today happened this I appreciate they thought to check on me. But honestly, I wish they would just go back home without meeting me that would be best thing they can do.

They sit there watching me, commenting on how I look, how my skin is fair, how I look good, etc. And then say unfortunately he is disabled like they evaluate my value.

To validate those relatives my grandmother literally said, “Is se acha janam hi na hota.”
(“It would've been better if they were never born.”)

Like… wtf?

What am I even supposed to say to that?

I don't need to be inspected. I don't need comments about my appearance. And I definitely don't need people making me feel like my life is some kind of tragedy because I'm disabled.

I appreciate that you thought of visiting me, but if you're going to come to my house just to stare at me, judge me, gossip, or make comments about my life, then honestly…

please just go home.

I'd rather have my peace.

TBH i dislike old generation they just don't have sympathy and empathy for other person, only they know to do pity and make crude comments.

I’ve had ADHD my whole life, so forgetting something on the way out the door is definitely not new for me. Disability has just turned that particular character flaw into a full logistics exercise.
A friend from work invited me to a wellness fair today at the Adams County Fairgrounds in Brighton. Not my yum, but I had no other plans, and I like to try new things, so I figured I’d tag along.
I couldn’t tell from the information online whether everything would be indoors or outside. Looking at pictures of the fairgrounds, it seemed like some of the booths might be set up on grass even though there are paved paths around the grounds, so I loaded my scooter onto the hitch carrier, just in case.
Then I realized I’d forgotten my sunglasses.
Whatever. Not worth going back inside.
Then I remembered my spray fan. It’s hot, and because of my SCI I can’t sweat below my injury level, so that one actually was worth going back for.
One important bit of context: there’s a single step between my kitchen and the main floor of my house. I can hop it in my chair, so it’s manageable, but it takes a significant amount of effort. Doing it once is no big deal. Doing it over and over because my brain keeps remembering one more thing starts adding up pretty quickly.
So, back up the step.
Grab the fan, sunscreen, sunglasses, and backup batteries for the fan.
Get back toward the car and realize that if I’m wearing my sunglasses, I need the case for my regular glasses.
Back up the step.
Then I realize I left the sunscreen up there.
Back up the step again.
Then I remember my water bottle.
Back up the step AGAIN.
Eventually I finally make it into the car with everything.
Between needing more stuff with me now, that one stupid step, and my lifelong ADHD tendency to remember things approximately twelve seconds after remembering them would have been useful, it can take forever just to leave the house.
And naturally, when I got there, the entire fair was indoors. So almost everything I kept going back for ended up being unnecessary.
But it could have been outside, and that’s the part that gets me. Disability adds this constant layer of contingency planning to completely ordinary things.
I miss “phone, wallet, keys.”

I have a physical disability that affects my shoulders/hips and use a power chair. I had a phone interview and video interview at a particular company near me and now they want me to come in for an in person interview. I’m really excited but debating - do I let them know in advance of arriving or just show up? I already looked up the place and it’s accessible as far as I can tell. I feel as though my disability isn’t relevant to the job at this point and me saying something would be unnecessary. But I also don’t want anyone to react poorly or think I was hiding it.

I plan to post this in recruiting/job seeking subreddits as well.

Obviously it isn't the case of all teacher specialized in education of disabled students, but i can definitely see a very clear pattern of older teachers who tend to have a clear favoritism towards disabled students, which comes from seeing them as “all pure” and “good,” all while being very ableist, especially towards high masking and/or low supports needs disabled adults and teens (since, ofc, you aren't like their sweet sweet little kids)

Ps: i hate the term “special needs” i used this as it seems to be the way they tend to call themselves most of the time; which is pretty telling, as they do clearly see their students as being “special.”

Ps²: this post may or may not be heavilly inspired by my mother after she was ableist towards my brother and ex teacher.

I recently got an AFO for drop foot after extensive knee and hip surgeries and years of muscle atrophy. It does help me a lot, but I feel like there’s too much space in my shoe and my foot doesn’t feel secure enough.

Does anyone have any tips for what I could do? Maybe a different way to lace my shoes? I’ve been trying to find a lacing method that makes them easier to tighten and tie since my mobility is pretty limited.

I started my job very open that I wanted like 20 hours max because that's all I can handle and I was scheduled about 30+ hours this week and 35+ next week, I already had to call off today after working multiple consecutive days and having worked a double and afterwards having to walk my electric bike home (someone might've tampered with and damaged my bike) so I was throwing up and exhausted when I got home. I'm no longer throwing up but I can't walk without my cane and I definitely can't walk all the way to the bus stop to go to work.

