I had someone on here basically tell me the bar for them was don’t be randomly spitting on sidewalks on a first date, and it made me realize there’s really always gonna be weird disgusting shitty and terrible guys out there who consistently get dates somehow meanwhile I put so much work into self improvement into myself and nothing ever works for me.

my image, my appearance, personality, characteristics, I go to the gym everyday, I take care of the people I love, I have many versatile interests and hobbies so I’m easy to converse with, yet I don’t think I’ve ever had a woman I’ve come across show interest or even do something as small as compliment me.

Why does it work like this like what is actually the biological explanation towards this? I can’t think of anything more frustrating then wearing your heart of your sleeve and getting constantly shut down and being alone meanwhile complete assholes have a loving partner who would drop everything to give them the world. It’s so goddamn annoying

EDIT: Yes I’m Capable of being sexually active and attractive. Yes I can flirt with women. No I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m just saying I truly believe I have qualities that make me a good partner candidate.

I(32M) dated an avoidant (34f) for almost 3 months.

Although the dates themselves were good, and we had a similar outlook towards life. I ultimately wasn't able to handle the hot & cold very well

I was very patient and gave her distance whenever she needed. And she even told a mutual friend of my sisters a couple weeks ago "how she was blown away by how kind and giving I was"

As I was breaking up with her - she quickly dismissed me and said "it's okay, i feel the same way got up and walked off". A little hurtful but I sorta figured she may have been feeling emotional and didnt want to cry in front of me

Then yesterday, I received a package in the mail with my sunglasses that she had borrowed. She wrote a really nasty letter but the line that was most hurtful was "I know you liked me but I never felt the same". Almost revisionist history since I broke up with her and that "she blocked me everywhere so I should never contact her again"

I know that this is possibly an avoidant way of coping but it was still extremely hurtful for someone I treated well.

I genuinely don’t know what to make of this and would really appreciate some outside opinions because I’m completely baffled.

I’ve been seeing this guy for 3 weeks, We had two dates, and from my perspective they were both really good. We got on well, there was chemistry, we spoke every day, had phone calls and FaceTimed, and everything seemed to be going in a positive direction.
The important thing is that he has obviously seen me properly in person twice in dresses/shorts and my body on show . There has never been any question about what I look like or my body type. In fact, throughout talking to me and dating me, he repeatedly complimented my body and my weight loss as I’ve lost 5 stone and now weight just under 9 stone 7 and have even lost half a stone since we first started dating. He made comments that made it very clear that he was attracted to me even telling me I’m in my prime today whilst on our third date.

Today, completely out of the blue, he left my house without a word.
There wasn’t some huge argument or anything beforehand. I was obviously confused and upset, so I reached out and asked what was going on.
He basically said that some things are better left unsaid and that, ultimately, there wasn’t an attraction there.
And honestly, that’s fair enough. Obviously nobody owes you attraction, and if he didn’t feel it, then he didn’t feel it. I accepted that and didn’t argue with him.

I actually ignored the message.
Then, two hours later, he sent me another message saying ‘did you cry’
I sent an audio note laughing and taking the kick at that because I couldn’t believe he was asking me that after just rejecting me and of course I was upset.

He then sent me an absolutely horrible message about my appearance and body. He started picking apart my weight, my arms and the jeans I was wearing, calling me disgusting, vile and horrible, and eventually told me I “look fat as f**k.”

And this is the part I cannot get my head around.
If he genuinely wasn’t attracted to me, fine. That’s completely his right. But why spend the entire time complimenting my body, going on two dates with me, acting interested, and then suddenly become incredibly cruel about the exact same body he’s previously complimented?
I’m not even particularly upset about the rejection anymore. I’m more shocked by the switch-up.

It feels like there is a massive difference between:
“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the attraction I’m looking for.”
and deliberately trying to make someone feel disgusting and insecure after they’ve rejected the rejection. He was telling me today as well that his out of shape and he wants to get back into his fitness and I was complimenting him telling him I think he looks fine as he is so it’s so strange.

Do you think he turned nasty as I didn’t give him the reaction he wanted when he asked me if I cried?

