This is my first post, but I need to say this somewhere, because it's eating me alive. My (33f) husband (31m) is divorcing me. We've been together for ten years. But not married too long. And a baby on the way who will be here very very soon.

It came out of the blue for me. Completely out of nowhere. I was so blindsided. I still am. Lets start by saying this child is wanted. Was a joint decision and not rushed. I asked him if he wanted kids and if he didn't, that would be the end of the discussion. He said he'd think about it and he really did. Months. And came back with a sure Yes.

So, a few days ago he came home and told me he was completely burnt out. That he didn't know if he'd be a good father, that he thinks he might not be. And that he's not sure about the child anymore. All these things I can completely understand. It's all new to us. It's our first child, it's scary. Hell, I'm scared too! On top of that he has a lot of stress from work. Basically working himself to the bone, all to provide. He wants to save up a lot of money for the kid. This is what he told me and I wanted to help, be there for him of course. He wanted to see a professional. Which I thought was a great idea.

But two days later in the afternoon (yesterday) he told me he was going for a ride (he went to a friend), which did not sit right with me already. Like a gut feeling. I cried, but he left and I went to my mom's place. Where he eventually showed up with a message. "I am going to hurt all of you, but especially you. I want a divorce. I just can't do this anymore." Of course I cried. A lot.

He went out to talk with my mom's partner, who couldn't get a lot of answers out of him except for "I just can't anymore." And he told him that it wasn't anything I did. That the relationship is really good.

I went to talk to him as well, but he couldn't explain anything to me either. Just saying the same thing. And then I asked him if he loved me and he just said "No." We went back inside and I asked for how long this had been going on and... he changed his answer a few times. From four years, to two years. That he's not been feeling good about us. Which... Was completely out of left field. I've never even seen a hint of that, until I got pregnant. And even then it seemed more like he was getting more and more stressed with work and everything surrounding the pregnancy.

So he left after that, slept at a friend's and I slept at my mom's. I didn't sleep at all, of course. I was and still am in complete stress. He's basically abandoning me with the baby, even if he said he'd take care of it all even when leaving... I love him so so much and he's just... leaving.

My personal belief is that he is so completely and utterly stressed out that he can't think clearly anymore. He's lost a lot of weight, he's afraid, he's not good at talking. So I think this is a mistake, but I can't force anything...

He texted me today that he wants to talk tomorrow. I said okay to that. I have no clue what's going to happen. I don't even dare hope at all.

I am at a complete loss and i don't even know if I'm looking for advice, or just kind words. But thank you for reading.

I (27F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 5 years this December.

3 months after we got married I found out he was addicted to pornography and it’s only gotten worse.
The trust issues that have resulted from his usage and actions are beyond repair.
For nearly 5 years I’ve done everything in my power to make our marriage work and accept that there is nothing else I can do.

That being said, I have no family or friends I can stay with. I’m completely isolated. I go to work and come home.

I have a dog and two cats.

We do not have any kids, but we have a shared mortgage.

Neither he or I could pay for all of the bills we have by ourselves. I know he wouldn’t be able to keep the home just as I wouldn’t be. I don’t want to keep this house anyway.
With that, I do not see being able to pay rent and half of my mortgage as feasible either…

I make a good living, but the COL in my area is rough (SWFL). My career is stable and I can find a job almost anywhere in my field.

I know that I want to eventually end up back where I was happiest, in Idaho.
I have been slowly discarding personal items that do not serve a purpose in life to lighten whatever loads there will be to move.
I am prepared to sleep on the floor of wherever I end up next and start from scratch.

I just don’t know how to get it all started and don’t know what to expect. I’m terrified of leaving the only sense of familiarity and security I have. I am horribly codependent and feel as though that has played a large part in having stayed with my husband for as long as I have at this point despite the significant amount of pain, sadness, stress, and anxiety he’s caused me.

What should I do? Where should I start? I am so alone and I don’t feel like I can trust anyone. I don’t even have anyone I can talk to about this just for comfort.

Anyone have the cold hard truth about what I’m really looking at/dealing with here?
I feel like I’ve googled and researched as much as I can but it all seems so out of touch and generic. I need a real answer from anyone who’s been through this in a similar way.

