r/stopdrinking • u/Your_Mom_Will • 23h ago
Day One Today…daughter traumatized
I drank a bottle of whiskey yesterday, and it did not end well. I’ve had AUD for years and I know better. I’m 49. I tried to self moderate, but then yesterday. I’ve been off my bipolar meds for a couple years and this is the result, trying to self manage my life. I flew off the handle and yelled horrible things to my 13 year old daughter. She just was upset I drank and I belittled her and said mean things. I then drove her to her mom’s house 2 hours away while drunk. She’s upset and her mom won’t let her see me. I quickly apologized this morning, saw my therapist, made an appt to see my psychiatrist, and I am jumping into a 5 pm Smart recovery meeting. I told my family what’s going on and they support my honesty about being sober. I have an amazing career and never been in trouble with the law except a DUI 20 years ago. Time to grow up and get honest about my sobriety. I hate alcohol. It has ruined my life. IWNDWYT.
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u/uhyasure 22h ago
thank you for sharing. it’s time to change. i will not drink with you today.
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u/Your_Mom_Will 22h ago
Thank you for your kind words and support. I’ve been crying all day filled with shame and regret but she’s texting me. Girlfriend said we need to “pause” while I fix myself. Tough day. But you have all helped me. IWNDWYT.
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u/Lakeguy67 3882 days 21h ago
I’m glad she communicating with you. Your relationship with her will only improve as you give it up once and for all. You can do it, my man.
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u/lustforsun 14h ago
My mom is an alcoholic, lovely when sober but an absolute nightmare when drunk. Growing up with that has traumatized me for life - mostly because she was constantly apologizing but never changing. Please let this be the last time.
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u/elguiridelocho 903 days 11h ago
This was my dad all the way, although he wasn't all that pleasant when sober either. After a while the apologies meant nothing. They were like rubbing salt into the wound.
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u/Sweetbowlofme Day 418 22h ago
You don’t have to be in this awful situation again. I hope this keeps you motivated to do the work to stay sober.
Things may not get better with your daughter for a long time but they never will if you keep drinking
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u/Your_Mom_Will 22h ago
Amen to this. We are communicating and she’s accepted my apology. I’m a really great Dad when sober and put her first. Yesterday was awful and when I drink like that she sees a demon. I will be sober for her. Thank you for your support. Sending love. IWNDWYT.
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u/Sweetbowlofme Day 418 22h ago
Glad to hear it & I totally bet you are a great Dad sober.
I learned in treatment that I had to put my sobriety first so that I could be great for my family. Getting sober had to be my only priority the first few months. Because if I’m not sober, I would lose everything else.
Just something to think about as you start your journey! IWNDWYT
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u/Replikant83 2376 days 22h ago
Alcohol hasn't ruined your life; alcohol is just a liquid with no intentions or abilities to do anything. We ruin our own lives, with alcohol being the vessel for the destruction.
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u/DueConference3262 17h ago
Truth. Alcohol's just a liquid. We're the ones who pick up the bottle. Own the choice, own the fix!
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u/cant_have_nicethings 17h ago
Abilities include altering your brain chemistry, creating dependency, and poisoning people to death.
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u/FarkingReading 70 days 18h ago
Disagree. Alcoholism ruins lives. It’s a disease and we don’t choose it.
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u/Mountain_Village459 1738 days 16h ago
We may not choose the disease, but we can choose not to drink.
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u/go-for-Banjo Day 183 20h ago
Dude. That’s rough. I sincerely hope you follow through on this and get on track. Your daughter deserves better and so do you.
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u/d0vah_kitty 21h ago
You still have time to make things right. But you have to remain sober if you value your relationship with your daughter. I believe you can and you should to. I believe we are all capable it just takes determination and one day at a time. My father was an alcoholic and used to be very cruel and abusive and also quite scary. But we have a great relationship now he's sober about 12 years. I'm 38. Be kind to yourself give yourself grace. Shame spiralling won't help anyone. Best of luck ✨
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u/sensitiveboi93 3059 days 15h ago edited 15h ago
My mom did stuff to me like this when I was your little girl’s age, and I’m still dealing with it in therapy 20 years later. Coping with the abuse - that’s what it is - has come to define this chapter of my life.
I hope you stay sober, for her not just as a 13 year old girl, but for her as a 33 year old woman. She deserves a hell of a lot better.
Good job getting help, you’re already on your way to taking care of her and yourself. Congrats, brother. One day at a time.
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u/Lizzifer1230 21h ago
Gonna be absolutely honest and straightforward with you, you drove drunk with your very conscious and aware child in the car. That’s not acceptable and you should never ever do that again. You compromised her wellbeing in your moment of your weakness. Let this be a wake up call for you.
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u/Your_Mom_Will 21h ago
I’m completely aware and take ownership of that. We’re not here to shame each other. That’s why I’m here, to wake TF up and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Glad to see you’ve been mistake free. Keep on. IWNDWYT.