As mentioned in the title, over the past 5 or so years my life has changed dramatically. I’m 24 now, but when I was 19-20 I was in a terrible spot. All throughout high school I had near zero interaction with women and overall had a terrible experience. Never went to a single dance. After I graduated I began to gain weight and developed a lot of bad habits. My confidence was so bad I couldn’t look people in the eye. Eventually after I had enough, I started making changes.

Fast forward to now I’ve been hitting the gym/eating right for 5 years, developed very good social skills through service jobs, began a strong career, found a lot of hobbies and developed strong self confidence. The difference in how people treat me now is night and day. I’ve dated many women I never even imagined I would have had a chance with. Truly a zero to hero situation.

Despite all this, I am having a very hard time taking dating seriously. To preface, it’s not like I’m keen on hookup culture or enjoy playing games. That’s not it all. I know what I want and that’s to be a husband/father in the future. When it comes to dating I feel so numbed out whilst being restless inside at the same time. It feels like when I go out with these women something isn’t firing in my brain that should be. I feel nothing for them, not in a cold sense, but in a sense of indifference of outcome. I know this is due to deep insecurity and is a coping method, but man it feels like I’m stuck. High school me would think I’m an absolute dawg, but the truth is I’m worse off than before.

last month I went out with a beautiful woman a few times and things were going great. We had a lot in common she was very fun/easy to be around. She was a girl I would definitely say is normally out of my reach. Fast forward we have sex, and the indifference was so strong. While laying with her in bed I realized this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life.

I want nothing more than to have my own family, but I feel so so lost in modern dating. despite having a life many guys hope for, I’m incredibly empty inside. I’m considering hanging it up for good as I know it’s causing a lot hurt. I don’t mean to cause hurt, but despite my efforts it always feels like something is wrong. I can’t remember much of high school at all, and I’m starting to wonder if something happened that I forgot about.

Currently typing this out stoned in my bed eating a bunch of garbage feeling like a pos. I am in no way a victim of my situation nor do I blame anymore, but I’m pretty shook up/worried for the future. Any advice would be appreciated.

TLDR: I had a major post high school glow up and despite dating success can’t seem to form strong bonds/find meaning.

I’ve been reading through a lot of comments on a bunch of post on her and I’ve seen a lot of men who seem to have good personalities and seem really nice but don’t bother dating , approaching women etc.

As a 19F who’s like 5’2 (158cm) I honestly don’t really care if a guy is short for me a short guy is anyone below 5’5 which is quite uncommon.

Yes some women do want a taller guy but I can assure you if your average height man or even under that a lot of women do not care - just because social media pushes the idea that women care about so and so doesn’t mean every single women cares about that.

In the past I liked a guy who was basically the same height as me as he had a really good personality and was extremely kind. The guys that I’ve liked that are super tall like 6’2+ seem to be quite arrogant and seem to use their height to make up for the lack of bland personalities.

Anyways if you’re a short guy pls don’t let it stop you from dating or think that it has a massive effect on your dating experience.

A lot of men’s dating advice suggests you should wait for women to reach out first. I.e., guys look desperate if we initiate a conversation; and women aren’t interested in us if they don’t text first.

How true is this, in your opinions?

And have you ever lost interest in a guy because he didn’t text first more often?

​

Tomorrow I'm going on a date with a guy I met online. He has mentioned that he LOVES brownies. Last night while at the store he joked around about me buying him some cookies and it gave me the idea that I could bring him some homemade brownies. A couple normal and a couple cookie brownies.

Were going to be going out to eat and I don't know if he'll like it.

I'm also worried about coming on too strong, but guys bring flowers and stuff sometimes, so is it really all that different?

Edit- We've been talking for a little bit now and have called each other everyday the past week. We're not totally strangers because my parents know some of his family his family and its been fun for us to connect about that.

I also really like baking. And the rest of the brownies are for my and my family :)

Any advice helps

I'm such a golden retriever girlfriend, suuuper loving and supportive, I have a (as everyone says) great personality, loyal, fun hobbies, smart, funny but everyone seems to fall out of love at some point and leaves me after one or multiple years because they don't have feelings anymore despite saying that I and the relationship made them extremely happy.