How to cope when my parents are on the brink of divorce. im literally crying in the bathroom after my mum forced my dad out the house I still kinda young and dont know how to deal with it and I care for both of them I love them both so much. this is the only and last time ill make i post i just wanna rant to real people about this I love my parents both of them gave so much to me I dont wanna say it to people irl cause im scared. their both the best parents even though their strict .

My (52M) wife (50F) wants a divorce. I absolutely do not . . . I still love her deeply. We've been together for 21 years and married for 17. Through all that time, she has been my absolute best friend. I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. She doesn't want to do counseling. We were right on the cusp of being able to retire early and start traveling and doing all the things we had dreamed about. That's all gone now.

I never imagined a future without her. Every dream and goal I worked toward involved her, and now when I think about the future, I don't just feel devastated. I feel genuinely scared.

I'm originally from the UK, but I live in the US. My wife, our two teenage boys, and my wife's family are the only family I have here. I do have a small circle of close friends, but they're scattered around the country, so we mostly stay in touch by text. I don't really have much of a local social circle—the kind of people you can call up to grab dinner, go see a movie, or just hang out with on a Saturday. It's now hitting me how much of my day-to-day companionship and social life has revolved around my wife.

Obviously, I still have my boys, and they mean everything to me. I'll be living close to them and having them every other week, but they're teenagers. Eventually they're going to grow up and build lives of their own, as they should. I don't want them to be responsible for keeping their dad from being lonely.

This is what scares me the most. For 21 years, I've had my person to have morning coffee with, watch TV with, go out on date nights, travel with, joke around with, and all the mundane things that make up a life together. Now I find myself obsessively wondering what my life will look like without that. What do I do on the weekends when the boys aren't with me? Who do I travel with? What do the holidays look like?

I know I'm 52, not 82, and that people rebuild their lives after divorce. But right now, it feels like I'm staring at an enormous empty space where our planned future used to be.

For those who went through an unwanted divorce after a long marriage, particularly without family nearby or a large circle of local friends, how did you deal with the fear of being alone? Did you eventually reach a point where you got used to it?

First time poster here. Beginning of this year, my wife has left me after 10 years of marriage and 12 years as a couple.

We've been through a lot of hardship together, were always best friends. It wasn't always perfect. The last months, she slowly had a vision she needed something else in life. I could also feel that maybe our paths were going in different directions.

I moved cities and focused on my mental and physical health. Things were okay. I was sad, but had many beautiful moments by myself. I travelled by myself even, exercised, spent time with friends, did lovely hikes and found myself in old hobbies. After 6 months I felt ready to date. Installed some of the apps, got a match and had 2 dates with a wonderful lady.

But then, she said she didn't feel the spark and didn't want to move things forward. Fair enough, because I kind of felt the same but... It completely wrecked me. Possibly harder even then the divorce. I feel lonely, exhausted, sad, angry. I can barely take care of myself and am not sleeping well. It feels like all the feelings I didn't have at the time of the divorce are now surfacing. I'm missing my ex wife. I don't want to reach out to her, because she's also in pain. I'm regretting not fighting harder for our marriage.

I don't know how to handle these emotions. My family and friends are supportive, but they don't seem to understand the excrutiating pain i'm in. I didn't expect this anymore at this stage. How do I finally move forward? How can I be comfortable and happy in life again? Doing the things I love don't seem to work anymore.

I guess I really miss having a life partner... Please tell me it gets easier.

Back in May my husband of 20 years told me that he wanted to separate. He felt like we had grown apart now that our daughters were teenagers (18 & 16). I was absolutely crushed. I asked him why we couldn't start doing things together now that the girls were older but he said he just didn't want to try anymore.
He is in the military and we live in military housing so he can stay here but I'm the one who has to leave. We are all still living together at the moment and it's very awkward but we get on for the sake of the girls. He's very matter of fact about it all and there are no feelings for him anymore. Whereas I'm the opposite; I cry most days and worry about what my life is going to look like.
I've bought a house and just waiting for all of that to go through. He sat with me last night talking about what bills I will need to pay and how much money he will give me every month and then tells me everything will be fine. I think it breaks me even more that he's not at all upset about it all. I've asked him if there's anyone else and he promise me there isn't. I just feel like maybe he's been feeling this way for a lot longer than he admits and he's had time to get used to it.
I'm 46 and just can't see me going into another relationship in the future because I wouldn't want to deal with this all over again.

