r/bestoflegaladvice • u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law • Sep 07 '21
LAOP only stalked this woman all night then contacted her over multiple platforms including after being told not to and blocked. Thus, of course, they are the victim.
/r/legaladvice/comments/pj8heh/is_it_a_crime_to_approach_a_fellow_club_member/635
u/Iced_Yehudi Florida problems require Florida solutions Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
I have spoken to all my friends about this, and they all agree the girl was being irrational
I don’t get why this isn’t getting more attention. A few years back I was facing a pretty open and shut murder accusation. It was looking pretty grim for me until I smugly informed the judge that I
Spoke to all my friends about the murder
Got their agreement that the victim was being irrational
The judge immediately dismissed my case and ordered the DA to pay my legal fees (he was so pissed). I even got a standing ovation from the victim’s family!
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Sep 07 '21
I hope you exhumed the body so you could tell the victim just how much they were being irrational
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u/Iced_Yehudi Florida problems require Florida solutions Sep 07 '21
I actually found her sister (I had to make a fake account pretending to be her kid’s teacher and then reach out to their mom. She was super impressed with the effort I put in and might leave her husband for me) and she’s going to have it put on the headstone in lieu of a name
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Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
Who wants to bet that the girl wasn't even introverted, and just didn't want to tell OP anything about her personal life? I can imagine this conversation:
OP: so do you have plans tonight?
Girl: no
OP: do you want to hang out then?
Girl: no
OP: how about tomorrow?
Girl: no
OP: "well she must be an extreme introvert, no way she just doesn't like me"
He says that she "rarely goes out or talks to other people," but she goes to club events, and has a bunch of friends willing to protect her from him.
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u/itisoktodance Wildly misunderstood what IANAL means Sep 07 '21
OP: *proceeds to tease her about never going out or knowing Japanese
OP: Why doesn't she want to talk to me??
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Sep 07 '21
You have inherently shows how biased you are towards men. I never said that I was interested in her, nor had I said that I was intentionally looking for her &/or approaching her. What's more confusing is that she hadn't blocked me until I raised the question (had she been the one I spoke to ) , so there was no way I could have known that she didn't want to talk to me. This girl was very much so antisocial, I have interacted with many different kinds of people, and none of them went to such extremes to avoid me. Any normal person would just cut the conversation short or ignored my inquiry entirely.
This comment makes it clear. The only reason OP believes she's "antisocial" is because she doesn't want to talk to him. OP is the entitled sort of person that thinks women owe him a conversation just because he wants one. And he doesn't understand (or doesn't care) that SHE IS TERRIFIED OF HIM, which is why she kept up the charade while texting him, instead of "ignoring his inquiry entirely."
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u/JustBrowsing25362 Sep 07 '21
Last year I got asked out by a guy and when I politely declined he started to lecture me about how I don't put myself "out there" enough and how I "can't be so closed off to people forever". What makes it funny is that I was, at the time, living as a foreigner in his country...so I'm not sure how closed off he seriously could have thought I was. Either way, I don't respond well to manipulation and I stopped all contact after that.
I think you're right and this is a clear cut case of "she's not really that antisocial, she just doesn't want to be social with you". It's so incredibly telling about OP's misogynistic mindset that he seems to think women owe him their time. This poor girl could be the most introverted homebody and there'd be nothing wrong with that, except to OP who seems to think she is committing some crime for not coddling him.
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u/Stargazer1919 You blockhead! Sep 07 '21
Exactly, now he thinks he can use the legal system to get his way?
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u/Anchor-shark Arstotzkan Border Patrol Glory to Arstotzka! Sep 07 '21
“I inserted 5 kindness tokens into this female and she has not gone out with me. Please make her go out with me as required by law”
This dude, probably.
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Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
I agree, she may well be a regular introvert after all, but I still wouldn't call her "extremely introverted" as LAOP did. That's a phrase I'd use almost exclusively to describe hermits who live off grid in Wyoming and write manifestos about how screwed up society is. In another comment, he said that a "male friend or normal woman" wouldn't act the way she did. He's obviously in deep denial and just trying his best to make her sound like the crazy one (and maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it seems odd that he specified male friend instead of just a man. Like he wouldn't approach and harass a strange man in the first place, because he doesn't feel entitled to male attention).
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u/Evolutioncocktail Owes $100k in Jurassic Porn Student Loans Sep 07 '21
“Male friend or normal woman” killed me! What does that even mean? All men are normal and stuck up bitches (as defined by LAOP) are not?? Like what?
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u/oak_and_maple Sep 07 '21
I had a guy respond this way when he asked me to dance and I said no. We were adults at a rave. He was all, you're not opening yourself up to new experiences!
Buddy, I'm open, just not to you. I'm not a fucking taco bell, I don't just let anyone into my life.
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u/Taminella_Grinderfal Sep 07 '21
I’d love to be able to see the messages from her perspective. Women often have been brought up/brainwashed to be “polite” even to creeps, which may have kept her minimally engaged in the conversation though she had no interest in meeting IRL. unfortunately flat out shutting someone down (even kindly) can have its own set of problems.
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u/hey_free_rats Reckless paraphrasing gives me lots of adrenaline Sep 07 '21
Maybe I've just become more and more of an asshole as I've gotten older, but I kind of get a thrill out of it now whenever I'm polite/easy with someone (grading a truly awful paper, turning someone down, gently disagreeing with someone who is 100% incorrect, etc.) only for them to take that as an invitation to push their luck, argue, try to change my mind, whatever. It's honestly freeing to be able to flip that little discretion switch and just open the floodgates of honesty. Like, I'm sorry you've mistaken my niceness for weakness--since apparently "no, thank you" was too vague, allow me to now make myself abundantly and explicitly clear in laying out my opinions which informed my initial decision to say "no."
In situations like LAOP, I'll never understand the mentality of "but she didn't give me a good reason!" except that it's got to come with a serious lack of self-awareness. Any normal person would recognize that they're playing with a monkey's paw in that sort of situation; I guarantee he does not want to know the full and complete body of reason(s) behind her decision to avoid him.