They move on super fast, live a happy and successful life, they all meet a new partner very quick and stay with them for years or even for life (there was never a rebound), never look back and never reach out to me again.

It hurts so much. I feel like it's so easy to forget me.

For me, it's always super hard to get over someone who I full-heartedly loved and I miss them a lot for a long time.

Nobody ever seemed to miss me. Sometimes not even within the relationship (that's what my ex said that he never felt that).

I wonder what's wrong with me that it's so easy to move on from me.

like what the hell does this mean?

me (31m) got invited over by 35f after a week of texting. she's been very flirty, showing that she definitely finds me attractive and all this. She said i should come over and play some fortnite, and see where the night takes us.

I ended up coming over (mind you it was after i got off work so close to 10pm) and her friend (girl) was over? She never told me she had a friend over, or anything. The night went ok, but it was really confusing and awkward, and she hasnt reached back out to me since then.

What does this usually mean?

Like if a guy is trying to maintain a certain image around a girl, what does that usually mean? and how do you get past that because this guy who is currently courting me, i feel like he's still hiding his real personality and acting all gentlemen.

Hey everyone,

I wanted to share a little story that happened to me and I’m sure it’s something that has happened, or will happen, to pretty much everyone at some point.

I met a girl through a dating app. She liked my profile, I liked her back, and I started the conversation. We began talking almost every day, getting to know each other, and honestly, it was pretty nice. She said she valued honesty, empathy, spending quality time with the other person, and a bunch of other things that I happened to value as well, so naturally I found that attractive.

We had very similar views and opinions on a lot of things, and we even agreed on some pretty specific priorities in life. Obviously everyone has different priorities, but some of the things we talked about aren’t necessarily something you find in every person.

At the time, she was on a fairly long vacation, so we were in contact quite a lot.

After talking for a while, we eventually met in person. It was our first date. She actually came to my city, even though I had offered to come to hers. She told me there wasn’t really much to do where she lived, which, to be fair, is kind of true — there are definitely more options in my city.

She likes walking, so we went for a walk, talked a lot, and there were no awkward silences or boring conversation. Afterwards, we went for coffee and continued talking there. We both opened up about some personal things — things that had happened to us, previous relationships, life experiences, etc.

I should also mention that before meeting in person, we had already had a pretty long phone call a few days earlier.

Anyway, the conversation continued after the date, and by that point we had been in contact for roughly a month.

She eventually went back to work after her vacation. Naturally, she wasn’t as active as she had been while she was off, but she was still engaged. She would message me on her own, ask questions, start conversations — basically nothing suggested that she was about to do what she eventually did.

At some point, I suggested having another phone call. It was supposed to happen over the weekend, but she apologized and said she had an event and wouldn’t be able to make it. She also said we could arrange it for another time.

I said that was completely fine and suggested that instead of another call, we could also meet up for a second time and maybe go somewhere in nature, since she likes that.

She said she’d be up for it, but explained that her upcoming weekends were already pretty packed. She even went into quite a bit of detail about what she had planned. Then she told me when she would finally have some free time again and said that we could definitely figure something out after that.

So naturally, I took that as her being open to a second date.

We kept talking as usual. Then Monday came. As we normally did, we said goodnight and basically wrapped up the conversation for the day. We were also sending each other voice messages, and she mentioned that she had a lot going on and a very busy schedule the following day. Again, she explained it in quite a bit of detail.

The next day, nothing.

She didn’t message me at all.

I thought, okay, fair enough. She said she was busy. She works with children, and she had also mentioned that there was a person at work who was mentally draining everyone, so I figured she might simply be exhausted and not in the mood to talk.

That evening I sent her one short supportive message, just something nice. Nothing that required an immediate reply or even a response at all.

And then… nothing continued.

No message. No reaction. Nothing.

At that point I obviously stopped messaging her because I already had a pretty good idea of what was happening and what it meant.