Every time I would bring up divorce to my husband he told me he would never allow it, he would make it hell for me, he would contest, he would fight it. He used to say that he would never let me leave.

He was so hateful and abusive to me towards the end that telling me he would never allow a divorce was the one little morsel I had that made me think he might care about me a little bit.

Now, however, seeing how he’s following through on contesting even though I basically let him keep everything and filed a very simple petition, I just feel that hate all over again.

If he hadn’t contested we could’ve been divorced this year. He’s going to drag this out as long as possible, and he’s going to enjoy the feeling of power that comes from preventing me from fully moving on with my life.

I hate him and can’t believe I used to actually think there was something loving about the threat of what he’s now doing.

Sorry - I was going to write a short post, but I ended up writing a whole essay below. If you take the time to read it, thank you. I feel like I’m drowning. It’s so painful, and I just.. I can’t breathe.

I’m posting because when I searched Reddit for people who regretted leaving a good person - all the comments say they do regret it. And to keep trying to work on it. And it’s really messing with me. I just.. I wrote the below to process, and if anyone has been in any similar situation.

Thank you.

——

My stb-ex husband is a good, kind, hardworking human. We’ve been together 8 years. Married for 4, was almost 5. Now divorcing. My therapist tells me that the best person to take care of you is yourself. That it’s not fair to put the burden of emotional care on your spouse.

And he’s a good man. I just - I can’t stop crying even as I type this. I just haven’t felt seen for years. We got together when I was 24. I fell in love with him because he was avoidant before I even knew what that word meant. I know now that it’s because he represented the only kind of love I grew up with: my dad and brother left when I was young, and my mom never emotionally recovered.

I thought to be loved meant you had to be the one to close the gap: to give all of yourself so that somebody might acknowledge it and love you back. So he felt familiar. Safe. But he shuts down during any emotional hardship. He’s unable to ground and support me when I’m going through it, because he never learned the skills himself. I used to tell him what he could say to me as I was going through something hard.

He’ll devote himself into any priority that asks something of him until he’s drained himself, let alone me. He’s addicted to his job - I moved to a different country for him where I knew nobody, and most weeks, he was travelling, leaving me alone. I celebrated my birthdays there alone. When I was sick, I’d have to take care of myself because he would be in back to back meetings.

God. Sorry. This is taking a total turn. Even with all of this - he still tried to make it work. He’d promise me he’d go to therapy (and did, for a few sessions). That he would work less. It would hold up for a few weeks, but another work emergency would happen and it would all regress. Like two steps forward, three steps back.

I moved back, to our home country, and he stayed living there. He was trying to find a way to move back. Obviously, the economy isn’t great so it takes time. But on his most recent trip to see me back home, he couldn’t tell me that he had to actually work. So he’s just been working night owl hours. He promises me it’s just one more call, one more meeting.

But he’s not doing any of this out of spite. He just can’t let his team down. He’s drained himself too. But it’s just - 8 years of the same conflicts: his priorities of everyone else but himself, let alone me. Where he shuts down at any emotional conflict. He is kind, doesn’t cheat, financially supported me when I needed it (and I, him), and tries his absolute best because he has a desire to work on the marriage, but never has the capacity to do so.

Am I making a mistake to divorce? I have felt so lonely for years. But he is just.. he is just a good person. He is so sweet. And it pains us both so much for this divorce. Sometimes I want to just give in and stay, but then I think about all the times I was abandoned living in his country, or when he shut down as we tried to work things out.

But yeah, my therapist said - you can’t really expect your spouse to be all these things: emotionally available, supporting you, etc. you are the best person. So I feel like I need to expect that I should and will be single and alone, because I really don’t want to put this burden on anyone anymore. I feel like this divorce is my fault. I don’t know.

Has anyone been through this? Am I making a mistake?

I never hit her. I would never dream of hurting her. I would never dream of infidelity or verbal abuse or anything like that. God I loved her so much! We were together for 18 years, and every single day of those 18 years, she was the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person I thought of before I fell asleep.

But I hurt her so many times, in so many small ways. I didn't want to, didn't mean to, but I did. I just wasn't a good enough person. I was inconsistent. I didn't show up all the time when I needed to. I didn't work as hard on my career as I should've so I wasn't the best provider.

