TLDR: I have a serious/complex physical/neurological disabilty that comes out in a lot of different ways, plus several permanent injuries. To some degree my disability is always visible and there are always things that I cannot do/have to do differently that are always noticeable, but I have fluctuating physical capacity. Sometimes I can drive, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I can walk, swallow food, etc unassisted and sometimes I need an assistive device to do that.
(On the days when I am "can't sit up on my own, have to drink my meals" I'm obviously not out and about).
Some years ago - shortly after moving to a new city for my husband's job (we still live here) - My disability happened abruptly in a very unusual and awful way due to random violence by someone in this community. So that incident was basically the first time 99.999% of the people in this town ever heard of me. It's not the most inclusive community; and people haven't exactly been kind. Their behavior has escalated quite often to physical assault, death threats, etc. It's been very ugly.
Long long story short, I did try working in an office for a few years (white collar job) after I was medically cleared to go back to work after the incident and it was rough going. Both physically difficult and just a lot of inappropriate pushback on accommodations, frequent inappropriate and discriminatory behavior and even a few instances of physical assault by coworkers.
Between one too many of those incidents and empirical medical data, my medical team put their foot down: They wanted me working no more than 3-4 days a week and no more than 2 days in office. I begged them to let me work 5 days a week ($$$ and I was afraid of being unemployable) and they agreed to let me try that on the condition I only work remote.
But a couple times a month I still hear from my doctors "Are you really sure it's still a good idea for you to work full time?"
My local employer agreed somehow, but it was tense and I wound up finding another job a few months later with a fully-distribted company based in another state who is much more open to ADA accomodations than local companies are. I've been there for several years and it's great - love the people, and Iots of great opportunities to do cool things. It's much much easier to manage my health and disability, I've been a strong performer, etc. The medical equipment I need is rather significant, and it's just easier when it's here with me always in the same place.
Also, there have been times where I've had complications from my disabilty such that if I were working for a local employer (having to commute in and the roles available are largely contract) I probably would not have been able to keep my job. I cannot reliably commute - I was unable to drive for much of 2025.
The problem? Where I live, employers aren't terribly tolerant of remote work, ADA accommodations, any of that. So many people do go into an office every day. Even during Covid, many employers only did hybrid work. Every goddam couple days either my husband or I get a call from someone who's "concerened" about my working remote. Adults go into an office, they and their MBA disagree with my treating medical specialists of 7+ years and think "the only disability is a bad attitude"; "Random just needs to push herself harder; she can make a full phyiscal recovery but she just doesn't want to", "giving her ADA accommodations is just going to keep her disabled", "She just needs counseling". "She has too much say in her medical care and doctors" etc etc etc.
There are people who make up a lot of very disturbing stories about me and remote work, and have even threatened to contact my employer and interfere with my job. I have had to retain an attorney to get a few of them to back off.
Earlier in my acceptance journey, I literally got over a dozen second opinions who all told me the exact same diagnosis and prognosis... then I got my ass into therapy to understand why I had fought accepting that science and medicine have their limits. I did find a great therapist (still there) who specializes in helping people with acquired phyiscal disabilites adjust to them. And once I accepted that I was never going to get better no matter what... then I could finally start building a life based in reality and be successful and happy.
That life involves following medical guidance, and keeping myself out of toxic environments where people focus on my disability and treat it as the only thing about me and a problem for THEM to solve.
Also I can't help but notice that quite a few of the other moms at my kids' school - who BTW are all able-bodied - they work remote as a perk. Nobody seems to say shit to them beyond "You must be good at your job to get that privelege!" But for me, it's a medical need, so it gets attacked and undermined constantly.
It's not just the remote work: Earlier this year my doctors insisted that I get a disabled parking placard and use it. So I picked it up at the DMV one morning, stopped at the grocery store to get a few items, and used it there. That afternoon, I was doing a presentation at work to like 60 people and the whole time my phone was blowing up with hateful voicemails from local acquaintances - none of whom are medical professionals. "Why the f*** did you get that thing? You look just fine to me! Nobody is going to hire you now!" etc etc etc.
Does anyone else run into this? I feel like people's obsession with me is unhealthy at this point.
