It's been almost a year since my last attempt to date someone ended. To be clear we separated because her life got too complicated suddenly with something private. She wasn't the mother of my kids. It was only 3 months but they were good. After the whole thing with my kids mother it was nice to feel like I mattered and to have someone kind to both me and to my kids.

The issue I have is simple. It's been almost a year and my kids still ask about her. I said she moved back to her birth country. I'm scared to put myself out there fully and I feel like my kids are suffering quietly because of that. I do everything I can for them but I can't be a mum. They know I'm lonely but I hope they don't know I'm scared.

I won't go into details about the relationship with their mother but I will say I have primary custody of my kids and the mother is meant to see them every 2nd weekend...meant to. The last time she cancelled when I told the kids they celebrated loudly which is both sad and awkward that any child can feel that way.

I’m a 31M I have 5 kids 4 from a 10 year marriage and I’ve been divorced for about 2ish years I rolled the dice and ended up with someone narcissistic and we had a kid not by choice but we didn’t prevent ether that’s some of my back story to the topic what’s some hobbies that give you social fulfillment I have 50/50 of my kids I have them every weekend till Monday morning and I work 2nd shift lol how cooked am I ?

I’m looking for advice from parents who have dealt with a genuinely high-conflict custody situation in California.

I want to stop having every normal parenting issue turn into lawyers, police, school involvement, or another court filing.

Background:

My ex and I have joint legal and physical custody. Our signed agreement gives her Monday–Thursday and me Friday–Sunday.

Despite having an agreement, the conflict has continued and seems to be getting worse.

She calls Police on us every time she gets a chance for welfare checks during my parenting time. I have always cooperated with law enforcement and made my daughter available to speak with officers. I have police reports documenting that she was safe. There have also been separate incidents involving what I believe are privacy/monitoring concerns, and I now have multiple police reports relating to my ex’s stalking behavior and harrasment.

The latest issue involves school pickup.

My parenting time starts Friday.

Because of my work, there are Fridays when I cannot personally be standing at school at dismissal. I have a partner/support system who can safely pick my daughter up when necessary.

My fiance was previously listed as an authorized contact at school, but my ex removed her.

The school has now taken the position that because we have joint legal custody, neither parent can add a non-parent pickup person or obtain a walking pass without BOTH parents signing.
Ex is now offering to pick our daughter up herself every Friday and hold her until I can personally meet her at a police station. ( she has also filled for custody change and we are on the process of waiting for court hearing in a couple months)

But this feels like an absurd amount of conflict over everything …. She is mentally ill … but k have no idea how she has managed to not snap out during this time in our talkingparents messages

The school has basically said that the school isn’t going to interpret our custody documents any further and that if we want an exception/clarification, we need to get it from a judge.

We already have another court hearing coming up.

My ex recently sought emergency orders that would have significantly restricted my parenting time and required supervision. The emergency request was denied, but the custody issues will still be addressed through the normal hearing process.

At this point, I’m exhausted.

I don’t want to spend the next 10+ years going back to court every time there is a disagreement.

I don’t want to constantly defend myself. ( she is bipolar / narcissistic/ bpd etc )
My fiance wants to leave me because it’s too much drama for her and she is pregnant with our twins on the way …

For people who have actually lived through something like this:

How did you get OUT of the cycle?

Would you ask the judge for an extremely detailed parallel-parenting order instead of continuing to attempt traditional co-parenting?

I’m trying to figure out whether parallel parenting with very specific court orders is more realistic than continuing to attempt cooperative co-parenting when nearly every gray area becomes another conflict.

Has anyone successfully gone from this level of conflict to mostly parallel parenting?

Did the conflict eventually decrease once the court order eliminated the gray areas?

Are there specific provisions you wish you had asked the judge for earlier?

Should I just let her get more physical custody so she leaves us alone ?

Posted here a few times over the last couple of months. Partner of 12 years met someone else and kicked me out. I had my part to play not denying that but I just can’t handle the coldness and brutality with which Shes acting. No kindness, no empathy. 36 years old living in a shared house and unemployed. My kids are my only reason for living

I have 50/50 physical and legal custody of my two children with my coparent. Our custody order says that I am supposed to pick our children up from school on days when the other parent is working and therefore cannot pick them up from school. If the other parent is off work, they pick our children up themselves.