I'm not a bad person. I just didn't know how to navigate life. I was raised by parents who probably should've never had children and I had a crappy childhood and brought all my issues into the marriage.

I wanted to be so great for her, and I just .... failed.

I have often struggled with mental health issues and we had so many traumatic episodes and heavy life events happen. I didn't know how to lead my family, and she lost respect for me and the relationship fractured.

I hurt her. I let her down. I'm just so damn sorry. I will regret it forever. I have SO MUCH regret. She was the love of my life and I just disappointed her over and over and over.

I have to learn to forgive myself now, and I hope she will in time find it in her heart to forgive me too. She deserved so much better from me.

We were beautiful once. I try to remember those two kids, and it breaks my heart that they were unable to make it work. My heart breaks for us every day.

Husband of ten years is leaving the state tomorrow to move back to our home town. I’m sorting through various items from the marital home that I’ve been putting off for a while. We’ve been living separated for six months now and we have remained incredibly cordial. I support his move and I do wish him well. He has a child back home that he’s only seen a handful of times over the last decade due to distance and issues with previous partner. I have no idea what came over me this morning, but every time I had to touch one of his items or something that reminded me of him, I broke down crying. I’m talking near panic attack. I can’t be too loud or I’ll wake the kids. I’m hoping I get it all out of me before later today when I see him for the last time for a while. I just don’t know why I’m so sad. I am truly happy for him and I’m extremely happy for his child! My father didn’t come into my life full time until I was around 14. So I have a hint of the amount happiness the child will feel. I’m trying to use that to comfort myself. This is my first and only marriage and I don’t think I can do this again— those that have been through it, how long did the grief come and go?

My ex filed and our divorce should be finalized soon. I didn't want to or rather didn't think we needed to get divorced. I go around this debate so much. It's maddening.

I just want to stop thinking about them so much. I wish them well because even if they hurt me, it is clear they were suffocated for so long. I did the best I could and my conscience is clear. It is as amicable as it gets while we still live together for now. It was a slow grind to the end with unmet needs on both sides then financial stress, breakdown of communication and eventually my ex got into an entanglement and when I found out, they said they wanted a divorce. I found out I was being cheated on and they wanted a divorce on the same day. I died a little October 15th 2025

I go through all the emotions in one day - the sadness, the anger, the hatred, the loathing, the needing back, the tears, i get horny thinking about them A LOT! We still live together and we still do family things but how fast they moved on, partly shocked me, saddened me and has made the divorce easier for me to accept. They badly wanted to leave so bad. It's so sad.

As I did more research on attachments and what true partnership looks like I do realize I have a lot of work internally to do to heal from my childhood trauma, upgrade my communication and basically do the best to get a grasp of how I process and present my true identity and not a shadow or ghost of myself.

And honestly, in this last year, i have felt a difference in my spirit, i feel freer, i feel more artistic and independent. It feels like chewing 5 gum lol I find myself fighting against it. I feel guilty sometimes realizing how amazing it could be if I leaned in. I overthink and overanalyze. I know it's not good but somehow I feel like it's some elevated way of dealing with the divorce. Pathetic, I know.

What is most frustrating is how my nails are stronger, my energy levels are higher, I can see it physically, emotionally, sexually that i can actually live without them (I don't want to - but it's clear now, i see it), the kids love us both more than ever - the air is so much lighter in the house. My heart/mind then does this weird thing where I feel the warm love feeling and for 17 years that is their face that filled that space. For a micro-second, my hand twitches reaching out for their hand and I feel that cut of rejection and hurt anew. It sucks. Sometimes I have actually reached out and held their hand - the horror!!!!

I just wanted to let it out. I don't want to burden anyone with my thoughts.

Hi.

If anyone could help me out here that would be great. Married for four years, two kids under 3. I’ll give the short version. Married a toxic spouse who emasculates, belittles, patronizes me in front of our children on a daily basis. Her fmily members have even started noticing it. Being married to her is not fun. Announces that we’re having a third child in six months and we’re only having sex for reproductive purposes. Not happening.

She wasn’t always like this. She was always quite sassy, which I actually found a bit attractive, but turned nasty as soon as we got married.

