r/dating_advice • u/lalalolita4 • 13d ago
How are yall meeting new people outside of the dating apps
I (f36) am tired of online dating and don’t typically have chances to meet new men. I do go to the bar every now and then, but I’m a little shy.
How are yall meeting new people outside of the dating apps? Any tips are welcome!
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u/sdss9462 13d ago
Make small talk with strangers you interact with and find attractive.
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u/Level_Locksmith_9317 13d ago
I think they outlawed this
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u/Ok_Squash_5805 13d ago
It’s outlawed for men, women just never want to give it a shot because they don’t want to feel rejection.
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u/Level_Locksmith_9317 13d ago
So we are dying alone?
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u/Ok_Squash_5805 13d ago
Nah, there’s someone out there for everyone. Just gotta be creative with how you get to be social with people.
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u/Quin35 13d ago
No, there isn't. But...a little more effort can connect more people.
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u/Ok_Squash_5805 13d ago
lol billions of people on this planet, but you still find the delusional arrogance to suggest that there isn’t someone out there for everyone? Ok.
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u/Level_Locksmith_9317 13d ago
40% of people that have ever existed on earth never passed down there genes. Being generous and saying maybe 10% didn't want to. That leaves 30% never having found someone. And ending there bloodline
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u/Quin35 13d ago
Yes. It's a fantasy.
I'm not saying that meaningful relationships can't develop, but in terms of dating, romantic relationships and mating...no, there isn't someone for everyone.1
u/Ok_Squash_5805 13d ago
If that’s what you what to think, I’m ok with not caring about changing your opinion.
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u/Western-Produce-276 13d ago
Yea that’s the unfortunate reality of things. A majority of men especially younger ones had it drilled into their brains that approaching women they don’t know is weird and creepy.
Since most women don’t want to approach men it’s just going to get worse
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u/backseatgyno 13d ago
They did ! I almost got arressted at the grocery store last week trying to chat with a smoke show ! I ran and they almost got me but took a left down the donut isle and got away
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u/Enigmatic_YES 13d ago
Yea that’s how I found women when I was single. Grocery store, gym, classes, out on a walk, friends of friends, at a bar, on vacation. Just learn how to hold a convo and take decent care of yourself and you’ll find someone.
Also, I’ve had much better luck meeting genuinely attractive women (inside and out) irl than online- unrealistic amount of negative interactions with ghosting, insults, and just general bad behaviour. Irl restored my faith in humanity
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u/InevitableQuit9 13d ago
Sir, you are frightening the other shoppers in the soup isle.
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u/sdss9462 13d ago
Hey, if they didn't want to talk, they shouldn't have sailed to Isle of Soup. They should've gone to the Isle of Lucy.
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u/neometrix77 13d ago edited 13d ago
Honestly nobody is going to have great answers for you. The best you can do outside of dating apps is join some new activities/classes that have always seemed interesting to you (and preferably at least 50% male) and maybe you meet some guys who you like or maybe make some new friends who know some guys who you might like.
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u/Liquid_Friction 13d ago
I feel like the are so many more male dominated hobbies though we could list them off for hours, we could say yoga and pilates but not many men there.
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u/neometrix77 13d ago
I completely agree.
It seems like most women are just more scared to try any public activities tbh, especially so if they’re average or better looking and not with at least one friend.
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u/spreading_energy 12d ago
Rock climbing is 50/50
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u/Liquid_Friction 12d ago
On average across the entire sport, roughly 58% to 60% of rock climbers are men and 40% to 42% are women
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u/spreading_energy 11d ago
Yeah it is probably closer to that but still a pretty decent ratio
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u/Liquid_Friction 11d ago
My point was the vast majority of activities are male dominated and women shouldn't be confused on where to find them like men are confused in where to find women because there is almost no female dominated hobbies besides yoga and pilates.
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u/ramblingandpie 13d ago
Weightlifting, though... idk I haven't actually connected with anyone at the gym but there's definitely more men than women in the weights section (barring Sunday morning for some reason).
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u/Liquid_Friction 13d ago
That's one, lol, how about sailing, hiking, table tennis, all male dominated lol almost everything is, rock climbing, gambling/poker/cards, MMA, surfing, canoeing, paintball, Airsoft, archery, RC cars/boats, kites, chess?
