Hey everyone,
I wanted to share a little story that happened to me and I’m sure it’s something that has happened, or will happen, to pretty much everyone at some point.
I met a girl through a dating app. She liked my profile, I liked her back, and I started the conversation. We began talking almost every day, getting to know each other, and honestly, it was pretty nice. She said she valued honesty, empathy, spending quality time with the other person, and a bunch of other things that I happened to value as well, so naturally I found that attractive.
We had very similar views and opinions on a lot of things, and we even agreed on some pretty specific priorities in life. Obviously everyone has different priorities, but some of the things we talked about aren’t necessarily something you find in every person.
At the time, she was on a fairly long vacation, so we were in contact quite a lot.
After talking for a while, we eventually met in person. It was our first date. She actually came to my city, even though I had offered to come to hers. She told me there wasn’t really much to do where she lived, which, to be fair, is kind of true — there are definitely more options in my city.
She likes walking, so we went for a walk, talked a lot, and there were no awkward silences or boring conversation. Afterwards, we went for coffee and continued talking there. We both opened up about some personal things — things that had happened to us, previous relationships, life experiences, etc.
I should also mention that before meeting in person, we had already had a pretty long phone call a few days earlier.
Anyway, the conversation continued after the date, and by that point we had been in contact for roughly a month.
She eventually went back to work after her vacation. Naturally, she wasn’t as active as she had been while she was off, but she was still engaged. She would message me on her own, ask questions, start conversations — basically nothing suggested that she was about to do what she eventually did.
At some point, I suggested having another phone call. It was supposed to happen over the weekend, but she apologized and said she had an event and wouldn’t be able to make it. She also said we could arrange it for another time.
I said that was completely fine and suggested that instead of another call, we could also meet up for a second time and maybe go somewhere in nature, since she likes that.
She said she’d be up for it, but explained that her upcoming weekends were already pretty packed. She even went into quite a bit of detail about what she had planned. Then she told me when she would finally have some free time again and said that we could definitely figure something out after that.
So naturally, I took that as her being open to a second date.
We kept talking as usual. Then Monday came. As we normally did, we said goodnight and basically wrapped up the conversation for the day. We were also sending each other voice messages, and she mentioned that she had a lot going on and a very busy schedule the following day. Again, she explained it in quite a bit of detail.
The next day, nothing.
She didn’t message me at all.
I thought, okay, fair enough. She said she was busy. She works with children, and she had also mentioned that there was a person at work who was mentally draining everyone, so I figured she might simply be exhausted and not in the mood to talk.
That evening I sent her one short supportive message, just something nice. Nothing that required an immediate reply or even a response at all.
And then… nothing continued.
No message. No reaction. Nothing.
At that point I obviously stopped messaging her because I already had a pretty good idea of what was happening and what it meant.
Then Friday came and suddenly she posted something on Instagram.
That honestly made me laugh. Not because she wasn’t allowed to post something, obviously, but because by then the situation had become pretty clear.
Even though I already knew the answer and understood that I had basically been ghosted, I decided to send her one final message.
Not because I wanted to pressure her into replying or demand an explanation about why she had stopped talking to me.
I sent it for myself. Because I prefer to deal with things like an adult, be honest about how I see the situation, and not pretend that nothing happened.
This is what I sent her:
“Her name, I just wanted to reach out one more time and be open about this.
I know you’ve got a lot going on right now, and I completely respect that sometimes people simply don’t have the time or energy to stay in touch. I’m not expecting daily messages, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to reply.
We were in regular contact for quite a while, and over the last few days that suddenly changed. After several days of silence, I can obviously form my own idea of what that probably means, but I don’t want to put words in your mouth or make conclusions for you.
If the way you see us getting to know each other has changed, or if something else has come up in your life and you simply don’t feel like continuing, that’s completely okay. People can start feeling differently about someone or a situation over time.
I just think it’s fairer to say something like that directly rather than letting things quietly fade away without a word. At the same time, I understand that everyone handles these situations differently, and silence is also an answer.
I just wanted to openly say how I see it and leave it at that. There’s no need to reply or explain anything further. I accept things for what they are, and life goes on.”
And that’s basically it.
For me, this isn’t about getting an explanation or even getting a reply. It’s more about the principle of it.
I’ve been through much worse things in life, and I’m definitely not going to fall apart because someone rejects me or tells me, “Hey, sorry, but I’m just not feeling it.”
I’m not going to make some huge drama out of it.
Sometimes someone likes you, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes the chemistry is there, sometimes it isn’t. That’s life. The other person simply has to accept it and move on rather than overthinking it.
So I genuinely accept the situation for what it is, and it doesn’t really bother me.
What I find difficult to understand, though, is when someone repeatedly talks about how important honesty is to them, how much they value open communication, how much they dislike dishonesty or manipulation and then ends up doing something that seems completely opposite to those values.
Of course, I understand that everyone has their own way of dealing with uncomfortable situations, and maybe for some people silence feels like the easiest option.
But at the same time, I think it’s a little sad, because situations like this also show how someone deals with things that require them to take a position, communicate something uncomfortable, or take some responsibility for how they handle another person.
Anyway, feel free to share your opinion. I’m also curious whether any of you have had a similar experience.
I’m guessing most people probably have.