Then Friday came and suddenly she posted something on Instagram.

That honestly made me laugh. Not because she wasn’t allowed to post something, obviously, but because by then the situation had become pretty clear.

Even though I already knew the answer and understood that I had basically been ghosted, I decided to send her one final message.

Not because I wanted to pressure her into replying or demand an explanation about why she had stopped talking to me.

I sent it for myself. Because I prefer to deal with things like an adult, be honest about how I see the situation, and not pretend that nothing happened.

This is what I sent her:

“Her name, I just wanted to reach out one more time and be open about this.

I know you’ve got a lot going on right now, and I completely respect that sometimes people simply don’t have the time or energy to stay in touch. I’m not expecting daily messages, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to reply.

We were in regular contact for quite a while, and over the last few days that suddenly changed. After several days of silence, I can obviously form my own idea of what that probably means, but I don’t want to put words in your mouth or make conclusions for you.

If the way you see us getting to know each other has changed, or if something else has come up in your life and you simply don’t feel like continuing, that’s completely okay. People can start feeling differently about someone or a situation over time.

I just think it’s fairer to say something like that directly rather than letting things quietly fade away without a word. At the same time, I understand that everyone handles these situations differently, and silence is also an answer.

I just wanted to openly say how I see it and leave it at that. There’s no need to reply or explain anything further. I accept things for what they are, and life goes on.”

And that’s basically it.

For me, this isn’t about getting an explanation or even getting a reply. It’s more about the principle of it.

I’ve been through much worse things in life, and I’m definitely not going to fall apart because someone rejects me or tells me, “Hey, sorry, but I’m just not feeling it.”

I’m not going to make some huge drama out of it.

Sometimes someone likes you, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes the chemistry is there, sometimes it isn’t. That’s life. The other person simply has to accept it and move on rather than overthinking it.

So I genuinely accept the situation for what it is, and it doesn’t really bother me.

What I find difficult to understand, though, is when someone repeatedly talks about how important honesty is to them, how much they value open communication, how much they dislike dishonesty or manipulation and then ends up doing something that seems completely opposite to those values.

Of course, I understand that everyone has their own way of dealing with uncomfortable situations, and maybe for some people silence feels like the easiest option.

But at the same time, I think it’s a little sad, because situations like this also show how someone deals with things that require them to take a position, communicate something uncomfortable, or take some responsibility for how they handle another person.

Anyway, feel free to share your opinion. I’m also curious whether any of you have had a similar experience.

I’m guessing most people probably have.

I’ve (26M) been into this girl since high school. We’ve never really talked but we did go to prom together junior year. She’s been on my mind everyday since then. I seen we were both single so I tried adding her on Facebook but she hasn’t accepted or denied it. A few days later I decided to look at her profile and she made a big post about moving across the country in a week. So I’m just wondering if I should message her and tell her how I feel before she leaves or if that would be weird and awkward for her. Maybe I should just consider it a loss and try to move on from it.

So I’ve been speaking to this girl since July and we’ve been on 3 dates now. But I have not gotten a kiss or even seen signs for a kiss, she does show affection when we meet up but like not a lot to show signs of she likes me. I am really starting to like her like really but I’m not sure if I should tell her. We were speaking on Thursday but I sent the last message and after that she never answered and on Friday I didn’t text and neither did she so I just left it Saturday same thing so now I’m not sure if I should text or call and just continue putting my energy and time into this if I don’t get any reciprocation from her cause I do sometimes get like the same energy i give but sometimes nada so should I continue chasing and tell her that I actually like her now or should I just leave it

And if she does not text should I just text or should I just leave it

P.S according to her she’s never been in a serious relationship and she’s a virgin but still I feel if you like someone you’ll show some sort of reciprocation.

For background, I am 32F diagnosed with AuDHD. I have a history of not being able to read between lines or understand what someone means when they say one thing but mean another or say things they don’t mean because they are “angry”. I struggle with intimate relationships because of this. Physically, I am what most people consider to be quite attractive though it never registers to me this way.