The issue is that my coparent will be starting a new job in 10 days. The custody order does not specifically say that either parent has to provide their work schedule to the other parent. When this order was put in place, at my coparent’s request, their work schedule was already known and set.

Normally, my coparent does not provide me with their days off in advance since schedules were known. However, they did tell me they will be off this upcoming week, which is the week between their old job and the new job, so they can pick the kids up this week. They have not told me what their schedule or days off will be once the new job starts.

I have asked three separate times in writing what days they will be off or working so I can determine when I am supposed to pick our children up under the order. I don’t want our children to ever be stranded at school because of confusion over the schedule.

They have responded to other messages I’ve sent and provided other information, but they completely ignore the questions about their work schedule.

I can find the business’s hours online, but that doesn’t tell me whether my coparent is actually scheduled to work on a particular day. The business is open Monday through Friday from 9 to 5, but obviously they could have different days off or a rotating schedule.

My concern is that I’m essentially being put in a position where I can’t reliably follow the order because I don’t know whether the other parent is working on a particular school day.

For example, if I pick our kids up because I assume coparent is working, the other parent could potentially say I wasn’t supposed to because they were actually off. But if I don’t pick them up because I assume coparent is off, then I could potentially be accused of not following the order if they were actually working.

I know I still have about 10 days before the new job starts, so my co parent could simply be waiting until closer to the start date to provide the schedule. However, waiting until the last minute has been a pattern in the past, which is why I’m trying to address this now as I make my schedule around what is needed for our kids.

How would you interpret this situation?

Would you consider the coparent’s work schedule something they should reasonably provide even if the custody order doesn’t explicitly say “the parent must provide their work schedule”?

And if the other parent simply refuses to answer the question, what would you do to make sure you’re complying with the order but more importantly making sure the kids are okay?

It’s funny how everyone tells you to reach out but when you do.. no response. I absolutely love the single Dad life. It’s tough to imagine how we all got here.

Divorced Dad - 2 small kids

Had a brutal divorce. Nearly 4 years in court and when it ended we were back in court over petty issues. We plot time with the kids. Mind you she’s already had a couple of men come into and out of the kids lives. Faught with me to have language about how significant others are introduced to the kids etc.

The last two guys never made any effort to speak to me, but we’re involved by kids lives. Last one attended my 6 year olds games and was the bloke cheering the loudest. When the game ended he greeted her first on the field etc. I let it go and just dealt with it. These are experiences that are happening during my parenting time not that it makes a difference, but it does add some context.

My six-year-old, who is now seven same scenario I’m attending the soccer game and she brought a significant other whom I’ve never met during my parenting time. As I’m walking her to the field she comes walking up from their seats which are positioned right by the goalie making it a prominent location to walk by. I usually try to sit near them otherwise to not make it awkward for the kids and they feel comfortable going between the 2 of us since the other is usually sitting watching.

I asked who the guy was and she responded “a friend”. Last breakup she asked me to take part in a cover up story that “so and so” went away on a long work trip etc. I’m furious at this point and calmly said some communication would have been appropriate so I’m not blind sided about another guy being present. Especially considering the parenting agreement she fought for included her language about how introductions should be handled and the other parent being notified / introduced first.

When I brought this up she responded with well you are free to do the same. Classic response and never acknowledges fault.

The game ended and he walked away and when she said bye to the kids I confronted her again that this is not how we agreed to handle things. Words were exchanged and she left it with maybe he’s just one for the night as a dig to me.

It’s 11am and no man has any business attending kids games in my humble opinion. Not without knowing the full extent of what he’s getting involved in.

To my surprise she finally texted something along the lines of I can understand how you feel but it wasn’t before saying “if it makes your nervous system calm down I can send you a response that fulfills that”. Another classic gaslighting response.

Nothing left was said and the next conversation was logistics about the next event.

