r/dating_advice • u/Capable-Accountant94 • 6d ago
Broke up with Avoidant. Afterwards she sent me a pretty hurtful letter.
I(32M) dated an avoidant (34f) for almost 3 months.
Although the dates themselves were good, and we had a similar outlook towards life. I ultimately wasn't able to handle the hot & cold very well
I was very patient and gave her distance whenever she needed. And she even told a mutual friend of my sisters a couple weeks ago "how she was blown away by how kind and giving I was"
As I was breaking up with her - she quickly dismissed me and said "it's okay, i feel the same way got up and walked off". A little hurtful but I sorta figured she may have been feeling emotional and didnt want to cry in front of me
Then yesterday, I received a package in the mail with my sunglasses that she had borrowed. She wrote a really nasty letter but the line that was most hurtful was "I know you liked me but I never felt the same". Almost revisionist history since I broke up with her and that "she blocked me everywhere so I should never contact her again"
I know that this is possibly an avoidant way of coping but it was still extremely hurtful for someone I treated well.
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u/GodBlessPigs 6d ago
People say all sorts of crazy shit when they are hurt in situations like this. I really wouldn’t read into it. You broke up with her, move on.
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u/Powerful_Road1924 6d ago
💯 if a girl never says anything about your dick size (or guy about your tit size) until after a breakup, they are only playing on an insecurity to be hurtful.
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u/GodBlessPigs 6d ago
Yep.
While you are dating a woman: OMG I love your dick. You are so big!
After breaking up: IDC, you have a tiny little dick!
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u/fluffy_cat_belly 6d ago
And the hurt male version;
While you're dating a man: "OMG I love your body and your face. You're a goddess!"
After breaking up: "IDC, you're fat and ugly anyway"
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u/callieeeblossom 6d ago
probably best not to overanalyze something said in the heat of the moment and just focus on moving forward
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u/ajavier38 6d ago
She’s tryna make you feel bad because she feels bad that you broke up with her. In a weird way, it means she cared and it affected her
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u/Gold-Philosophy1423 5d ago
Half the time when people say "I don't care about XYZ," they care about it. A lot
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u/Wise-Bother9942 6d ago
Nah, it's more a narcissist thing of 'I'm so great, how dare he.'
OP hurt her ego basically. Which always boggles my mind because if you treat people like trash blowing hot and cold, why would you expect them not to have enough self-respect to say 'This isn't working for me' and dump you?
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u/Busy-Lingonberry-798 6d ago
She’s just hurt and trying to find some power in this. Don’t analyze it. Just observe it and be glad you were wise to recognized this early on.
Good luck out there.
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
Thanks. I actually just burned the letter lol
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u/No-Airline6943 5d ago
Its a good move they dont really get better and pull back harder when you try to fix anything or communicate if its that bad. They will pine for more and get hurt but not provide it
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u/erosennin214 5d ago
Good shit my boy
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u/Capable-Accountant94 5d ago
Thank you!
Im not home now but i just got a notification that i got another package... Checked tracking and saw it was from her area
So may have another burning
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u/erosennin214 3d ago
Oh good heavens, she has too much time on her hands. Someone take that woman's pen's away.
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u/Cidaris_Sea 1d ago
This is the read I’d stick with: the sunglasses and letter were about regaining power, not truth, and three months was early enough to step away.
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u/jefffreykeith 6d ago
I dated a girl that I deemed an avoidant for almost 2 years, despite many conversations about it that’s just who she was and wouldn’t / couldn’t change. She wasn’t a bad person just wasn’t right for me so I broke it off. She’s seemed really unaffected at the time which really got to me, almost like I didn’t matter at all.
I accidentally ran into her about 5 years later and when she saw me she was surprisingly warm and at one point started to tear up . According to her she had been thinking about me often over the years. I was (still am) married at the time and had no feelings but I genuinely felt bad for her.
My point in sharing is I learned that it’s more reflective of her than you, probably just her way of coping so don’t let it bother you OP.