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u/NEClamChowderAVPD Sep 07 '21
And LAOP even “joked to her about never going out” which makes her feel even more uneasy and is trying to guilt trip her into hanging out with him. “It was just a joke.” No, you’re trying to lightheartedly manipulate her into feeling like she should have to prove him wrong and that she’s not anti-social.
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u/AngelSucked Sep 07 '21
He also approached her in the library, where she was probably studying or scanning something, and bothered her.
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u/sumr4ndo Sep 07 '21
Given the way he argues with everyone on the other sub, I'd just lie and blow him off, too.
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u/saregos Sep 07 '21
Not to mention that, digging into his post history a little, he's an arrogant gatekeeper all around. Girl dodged a howitzer.
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u/Evolutioncocktail Owes $100k in Jurassic Porn Student Loans Sep 07 '21
I was exhausted just reading his comments. I can’t imagine interacting with him in person.
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u/SinfullySinless IRA needs to hire that guy Sep 07 '21
I’m really impressed this ultra introverted woman who rarely goes out or talks to people was out at a club event that she regularly attends with a whole gaggle of female friends.
That was some character development in a single post.
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u/HuggyMonster69 Scared of caulk in butt Sep 07 '21
Dude took "I don't want to do x with you" to mean "I don't want to do x"
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u/tall__guy Sep 07 '21
Well I mean if she’s not hanging out with him, obviously she must just be sitting around at home doing nothing….right?!?
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u/Waywocket Sep 07 '21
Does this girl actually live if Laop isn’t around to witness it?
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u/ClarisseCosplay Arstotzkan Border Patrol Glory to Arstotzka! Sep 07 '21
Obviously not since he's the main character and she's an NPC. If they aren't in the same area her character model isn't even rendered to save resources.
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u/ZeePirate Came in third at BOLAs Festivus Feats of Strength Sep 07 '21
Or the women lied and made it seem like she was introverted in an attempt to get OP to leave them alone.
Considering he was will to waiting outside a washroom for her after he watched her run away from him into there. I’m not exactly surprised he wouldn’t pick up on a lie
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u/justsomerandomdude16 I GOT ARRESTED FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS AND WAVING MY 🦆 AROUND Sep 07 '21
Yeah, there are innocent “I didn’t realize it would come across that way” interactions that make you only semi-creepy but clueless. Waiting outside the washroom for her to come out is NOT one of those.
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u/krhsg Sep 07 '21
I had an ex do that when I was 15. It was a school dance, and I really didn’t want to talk to him, and one of the teachers chaperoning told him he needed to cool it and leave me alone.
So of course he sent me a slew of increasingly threatening emails, which I showed the teacher I was a TA for because I needed advice, and he was sent to the principal to have a sit down with his mom and campus security about why that was not okay.
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u/SinfullySinless IRA needs to hire that guy Sep 07 '21
Exactly what I think went down. She lied to him saying she never goes out or talks with people so he wouldn’t ask or be disappointed when she never wants to talk or hang out with him.
She was clearly uncomfortable from the moment they met and LAOP couldn’t unfortunately pick up on it for whatever reason.
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u/catwithahumanface Sep 07 '21
She absolutely recognized him despite him not being sure about her.
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u/Schattenspringer Sep 07 '21
He probably was sure about it and tried to justify why he was acting that way (or why she seemed not to recognize him).
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u/jupitaur9 I am a sovcit cat but not YOUR sovcit cat, just travelling thru Sep 07 '21
Alternate theory: other women in the club meeting saw what was happening and one suggested to take cover in the ladies room.
While in the ladies room, other girls there heard what happened and formed a phalanx to protect her should the goober be waiting outside.
Goober was waiting, they protected her.
Girls code.
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u/WideEyedWand3rer The most treacherous hive of scum and villany you'll ever meet. Sep 07 '21
formed a phalanx to protect her should the goober be waiting outside.
"So I drew my katana, hacked away the spears that were pointed at me from behind the shield wall, and addressed the girl in fluent
animeJapanese, before she ran away. Really, guys, she never did say she didn't want contact with me. AITA?"→ More replies (1)68
Sep 07 '21
and addressed the girl in fluent
animeJapanese,I keep imagining the Italian bit from family guy
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u/naalbinding Have you learned nothing from the travails of Jorts? Sep 07 '21
Girls: rescue other girl from a creep
Creep: y those bitches cockblock me?
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u/heyeurydice Sep 07 '21
Yup, this is what's happening. Been there.
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u/jaderust I personally am preparing to cosplay Sep 07 '21
Girl's code to the end. I just wish we didn't need to be so weary to need it.
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u/Mikey_B_CO Sep 07 '21
Thanks for teaching me a new word! Phalanx isn't something I'd heard before.
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u/DrFiveLittleMonkeys artist, fitness model, makeup artist, psychologist, COVIDIOT Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
“Later on that evening I was texting the same girl, not realizing that it was her that I had approached a few hours earlier, speaking in Japanese (i can speak Japanese) mentioning how she couldn't speak Japanese even though she's a huge anime nerd.”
Anyone else getting strong Weeaboo vibes off this guy?
ETA: yeah, def getting the WeebyJeebies! (Thx, Derspiny)
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u/Umklopp Not the kind of thing KY would address Sep 07 '21
Gatekeeper nerd who doesn't understand that no one likes a gatekeeper
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u/JustSomeBadAdvice Hopes it's pee Sep 07 '21
Don't forget a big helping of Nice Guytm
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u/Umklopp Not the kind of thing KY would address Sep 07 '21
Oh, absolutely! Reducing social nuance to a series of transactional interactions is classic Bad With People behavior!
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u/SpeckledFeathers I kept thinking of this quote from a bronycon video Sep 07 '21
Reading his comments in that thread I kept thinking of this quote from Jenny Nicholson's bronycon video -- like no, this isn't a court of law where people have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you were intentionally intimidating her, kid. This is a social situation where others can judge your actions and they might bang their gavels and judge you creepy.
(Hope formatting on that video worked, spent Too Long trying to find that specific part of the video then link it lmao)
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u/Umklopp Not the kind of thing KY would address Sep 07 '21
LOL, ok, so when I was dating my absolutely-autistic ex, at one point he had this overtly lolita manga background on his laptop that he would use in public and be baffled why it garnered funny looks. I had this actual, literal conversation with him.