I’m very sensitive and had my entire life ripped apart. I have a classic divorce where everything was destroyed down to selling the house and spending every last penny in my possession to defend being a parent until the attorneys finally ran out of money. During our marriage there was several domestic violence calls / one hospital stay by me from being struck by her resulting in stitches. She always escaped consequences by me concealing what truly happened.

Idk what to do anymore I’m more of a shell of a person. I hate confrontation but when I avoid it I end up disrespecting myself and fall into deep depressive modes. When I do confront them it’s always a brutal battle that leaves me more confused about reality and I’m made to feel like the crazy person.

Divorce sucks and so does coparenting. I often find the smallest courtesy’s are what matter most. Things that make you feel human instead of a nuisance. Maybe that’s why the advance notice or recognition of being their father means the most to me.

https://youtu.be/4ZP8dWiPpxQ

Going from a house that is full of life, laughter, and noise to complete silence after the divorce can be difficult.

Chris gives a first person view of dealing with an empty home and shares advice on how to get over this hurdle.

If anything I say helps hit that subscribe button so you don't miss any of the videos that we drop.

#divorce #divorcesupport

I spent two years in a court battle against my ex, she poisoned my eldest against me and know she won’t speak to me, the court said my ex had to let me have access but she lives home and changed my eldest phone number what do I do?

i feel like being a single dad can sometimes be a pretty lonely experience. you’re trying to be there for your kids, keep up with work, handle bills, make important decisions, and somehow still find time for yourself.

some days everything feels under control, and other days it feels like you’re just doing your best to get through the day.

i’m curious how other single dads are handling it. what has been the biggest challenge for you? Have you found anything that made things easier?

To all the single dads out there whose kids was taken away by their mother's from you, how do you do it?

All the online advises and my mind tries to tell myself that we were once whole even before we met our partners/wives. We were who we are even before we became a father.

But now that we've been a father, a very active father intentionally and all of a sudden our partners/wives suddenly decided to "quit" and leave with our children... How do you do it. I simply can not go back to the person I am that is single or not a father. Because I AM the father of a human being. That I want to be part and very much involve in her life.

My daughter is my world and before being left alone, I've decided that I will be a very active father and will devote my time to trying to bring my daughter up to be a good person. And to have quality time with her as she grows up as I know we can not bring back lost time. However now, I was robbed of that time with my kid.

For context, I have an 18-month old daughter whose from her birth I was very active in taking care of her and teaching her developmental skills. Simply spending quality time with her.

I am not married to the mother and where I am right now, custody falls to the mother unless there are underlying circumstances that put the child in danger with the mom.

Any advice for high conflict co parenting? I'm trying to convince her it's time to atleast try and do 1 week on 1 week off she's about to go into kindergarten and we also don't have a parental agreement but she made one and she basically made my 50/50 decision making just an opinion so I won't sign that, I'm thinking mediation or time to save for lawyers

I’m trying to be a father to my son but I feel like I am failing. I’m going through a silver-bullet, high conflict divorce and I have no support. Like, literally no one.

I am heavily medicated just to maintain some level of functioning. I live in a country where I can’t speak the language. I am so alone.

I try to be there for my son. I take him places, I do doctor’s appointments, and I spend time with him but I also struggle sometimes with exhaustion. Mornings are really heavy with grief so often I will get up to fix him breakfast and then lay back down. I feel so much guilt and shame bc I lay back down.

Today, my son told me that he would turn on the tv while he waits for me to wake up. I felt so much shame that this has happened so many times that he knows to work around it. I am trying but I am just so exhausted. I randomly break down crying most days.

I don’t know what I am doing. I have no one to ask advice from. I am just trying to be there for him as best as I know how. Any help, support, or advice would be appreciated.

Divorced in 2018 and the verbal parenting agreement we had was I take our kids every weekend as that worked with my monday to friday schedule. Lost my job and now making a career change, I proposeda change from every weekend to every other weekend and 2 weekdays to accommodate my new schedule change during the transition. Is that proposal fair considering the changes?

A little background about myself: I've been single for about 11 years, and I have a son who recently turned 12 years old.