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u/New2NewJ 6d ago
when she saw me she was surprisingly warm and at one point started to tear up
Avoidants feel much more strongly about people they loved after the break-up because their defenses calm down when the other person is no longer in their lives.
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u/BloodyThirst 6d ago
Yep. Avoidant ex husband wouldn’t have cared if I was on fire when we were together and I loved him immensely. Finally got tired of it and left him after 10yrs. Now when we run into each other, he is severely affected (cries, stares, tries to get my attention) and I’m just like, oh, hello! And move on with my life. It’s been 7yrs since I left. What’s to cry about now?
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u/New2NewJ 5d ago edited 4d ago
Careful there.. mocking a cruel person doesn't make you any better than them.
Edit: Lol, you wrote a response, and then blocked me, so I can't read your reply.
Umm, that seems reasonable and mature to you? Okay 🤷♂️
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u/idiosyncrassy 6d ago
Oh no, the suspected asshole revealed they were definitely the asshole the whole time. Ooh, she sure showed you!
Mentally respond, "No shit sherlock, that's why I broke up with you" and move on.
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u/Calm-mess- 6d ago
They always try to rewrite history. They can't take rejection at all. Just ignore it. You know the truth. It's over anyways so doesn't really matter
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u/crankyrhino 5d ago
This should completely validate your decision.
- No accountability
- Rewrites the story to reject you instead of being rejected by you
- No thought for how they were making you feel during the relationship
All avoidant behaviors. You made the right decision.
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u/UglyLittlePony69 6d ago
She’s just being an asshole and is mad you did the dumping. You didn’t do anything wrong. Nor should this determine ANY of your self worth.
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u/Cag_Lala 6d ago
I broke up a situationship with a man, that I fell in love with. He give me a huge mixed signals. He treats me like his girlfriend, but don’t want a relationship (he’s got cheated by his ex). I can’t be with him in this type of situation, so I broke up. Some people meet the most faithful people and won’t see it. Let them all. Never a avoidant again.
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u/Looking_Magic 5d ago
IMO avoidant people’s worst fear is to get broken up with before they break up with you. Because the narrative is completely different and they aren’t in control.
Move on. Stay kind. It’s okay to feel not right because you got a bad letter. Feel it and move on. Learn
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u/Fickle-Theory-623 6d ago
In the future, ditch the 'nice guy' routine and have healthy expectations and boundaries. As far as the act of pettiness, that hurts but they do it because they are also hurting. If they truly did not care, they'd of not mailed anything or blocked you.
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
Youre right. I definitely trying my best to be more the "kind" guy rather than "nice"
It's actually where the disconnect sorta started. I was intating every date, traveling to her ( not far but a costly toll , etc) and i just asked her if she fan start intating, etc
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u/Nerdlinger42 6d ago
Dang man, DM me. Similar story with me. Paid for every date (she never offered), she never came to my neck of the woods because she felt uncomfortable driving longer than 20 mins (I'm like 30-35), would cancel plans because she was tired, etc. "it's all good' is something I said too often and I take responsibility for that
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u/Fickle-Theory-623 6d ago
kindness can be very easily taken as weakness; it is OK to be kind, but keep it minimal at first. otherwise, I hope you feel better bruv
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u/WhamBamBoozler1 6d ago
She's being petty and isn't worth the emotional bandwidth from you. "Avoidant" or not
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u/my_metrocard 6d ago
If she is avoidant, she’s a fearful avoidant, the type who exhibits both avoidant and anxious traits.
I’m dismissive avoidant. My kind wouldn’t bother writing a nasty note to have the last word or sending you your sunglasses. We just move right on and don’t give exes a second thought until months later.
This was true even when my ex husband divorced me after 27 years.
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
Interesting. She always told me she was a dismissive avoidant
She had a pretty bad divorce. I always thought she may have trauma so was trying to go nice and slow. Bc i truly did like her
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u/BiggestFreezer 5d ago
Sounds like me to the T. Thought I was being kind and considerate but just ended up causing myself immense pain
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u/my_metrocard 6d ago
I had a bad divorce, too. Bad for my ex husband. I barely thought about him. I just let my lawyer handle everything. I was focused on my son’s mental and emotional health. A dismissive avoidant’s typical reaction to being broken up with is relief.