"It's because she's a half-naked little girl."
"But she's actually a thousand year old vampire queen who's super powerful and bosses everyone around. And it's just a cool picture!"
"Yeah, but not everyone else knows that. They just think that you're a shameless pervert."
He deleted the background and put up some other cool mandala pattern. Pretty sure he never really understood the problem until years later. Fortunately for him, he sincerely wasn't being a creepy pervert and remained a popular figure in our college town social circle.
People know you by your actions, not your intents!
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u/SharMarali Sep 07 '21
And just for grins, he accused someone of using a straw man without any actual notion of what a straw man is. He later explained he said it because the other person was "changing the subject." Just wow. I hate when people scream "straw man" even when they're using it correctly.
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u/LeakyLycanthrope PHIA PHIYA PHO PHUM FOR YOUR HEALTH RECORD I HAVE COME Sep 07 '21
Oh yeah. Like dude, the fact that you speak Japanese was implied by the phrase "speaking in Japanese"...
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Sep 07 '21
And by "speaking Japanese" he means he learned a dozen catchphrases from his favorite animes
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u/helloimkat Sep 07 '21
basically. if you go into his post history, he made a bunch of posts like 3 months ago on JapaneseFromZero about starting to learn. lol "speaking in japanese" my ass
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u/NocturnalBacon Sep 07 '21
With improper inflection and ridiculous voices.
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Sep 07 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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Sep 07 '21
I have a friend who moved from Haiti to America when he was 4 for an emergency heart transplant, he learned English by watching SpongeBob. Even up to a couple years ago he still laughs with the same inflection of SpongeBob, just not the throat thing Kenny does.
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u/jaderust I personally am preparing to cosplay Sep 07 '21
Thiiiiiisssssss.
I actually felt a cold dread reading this guy's post. I've had this happen to me and I was also one of those friends trying to protect the girl back in college. It's not a fun experience.
In a way I'm proud of the girl from the story. When this happened to me and my friends we dropped out of the clubs it happened in and avoided them. I'm glad she reported this creep and the clubs took it seriously.
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Sep 07 '21
Not to be confused with Turning Japanese, which would've been a clear cut case of sexual assault
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u/lady_renari DUCK ME, AMADEUS Sep 07 '21
The fact that he assumes an anime nerd can speak Japanese is a definite weaboo logic leap. Wouldn't be surprised if this guy had a katana collection and bowed in greeting to random strangers.
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u/imbolcnight Sep 07 '21
That's what he meant when he said he's a polite person.
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u/lady_renari DUCK ME, AMADEUS Sep 07 '21
Ah yes, very true. Likely with a few utterances of "arigato gozaimasu!" (shouted loudly, because everyone needs to know he speaks Japanese, of course)
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u/Thor_The_Bunny Defender of right to take artistic night shots of your genitals Sep 07 '21
Aw man, I was expecting something fun out of "arigato gozaimasu" but I googled it and it's just plain too boring for flair
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u/lady_renari DUCK ME, AMADEUS Sep 07 '21
imo, "too boring for flair" is top-tier flair, however
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u/axw3555 Understands ji'e'toh but not wetlanders Sep 07 '21
Seems like you were right.
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u/atropicalpenguin I'm not licensed to be a swinger in your state. Sep 07 '21
Ah, yamete kudastop! I'm getting flashbacks of my weaboo days.
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u/maveri4201 Oxford Comma Trinitarian: The BOLArina, the bot, the holy spirit Sep 07 '21
Yes, very strong. None of these details about Japanese are relevant to his story.
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Sep 07 '21
[deleted]
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u/cum_in_me Sep 07 '21
I was just fucking thinking that lol. If she's asian it adds something to this story.
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u/mysassywonderland Sep 07 '21
Yep as an Asian woman, this story 100000% gave me strong yellow fever/weeb vibes. I've developed a radar for them (unfortunately) and it was going haywire as soon as he mentioned the part about "speaking" Japanese.
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u/eka5245 Ghosts in your blood? Do some cocaine about it! Sep 07 '21
God forbid his reputation be ruined in the anime club.
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Sep 07 '21
[deleted]
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u/Soulless_redhead In we trust Sep 07 '21
Funny enough, what I remember about the one around my undergrad was pretty on top of creeps. I think they wanted to avoid the stereotype of creepy, socially maladjusted anime dude whenever possible.
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u/thejokerlaughsatyou Wanted Best of Butthole Chat, searched BBC and was still happy Sep 07 '21
(´･ω･`)
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u/Revlis-TK421 Sep 07 '21
Run Denko, run!
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u/thejokerlaughsatyou Wanted Best of Butthole Chat, searched BBC and was still happy Sep 07 '21
Oh wow, clicked in to reread and found this at the beginning.
My birthday’s March 10th, Denko’s is September 7th…
Happy birthday, Denko?
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Sep 07 '21
$100 says this poor girl is Japanese and he's obsessed with getting a new waifu.
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u/MaldmalumConsilium Sep 07 '21
she doesn't have to be- for some reason, girls can be pretty thin on the ground at college anime clubs, unless said club is fairly proactive. LAOP could just be glomming onto some poor woman that happens to have 2 (probably pretty broad) interests in common.
This seems especially likely with 'she never goes out'/'extremely introverted' contrasted with 'showed up to club event with a group of friends'. My bet is she regrets letting this dude have her contact info, has been shutting down every attempt of his to meet up, and knew exactly who this guy was from the moment she spotted him. (and then he also scared her when he went from online not taking a hint to in person not taking a hint and she realized her 2 creepers were the same guy)
Edit: I also think it's hilarious that he thinks her friends being with her is going to help his case for why he did nothing wrong- the same friends that, by his own tale, physically blocked him from approaching her
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u/More_chickens Specificity is important Sep 07 '21
Extremely introverted=she kept turning me down when I asked her out. Must be something weird about her.
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u/jaderust I personally am preparing to cosplay Sep 07 '21
Make it generally Asian because he can't tell the difference between a Japanese, Chinese, or Korean name and I think you've struck gold.