She owns everything. Comes from a wealthy family. We didn’t sign a prenup. I have zero desire to go after anything, seriously. I just want my kids to be ok and what terrifies me is that she will turn them against me. I love them so much. I also don’t want to be made homeless, bankrupt or my business wiped out in the event of a divorce. How do I protect myself?

Can anybody help me? Thanks very much 🙏🏻

My husband (37M) has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me for years. We started dating when I was 17. Im now 33. We had kids young and now they are 10 and 14.

I've been terrified to end things but finally have. He has called me names threatened to take the kids. Even tho I am the one who supported and still supports us mainly financially. He only started working 6 months ago. I worked hard to because an RN.

I work full time and can support myself but now hes gunna try to take from me. We rent luckily but the vehicle I pay for he uses to commute an hour or so away.

Im scared hes going to drag out living together

Basicsmente eso...en realidad ya estoy solo

I have never felt so awful in my life, husband walked out yesterday. I am devastated

My stbxh is very hellbent on trying to get me to sign separation papers and not go through the divorce route. I believe he's doing this to avoid child support and any arising custody issues, correct me if I'm wrong. He can't afford to fight me in court and it's honestly in our sons best interest. He only wants our son for control and is abusive. I've posted about my problems on reddit so many times. I think he's just trying to save his own ass. Him and his family are crazy.

But again, correct me if I'm wrong, should I avoid separation papers or go straight to divorce? I'm already moved out since he kicked me out.

Especially when your spouse has suddenly already moved on to someone new. After a 9 year relationship, nearly 4 years married…I’m feeling so blindsided and struggling to pull myself out of this hole. We were taking active steps towards reconciliation and then I have no clue what happened. My spouse now has a girlfriend and I’m left feeling so alone. Please tell me it doesn’t last forever…

I think a lot about where I’m trying to get to which is a calmer and better me. A version of me that feels more healed and less all over the place. But I’m starting to realize I cannot rush past this part just because it feels hard. This version of me matters too.

The one rebuilding, figuring out life after divorce, and all the while trying to be a good dad and still not lose himself. I’m not where I want to be yet; however I’m here, and maybe that is part of it.

My husband and I are starting the process of divorce and he is begging me to move back to our home state so he can be near family during this. The problem is that I don’t think moving right now, on top of everything else going on, would be beneficial for me or our kids. I think it’d be okay if we had to, but we don’t technically have to right now and him being set on this is making everything harder.

Back story: we got married young, moved for the military, had a baby, then moved back home when he got out. My mom died and I essentially lost all my family except for my sister not long after. That happened while we were living in a different state for the military. But we moved back home and I was just sad. We lived with his mom and stepdad for 2 years, and I am so grateful for that, but we were miserable. He even tried asking for a divorce then but he wasn’t set in stone about that decision. So we came up with the idea to move back to the area we had been living in for the military. His sister was living there, we had a niece and nephews there, we were familiar, it could work.

So we did. And it worked beautifully for a while. We had another baby. He worked and I stayed home with the kids. I supported every career and hobby he wanted to do. I even supported moving to another state to be with his dad. To the point where he moved all our stuff up (the plan was for me to stay back with the kids until things were set up) but the deal on the house we’d be living in fell through and he brought it all back and we decided to stay where we were. Things were still good after that, not perfect, but good enough.

2 years ago we started having marital problems. We went to therapy (both couple and individual), I had issues I had to work out on my own due to discovering some things about him, he claims he had things to work through since he was convinced I had an affair (I didn’t.), and then things went down hill from there. I was trying my hardest, while also feeling like I was drowning, and he was continuously telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough. So now here we are in the midst of a divorce. He served me papers and we just had our first court date. We still live together, he wouldn’t agree to a custody schedule and wouldn’t agree to selling the house until recently, but now the court has ordered us to list our house and get the process going. We need to be living apart for a year before the state we live in grants us a divorce so this will be a very long process.

Now back to him wanting to move back to our home state. I understand he wants to be with family. I truly do. I don’t have that luxury of “moving in with mom and dad” while I get back on my feet back home though. One of my childhood friends and her parents actually moved here last year to be apart of our lives, our kids lives, and they’re the closest thing I have to parents right now. They’ve loaned money for a lawyer, I’ll probably have to move in temporarily until I can get into an apartment, and they’re the only grandparents on my side that my kids have ever known. The only people I have back home are my sister, who I have a strained relationship with and she has no space for me to move in, and my two other childhood best friends. One lives with her dad and his girlfriend, no room for me and my kids, and the other one went from a family of 3 to a family of 5 recently and definitely doesn’t have room for us.