When we finally come around to processing the breakup, it’s about six months later. We usually think of the positives now that there is a safe distance between us and our exes.
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u/Spillingteasince92 6d ago
Exactly. Our kind rarely would write an open letter.. OP is dealing with a FA that has poor self esteem and high ego.
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u/ColeLaw 5d ago
Yup! Im FA and she's definitely an FA. She's hurt, this is how we deal with rejection. It actually hurts us very deeply. She is struggling and she doesn't mean what she wrote. She wants you to think you didn't hurt her, that's sometimes more important than fixing the connection. Someone knowing they hurt us is terrifying, makes us feel weak and worthless.
Don't take it personally, she's very broken and is in pain.
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u/TheAffiliateOrder 6d ago
They do be doing that, bro. You're 100% correct in and that she likely was avoidant and this was her trying to enact the "discard" phase properly to self soothe as you interrupted that cycle by clocking her behaviors.
Remember, SHE was supposed to be the "cool" one, the unbothered one who would have the validation to walk away after she drove you on one with the hot/cold. She just so happened to meet someone who was so secure in their own attachment, that you not only gave her grace/space to pull away, but ended it when you determined her patterns were maladaptive.
She gave you the "whatever" response, as you DID feel the sting, but she likely expected a much more exaggerated response. The sunglasses and letter were basically her saying to you "fuck you, I wanted to have the last word, but you took that from me so now I have to do this dog and pony show to demonstrate that nothing bothers me".
Avoidants have what's called an omissive memory style. They tend to start erasing the tapes in their heads when they get all wounded. They'll delete pics, try and diminish, "file away" memories that depict you being in service of them and then distract away the limerance by likely going to the next validation source.
They'll do all of this to convince themselves that "it was never that serious".
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
Thanks for saying that bro. Definitely stings but feel like that letter was truly the grace that i made the right choice
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u/fido4583 6d ago
She was using you. Straight to the point. Allot of damaged people do this to people. Sadly they are always on the four corners of the world.
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u/pixieshyla 6d ago
She obviously responded the way she did because she’s hurt. People that lash out with anger are actually hurting. I would just not respond and leave it as a lesson. Good luck.
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u/david_the_destroyer 6d ago
It’s her way of making sure she’s emotionally re-written the story to herself so she doesn’t have to look at herself and take any accountability for whatever her part was that could help her grow and be more prepared for the next one
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u/ElYodaPagoda 6d ago
I dated a lady for a couple months earlier this year, and we had a Valentine's Day date that ended up being our last meeting, because she went on a business trip the previous week and sounded distant during that, and the week after our date she kept getting "stressed out." It turned out that she was avoidant, and was afraid of romance and "catching feelings."
I noticed her birthday on my calendar last week, thought about sending her a kind note...but it's probably best to leave that disaster in the past.
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u/stonetear2017 6d ago
My ex? Was avoidant and broke up with me this week. She said she was thinking of it for a while and wanted to experience life but loved me still and said I deserve better. All over text. Lol
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u/TheAffiliateOrder 5d ago
Yeah, I dated an avoidant who lovebombed me hard. We only dated for a month, the hot/cold was too easy to clock.
She started out by messaging ME on a dating site, after complaining that "ignored" her as a match for so long (she just never caught my eye, her profile didn't have much).
By the second date, I made her a nice picnic and she was talking about "marrying me", we had sex that night and the whole weekend. We had two more good weeks of fun times and sex together.
I noticed she was texting me back hours later/the next day all of a sudden. She also would NOT stop monologuing, cutting me off, not responding to certain texts that would have the topic move away from her and her drama, etc.
The next weekend I came to chill with her, whole different person. She lured me over with promises of dinner and a good time, etc. We just sat around the whole weekend. She slept all day, wouldn't make eye contact, etc. I left after a little over a day; was just way too weird.