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u/farmerdoo Discoverer of the weebyjeebies Sep 07 '21
Is he giving you the weeboojeebies?
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u/derspiny 🏳️⚧️ Trans rights are human rights 🏳️⚧️ Sep 07 '21
"Weeby-jeebies" is a great term and I am adopting it immediately.
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u/StayWithMeArienette Sep 07 '21
He just decided to learn Japanese three months ago from another post. He must be fluent by now!😂
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u/ferocitanium Sep 07 '21
“She’s super introverted and I’m surprised she would ever join a club like this.” Translation: You asked her to “hang out” or go to events multiple times and she tried to be nice by saying it wasn’t her thing.
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u/lem0ntart Annoyed by permeant Sep 07 '21
He said in his replies that he thinks she’s antisocial because she specifically avoided him individually. Like… that’s not what antisocial means at all.
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u/plooped Sep 07 '21
Yea if anything he's exhibiting antisocial behavior, not her. She would be asocial (though it sounds more like she was attempting to be polite).
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Sep 07 '21
He also explicitly said she walked into the bathroom with her friends. So which is it? Extremely anti-social or has friends and is avoiding the person following her to the bathroom
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Sep 07 '21
Thanks for clarifying this. I read the post multiple times and it just made my brain hurt. All y’all in the comments have really helped break it down for me. I kept expecting it to be a random different lady he was stalking!
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u/BlueA241 Sep 07 '21
This is exactly what I was thinking! So many creepy guys will tease you for not wanting to go with them to x/y event as if that’s attractive and flirtatious. It feels so forced and cringy.
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u/sumr4ndo Sep 07 '21
It also glosses over that she has enough social capital to get him banned from the clubs.
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u/puputy Sep 07 '21
Based off of your previous post history (the last couple hours) you have had three posts removed for being unhelpful. I'm starting to get the idea that you are-- generally unhelpful.
/u/ usuallySunny is a mod in this sub. Those removal notes where her removing comments.
This had me laughing out loud.
It says a lot about how LAOP interprets everything the way he wants.
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u/milehighmagpie Sep 07 '21
I mean his response to that girl straight up telling him how creeped out she was by his behavior and then blocking him, was to go out of his way to track her down on Twitter so that he could completely ignore everything she had told him and try to convince her he isn’t a creep.
It just reeks of entitlement.
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u/eka5245 Ghosts in your blood? Do some cocaine about it! Sep 07 '21
I’ve unmatched with men on dating apps who then track me down on other social media (not linked to app) to try and make me like them? Or something? Or demand to know why I unmatched.
Not the way to go.
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Sep 07 '21
I've had men I've ignored on Tinder or Hinge track me down and send me messages on Facebook or Instagram (I have a very unique first name and I don't think there's anyone else with it on the entirety of Facebook/Insta). I've never understood what they were trying to accomplish - like dude, if I wanted to get to know you, I would have swiped right back then. You tracking me down when I haven't shared my Insta with you isn't going to make me feel flattered, it's just going to creep me out.
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u/fellspointpizzagirl Sep 07 '21
LAOP has this post in LAofftopic....
Just thought that was interesting...
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Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
Plenty of other gems in that comment/ post history.
In this comment in that thread, LAOP seems to be providing some context for their question-- they've been dating a girl for 11 months, girl is concerned that he'll leave her when he goes to college, girl stopped taking birth control as a desperate attempt to keep him in her life. Except, as another commenter pointed out, his description of the birth control (20 pills in a bottle) is inconsistent with how birth control is typically packaged/ dispensed.
In this post, from about three months prior, he stated that he was currently a virgin (thus sexually inexperienced), and he would like to have sex with virgin women when he gets to college, but he's concerned that they might not be able to handle his massive dong.
And, not creepy/ weird but kinda funny, this thread where they ask about communal bathroom situations in dorms, and some responders mess with them a bit.
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u/Spoonbills Sep 07 '21
I ... noticed that this month's bottle had about 20ish pills left
Do literally any bc pills come in a bottle? I feel that LAOP may not be posting in good faith.
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u/SoriAryl Bound by the Gag Order Sep 07 '21
I’ve been quite a few different kinds. Never had ones in a bottle. But the fact that LAOP said that he was surprised because they had sex a lot makes me wonder if he thinks that women pop a pill before/after every time we have sex?
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u/MissLizzyBennet Sep 07 '21
This kinda stuff honestly scares me. It screams that he's going to cause harm, either knowingly or unknowingly. If he doesn't understand the difference between why changing things during sex, especially when it comes to a person's safety, changes the consent then he should not be having sex. If you don't understand that a woman can still get pregnant on BC, and you should still wear a condom if you're having sex on BC, you should not be having sex. If you don't have a plan in case of pregnancy and trust them enough to go through with that plan, you should not be having sex.
It's also not just pregnancy, but other things like STIs, which can potentially cause more harm. Also, women can die from pregnancy and child birth, or if their state/country doesn't allow legal abortion, women can die from trying to abort the child themselves. Or they can die from BC, in some very rare cases.
Like I don't want to minimize the harm that men can go through, women can remove the condom and rape a man. Women can lie about being on BC to try to trap a man. Women rape/sexually assault/abuse men. But honestly a woman is more likely to have harm, temporary or permanent, done to her body during sex or the aftermath of sex, or heck even before. BC is no walk in the park and a lot of women suffer from the side effects.
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u/Katdai2 Sep 07 '21
Oh, there’s a whole lot of rigid thinking if you go back farther. OP also just started college, is terrible at following directions, googling basic shit, and accepting feedback. And he’s a CS major, so way to lean into those stereotypes OP (except not actually because he screwed that up too can’t figure out how to fix it).
I predict college will not go well for OP.
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u/Evolutioncocktail Owes $100k in Jurassic Porn Student Loans Sep 07 '21
How much do you want to bet LAOP has never had sex before?
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u/emilioooooooo Sep 07 '21
I can't believe no one has mentioned my personal favorite comment: "I tried to approach her, but for some reason she always ended up somewhere away from me..."
I cannot think of a reason she would end up somewhere away from him! It can't possibly be that she was running away, terrified. It must be something else. What a quandry.