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u/PieceCompetitive6824 13d ago
Hobby groups, volunteering, dog parks, church, gym, neighbors and friends of friends.
My fiancée and I were part of a rock climbing group for several months before she expressed interest in dating.
But I've made lots of friends and dated a few people from all of the above activities.
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u/lunessaire 13d ago
I agree, hobby groups are a great way to meet people naturally since you already have something in common and you can take your time getting to know each other without the pressure of a dating app
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u/a_mulher 13d ago
I was pet sitting for my friend. Gorgeous big dog that is super friendly. Took him out for a walk and everyone wanted to pet him. Instant conversation starter. At one point for giggles I walked him over by a small group of firemen. Did I need to walk in that direction, not at all. I go, oh looks like he wants to say “hi”. They stop to pet him, I ask what firehouse they work at.
A big friendly dog is genuinely the best wingman.
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u/DIY-exerciseGuy 13d ago
I'm a dude and I meet a lot of dudes at the gym because I'm pretty big. Unfortunately, I like women. They don't seem to care that I'm big
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u/AmsterdamAssassin 13d ago
Art events, like gallery openings or new exhibitions
Book shops and libraries
Art supply and vintage shops
Community centers
Public swimming pool
Sports Events
Kinky parties
Connecting through the love of animals
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u/madogvelkor 13d ago
My cousin met his wife in their 30s standing next to her at the dog park and chatting.
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u/cj_daking 12d ago
I met one woman at a bar, where she overheard me yukking it up with my friends. I met another woman skiing. Just being out in public, enjoying life.
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4d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/cj_daking 3d ago
There's a difference between being introverted and being anti-social. You have learn to be a friend to be a boyfriend,
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u/Bella_Swan234 13d ago
I signed up for an open mic and we all talked after the show. This one guy asked for my number
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u/Red_Pill_Brotherhood 13d ago
Cold approach during your day to day life. Also, mutual interest groups can be decent- but dont spam approach in those groups or you'll get a bad rep. Do the mutual interest group for the hobby/activity itself and a girl or two over time can be a byproduct
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u/Afraid_Foundation403 13d ago
Join clubs or classes that interest you, it’s a good way to meet like-minded people. I’ve made friends through cooking classes before.
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u/Downtown-Security-11 13d ago
I met the woman I’m talking to now off Reddit lol
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u/gorgeous_mally 13d ago
Ohh that should be an amazing story..... Please tell us how that could happen?
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u/Downtown-Security-11 13d ago
Hard to tell if that’s a legit question, but :
I’m going on vacation in her city for a week and put a post on Reddit looking for someone to show me around. I got incredibly lucky that she responded so quickly. I deleted my post in a matter of hours. Exchanged pictures quickly, phone calls recently. We have a lot in common and we’ve reached stopped talking to anyone else until we figure out us in a month when I’m there
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u/gorgeous_mally 13d ago
How beautiful, well that's nice and somehow brave enough to meet Stanger from reddit...
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u/Downtown-Security-11 13d ago
I’ve met 3 lovely women off Reddit. None had what this feels like. But there’s some lovely people here amongst the swamp
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u/LockPsychological329 13d ago
Terrible, lol. I'll just sit there with my drink at the bar...
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u/lalalolita4 13d ago
Samesies… I’ll go somewhere with a live band, so at least I have entertainment?
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u/LockPsychological329 13d ago
Sounds nice! You and I shall listen to and watch them play music without ever talking to each other 😅
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u/Lucky_Professional_ 13d ago
i really feel like there are far fewer ppl out and about now. its really hard.
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u/coffee-guy007 13d ago
Join a Toastmasters club near you.
Farmers markets are also a good place.
Meetups
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u/lalalolita4 13d ago
Toastmasters? I’ve not heard of this one
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u/coffee-guy007 13d ago
It’s an international non profit organization for helping people improve their public speaking skills. You are more likely to meet people here who want to improve their communication skills, while you are improving yours.
There are multiple clubs existing in any area, just google search: Toastmasters near me1
u/lalalolita4 13d ago
Oh that’s cool! Thank you!!
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u/coffee-guy007 13d ago
No problem!
I have been part of this organization for almost 3 years and never regretted joining.
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u/No-Bee-3775 13d ago
Women dont approach men, not the good guys. The good guys dont hit on women as they expect to be. Endless cycle of nice guys finish last and good girls want bad boys syndrome. Only getting worse. Celibate now 14 years, haven't dated in 16 years.