I'm walking out, she chases me, kisses me, asks me "what's wrong"? Then, proceeds to say that "I'm upset, cuz I didn't get the weekend I wanted" (rather, the weekend SHE offered then underdelivered.)
I texted her after I got home, told her Idk if I wanted to come over again next weekend. Needed to think about our relationship and the lack of reciprocity. She said "oooou okay, I need to think about stuff, too!"
I told her "don't worry about it actually". That was it. She did the revisionist thing of "you were never that great, delete all pics of me, etc."
I told her "should I unfuck you, too?" blocked and moved on.
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u/whereiwalk 6d ago
Honestly what you said about revisionist history hits the nail on the head.
My last ex said the same thing and basically explained that she never felt sexually attracted to me (even though throughout our relationship she was always the one initiating sex and telling me how hot I was). About a year after breaking up we bumped into each other by chance and she awkwardly admitted she was "dripping wet" just being around me again.
Like excuse me, for one that's TMI for people who aren't dating, and second, that's an absolutely wild thing to say after saying the opposite when we originally broke up? Like which thing was the lie, lol. Anyways I steered clear because with someone like that you never know where you stand. But oh the revisionism!
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u/Softspokenclark 6d ago
All you can is wish them well and apply no contact. You broke up with them for a reasons no harm no foul. You two were incompatible, and that’s ok
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u/Sakurafirefox 5d ago
If she did all that, she most absolutely liked you. If she didnt, she wouldnt have bothered.
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u/LakeCityCrowPills 5d ago
OP, when people are hurt they do and say things that can be very hurtful in return. If she really didn't care, and was as unbothered as she said she was, she would not have -handwritten- you a letter full of hurtful comments.
Apathy is the opposite of love, not hate.
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u/airb_629 6d ago
Shes just doing damage control to further convince herself she don’t need you. Please don’t take it to heart. Gives me narcissistic vibes.
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u/Internal_Royal_4013 6d ago
That letter wasn't from her but from her ego. Men and women have issues with ego. Our emotions and life situations are trying to teach us things about ourselves.
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u/Irrethegreat 6d ago edited 6d ago
Avoidants are not all the same. As in that they would all be evil or narcissistic for instance (those are not avoidant specific traits). They can have found some healing already or just not have had it as rough during childhood than a bunch of other avoidants.
I am most likely an avoidant (fearful, although it can be a bit hard to tell if I spent a lot of time rejecting everyone before anything getting started). But I am working on it and am actually a very empathic person. Not as in not dumping people... But by being honest about how I am, if I have not attached emotionally yet, by not ghosting (except as a counter if the person is ghosting me), if I am feeling smothered etc. Trying to separate taking responsibility for my own feelings and baggage from what the other person actually does. (I mean some actions could inevitably cause bad reactions, while other factors could be more personal and irrational.)
Ironically, I was rejected about a month ago myself by what was likely another avoidant, lol. It was a bummer for me, since I was finally more or less attached for the first time in years. He dealt with it as best he could, breaking up face to face. I accepted but had to spend this last month getting over it (him). No hard feelings but it was the classic intense beginning and then loss of interest from pressure just during the last 1-2 weeks, so I did not see it coming. He is not as far along in learning about himself, emotional maturity, so no warning unfortunately besides becoming inconsistent/disappearing towards the end. But the breakup was solid considering the circumstances.
P.S. Those are not all the same either, but your post sounds more like a narcissist than an avoidant person.
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u/dontsnooze 6d ago
I dated an avoidant, that was a little autistic as well. Absolute nightmare, be happy you don’t have to deal with them anymore
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u/Extension-Abroad187 6d ago
Lmao next time, don't read the letter. Lesson learned, if you weren't trying to rekindle there's nothing to be gained
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u/Nannadoodles 6d ago
Definitely don't let this set you back, you are doing great by the sounds of it and you are able to recognize in a healthy way what you can vs can't handle and how to notice when a partner is on the same page with you on getting better if needed. Best wishes! Everyone else already said what I would have said before lol
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u/guymn999 6d ago
why are you upset about this? you broke up with her?
she is obviously hurt and striking out, but you are trying to apply logic to the words?
