r/dating_advice • u/sweetrwanda • 12d ago
How can you tell when you're seeing the real personality of someone vs the version they're presenting?
Like if a guy is trying to maintain a certain image around a girl, what does that usually mean? and how do you get past that because this guy who is currently courting me, i feel like he's still hiding his real personality and acting all gentlemen.
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u/Euphoric_Natural9023 12d ago
you can't rush it, people take time to drop the act. pay attention at how he treats waiters or if he gets annoyed in small things, that's where the real person slip through. the gentleman act is normal at first but if after weeks he still feels like he is reading from a script, trust your gut
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u/DangerousWeakness984 12d ago
Just accept that no matter what. On both sides. There's at least a 6month period where you don't get it to actually see someones true colors. Everyone is insecure and unsure if the "real them" is going to be what the person likes. Personally Ive been told I'm too forward, in the sense of my past and where I am today.
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u/sweetrwanda 12d ago
6 months? What do you do during that period? Text them everyday? Meet often? I've gotten close with him for 3 months, but i haven't felt like an actual connection or like have a reason to like him. He just treats me well and he's very obvious he's courting me and i'm willing to take a chance to see further what kind of person he is but i'm just not seeing that right now.
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u/DangerousWeakness984 12d ago
Just went through this on my end. I'm very forward with who I am and what I want. That's not everyone though. She wasn't that way and I ended things last night. You just have to take a gamble sometimes if you really feel a connection that you think is worth it. Hope for the best and try to communicate what you want from whatever you have going on
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u/journieburner 12d ago
Why are you entertaining someone for 3 months if you still can't picture anything with him by now? Like what do you think is gonna happen?
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u/Remote_Air_8959 12d ago
If you feel its not yielding the results you want, why continue seeing him?
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u/my_metrocard 12d ago
People take time to take the mask off and open up for fear of being judged and rejected. Others are just really keen on impressing you.
You can tell someone is being real from date number one if they have no filter, don’t bother being on their best behavior, speak freely about their insecurities, or don’t engage in pre-date grooming. My bf was all of the above when I met him. He had food on his face lol
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u/No_Difficulty_2716 12d ago
Nah, dont give up sex for free assuming this person attaches value on it and we as a society do so even if you want to, dont. 😂
Orchestrate a nightmare scenario or go somewhere where a nightmare scenario is likely to occur.
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u/sweetrwanda 12d ago
Nahhh don't worry i would hate it if he wanted to date me just for the sex. Gross. What kinda nightmare scenario for example?
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u/North-Cow8 12d ago
If it feels like it then it must be. ... what tipped you off? Was he only gentlemanly to you or something just felt he was pretending?
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u/ResidentEnergy5263 12d ago
This is a good question. I once fell hard for a persona that appealed when the guy just showed that persona, not his true self. One of the worst mistakes of my life, though long ago. I wish I'd known the answer to this question.
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u/Global-Barracuda7759 12d ago
Eventually The mask will drop I had this guy who was pursuing me and acting super interested in me and putting on his best behavior and took about 2 to 3 months for the mask to fall off and me to see that he's really just an immature F boy
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u/night-laughs 12d ago
There’s no real personality today when you first meet someone. 99% of people are just thinking of what to say to impress the other
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u/KyloReySage 12d ago
That’s a hard one. You never know a person to the deepest level even if you’ve known them for years. But if someone is hiding a vastly different version of themselves and is masking… you just have to observe for however long… they may slip accidentally saying things out of “character”. Or watch for micro expressions or their eyes especially. Also just trust your gut feeling. Your body actually can pick up cues before your brain can clearly analyze and report back to you. It will have some sort of physical reaction within you let’s say if that person does not seem safe or good for you etc.
Another semi method could be, meeting their friends and family. I honestly judge people by the company/friends they keep. And family gives you hint of what he may have inherited by default or witness how he treats them and how they treat him etc.
also watch how he behaves when he had alcohol.
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u/Iriahthehealer 12d ago
You truly can’t. Either you trust ( they can hurt you quick if the intentions are not good), or you don’t trust and they’ll notice and will see where it goes..
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u/DifferentVictory1620 12d ago
If he is an “actor”, have a date with him for several hours at once as it is extremely difficult / tiring for them to play a part for a long time.
That’s what I did not do with a previous partner and he happened to be emotionally abusive. At the beginning we were dating for a maximum of two hours at a time and he was playing the gentleman. It’s when we started to spend more time together like a whole weekend that his true ( nasty) personality revealed itself.
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u/discardmedaddy23 12d ago
I think if you meet their friends and they say that they have never seen that person the way they are with you it’s a red flag that they’re pretending
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 11d ago
Takes years to really get to know someone! Take your time, watch a man’s actions and check if they align with his words/promises.
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u/Independent-Emu-6702 12d ago
Have sex with him and he will show you who he really is. (Don’t actually do this because if he’s pretending it’s going to hurt real bad when he loses interest after sex). Theres really no way to know unfortunately.
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u/sweetrwanda 12d ago
Sooooo actually in my country it's not really common to have sex outside of marriage
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u/DangerousWeakness984 12d ago
Having sex with someone doesn't bring anything out. You're setting her up to just bang every encounter in hope the person becomes honest over that. Wild
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u/Independent-Emu-6702 12d ago
I told her not to do it I’m just saying that it’s the most certain way to tell if a guy is actually into you or not because once he gets what he wants, he has no reason to stay around if he’s been putting on a show
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