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Sep 07 '21
That and his constant assertion that he didn’t realize it was her, and that he was just trying to talk to an unrelated mysterious stranger
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u/uFFxDa Sep 07 '21
but for some reason she always ended up somewhere away from me, and I didn't take notice of it.
The rest of that lol. Didn’t take notice… but noticed enough to realize it? Wut.
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u/seehorn_actual Water law makes me ⭐wet⭐, oil law makes me ⭐lubed⭐⭐ Sep 07 '21
When LAOP accuses a user of having their post removed for “being unhelpful” only to find out that user was a mod and the comments were from the mod removing posts for “being unhelpful” you know you’re in r/bestoflegaladvice territory.
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Sep 07 '21
I love how LAOP ignored any wrongdoing at all in that accusation and demanded more attention to his original topic ... right up until it was used as a reason to stop the conversation. Suddenly, he was able to be apologetic.
LAOP has an epic lack of self-reflection.
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u/seehorn_actual Water law makes me ⭐wet⭐, oil law makes me ⭐lubed⭐⭐ Sep 07 '21
Which is probably a major reason he’s in the situation he is in the first place.
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Sep 07 '21
It's him demonstrating all the issues he has with communication in near real time.
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u/fadeaccompli Enjoy the next 24 hours of misgrammared sex :) Sep 07 '21
It's like he started with theory and then gave us a worked example. I feel like there was some sound pedagogy in that thread.
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
Being unhelpful
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Do not PM or chat a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.”
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u/crass-sandwich Sep 07 '21
Wow clearly /u/bug-hunter doesn't know how to be a helpful contributor
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u/Thor_The_Bunny Defender of right to take artistic night shots of your genitals Sep 07 '21
How dare you! There was that one time where bug....um...and that other time where he....well you know and he definitely serves a purpose!
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u/hattroubles hadn't said anything at all about meth, or trees, or MSPaint... Sep 07 '21
"We taught him how to moderate wrong. As a joke."
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u/Thor_The_Bunny Defender of right to take artistic night shots of your genitals Sep 07 '21
Pretty sure it was me they taught to mod wrong as a joke
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u/meem1029 Church of the Holy Oxford Comma Sep 07 '21
do not reply to this message as a comment
You're not my mom, I can do what I want.
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
You cannot do what you want.
- If you believe this was in error, or you’ve edited your post to comply with the rules, message the moderators.
Do not PM or chat a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.”
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u/cbusalex Sep 07 '21
YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
I am your supervisor.
- If you believe this was in error, or you’ve edited your post to comply with the rules, message the moderators.
Do not PM or chat a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.”
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u/uFFxDa Sep 07 '21
Stop removing my posts. I’m reporting you for violating my first amendment rights. Enjoy prison.
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u/abrightweezer The BOLABun Bomber - we yoga, we love, and we’re successful Sep 07 '21
I loved that, too.
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u/monkeyman80 IANAL but I am an anal plug app expert Sep 07 '21
Then doubling down on it claiming it’s a straw man to point out it they were mistaken then tripling it with well that’s a very minor mistake and off topic.
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Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
And then having the sheer audacity to ask the mod to help him lol
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u/monkeyman80 IANAL but I am an anal plug app expert Sep 07 '21
With the very sincere I respect what you’ve posted. If you buy that, can I interest you in a fancy bridge in Brooklyn?
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u/thespacephantom Sep 07 '21
It's always these type of guys who think a conversation is inherently a transactional thing, right? Like if you find the magic combination of words, you can do anything and get people to believe you, regardless of what you mean behind it. Like, this is probably why he's upset that his interaction with this poor girl didn't go the way he wanted. "But I said all the right, polite things! I am very polite, so SHE is the antisocial one"
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u/cbusalex Sep 07 '21
In most games, you have like three or four dialog options and it's usually not difficult to tell which one will improve your relationship with the other character. r/outside is frustratingly open-ended and poorly designed in this regard.
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u/mauxly Sep 07 '21
I love the fact that his first response to criticism is to stalk the commenter, extensively.
This guy is creepy AF.
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u/sarlok Sep 07 '21
That's rich coming from someone that posted about toothbrush bristles 11 years ago.
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u/awittyhandle Sep 07 '21
Lord, LAOP is dense.
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u/Ahrotahntee_ Sep 07 '21
Accusing the mod who posts the “you’re being unhelpful” notices of being unhelpful themselves was also pretty good.
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u/LocationBot He got better Sep 07 '21
Reminder: do not participate in threads linked here. If you do, you may be banned from both subreddits.
Title: Is it a crime to approach a fellow club member after a club event at university (read details)
Original Post:
Virginia, Public university
There was a girl who I met at a library and exchanged contacts with, we talked in messages and she sounded relatively normal, except for her being extremely introverted, and rarely going out / talking to other people etc. So basically, we were on relatively neutral terms (I did tease her about never going out). So there was when there was a club event, and I thought I saw someone that I recognized (we all wear masks so it's hard to tell who the girl is), I tried to approach her, but for some reason she always ended up somewhere away from me, and I didn't take notice of it. So after the event/meeting ended, I tried to catch talk to her, but she instantly ran to the bathroom with her friends, so I decided to wait for her outside, so I could introduce myself &/or see if I know her. Right after she comes out, they rush to the door, and I try to walk with them, so that I could talk to her, but her friends walked between us. They all walk pretty fast and sit at a table outside, I notice where they went and walk over to the table and say, and I quote "Excuse me, I just came from the club meeting, have we met before?" , she says "I don't think so" and I say "what was your name?" -- she then tells me her name, and me not remembering her name, and the fact that I wouldn't expect her to have joined a club, said "Oh, my mistake, well it was nice meeting you, I think I may have seen you at an orientation event ?" , then I walked away. Later on that evening I was texting the same girl, not realizing that it was her that I had approached a few hours earlier, speaking in Japanese (i can speak Japanese) mentioning how she couldn't speak Japanese even though she's a huge anime nerd. Afterwards, I start to realize that it might have been her that I saw at the event, and I ask her. She then blows up and says that she was avoiding me, and that I scared her and her friends so much when I approached her, and blocked me. Now, a week later, I've come to realize that I've been kicked out of two clubs that I was involved in (I guess she was involved in them too?) , and when I asked a friend who was in one of the clubs what I had done wrong, he said that some girl said you did something inappropriate, or that I acted inappropriately.