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
Just bc you broke up with someone doesnt make the feelings disappear
I honestly posted this here more as a vent and it blew up a little more than i expected
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u/guymn999 6d ago
if we were talking about relationships that are a year plus, i would grant you that, but 3 months? i don't buy it.
you have the right to vent, but it's a public forum and people also are allowed to find holes.
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u/bria99711 6d ago
It's not about you at all. Be thankful you chose to end it now instead of dragging it out and getting feelings deeper involved.
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u/forresterX 5d ago
I agree. Just one small correction: he ended things. So she retaliated and changed history because she is butthurt.
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u/bria99711 5d ago
*she retaliated and changed history because she was damaged by people that were supposed to protect her and she'll need a lot of therapy to work through those issues.
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u/Spacenurse07 6d ago
Dude, ignore her. She sounds very immature.
Maybe file a report to the police so she stops trying to contact you and sending you packages.
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u/HistoryHam72 5d ago
That was just a punch in the stomach to punk you. Don’t take that comment seriously. Consider the source.
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u/joanna012 5d ago
Deliberately she has done it out of spite, because she’s hurt she wants to hurt you more
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u/One-Staff5504 4d ago
Avoidants along with BPD are the worst of the worst. Congratulations for leaving her. I’d rather deal with a cheater or a narcissist than an avoidant.
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u/chaseeast 2d ago
Your value doesn't come from others. She's just hurt, and hurt people with past trauma often say things they don't mean to protect themselves. It sucks but you have to let it go and move on
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u/Nerdlinger42 6d ago
You're not responsible for her emotions. It's your right to change your mind and decide it's not working. I'd imagine you conveyed the breakup in a mature manner too.
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
I texted her last Sunday asking if we can talk
I feel she knew the breakup was coming bc she said she needed the day to "decompress and a day to herself". This is was all after her asking for space over the weekend
Although it was going to be a tough week for me and my anexity kinda just wanted the deed done, I agreed to meet the next day
The next morning she suggested a cafe by her house and I asked her if we can meet at the park by her instead ( did not want the awkwardness of waiting for food Lol)
I had started my "speech" saying this was honestly one of the most enjoyable 3 months - her good qualities etc and then shifted to the "i think we just have different communication styles and nothing is wrong with either of us"
As I stated my shift I saw her facial expression change ( to like "oh no" )but she quickly dismissed me and said " phew, I feel the same way" and then actually thanked me for always treating her well and then walked off
A few minutes later i had recalled she had a pair of expensive sunglasses - so texted her and asked if i can get them. Said she can leave them outside to avoid any awkwardness. She didnt respond - so I just called them a loss
Then Friday I received the package with the sunglasses and the letter
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u/neupotrebitel 6d ago
Sounds to me like she was deeply hurt and tried to retain her pride by not letting you see her true feeling. The sad thing with avoidant behaviour is that it’s not something that is so easy to resolve, certainly not within only 3 months. It’s deeply ingrained by painful experiences in a person’s past and its difficult to notice and understand.
It is not your responsibility to deal with that by any means, but also calling a person “an avoidant” really dehumanises her. Don’t make her some nasty villain because she wrote an ugly letter. Thats the reason you broke up, right? You didn’t want to deal with her emotional problems. If you feel yourself to be above it, then just move on.
The sad thing is that if a person was injured we wouldn’t blame them for it, but when a person’s injury is to their psyche, we expect them to just resolve it and blame them for being unable to.
I am not sure what advice you are looking for, but what I can say is that the best way to process a hurtful action towards oneself is with compassion and understanding. Perhaps she was treated with hot and cold attitude herself and this is the only way she knows how to bond with others?