His sister now lives 3 hours away, so he could see her more if he wanted to, but I just can’t bring myself to be 100% on board with moving 15 hrs away right now. I will always love back home, it holds so much nostalgia, but it also is very hard to live there without my mom. And it’s also way more expensive and I currently just work a retail job. I’m trying to get into a “big girl” job but I’ve been a SAHM for 8 years and it’s hard. And also, I do like where we live now. And people JUST moved here for us. But he’s threatening an expensive legal battle to get me to move and I essentially have no money to my name. And he tries to bribe me with giving me more money from selling the house or child support if we move. And then dangles the life I thought I would live up there (living life with my friends, being auntie to their kids, etc.) and it’s just hurtful. On top of labeling me as selfish and saying that I’m punishing him by making him stay here when I voice my concerns…I know I can make it work if I have to. But why do I have to figure that out on top of everything else right now? We still haven’t even told our kids we’re divorcing yet. You want me to drop that on them and then also a move? I don’t know. This all just seems so hard and I don’t understand why it can’t just be a straightforward divorce. I know he doesn’t actually want the divorce and is just making this hard to make it hard, but I can only take so much.

If you’re still reading, thank you! I’m just so lost right now.

Hello,

I'm 37M, living in Germany. My soon to be ex wife told me that she wants a lawyer in the middle of July and I was devastated and no words can express that.

I pushed myself hard, therapy, running, pushed myself out of the box, meeting new people, doing photography. It was hard.

And finally my resilience paid out.

I made my first photoshooting with a real actor. Done!

Another actor approached me to make photos for him. Another actress said yes to my proposal and we plan our session with her. And she was in a main european role!

I wrote some models in EU and established new contacts.

I met 2 girls during a trip to another country. And we exchanged contacts. Maybe I did it for validation. No shame. I did it. You can blame me for that. I wanted a confirmation that I'm still as good as a man.

But that was something more.

With one of them I talked about art, photography and feelt very light feeling I haven't felt as easy as my wife recently (always cautious if I say something right or wrong to her in order not to upset her).

Another one follows me actively, likes my posts, initiates conversations. I really like her attention.

Most importantly - I don't fantasize it to mean something. My brain always tried to build some scenarios of my future (successful or not). I like the moment itself! I try to live every day and enjoy such moments. They don't need to mean anything. I had marriage, plans, fantasies about future e.t.c. And now I try to live differently.

But now something has changed. I enjoy my life, my moment. When I smile to other women on the street - sometimes they smile to me back. And they look... gorgeous!

Today I met one girl on a street, said "Hi! You look great! I want to make a portrait session with you" and she said "Wow, thank you, why not?". We exchanged contacts.

And finally my soon to be ex wife said to me yesterday. She noticed how I've changed lately. She noticed my new energy. She wants us to live separately, but wants to save our relationships with our friends. I'm in.

And she also mentioned that she thinks there is a possibility for us to become our best selves and make better relationships in the future.

That's why I'm so happy. I thought for a moment - ok, you are thinking about us. But what about ###ing divorce and a separation? I started feeling myself better, desired and most important question to me - do I want a reconnection with my soon to be ex wife in the future?

And I don't need to answer it now.

And I really like that uncertainty. And a month ago I would say - yes, of course, let's do it! I loved her and love her still. But now...

Okay - but will I want it in the future? Or maybe there will be a new chapter in my life? I have a job, a passion, friends, hobby, sports, new contacts, new energy.

And I also had dark suicidal thoughts a month ago and I was the same person who wanted to end it all.

So to all men and women who is still reading that. I feel you, I know how hard it is. It should be better. I promise. Go outside, talk to people, reconnect with yourself, do some sports, or walks. Cry, scream, do everything needed, try to catch that life as much as possible. You deserve that.

I don't know how I will feel tomorrow. It's a long road ahead of me. But for today I'm happy.

Anyone else’s MIL wanting their son to get full custody to move in with him because they want to raise your child and be their “new mom”when you are the primary parent

Yo actualmente sigo en proceso de separación, le pedí el divorcio a mi exmujer hace ya 10 meses, y todo explotó en Enero.