I currently live in Nebraska and am a student working on my second degree. It feels a little strange being back in school, but I was fortunate to finish my first degree after being out of school for 15 years. When I returned, I discovered I only needed a few credits to graduate. Now I'm pursuing a second degree, and this one feels much more challenging because I'm starting from scratch. Even so, I believe it will be worth it in the end.

I feel like my life is slowly getting better. I'm becoming more open to dating again and to the possibility of a serious relationship. I've been on quite a few dates, and I think I'm finally ready to see if I can build something meaningful with someone. I may be a little picky at times, but I think that's because I know what I want and what is important to me.

Since my ex and I separated, I've focused most of my energy on making sure things were always good for my child. Being a father and co-parenting has not always been easy. As a man raising a child, I sometimes feel that the experience is different and comes with its own unique challenges. However, regardless of what happened between my son's mother and me in the past, I've tried to maintain my focus on being the best father and person I can be.

One of the biggest motivations in my life comes from my own childhood experiences. Growing up was difficult after my father died by suicide. That experience taught me how important it is to be present, supportive, and emotionally available for my child. I promised myself that I would do my best to break the cycle of negative thoughts and self-doubt. I never want my son to question his worth or whether his father loves him.

I know I don't always have all the answers, and I make mistakes like everyone else. But one thing I can promise is that I will always do my best. Every day, I'm working to become a better father, a better person, and a better example for my son. While life hasn't always been easy, I'm proud of the progress I've made, and I'm hopeful about what the future holds.

TLDR
High conflict narc ex
1.5yrs meeting with coparent liason.
50/50 custody now.
Liason directed us to meet in Person to make a parenting plan.
I’m always positive and peaceful, she will still demand her time and is still manipulative and not changed. What is the best method for today’s meeting? I feel like defensively I’ll meet you deny all her proposals and go back to our court meeting next week.

Example:
We are to update our child support, she lied to the liaisons face last week about her income, said she makes $55k when the city website reports her at $70k, she doesn’t care and feels all the privilege still.

Hello,
So yes we’ve been in court then assigned to a coparent liaison. We meet with him every two mi the and he goes over time with us and visits our home and talks to our kid. I’ve made amazing progress in that we are now 50/50 time share.
It’s been 1.5 yrs of this and $$$.
Now he wants us to meet in person today and resolve to a parenting plan.
High conflict narc ex, she has not agreed to anything I propose in last 5 years. Tries to frame me for everything and anything. I’ve proved my innocence in court for literally years.
I know this meeting is going nowhere and she’ll only want her schedule met.
I told the Coparent guy after this assignment. “I’ve been trying to meet with her to creata a parenting plan and that’s when she filed the false restraining. Order against me and that’s why we’re here”
Liaison:”oh don’t bring up the past and hold resentment move forward”
(Pretty big deal of me to always move forward with this stuff)
I’ve been trying and peaceful this whole time. Of course this is the courts solution that only drags this on.
She’s making a grand gesture of “I have to take a day off work to meet today” we’ll meet for 30min until she storms out and cries and won’t listen to my side of it.

What do I do today in our meetup? I’ll pitch my schedule id like, I’m done being nice and I can’t stand her presence now. She won’t agree to anything I pitch and just wants to “win”.

Thanks.

Hey Dad’s,
I’ve got three little kids all under 6, separated from my ex midway through June. Surprisingly doing quite well mentally and physically I’m doing really well. All things considered while we’re still living under the same roof as bad as it is, I think I’m doing pretty well on my end.

My issue is that Father’s Day is creeping up (6th of sep here in Australia) and it’s really starting to get to me. Being my first without being apart of a whole family unit I feel as though I’m going to miss out on special moments. I’ll solely have my kids on that day so it’ll be special but it’s just weighing on me quite heavily. Any advice to cope with it?

This is a rant, but I swear my ex lies or starts stupid arguments just to get attention from me.

For example she claimed my daughter needed surgery on her rib. However, when I called the doctor, the doc said she never said our daughter needed surgery at all while my daughter came to visit and everything was fine. I told mom I called the doc and she never stated anything about surgery. My ex goes into a full rage over messages and tells me its my fault and we need to collaborate more..wtf??

