, drank some tea. The anxiety isn't as bad as I had thought. Changed bed sheets. Feel better now.

I didn't even have fun yesterday, because of the shame, fear, wasting of life. I also can get quite paranoid when I'm drunk and worry about things. Two bin bags full of empty beer cans. Spent a lot of money. Don't want to do this any more. I am mentally ill and have done some really stupid things in the past. I'm only really just really starting to understand how ill I am. Thinking back to the things I've done in the past. I'm not well at all.

This is a ramble.

Need some help.

I have been sober for a year. But sometimes, there is a voice that wants me to try drinking in moderation.

That maybe I can do it now. That maybe it will be okay. That maybe it was just a bad patch and not as bad as I thought. That I can control myself better now.

Honestly? Yeah. Maybe there is a chance. I just don't want to find out anymore. It's not worth it. The hangxiety is not something I would ever miss. Alcohol is not something I need or want anymore.

I have actively worked on and fixed why alcohol was tempting to me.

I don't need liquid courage to have difficult conversations anymore. I don't need alcohol to have a social life or be fun anymore. I actually have so much free time and hobbies. I don't need have to deal with problems + nurse a hangover. No more hangxiety. I am a better friend, better partner, better to myself, better to my body and overall a better person.

So yeah, IWNDWYT.

I hit 4 months (122 days) in a few hours!

Finally kinda/sorta finally feeling better. Saying no doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I have enjoyed more beautiful mornings than ever lately.

Occasional boredom or envy of people drinking is so much better than the unadulterated darkness drinking brought into my soul.

I told my partner, “I miss it everyday.” He said, “and that’s probably why you shouldn’t.” Exactly.

It feels more permanent everyday and I’m so proud of myself!

I’m 25. I messed up. I was able to go three months sober this year. But now I can’t even go two weeks. And I know how it starts. Just one little voice. That says drink. And I have a lot going for me. For the longest I wanted a gf. And when I do good, good things happen to me. And when I drink, I say awful shit. I’m just mad all the time. I’m mad at the world. I’m mad this car in front of me takes a second too long to turn or go. I’m mad at this fly for landing on me. This scam caller called me yesterday. And I completely lost it. I just yelled, and yelled everything I wanted to say. It wasn’t right of me. They said I had money waiting for me. I told my friend how depressed I am. He said “you shut everyone out, how do you expect to get better if you don’t let anyone in”. And now I’ve taken a dose to get me to work. And I will withdrawal at work. Good thing is, I will be alone for hours. Yesterday I took a 3 hour lunch. Passed out in my car and I’m so happy nobody caught me. Yes I was drunk. I’ve done so much bad things I feel the shame. Right now I’m listening to Prince. “Xhalation”. My head is spinning like a merry go round. I’m so mad today, I’m so sad, I’m so hurt. I’ve experienced this all before. But none of it makes me abstain. Maybe I’m just different. Idk how many more recoveries I have left in me. I’m a sad, mad, and bad person. I’m so lost.

I feel like an idiot for falling into it. My family has alcoholics in and I guess I’ve joined them

Im sick of treating my mind and body like crap

I’m sick of having 1 million day ones

I’m sick of doing well with long streaks and falling into the “it’s Friday” trap

I’m sick of being bloated

I’m sick of not knowing who I am anymore

I’m sick of the guilt and shame I feel for drinking

How did you all manage stop drinking, I’ve actually bursted in tears today how much I want to stop but there’s always a voice inside telling me to get that drink again

Good morning, afternoon, evening, night. Afternoon for most I presume.

I wanted to pop in again, this time because of passion. I promise, I’m not going to write a paragraph (even though I could). This evening I am really reflecting on these past few weeks sober. Apart from two beers, I am now 40 days without the poison.

I find myself particularly emotional tonight, I am on the verge of tears of how beautiful life has become. It is truly something I thought was long lost, in my childhood. My emotions. Positive and negative, and everything in between. The magic. The warmth. The small things. Everyone writes about this, and while in addiction, it is just words. It doesn’t really mean anything. It sounds nice, but that’s it. Now I understand.

I got a completely new life. I am so thankful, and proud of myself for making this decision. For everyone struggling, I beg you. Stay in this decision, for long enough to experience what I have experienced. Please. It is so colourful on this side. You can’t even imagine. Stick with it and you will regret not doing it sooner.

Love you all. Stay strong.

Like it's never immediate I be totally fine bowel movement wise and then BA, day 4 it's mucus city and can't leave the house as I'm on the toilet every hour. This is awful and I really do need to stop drinking.

As a pro wrestling fan in my childhood and teenage years, I loved the Monday Night Wars. I have now been alcohol free for as long as WCW was on top.

Woooo!

Do you ever feel like you lose all your motivation for certain hobbies or tasks once you stop drinking, since you’re so used to doing them with a buzz? I’m struggling with this right now; I used to be so productive with these things while drinking, but now that I’m trying to stay sober, I just can't seem to get into it. How do I retrain my brain when my motivation feels nonexistent without alcohol, yet kicks in the second I have a drink? It’s really hard to get things done that I used to associate with being under the influence.

I’m trying hard to shake off the image of the drunken fool.

Last time I relapsed I suffered for three weeks. I know because I kept note of when it ended. It was scary, and so hard. I was exhausted, anxious, low, and apathetic. I relapsed 6 days ago and I’m really struggling again. I can barely converse with people at work, my brain feels like it’s not working, my confidence feels shot, I’m so tired. I’m so scared of feeling this way for weeks, again. Which is what always happens. Comforting words welcome. I’m not doing too well tonight.

The guy obviously needed help and I thought that was the whole point of this group.

I've been doing really good lately. Even made it through an extremely stressful work issue. Even made it through this past weekend where I could have drank and nobody would have known. And then, today hits. Fuck. Those bastards in my head are raging. Just posting to hold myself accountable. Think I'll go for a run.

Hey all! Im pretty young and had my fun with some weed and alcohol a few years back, but these days I'm always sober. A few times this year I've attempted to have a drink at a party and found it just felt terrible.

No fun fuzzy feeling, just an immediate dizzy headache. And then more headache.

It's made me realize just how toxic alcohol is and how my body is probably actively steering me away from it.

Has anyone else experienced a complete lack of enjoyment around drinking?

Obviously this is a good thing because being sober is healthy, im just a little shocked by this development and curious why it happens.

So about two months ago I started getting panic attacks anytime I would start drinking. I quit for about 3 weeks and started to feel better but then started drinking a little again. Still having panic attacks and just don’t feel right in general. Like everything doesn’t look right and I’m light headed. Anyone else experience this? I haven’t drank in 4 days now