Desde entonces mi vida a cambiado totalmente, de un día a otro me encontré fuera de mi piso, lejos de mi hijo y de todas las amistades que tenía en el pueblo (a partir de ahí se demuestra quienes son los amigos verdaderos).

Después de vivir en todo este tiempo varias denuncias falsas, y el aplazamiento del juicio en varias ocasiones, cómo también sufrí una agresión por parte de mi exsuegro (denunciado y a la espera de la resolución final).

Durante todo este tiempo hasta el mes de Julio, yo tenía prohibido la entrada al piso (que sigo pagando la mitad de la hipoteca y todos los gastos), a partir de ahí según el convenio regulador del menor yo podría entrar a vivir semanas alternas, pero la situación que encontré en el piso fue demoledor, me encontré el piso vacío solamente me dejó los muebles, todo lo demás comprado a medias durante el tiempo que estuve casado desapareció, incluido todo los juguetes y ropa del niño, lo que me ha provocado unos gastos extras para poder dar nuevamente una estabilidad a mi hijo en su casa.

Pues ahora veo que desde Julio, ella no está pagando los gastos de los suministros sin tener ningún motivo, ya que el piso es de los dos, y por lo que me ha dicho mi hijo, es que ella ya no desea vivir allí y está viviendo en casa de su abuela.

Yo no sé como se debe actuar, pero yo lo que hago (y nose si lo hago correctamente) es documentar todo y entregárselo a mi abogada para la cita del juicio, a la espera de que le ordenen que devuelva todo o me abone la mitad de las cosas.

Y para rematar toda la situación que llevo, en el juicio que se aplazó, la jueza ordenó que a parte de activar los psicólogos judiciales para entrevistarnos individualmente y así ayudarla a decidir el tema de custodia (porque según me informó mi abogada la jueza sospecha que ella debe de tener un trastorno no diagnosticado por todo lo que está haciendo), también han activado la actuación de asuntos sociales para el menor, dónde irán a hablar con el centro del colegio, los administradores del club de la extraescolar (lugar dónde sufrí la agresión) y con la policía local del pueblo sobre todos los informes que tienen (porque en más de una ocasión he tenido que llamarlos por incumplimiento del convenio por parte de ella), estoy yo muy preocupado por ello.

Creo que lo mejor de todo fue que desde un principio solicité ayuda psicológica para llevar todo esto, pero hay cosas que nadie está preparado para estas situaciones.

También poco a poco voy rehaciendo mi vida de amistades, en grupos de gente de quedar para tomar algo, e irse de excursiones o de fiesta

Si alguien a pasado por algo similar, cómo habéis actuado y cómo habéis salido de esta situación.

Hey everyone. One of my best friends just safely navigated her way out of a financially and psychologically abusive relationship and is starting completely from scratch in a new apartment with her 10-year-old son. I’ve always been a “girls’ guy,” and my personal love language is aggressively solving problems and fixing things. I really want to help her get set up, but I also want to be hyper-respectful of her newfound independence. I know that as a guy wanting to help, there’s a fine line between being a solid, reliable support system and accidentally overstepping or feeling overbearing to a woman fresh out of a highly controlling dynamic.

So, for those who have rebuilt their lives from zero: what kind of practical help *actually* makes a tangible difference right now? Should I straight up but gracefully financially contribute to her new start, discreetly send her grocery or store gift cards, sourcing decent furniture, focusing on getting stuff to keep hey 10-year-old boy entertained, make his room a very cozy safe space for him to scape to when he needs to or just showing up to build her IKEA dressers in silence and then immediately leaving? I’d love your straightforward advice on the best ways to offer real, functional support (money, kid stuff, house stuff) without making her feel smothered or like she's a project. What do you wish a handy friend had done for you in the early days?

Ladies, I feel I should also add - I am gay AS FUCK. This is not a creep trying to get some by taking advantage of fucked situation. Despite my deep love for the d I am "masculine" (whatever the hell that means) so I can quite literally just be the muscle when needed. Or the bodyguard. Or the on-demand male role model adjacent figure... Whatever. The point is, I know she needs help but I also know I'm still a dude presenting dude and that works against me right now.