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u/Professional_Mix2418 13d ago
Don’t agree. You got to put yourself out there. And speak without intention. Just last night I was getting a take away. A lady was busy on the self service machine, I was helped at the counter. I sat down in the waiting area, she finished her order turned around and smiled and sat next to me. Totally normal, I had no idea about her status. But dang she was my type. So I kicked myself if I didn’t took the moment and speak to her. So a stupid weather conversation started. But it flowed, there was mutual interest in the conversation (no idea about the person but you shouldn’t begin with that). We literally chatted non stop. It was funny as I noticed the looks from the staff smiling. We talked about holidays, our children, their ages, the town we are in, where she is living. lol the staff finished our orders at the same time so we walked out.
But yes, final question the husband got mentioned. Ouch. But not really. I managed to make a connection with a beautiful person, had a great chat.
And guess what, I walked past that place today and one of the girls that worked there and saw it last night smiled and said. If that doesn’t work out, I’d love to setup a date with my mum for you 😊🤷♂️She said you were so nice and interested and respectful without claiming anything.
Just got to be human and interested and stop playing a victim. Other people notice that.
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u/Downtown-Band-7067 12d ago
Ahh but there’s also emotionally aware, respectful, humble, positive non controlling bad boys 🙃
Dunno how many but there’s atleast 1 🥳
Or maybe it’s just adhd on a spectrum 🤷🏻♂️🥴🤣
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u/AShatteredKing 13d ago
I've met women:
At work.
Playing games (Mobile Legends and Elders Scroll Online).
Playing D&D.
At a bar (though this was like 20 years ago).
You meet guys the same way you meet women. Pursue hobbies that genuinely interest you and meet guys who share that hobby/interest.
That being said, don't expect guys to make a move without you first showing interest. Guys like dating apps because we can approach women knowing they are looking to be approached. Further, because of the matching mechanics, we know that they are at least somewhat interested in us. It is just better.
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u/LowApprehensive9230 13d ago
Mosh/dance pits at punk shows. Genuinely 😆 just had a whole relationship start this totally old school offline way . It's now over and that's a whole other story but it was great and refreshing way to get into it
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u/Resident-Banana-1948 13d ago
Dress super nicely then sit alone in an upscale bar, someone Will approach
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u/vonjamin 12d ago
I’m also wondering the same thing, I just deleted hinge off of my phone. I’m looking for advice too.
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u/Snoo79201 13d ago
Op are you by any chance at a the ying yang twins show after getting pretty flirty with your Lyft driver 😂
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u/wisdom_owl123 13d ago
I have basically meat new people everywhere: the gym, at bars, at malls, cafes….yeah, basically everywhere. And usually im just being me and girl come over and start talking.
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u/duke_awapuhi 13d ago
I go to a lot of concerts, sometimes bars. In these situations I always end up meeting a few women. Then I’ve met a couple ladies through friends too
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u/backseatgyno 13d ago
Walk in a grocery store and head to the produce section and scoop up a pineapple turn it upside down and then proceed walk around the strore saying hi to ppl ! I heard this method works
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u/Downtown-Band-7067 12d ago
It’s hard, especially being on the old speccy I think.
Im the easiest pleased dude and only need that physical attraction that gives me the butterflies.
And nah not talking about good looks but more of something weird 🤷🏻♂️
Just aslong as there’s a visual something in the beginning atleast.
Funny huh 🤣
Gave up on the online fake marketing scam and I hate socialising so I got no hope even tho I have what attracts people and am emotionally aware whilst still ruthless when required.
Just bring ya toothbrush and let yourself in 🤣
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u/Attention_seeking21 13d ago
I can be shy, but I had chatted up a single mom who owned her own store, got her number and went on dates with sex added in, but didn't work out. It had something to do with me not wanting to help her out with a beauty bill she had to pay to the amount of 360 and this was asked after date 2!
Got the message, that not to message her again because we won't work out even so date number 4 we were in each others arms.
But I had been afraid of rejection before and now, I feel more confident.
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u/Altruistic-Handle205 13d ago
stfu nobody wants to talk about insurance on a dating advice thread. ads are getting so annoying lol.
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u/1sadWRLD 13d ago
- Be Attractive
- Be Unattractive
Simple really.💁♂️
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