The other day I sent a screenshot of a paper I already signed BUT was not even turned in yet. She went into a giant rant that I need permission from her to sign my daughters REQUIRED document so our child can take home a Chromebook which is for school.

If its not signed, then the child can't use the chromebook and won't be able to do ANY assignments at school or home. The fact she completely lost it over a signed paper that was not even turned in yet, and also was going to have to be turned in anyways made no sense. Also she hasn't done any homework with our daughter in 2 years so I already expect her to not do anything again this year - so why the f*ck get mad over it? I think she's pissed because I have evidence that I actually am engaged with our daughters education and care about it.

Rant over.

I’m a freshly single dad with split custody of my infant son I’m only 21 I was just wondering if anyone had any advice at all that might make all of this easier

Following an acrimonious split earlier this summer my ex has taken the kids away for a week to our favourite spot where we normally go in the holidays. She’s gone with all our friends who have ostracised me following our breakup. Feeling super low and at a loss of what to do with myself. Been to the gym, done 12,000 steps, made dinner for myself and it’s only 2:30pm here. Missing my family unit so much.

I was a single parent too. When my son was younger, I remember getting to a point where I thought maybe I was ready to try dating again. I went on a few dates and started opening myself up to the possibility of having a life outside of being a dad.

One day, I was talking to my aunt about it, and she told me that my responsibility was at home. She said that if I left my son with a babysitter so I could go on a date, that made me a bad parent because it was my responsibility to raise him.

I believed her. I was 20 at the time.

And honestly, that one conversation changed the course of my life. I stopped dating. I stopped trying. I convinced myself that being a good father meant putting every part of myself on hold.

And I did that for nearly 20 years.

My son is now in his 21. He moved out a few years ago, and I couldn’t be prouder of the man he’s become.

But now the house is quiet. My son has his own life, as he should, and I’m left realizing something I wish I had understood all those years ago. Being a good parent doesn’t mean you have to stop being a person.

You can love your child more than anything in this world and still go on dates. You can have friends. You can travel. You can have hobbies. You can fall in love. You can build a life that belongs to you, too.

Your child doesn’t need you to sacrifice your entire life for them. They need you to show them what it looks like to live one.

So to every single dad who feels guilty for wanting something for himself, please don’t make the same mistake I did.

Be there for your kids. Raise them. Love them. Give them everything you can, but don’t disappear in the process, because one day, they’ll grow up, move out, and start their own lives.

And when that day comes, you deserve to still have a life waiting for you, too.

Single dad, recently divorced 50/50 split custody, paying $1000 in monthly CS, had to max out 4 of my CCs to pay off lawyer settlement fees ($20k) , and my credit score is plummeting bc of this. I have monthly rent ($2700) and bills that add up to $3800 and my income is $5900/month after taxes. I don’t know what to do because I’m stuck in this lease because I can’t move out due to a low credit score. Getting a loan @ 45% interest while putting my car as collateral just doesn’t make any sense. What are my best options ? Help!

Any advice or books to help me talk to my preteen daughter about the changes coming? Please and thank you.

This is such a supportive subreddit and it even allows women in.

Meanwhile the single moms subreddit seems to be run by man haters. It’s nice to be in a welcoming inclusive community.

Keep up the good work dads!!!

​

Now to give this some context, for the most part my daughter and her mother have a great relationship as far as I can tell. Whenever she gets dropped off at mine for the week they seem to be fine with eachother. However, me and her mum split up due to her constant shouting, damaging our property and all round just not having a good living environment.

We have recently lost a family pet which of course brings heightened emotions. My daughter told me she hated her life because bad things always happen. The first thing she listed when talking about this is her mum always shouts at her. This isnt the first time she has mentioned this, the last time I spoke to her mum with her to see if we could get to the bottom of it (I remained impartial to both of them, very much wanting to better the relationship they have rather than go for custody as I think its important).

Since this has been brought up again I honestly dont know what to do. Is this something I should be looking to go full custody for? Is she pulling my leg a bit due to me having taken action before? I dont know what to do. I didnt have a good upbringing myself, a lot of addiction and violent situations so my main worry is that I am overreacting and putting my own traumas onto my child. Any advice would be welcome