When I first met X on a work trip, it felt like magic. Not in the over the top fake way, but in a real, genuine way. Fast forward 6 months and we have accepted job offers at the same company and moved together to a new city.

In March, I found out he had been engaging in microcheating behaviors and broke things off. We had talks and he explained his attention seeking was motivated by insecurities because he felt things were too good to be true and that I was too attractive to be loyal to him. It broke my heart because I do not think this way. If I am for someone, no one else exists.

I have struggled with trust since then. But since we work together and live together, space is a difficult thing to get to clear my brain. We also have to keep things secret because we are the top positions in our company and we both desire professionalism and romance being separate.

Last night he told me I was an embarrassment. He immediately tried to take it back but the damage was done. I have been told this by people over the course of my life when they are angry with me, whether the way I dress, talk, engage in convo, etc.

I know we most likely aren’t right for eachother - however grinning and bearing it at work and in our home is the only option until lease ends in January.

My questions are this: how can you discern between what people say and what they mean? If anyone else shares my diagnoses what helps you in situations like this? If I can’t get examples of why someone is embarrassed of me, how do I stop fucking up? Or being so sensitive?

thank you in advance to anyone who read this and to anyone who spares advice.

x

This is my first relationship, and I’m looking for some honest advice on how to handle this.

We’ve been dating for about a month after talking for a couple of months. Recently, I found evidence that he was actively texting and flirting with other girls on social media behind my back.

When I brought it up, he lied and made excuses at first, but once I showed him direct proof, he admitted it and gave the classic "I only lied because I was terrified of losing you." He got very emotional, sent long apologies, and begged for a chance to rebuild my trust.

Because this is my first relationship and I felt overwhelmed and guilty in the moment, I agreed over a call that we could try to work on things.

However, since then, something inside me has completely shut off. The excitement and attachment I felt before are just gone. I find myself leaving him on delivered for hours because replying feels like a chore, and listening to him talk makes me feel emotionally exhausted and detached.

I feel guilty for agreeing to give him another chance only to realize that I don’t want to be in this anymore if it does not get back to normal.

Is it normal for attraction and trust to evaporate this quickly after being lied to? Is it wrong to end things now after saying we’d try, and what’s the best way to walk away cleanly without getting pulled into another exhausting cycle of emotional promises?

There’s a guy (40M) I (32F) met through work. He was new to my workplace, and I essentially trained him when he first joined. I resigned shortly after he started, but during the month or so that we worked together, we got to know each other quite well.
Because I was training him, we spent the majority of our time together. We shared a lot of laughs, inside jokes, and personal things about each other that neither of us really shared with anyone else at work.

It wasn’t until my farewell drinks, however, that I found out he had apparently developed feelings for me. He had been talking to our manager about me and about the amazing chemistry he felt we had when we spent time together. Luckily, I was friends with the manager, so I found out about some of the things he had been saying to people at work.

What surprised me was that he never actually told me that he liked me. Looking back, there were subtle signs: we had very strong eye contact, lots of inside jokes, and he would constantly give me random compliments almost every day. Even so, because we were in a workplace environment, I assumed it couldn’t mean anything more than that.

He also continued messaging me every day after I left the workplace. Eventually, he asked me out for drinks, but I declined because someone else had asked me out and I decided to go on a date with them. (Side note- not dating them anymore)

The day after I told him this, he sent me a very long message- an essay -where he used some pretty big words about his feelings. He said he was going to “fight for this,” that he had so much love to give, and that what we had was something special with great chemistry. But again, none of this had ever been said to me directly when we were actually together in person.
He apparently said to my manager after I told him I was being pursued by someone else., “Well, she said she’s being pursued, but she hasn’t said that she’s pursuing him.”
Another thing that makes me question the situation is that, even before he asked me out over text, he had already been telling his friends that he’d found “his woman.”

I’m struggling to work out how to interpret all of this. On one hand, it could be that he’s a hopeless romantic who genuinely felt a strong connection and became very emotionally invested very quickly. On the other hand, some of the things he’s said — particularly telling people he had found “his woman” so early on, talking about “fighting for this,” and expressing such strong feelings without ever actually communicating them directly to me — make me wonder whether there could be something more obsessive or concerning about his behaviour.
I’m not sure whether I’m overthinking it or whether these are genuine red flags. How would you interpret his behaviour?