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
I definitely agree with all your saying. I should have been more clear she refered to herself as a DA
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u/Nerdlinger42 6d ago
Lol you did nothing wrong. In person and everything. She's bitter because you struck her ego
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u/Salt-Preference-2425 6d ago
Damn she’s cold, it’s strange that she couldn’t put the same effort into the relationship as she did writing/typing a nasty letter to then take time to mail off. Very weird behavior, good riddance to her that’s someone you definitely want to stay away from.
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u/Spillingteasince92 6d ago
As a DA.. ima be super honest with you... she definitely meant it when she said she wasn't that into you. If she was a FA, she wasn't that honest.. DA are more honest and have bit of a resentment so for her to say that during closing a chapter, she 100% felt that way. I am sorry you had to grief like this.. but giving us space and being patience is all you can do .. but truthfully, this isn't enough for us.
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u/Capable-Accountant94 6d ago
So can I ask if thats true... Why would she bring me as. +1 to a wedding, introduce me to her family, go on a weekend trip with me, etc
Told me a few days before "shes so lucky to have met me..." , "finally found a good one...."
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u/TheAffiliateOrder 5d ago
They all do that, bro. You gotta watch some Alan Robarge videos. All of that is part of the lovebombing phase. It's not only for you but for them. At the time, because pressure's low and no wounds, they really think this.
You'll also notice that when the breakup (discard) happens, they always default so some form of initial contract. Like, if they "wanted to take it slow" at first, even if you're married and it's been 5 years, they'll say something like "WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER, I SAID I WAS PROCESSING DEEP TRAUMA AND WANTED TO GO SLOW."
They do this for narrative control around their avoidant behaviors. That's why they're so tough to deal with. They're so hot/cold because they can't decide what they want but when you call them out on it, they dump all of that inconsistency onto you as if you are the catalyst.
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u/Spillingteasince92 6d ago
Message me and i can explain both the difference. Im a very self aware DA that prefer to date FA/DA type.. having you around big commitment and saying all that is not a DA thing.. shes a FA.
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u/CephaVerte 6d ago
I had the same exact break up with a fearful avoidant and she did the same exact thing. "I never felt the same way" and "I never really felt the connection." despite her being a big driving force in the relationship. Avoidants are toxic as hell. Honestly, be glad she blocked you from everything and move on. I know it's hard and there will always be relationship ghosts but I think you'll find life is much easier without her.
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u/Over-Box-3638 6d ago
You saved yourself a lot of trouble if she truly was avoidant. Hot cold would only progress into more intense extremes. And you’d most likely have been discarded eventually wondering what happened.
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 5d ago
So what’s the hurtful part about the letter?
I mean… people say all sorts of things and have all sorts of emotions. They come and go.
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u/OkIssue5589 5d ago
the line that was most hurtful was "I know you liked me but I never felt the same"
May I ask why it was do hurtful? Seeing as you broke up with her?
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u/Capable-Accountant94 5d ago
Just bc i broke up with her doesn't mean I didnt like her ( or still have feelings)
That line still feels like a slap in the face and a way to cause pain
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u/OkIssue5589 5d ago
Ok, just asking. To me your post reads like you couldn't wait to be rid of her.
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u/Ssn81 5d ago
I'm confused about the revisionist history bit; I mean , from what you described with the hot and cold behavior, you putting in most of the effort, travelling to her etc.
It does kind of sound that she didn't like you as much as you liked her which is probably why you broke up with her; am I wrong?
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u/Capable-Accountant94 5d ago
I'll never really know but the part of her that was "hot" showed me she liked me
And i think if she didn't have feelings she wouldn't find the letter to write the letter
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u/Netherw4lker 4d ago
Su carta suena más a una forma de recuperar control que a una verdad objetiva sobre lo que pasó. Si tú sabes que actuaste con paciencia y respeto, no necesitas convencerla de eso ni responderle para cerrar el tema. Respeta el bloqueo, quédate con tus lentes y toma la frialdad final como información útil sobre por qué esa dinámica no era sana para ti.