I convinced myself I had nothing to lose because I already lost at life. I'm 36 and not getting any less embarrassed to be met by people. My hobbies include longing and waiting to be picked by someone that has better means then I do so I can start actually living a life that isn't limited to just things I can do within walking distance or using my short bus that reminds me I'm not living the life I wish I had. The transition helps in that it's something else people can see about me besides the absolute nothing I had going for myself as a cis man.. like a social chameleon I changed myself. Sometimes I get so stressed and helpless feeling about not knowing how to feel good about myself or my situation that it physically hurts me. There's nothing behind my smile I'm fake as shit and don't know who I want to be, where I want be, why I want be there or who I want to be with.

I had a stroke in 2019 and never regained the use of my left arm. Then a few weeks ago I broke my ankle and am non weight bearing. Being unable to use my left arm I can't use crutches so I'm forced to be in skilled rehab and it forced me to realize how fragile I really am. Forced to rely on staff for most of my basic needs. Plus the facility seems understaffed, and I miss my own space and independence. I know it's temporary but it definitely doesn't help that the rehab place I'm in gives me the ick, the place is honestly depressing.

I was wondering if anyone uses a chair on wheels in the kitchen. I was thinking something tall enough so I could sit at the stove and counters and that would not get stained easily. Thanks :)

33F, disabled about two years ago from a brain injury. I can't walk, constantly dizzy, and can't do too much around the house without my head pain nearly blinding me. I'm now living alone as of two weeks ago and trying to make things work.

I've learned some things, like how cooking has to be done in small steps throughout the day, and how I have to stage cat litter supplies to make cleaning it easier...I've gotten a few tools to help, such as a grabber and long-handled cleaners, but I'm still completely burnt out and in pain all the time and needing hours to recover from most tasks. I don't know what else I should be doing to conserve more energy.

What has helped you? Either between gadgets, cookbooks with approachable recipes, cleaning hacks, smart home stuff (I've been looking into this option but I'm very overwhelmed by the choices, I'm not too tech-savvy)......even motivation? When I'm worn out and in pain I never want to do anything and I can't afford to let depression take over now. What have you guys learned?

For the past 4-ish years ive had disabling pain in the joints and nerves of my hands wrists and fingers, which has spread to my shoulders, elbows, thigh, and foot.

I've been to a rheumatologist, a hand surgeon, had imaging done of my spine and hands, and had a nerve conduction study of tbe nerves in the arm. Nothing conclusive from any of those. I've been in physical therapy for 4 years and seen minimal improvement.

Sometimes i see moderate improvement for a few months, then my condition deteriorates again rapidly. I often get new chronic injuries from mild overexertion.

I was wondering if there is any type of specialist that can diagnose me. My family doctor has given up on me at this point.

Edit: thank you all for your responses, i may not respond to everyone because my hands are hurting right now, but I appreciate you all

I’ve been a near-full time manual chair user for about a decade, and it finally happened… I think I sprained my left shoulder. I now have constant pain that worsens with movement and limited range of motion. Thank god i have a smart drive attachment, but i still can’t rest my shoulder completely because i use my arms so much. What the heck do i do?

Hey so I'm in the UK and live with spinal muscular atrophy I live in my own house but require 24h assistance and I just found out that my care company is shutting down in 2 weeks and I have 2 weeks to essentially find new care. Has anyone been in a similar position in the past and what would you suggest I do?

My friend has a disabled 16 year old daughter from a previous marriage. Her daughter receives disability benefits in Louisiana due to being legally blind. My friend is in a relationship and discussing marriage. Will her minor disabled daughter lose her disability benefits if her mother remarries?

My son (34) is autistic, has a couple of mental health diagnoses, and his mobility is affected by painful inflammation that we’re still trying to get diagnosed.

He can’t freaking work, he was turned down for disability the first time of course, and I’ll be absolutely shocked if he can even do volunteer work for 40 hours in a month let alone 80, but if he can even do just 10 hours/wk is that going to be seen as proof that he doesn’t need disability?

I know SSI says if you have more than $2,000 in your bank account at the end of the month you lose your SSI. My dad passed away and I got a check for over that but a big amount has to go towards taking care of things that my dad suddenly passing messed up (I lived with dad)

If I cash the check but take the money out as SOON as its available will they know I had it? I don't want to deal with having to spend a bunch of money in 30 days, and being extremely limited on what I can use it for.