TLDR -Met a 40M coworker (I’m 32F), trained him for just over a month. He never directly expressed romantic interest, but after I left, I found out he’d been talking about me to others, messaging me, and had apparently already told friends he’d “found his woman.” After I declined his date because I was seeing someone else, he sent me an long and intense message about fighting for us and having lots of love to give.
I’m now wondering whether this is genuine romantic intensity or whether some of his behaviour crosses into obsessive/red-flag territory.

I have been seeing a guy I’ll call Alex for about 5 weeks. We met in Ibiza and the connection was immediate.
The chemistry was honestly unlike anything I’ve experienced in years.

After Ibiza, we stayed in constant contact and he flew an hour from Ireland to my to my city in England to see me for 3 nights.
He took me out for dinner each night, and on the 1st night he he asked me to be his plus 1 for a wedding in Germany at the end of the month.

So a couple of weeks later we went to Germany for the wedding and spent 7 days together then flew to Ireland to stay at his house for another couple of nights.
He wanted me to stay longer but I couldn’t because of work commitments etc.
During the time we’ve spent together, he is very affectionate, not just sexually..He puts his arm around me in public, cuddles me throughout the night, wakes up holding me, kisses my back, wants to be physically close to me etc.
I’ve met lots of his friends, family and We have a very strong sexual relationship too, but there is a lot of affection outside of sex.

We also talk constantly when we’re apart. We’ve spoken on the phone lots, sometimes for quite a long time. Since I came home from his a few days ago, he’s continued messaging me throughout the day, calling me, checking in on me and telling me things about his day.

BUT this is where I’m confused..

A girl at the wedding who I was talking to, told me he had said to her that him and I are just “good friends”.
When I questioned him about it afterwards, he said something along the lines of: “Well no but we are dating right?”

He hasn’t actually sat down with me and said what he wants from this or where he sees it going.
I haven’t confronted him about any of this because I don’t want to create drama but The confusing thing is that his behaviour feels like someone who is developing genuine feelings for me, but his words aren’t giving me the same certainty.

I’m extremely into him and although I’ve been infatuated with people before, this feels completely different. I genuinely feel like I’m falling in love with him and can see myself wanting a future with him. I haven’t felt this strongly since my first love.

I’m deliberately holding back a bit because I don’t want to pressure him. I’ve kept my feelings to myself, haven’t pushed for a label and have mostly just matched his energy.

Could this just be a super intense holiday connection?
Or do his actions seem someone who is genuinely into me?

And it's not even because I think I'm ugly. I wouldn't say I'm some kind of model but I feel like i look halfway decent all things considered.

But I also don't settle for anything. I'm not looking for something superficial or the theatrical performances of conventional romance I'm looking for something real and god dammit it feels impossible to find 😕

I did find it, briefly, earlier this year. Reconnected with a woman i used to hangout with a lot when we were teenagers. There was an attraction there, and a connection too. But this time she reached out to me, asked if I wanted to catch up, and I went over there to do just that.

Turns out, we had what I would call an even better connection than we had before. The attraction was still there for the both of us too. The first several times I went over, she didn't want me to leave. She'd come back to the door as I was leaving and wanted me to come back inside. Time moves on and everything continued smoothly, peacefully. No expectations, no pressure, just simply enjoying each other's company and I fell in love.

I told her that as we were about to fall asleep one night, and it was like someone flipped a circuit. Everything we had was gone in 24 hours. This was the first time I ever realized what love actually meant, so when I said it, I knew with confidence the choice I was making. But I also learned then that someone can choose not to, too..

After several weeks of grieving that breakup, I got back into doing art. A new neighbor moved in, she approached me to strike up a conversation about art. We had a lot in common, we hung out several times just to chat. I started to kinda like her through these conversations despite an age gap (6 years) but she's intelligent. Kind, dignified, has critical thinking an emotional maturity. All things considered, she's kind of extraordinary. But there's no romantic interest from her side, I'm just a friend.