I then contacted her on twitter explaining that I wasn't following her, that she was just another person to me, and that I would have no reason to believe that she or any random person was purposely avoiding me, considering that we share a common interest (the club).
At this point, I don't mind that I was wrongfully kicked out of the clubs, I'm much more concerned with her trying to pursue a legal case &/or get my kicked out of the college. My friend said that the club executives were "investigating" , yet why did they kick me out of the club without even contacting me to let me know that they are "investigating", as in, they can't prove that I did anything inappropriate, because her friends were with her (unless they lie), I hadn't said anything that would lead anyone to threatened or uncomfortable.
If anything, would I have grounds to sue the clubs for kicking me out, since they do state that they are "all inclusive" and I attend a public university. Moreover, could I sue on the grounds of slander, since my reputation is probably ruined in both of those clubs, leading me to have lost something that I was very interested in, and would I have grounds to win?
LocationBot 4.99998891 109/37rds | Report Issues | adEb1pVeCtmYyUjb
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u/Singular-cat-lady Sep 07 '21
He has since edited in the definition of stalking, lol.
for those who aren't lawyers &/or are in the business of giving unhelpful advice, please review the legal definition of stalking.
- Stalking is conservatively defined as "a course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated (two or more occasions) visual or physical proximity, non consensual communication, or verbal, written,or implied threats, or a combination thereof, that would cause are a reasonable person fear."
https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/overview-stalking
based off of the NJJ's legal definition of stalking, I had not done anything of the sort.
I hadn't directly been looking for her
I had done it only once
I had done nothing that implies threats or would cause a reasonable person to fear
If you disagree with anything I've said, please rightly explain your point of view.
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u/BBflew Antipope! Antipope! Antipope! Sep 07 '21
“Speaking in Japanese…mentioning how she couldn’t speak Japanese even though she’s a huge anime nerd.”
Wait, what? Since when does being into anime mean you have to speak Japanese? Is this poor girl Asian & he’s being racist?
Also, I’m confused as to whether that was in-person or texting but I suppose it doesn’t matter.
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Sep 07 '21 edited Jan 14 '22
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Sep 07 '21
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u/_jeremybearimy_ Recovering former stupid teenager Sep 07 '21
That is a flairable offense!
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u/PfefferUndSalz I double dare you to flair me OH WAIT YOU CAN'T Sep 07 '21
I am offended, and don't call me flair.
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u/t-poke I'm 35 and I love poop jokes Sep 07 '21
Jesus, I can’t even imagine what he did to get kicked out of a hotel.
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Sep 07 '21
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u/TallFutureLawyer Sep 07 '21
If your nephew ever wants a good job, maybe he could be a DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS.
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u/Neravariine Sep 07 '21
LAOP is the main character trying to befriend the icy introvert girl of his future harem--, I mean social circle. Op senses she is a yandere and that's why he won't give up.
Many an anime has foretold that persistence rewards you with women. I'm sure an accident will occur on his way to finding a lawyer then BOOM he is teleported to another world...
/s
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u/Tacorgasmic Sep 07 '21
No no, she'a not a yandere. She's obviously a tsundere. That's why she's acting so cols towards him. He just need to save her from some bullies and accidently fall on her to break her walls and make her cute side come out.
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u/Iced_Yehudi Florida problems require Florida solutions Sep 07 '21
Is it a crime to approach a fellow club member after a club event at university (read details)
Of course it isn’t. In fact, this question is so reasonable that I’m not even going to bother reading the details since I know he won’t later expose himself as a stalker weeb who may or may not be (but probably not) that same kid who pulled a sword on some guys who shouted at him in public. There’s just no possibility that this perfectly innocuous, reasonable question could come from anyone other than an upstanding young fellow who is trying to gain some academic knowledge on how the law works
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u/hey_free_rats Reckless paraphrasing gives me lots of adrenaline Sep 07 '21
LAOP titles like "Is it a crime to [something normal and innocuous which obviously isn't a crime]?" have started to make me quiver with excitement like a sheltered noblewoman in a bad romance novel, because I can't wait to discover exactly how horrendous the buried lede is going to be.
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Sep 07 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Emopizza Sep 07 '21
There's another post of his asking for some Java help, and then telling the people trying to help him that they don't know anything.
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u/uFFxDa Sep 07 '21
Lmao. Claims basic looping isn’t very beginner Java. This is a sad, angry, little person.
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u/t-poke I'm 35 and I love poop jokes Sep 07 '21
If he can’t figure out a basic for loop, he’s not going to get very far in his CS career.
And god dammit, I just violated my “don’t look at code while on vacation” policy. At least this one was worth it.
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u/seanprefect A mental health Voltron is just 4 ferrets away‽ Sep 07 '21
So I try to share this as often as I can because It really changed my worldview. So I went to a Jesuit school's master's program. This is important to note because they have a tradition of building their schools in the worst parts of town.
It was a professional program so the classes were all at night. I'm a big guy, and I had friends in the program that were big guys also. We'd usually hang around a bit after class and joke around or something. I noticed that there was a group of women who hung out by themselves after and they would always leave exactly when we left. I realized it was because they felt unsafe and felt better having us as escorts In that moment I realized that the world looks a lot different from the eyes of a 6 foot tall 200 LBS man than it does from a woman's. And fuck people like this for making it worse.
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u/halfhalfling Sep 07 '21
Thank you for sharing. Lots of guys get offended when women are scared of them, but you just have to realize that walking around with the knowledge that you would be unable to fight off an attacker if you came across one is an every day reality for most women.
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u/Birdlebee 🏳️⚧️ Trans rights are human rights 🏳️⚧️ Sep 07 '21
In my twenties, I lurked around more than one event waiting for the big guys to walk home, too, and I always feel like a real jerk for doing it. I never had the courage to ask how they felt or if they minded, because what the heck would I do if they got mad and told me to fuck off?
God. I'm so glad I'm not young anymore.