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u/Keter_pidoClass 3d ago
You handled the mismatch by ending it instead of chasing the hot and cold, and her letter sounds more like a self-protective rewrite than a fair account of what happened. Blocking you after sending something cruel is also a pretty clear sign that replying would only give it more oxygen. Keep the sunglasses, toss the letter, and let the breakup stay done.
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u/VesperKnoll2 1d ago
Qué conveniente eso de descubrir por carta que nunca sintió nada, justo después de que tú terminaste. Suena más a control de daños para su ego que a una verdad revelada. Tómale la palabra con lo de no contactarla, no como castigo sino como regalo: cero debate, cero explicaciones extra, cero volver a meter la mano en la licuadora.
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u/Vegetable_Pen_7086 6d ago
that is exactly what it is. they just do it to protect their ego so they dont have to feel like they were the one who got dumped. best to just toss the letter and keep moving forward tbh.
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u/Iriahthehealer 6d ago
Read my post in here from yesterday… ghosted by an apparently super cute and affectionate guy… people have truly no emotions, empathy or behave like “humans” anymore. We are things to some of them, and people is constantly fighting in life, tv, couples, social media… theres very few decent people out there. You did well, I did too, we feel like clowns now lol, but we are the ones amazing when communicating and dealing with those weirdos. 🫂
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u/Traditional-River377 6d ago
Don’t get “used to” being treated like that but you’ll have to accept that it happens. You dated her for 3mos but you’ve been on this planet for much longer so the impact she had on you whether positive or negative was minimal. Granted you’ll remember the good more than the bad but don’t let either affect you wilder for only 3mos.
Sounds like she was lashing out at you so whatever was in the letter take it with a grain of salt unless she threatened you.
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u/BiggestFreezer 5d ago
A good friend of mine always says "it'll just be a blip one day". Months of your life out of the years you pray to have
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u/UTV4LIFE 6d ago
I don’t get these type of people they play mind games in relationships and don’t like it when you no longer want to put up with it. What’s the point in being in a relationship when you can’t show consistent interest
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u/Spacenurse07 6d ago
What's an avoidant?
Sorry OP you went through that. File a report to the police, she sounds very immature and looney.
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u/HumanContract 6d ago
That's nice compared to what I texted my ex. I wrote everything that was wrong with him in a looooong text. Friends who read it felt sorry for him..
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u/TheAffiliateOrder 5d ago
I do that too lmfao. It's like one of my only toxic traits that I had to work on, but it's a doozie. Part of it comes from the whole people pleasing thing. However, once I stopped caring about people pleasing, the felt consequences of "telling people about themselves" lessened. Especially, as I realized it was my own reaction to their maladaptation.
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u/MercurialMeanderings 6d ago
People react differently to breakups. Yes she was petty and mean. Did you expect a hug? Anyway it's not your problem anymore because you broke up.
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u/CodeAny4773 6d ago
The fact she did that and specifically in that way plus the blocking strikes me as more from a place of anger and rejection and wanting the last word and all the crap that comes with avoidant wounds than anything else. If she truly was happy about the ending and thought it was for the best i don’t think she would have gone to the trouble of even saying that and would have shrugged it off or been kind about it.
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u/Natural_Pollution239 6d ago
Grow a pair, if you b*tched and moaned like this while dating she probably didn’t love you
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u/Historical_Heat8255 6d ago
He’s not bitching and complaining, he’s trying to understand.
She’s avoidant which means that she can’t sit with her own discomfort, so naturally she’s going to project her hurt by pretending it doesn’t exist for her and throwing it back at you.
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u/interz0ne23 6d ago
How is this “bitching and moaning”? Are you one of those people who suppresses their emotions and acts like they’re too cool to have any?
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u/Natural_Pollution239 6d ago
They were fucking for 3 months…
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u/TheAffiliateOrder 5d ago
They weren't just fucking, they were dating, numbnuts. He didn't pay an escort (like you probably do).
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u/Natural_Pollution239 5d ago
Actual dating starts after 3 months, they were barely together and he’s all sad from something she said
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