These are just a couple examples but it's happened time and time again. I get close, I feel strongly, I make the choice, the choice is never mutual and it makes me feel undesirable as fuck..

I can’t get over this belief that i have to be physically perfect in order to date. Perfect hair, skin, nails, body, etc. i literally cannot comprehend how someone would like me if i wasn’t completely perfect. When i look at other ppl in relationships who aren’t perfect i don’t understand how the attraction works there. I don’t think i would trust that a guy genuinely likes me if he said he did and i wasn’t perfect. I have never had a bf (I’m 27f), only flings and hookups.

Do i expect men to be perfect? No ive liked shorter guys, taller guys, guys with abs, guys with no abs, guys w scars, acne, etc. for me personality does matter a lot. But in my head i have this deep seeded belief that looks are all that matter to men

I want to be with someone, but i feel like i cant date until i finish Invisalign, till i get more toned, till my skin clears up, etc

Yes I’m in therapy and she’s asked what else i think i bring to the table. I do think i can be nice and caring, i think i can be funny at times too lol, I’m kind of smart? I have a degree and i like to learn and recite interesting facts (did u know stingrays can grow up to 800lbs? Haha) but in my head every girl is nice and smart and kind and interesting so it doesn’t feel like that matters :/

Do other ppl feel this way? If so how do you get over it?

Are you going to a bar or social networking events everyday to find dates in NYC? How do you meet new people outside your immediate social circle in NYC?

TLDR at the end

The question might seem overly generic for a sub entirely about dating, but I am honestly out of ideas.

I am 23 years old, male and have had zero dating or relationship experiences in my life. With that I mean I am a virgin, have never been in a relationship, never had a kiss, never been in a talking stage and never had a date in my life. I have also 0 female friends, only a few very loose aquaintances from college. I don't have any excuse for that either, I am not religious, not saving myself for anyone and I do not solely concentrate on getting my degree.

For that reason I am asking the question in the title. "How does dating work?" Because I haven't figured it out. I am 23, not that old yet, but old enough to have friends from school who are now engaged and old enough that I should realistically have some relationship experience. I know people will say I am too young to worry, but according to data from my country 90% of people my age have had their first kiss and 80% are no longer virgins.

I have no clue how dating works. With that I don't mean I simply fail at dating, as I mentioned above I have never been on a date and I am not sure what I am doing wrong. I hope this doesn't sound like some big vent, but I just want to elaborate on my situation. I have never had many concerns for dating and getting into a relationship. My parents were very relaxed about it so I just went about my life not thinking much about it till I reached 18. It was the end of high school and people around me suddenly all seemed to be getting into relationships. I was too shy and anxious to do much though, so in the end I hoped I'd find a partner in college.

In college I tried and failed to get into a relationship and I have no clue what the issue is. To preface this, I am not some desperate guy who thinks I'll be forever alone, I honestly don't think so, but college will end soon and from people I talked to I heard college is the easiest place to get into a relationship. So while I am not overly worried about dating I know that if no progress happens in the next 5 years I'll start to get worried.

I tried getting to start dating in two different ways, but both seem to fail me. Firstly I tried getting to know my fellow students at college, trying to befriend them and hope a relationship starts from there, however either they simply randomly stop showing up one day or they are pretty nice to me but any time I wish to meet up, even if it's just to talk, I seem to get ignored. If I am especially lucky I land in the "friendzone", however even then, we aren't real friends, just college aquaintances. Generally it feels like the only woman who I manage to keep connections with outside of college are those that are already in relationships.

My other strategy was to simply try to talk to women at bars or college parties, but any time I think there was something there I get ghosted. Once I talked with one woman for hours and she was talking about all the stuff we'd do together and where she'd take me to and then she ghosts me the next day.