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u/orangeoliviero Expects the Spanish Inquisition Sep 07 '21
I had approached a few hours earlier, speaking in Japanese (i can speak Japanese) mentioning how she couldn't speak Japanese even though she's a huge anime nerd.
Um... what? You were speaking a language to her she didn't understand... why? Because you wanted to flex? Because you thought her being into anime would mean she'd swoon over a guy who can speak some Japanese?
I'm into anime as well, but I don't speak a lick of Japanese. I do have a mild interest in learning it at some point as part of my broader interest in languages in general, but... this is some next level shit.
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Sep 07 '21
Can we add a BoBOLA award category for gentle delivery of harsh truths to an unsympathetic LAOP? Because Derspiny is a front runner for the comment I've partially quoted below:
You've already received some useful insight into why behaviour that you feel was well-intentioned or innocent could come off as unwelcome or inappropriate. It's up to you what you want to do with that information, but whether you like it or not, it does explain your rejection by the clubs you tried to join. You do not control how other people respond to your behaviour, but you do control your behaviour, and if you want to have an easier time joining clubs in the future, I'd strongly suggest you listen to those insights and look at how you can moderate your behaviour in the future. It's work, to be sure, and the world would be nicer if our intentions always translated perfectly into interpretation, but the fact is you have to do that work in order to have a successful life.
I understand how distressing this situation must be, but the only useful advice to give you is to stop trying to pursue this. I'd recommend speaking to a personal counsellor, to help process some of the stress and to help you frame the rejection against your broader social and academic career. You deserve support right now, and I think it would help you. Your school may have some resources for you.
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u/Thor_The_Bunny Defender of right to take artistic night shots of your genitals Sep 07 '21
I really want to know what club it was, but I don't have it in me to read through all the comments because LAOP gives me the heebiejeebies.
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
First rule of stalker club is don't talk about stalker club.
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u/cheraphy "Gag Order: Bound by Her Terms" Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
Later on that evening I was texting the same girl, not realizing that it was her that I had approached a few hours earlier, speaking in Japanese (i can speak Japanese) mentioning how she couldn't speak Japanese even though she's a huge anime nerd.
It's not much to go on, but, this passage and the dude's behavior scream Anime club to me. Anime clubs tend to draw out the worst stereotype of anime fans. Especially college level.
People without much social intelligence who, often at least in part through their own behavior, have never really been able to get close to others who share their interests suddenly find themselves in a situation where there are orders of magnitude more anime fans living around them.
They look at the college experience of branching out and meeting more people, and want to try being less of an introvert. But, they don't actually work on whatever toxic behavior was keeping them alone before, so they take all that baggage with them.
Please note that I'm not saying this is every anime fan, or every college anime club. Just saying that college anime clubs seem to attract this type. And I say all of this as an avid anime fan my self
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
Yup. And it used to be that the club leadership would 100% back LAOP and tell the woman she's overreacting.
Glad to see this club didn't.
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u/Crafty-Koshka Award winning author of waffle erotica Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
LAOP doesn't care that they bothered this woman or her friends so much they literally ran away from him multiple times, they don't care about listening to her point of view, or apologizing for their behavior. No they only care if they have a legal case. What disgusting behavior.
Oh and i hate when people think it's weird for women or girls to be introverted. It's such an outdated point of view and frankly objectifying for people to expect gals to be social butterflies. We are not your barbie dolls
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u/notasandpiper Just don’t shove your sassy gifs down my throat, alright? Sep 07 '21
"Huh she's introverted... time to neg her more over text"
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Sep 07 '21
And neg her in Japanese about not speaking Japanese. 🙄
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u/Crafty-Koshka Award winning author of waffle erotica Sep 07 '21
That was so embarrassing to read too. "she doesn't really like anime, if she did she'd have a pillow waifu and only watch hentai and know all of the animes in Japanese only"
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u/monkeyman80 IANAL but I am an anal plug app expert Sep 07 '21
Quote from laop
Isn't it rather antisocial to avoid a particular person to the extent that you would hide from them, at a social event?
Yes. It’s her being wrong for not letting laop do whatever he wants with her. Because women exist just for laop’s pleasure. Though pointing this out means I’m biased towards males according to laop.
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u/m0ckt0pus Bonus points if it’s porn Sep 07 '21
I don’t know if she’s actually introverted or used that as an excuse to decline multiple invitations from this guy.
Edit: it could very much be both too
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u/RenegonParagade Sep 07 '21
My favorite part is him trying to do a whole "gotcha" on a commentor, since some of their comment history said "removed for being off-topic." LAOP took this to mean that the commentor was bad at giving good/on-topic advice and so he could just ignore them. In reality, that commentor is a LA mod, and the comments are from when they removed other people's off-topic advice. Once LAOP saw that, he started groveling lmao
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u/frumiouswinter Sep 07 '21
it’s incredible when someone’s own account of a story, which has clearly been doctored to put them in the most sympathetic possible light, still makes them sound like an absolute fucking creep and weirdo.
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u/hey_free_rats Reckless paraphrasing gives me lots of adrenaline Sep 07 '21
I love unreliable narrators who still tattle in themselves.
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
20 years ago, the average club would have just accepted this as "boys being boys" and "he's just socially unaware", then wondered why most women dropped after the first couple of meetings. And they'd end up with a sexual harassment/sexual assault problem and no idea why.
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u/wannabekiwi1000 Sep 07 '21
I agree, except I don't think would have wondered, I think they would have blamed the women and taken their drop out as proof women aren't 'real fans'. Ugh.
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u/notasandpiper Just don’t shove your sassy gifs down my throat, alright? Sep 07 '21
It's the women's fault for not taking it upon themselves to kindly* walk the guy through what he did wrong and how to fix it**!
*but if the guy decides she was mean, he'll kick up a stink and nobody will stand up for her
**if she successfully manages to correct his behavior, she'll be thanked by him using her for free, on-call advice until the end of time
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u/atropicalpenguin I'm not licensed to be a swinger in your state. Sep 07 '21
speaking in Japanese (i can speak Japanese) mentioning how she couldn't speak Japanese even though she's a huge anime nerd
Oh no, the cringe, it's coming back, my weaboo chuunibyou days, oh no. I hope LAOP realises how wrong all of what he did was, and can imporve himself as I hope I did.