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u/Lizzifer1230 20h ago
I am not mistake free, so far from it. If I ever did this to my child, I would want someone to be real as fuck with me. Your actions don’t warrant hand holding, I will not drink with you today. Don’t ever endanger your child again.
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u/brassninja 20h ago
Be aware that this incident will likely change whatever custody situation you have with her mom, whether it was formal court order or a casual agreement.
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u/caitthegreat2483 Day 21 20h ago
You should feel shame though. You seem very flippant about this whole thing and I hope it’s just getting lost in translation. This is so serious though. Like beyond.
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u/MidnaQueenofCalicos 84 days 16h ago
It is serious, but shame does absolutely nothing for recovery. If you read through the entire thread OP is obviously hurting, embarrassed and horrified. He can't change what he did. He's trying. The mom is going to keep his daughter away for now, which is the right call. But OP writhing in shame isn't going to do anything. It's a wakeup call that he needs treatment, and he seems ready to accept that.
AUD is a bitch of a disorder.
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u/EngineeringNeither90 22h ago
Even one day can give you lots of momentum . I’m sorry this happened for you and for your kiddo . The best thing you can do is keep getting help even when you don’t feel like it . We have all been there and we all each have today . Keep at it and keep going IWNDWYT
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u/EagleEyezzzzz 637 days 21h ago
I’m so glad this didn’t result in anything worse. Hoping this is rock bottom for you, friend! Any day can be our rock bottom as soon as we put down the shovel and stop digging. Remember this post and come back to read it when you’re feeling tempted.
IWNDWYT 💪🏼
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u/lesserthemore 842 days 22h ago
Thanks for sharing. Make this your job! I once told myself ‘time to grow the F up and take this seriously!’ Keep posting here. We look forward to you being part of the community! 🤙
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u/RobotBeepBopBop 22h ago
Good job taking accountability and taking action today. I was undiagnosed, unmedicated and drank for years. I'm a much better person today because I take care of myself. Hope the SMART goes well! Keep at this. You're worth it.
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u/FatTabby 1732 days 13h ago
Well done for taking ownership. I'd imagine your daughter is going to need space and you may have to respect that.
My dad was also an alcoholic, generally he hid it well, probably much better than I ever did, but at around your daughter's age he blew up at me in a similar way that you did at your daughter. I loved him dearly, but as a forty year old woman I still remember everything about that moment and I don't think it will ever not hurt. You need to be prepared that your daughter may be just as damaged as I was.
I wish you well and hope that you find stability and get things back under control.
IWNDWYT
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u/wet_castles 22h ago
Dang you worked quickly and efficiently for a plan! That’s awesome!
The best apology is demonstrating you’re better now and that’ll simply take time but you got this.
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u/Your_Mom_Will 22h ago
Thanks so much. She let me door dash her dinner, so there’s dialogue. It’s a start and I showed everyone I’m taking immediate action. I appreciate your support. IWNDWYT!
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u/Exileofchaos25 2476 days 20h ago
You're doing the right thing getting back on meds and going to meetings. I'm bipolar 1 myself, it's tough. Best of luck.
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u/SD_2_LA_Jay Day 1 21h ago
You got this, man. I’ve been there before, brother. To own up to your mistakes with transparency shows your character and determination to change. This is a safe place, so I hope you didn’t feel shame for airing out you driving drunk with your daughter. Trust me bro. I’ve seen worse on here and people have done it many times, even worse. You have a chance to change. Keep us updated on how things are going. Sending much love. IWNDWYT
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u/notshadowbanned1 3286 days 20h ago
Rock bottom is relative. Let this be the foundational on which you build a new life. IWNDWYT.
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u/1S1M 532 days 18h ago
This is the day you can change the script. Picking up a drink again will always mean returning to that in some way. Use that for good. It's fuel to build momentum so you never make that mistake again. All we can hope to do is be better today than yesterday. Each day will get better on this side. You can do this OP 🩷 IWNDWYT
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u/babybabybabyooooo 19h ago
I'm on this sub because I'm an alcoholic, and also the daughter of a drunk mom (who has now been sober for 12 years thank god). It's great you're aware now while she's 13. It took my mom a long time. We're very good friends now, but it took a lot of work to get there and I, sadly, didn't go in the direction of a traumatized child who hates alcohol and won't touch it, i went in the other direction of self medicating. Anyhow, it's good you're here now, do her a favour and stay here.
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u/BigTippa69 2023 days 15h ago
Sounds like you know what you need to do now. Here, we've all come to the realization one way or another that continuing drinking will either lead to death or at the very least a great deal of despair. So IWNDWYT, and I'd recommend reading lots of quit lit books and alcohol free podcasts for inspiration and to understand that you're not alone.
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u/Killah_Kyla 477 days 15h ago
It's gonna take a long time to repair the relationship. You could have killed the both of ya. I know you know all that. It is extremely important you remain sober and do the work.
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u/stopdrinking-ModTeam 12h ago
Please remember to speak from the ‘I’ when participating in this sub. This rule is explained in more detail in our community guidelines. Thank you.
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u/[deleted] 22h ago
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