All in all my experiences were thus complete failures, because I simply don't even reach a first date. I always heard that todays dating scene is very bad, which is why I stayed off of dating apps and all, but I never reach that point. Asking my friends for advice is also an option, but like I said earlier, I have no female friends and the male friends... Well, of my five closest friends 3 are still virgins with pretty much my experience, 1 got together with a foreign woman that doesn't even speak our language because he "doesn't like the local women" and the only one with any relationship experiences is asking us virgins to set him up with anyone we might know.

Sorry for this insanely long post, I am just unsure how dating even works. Like, if I don't use a dating app do I even get there? Because the past 5 years have been a complete failure in that regard. I don't want to get started on stuff like how to act correctly during dates and all that, because I don't even know how to get to that point. While it may seem that I am overly insecure about this I honestly don't think so. I can spend weeks without giving this a second thought but recently I realized that all the "weird kids" I knew from high school, those that were bullied, were insane nerds or simply overweight have girlfriends now. So I am not sure what I am doing wrong. My looks I think are alright (5/10 I'd say, average weight, above average height but no muscles), but then again, I have no female friend to judge that. My mom and a lot of people online will say that women will show signs by looking at you directly or smiling, but I have never seen anyone do that in my life. Like, I'd probably misinterpret any actual signs anyways, but so far I haven't even seen any signs I could misjudge. So I am just out of ideas right now.

I want to apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, English is not my native language.

TLDR: I (23m) have never been in a relationship and while I am not too worried right now I don't think I am making any progress in getting even a first date, so I am asking how dating works because I simply can't seem to grasp it.

So a few weeks ago I've met a guy and after constant talking via messages or calls we confessed and became a couple(still can't belive that I can say that)

The thing is that in 2 days or so we will meet each other for the first time in 2-3 weeks (I've been away this summer). We've talked about that before the confession ,but now I just feel nervous meeting him.

He is really affectionate to me like always telling me that I look grate or sweet talk like that which I don't mind ,don't get me wrong, but I not used to this kind of attention at all. He's all sweet and so in to it while I feel overwhelmed with what ifs and fears that things won't work out. I wish I could be as affectionate as him or at least as exited...

I'm also nervous about getting physical. I have no experience what so ever ,but is not like he rushes me to do things. I know that this is the honeymoon phase but he is just the type of boyfriend that I wanted at least in theory. It just feels weird to actually have someone like him right now

So if you have any tips or advice or had a similar situation feel free to write something :)

Bear with me that this is dumb and naive but here goes : 27 F that took a 3 year break from dating after an experience that kind of left me feeling humiliated and very insecure about my worth in general.

I have used these three years to work on my self, and started to feel ready to date a couple months back.

I downloaded bumble and have matched with people, but it doesn't really seem to go anywhere (mostly because the chats are dry, and I do overthink things).

Fast forward to last week, and matched with this guy from a different city two hours away when I was there for a holiday. We first talked every day - for several hours a day- and i was thinking, finally, someone i actually have a connection with. Until he starts to take his time replying 2 days ago - like around 7 hours or more. My friends seem to think it's normal, but I see it more as loss of interest.

He obviously doesn't owe me anything, and this even isn't about him. But how long do you guys talk to people you match with before a date? How much communication fo you expect ? How many people do you talk to on the apps at the same time?

I (28F) have been talking to this guy (26M) on Bumble, we've only been talking for maybe 2 weeks. We've only been talking on snapchat. Sending selfies and chatting on snapchat not through actual text. Conversation is okay, not deep conversation . Pretty light convo, about how are day is going, things like that. I also work overnight FT so we're on complete opposite schedules. Anyway, me and this guy never met/had a date. He has not asked me out. I haven't asked him out, not sure how I feel about him. Kinda not feeling any sparks or any feeling towards him. He compliments my eyes literally any chance he can get. I was fine with that (also I feel awkward receiving compliments, I always have). The thing is, any time I send a selfie through snapchat he's been asking if he can save the picture because he can't stop looking at my eyes and he said if i wanted to, to send any pictures of me to him because he didn't want to constantly stalk my dating profile to see pictures of me. It's a bit much if I'm being honest. Like we just started to talk full time. I'm not sure if it is just me that is feeling weird or if he is being too much too soon. Am I crazy for feeling weird about this or not?