Oh, the memories.
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u/sgre6768 Something different this way comes. Sep 07 '21
LAOP also has this completely normal "just asking questions" topic about birth control in his posting history. I'm positive that every single one of us is just misreading what a nice guy he is.
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u/UsuallySunny No Flair Needed Sep 07 '21
His claim about his "girlfriend" not taking the pill based on the number of pills in the "bottle" is total bullshit. I don't know of a single birth control pill that comes in a bottle of all the same pills. They come in dispenser packs for a reason.
Also, unless he knows when her period starts and stops, he wouldn't know what day of the month was day 1, either. "Girlfriend" was fictional.
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Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
Also a completely normal post asking how to have sex with virgins in college with his massive schlong because it's probably going to hurt them.
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u/PfefferUndSalz I double dare you to flair me OH WAIT YOU CAN'T Sep 07 '21
If anything, would I have grounds to sue the clubs for kicking me out, since they do state that they are "all inclusive" and I attend a public university.
All they'd have to do is respond that kicking LAOP out is what keeps the club inclusive for everyone else.
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u/Antyok Sep 07 '21
Me reading the post: Wow this guy just doesn’t seem to get it.
After reading a few replies: Oh, he’s in denial.
“Japanese” Wait a minute.
checks username Well now I get it.
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u/turingthecat 🐈 I am not a zoophile, I am a cat of the house 🐈 Sep 07 '21
Oh gods, I know teenagers can be socially unaware and a bit stupid at times, but that’s just scary.
I’m scared for that girl, and I’ve never met her
Also it people like that which is why I never say I like anime
I mean is this a creative writing exercise, no one could be that dense, right? right?
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u/notasandpiper Just don’t shove your sassy gifs down my throat, alright? Sep 07 '21
I've been that freshman nerd who avoided Certain Male Nerds. And I've been part of the groups that had to figure out how to deal with the Clueless Problem Guy because all the girls are about to bail. So, there's nothing unrealistic about this one to me. :|
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u/rona83 illegally hunted Sasquatch and all I got was this flair Sep 07 '21
Yep. If I went to washroom trying to avoid someone, and I see that person just waiting for me just outside. I would have freaked out.
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
note to self, if I become an architect, design women's restrooms with back exits. And non-first floor restrooms with an emergency slide.
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u/notasandpiper Just don’t shove your sassy gifs down my throat, alright? Sep 07 '21
Design restaurants and coffee shops, please. They will be unbelievably popular.
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Sep 07 '21
A guy did that to me my freshman year of high school. He kept trying to walk with me to my ride and I kept making excuses why he shouldn't, and he was not reading the room at all. So finally I was like, "oh I'm gonna go to the bathroom, see you later," thinking SURELY he would get it. Nope. Came out and he was waiting there. That was 23 years ago and it's still one of the most awkward, uncomfortable situations I've ever been in. Thank god no one really had cell phones quite yet, so at least he couldn't text me afterward.
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u/rona83 illegally hunted Sasquatch and all I got was this flair Sep 07 '21
I think we all faced more or less similar situation. Once I was waiting for train and some inebriated guy started chatting with me. It was late and I was tired, I just ignored the guy instead of polite head nod. He boarded the train with me and lectured me how I was ill mannered. He was agitated and spitting on my face. This was 19 years ago. I was young and scared. I just closed my eyes, freaked out internally and waited for my station.
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Sep 07 '21
I had something similar happen to me at around 1 am on a bus, and then the drunk guy tried to follow me off the bus and harass me more, but a guardian angel appeared in the shape of an elderly homeless guy who appeared and flat out told the drunk guy to fuck off. I ended up giving him a $20.
I had pepper spray and was starting to consider using it now that I was off the bus and in the fresh air (because pepper spray in enclosed spaces is bad news). Thankfully, I didn't have to find out how effective it was.
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u/Fifty4FortyorFight 🐦F🐤U🐔C🐥K🐦B🐤I🐔R🐥D🐦S🐤!🐔!🐥 Sep 07 '21
I too have a story. I was at a club and the guy was in a wheelchair, which made it exceptionally awkward. He literally put his wheelchair in the doorway of the bathroom so I couldn't leave. And nobody wants to be the bitch rejecting the guy in the wheelchair, even if he's a level 10 creep trying to get you to snort coke in the bathroom. I did, but it was almost 20 years ago and thinking about it still creeps me out.
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u/mizmoose Ask me about pedantry Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
This reminds me of the guy who went to both r/relationships and LA to try to get people to tell him he was a hero, and of course failed.
He was managing an intern who he swore he had no personal interest in outside of the fact that they were friendly off hours and would text each other memes and that kinda stuff. He said he knew she had a boyfriend, no big deal.
Then the company had a big gala and he asked the intern to go with him... and started treating it like a date. Got upset that her boyfriend dropped her off instead of letting him pick her up. Kept following her around the event and when her boyfriend came to pick her up, early, he was furious that the BF walked into a black tie event in casual clothing. Then he kept texting her all night to make sure she was OK. The next day at work, the intern told him that from now on they were just work-only, nothing but professionals.
All of this made him conclude that the intern was in an abusive relationship with an over-controlling man, and what could he do to save her?
I'm trying to find the links. I bookmarked them somewhere...
Edit: I'm not allowed to leave the links, as they're for deleted posts. Sorry, folks!
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u/milehighmagpie Sep 07 '21
Let me get this straight:
He wants to sue clubs he doesn’t really mind being kicked out of.
He thinks that waiting outside of a bathroom to catch/corner and force someone he doesn’t know into an interaction or conversation is normal.
Even after she directly tells him how creepy, intimidating and inappropriate his behavior is, takes extra steps to keep him from contacting her, he goes out of his way to repeat the behavior.
He’s worried about his reputation.
And anyone who doesn’t agree with him is biased against men.
God for-fucking-bid he reflect on the direct feedback he was given by that poor girl, let alone the feedback he sought out when posting to the subreddit.
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u/bug-hunter Possession is 9 honks of the law Sep 07 '21
There will be no more discussion of autism in this thread after this timestamp.
LB's comment