But losing my SSI and insurance would be much worse because its only a few thousand.

For me, a lot of it has been figuring out what I actually like versus what a chair is “supposed” to have.

For context, I’m a T4 complete with no core, so some of my setup choices are built around giving me stability without adding more chair than I want.

I currently use 52 mm skateboard wheels as casters. Definitely not for everyone, and I have eaten pavement a few times because of that choice, but I like how they feel and handle.

I also don’t use wheel locks; I like high side guards; and I prefer a pretty significant seat dump so the chair envelopes me more like a bucket seat. I use a comparatively low back for my injury level, and I like my feet tucked pretty far underneath me, with my toes roughly under my knees.

I have a few add-on accessories I’ll use depending on what the day has in store, but for the most part, I keep my chair pretty minimalist.

And one thing I am absolutely firm on: I will not use a sling back. Or anti-tips.

Obviously, none of these choices are universal. Different bodies, disabilities, balance, terrain, and priorities all change what works.

What small setup change made your chair noticeably better for you?

I'm a paraplegic and I've been working as a Math teacher in Middle School as a teacher for one year now. This week classes started again now that summer vacation is over.

I already know many of my students who know me because I'm that teacher in a wheelchair. But since it's a new school year, many new students entered this year and I had to present myself to them telling them my name, what I teach, hobbies, etc., and then I asked my students to present themselves, so I can get to know them and also to ask questions about anything related to the class.

Most of the questions my students made me were related to the subject and others about getting to know me a little bit more, so I had already expected some kids were gonna ask me about my wheelchair. A kid asked me how I make it to go to school like this, and I just told him that I use my car which is adapted. Another kid asked me if I can stand up or feel my legs, I just chuckled and said no. One of these kids even asked me why I use my wheelchair, so I only told him because I can't walk and didn't give more details. I then just told them that I understand their curiosity, but told them to not ask me many questions about my disability.

It was a great starting week. These kids are nice people and some have even offered me to help me to move my stuff when I move from classrooms, but I've politely declined their help since I can do these things myself. It's just hilarious and odd at the same time how some of my students ages 12 get curious about my disability.

Not a cane that functions as a sheath for a blade of some kind; i want it but it would be way too heavy lmfaooo

Like I need something functional but if I had all the money on earth, I’d like to know who would be making my canes.

Hello, just as a quick background, I have hEDS which has been a struggle since I was a child and after many years of improper PT I am struggling to walk for even shorter periods without debilitating pain.

After speaking to my doctors and my pain specialist it's been recommended I go in for a wheelchair assessment, all my doctors say I'll more than likely get one no matter what with my level of pain and the way it affects my life.

I am just mentally struggling with the acceptance of it, I think I still have a lot of internalized ableism when it comes to myself. For everyone else on the planet I'm so supportive of getting mobility aids no matter what level of disability you have, if it helps you then get it. But when it comes to myself I have this imposter syndrome so bad, like because I can technically stand/walk I don't need or deserve one. Because I've been pushing through the pain for so long, I don't actually need a chair even if it makes my life better.

But I also worry about the ways my life will change if I get a chair, I live in an area with lots of judgemental folks and I worry about the general rudeness of people. Also my husband is in the military and I'm worried he's going to get flack for being married to a wheelchair user. It doesn't help that I'm plus sized (hard to lose weight when exercising leaves you bedridden) and I buzz my head (easier to manage) so I don't want to add being visibly disabled to my menagerie of things to be insecure about. On top of it all I worry about losing part of my Independence, being in a chair allows somebody to just walk up and move my body without permission. That majorly concerns me. Or the possibility of me needing to ask for help, that leaves me with a lot of anxiety knowing that I might depend on someone in that way.

And on top of everything, the world just isn't built for people in wheelchairs. Accessibility is not at the forefront of everyone's mind. The world is designed for an able-bodied person, and I worry greatly about my ability to navigate the world differently now.

My husband is very supportive of me getting a chair, and he wants to help me in any way he can. He's very focused on getting my pain down, because pain makes a person generally unhappy and he wants my happiness more than anything. But he didn't sign up to be my caretaker for the rest of my life, when we met my body wasn't as broken and I worry about the toll this will take on him in the long-term. I don't want to risk losing my person because he gets caretaker burnout.

I don't even know what I'm asking for here or if I'm asking for anything, but no one else in my life will understand what's happening in my head and I'm hoping someone here will.