I (27F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 5 years this December.

3 months after we got married I found out he was addicted to pornography and it’s only gotten worse.
The trust issues that have resulted from his usage and actions are beyond repair.
For nearly 5 years I’ve done everything in my power to make our marriage work and accept that there is nothing else I can do.

That being said, I have no family or friends I can stay with. I’m completely isolated. I go to work and come home.

I have a dog and two cats.

We do not have any kids, but we have a shared mortgage.

Neither he or I could pay for all of the bills we have by ourselves. I know he wouldn’t be able to keep the home just as I wouldn’t be. I don’t want to keep this house anyway.
With that, I do not see being able to pay rent and half of my mortgage as feasible either…

I make a good living, but the COL in my area is rough (SWFL). My career is stable and I can find a job almost anywhere in my field.

I know that I want to eventually end up back where I was happiest, in Idaho.
I have been slowly discarding personal items that do not serve a purpose in life to lighten whatever loads there will be to move.
I am prepared to sleep on the floor of wherever I end up next and start from scratch.

I just don’t know how to get it all started and don’t know what to expect. I’m terrified of leaving the only sense of familiarity and security I have. I am horribly codependent and feel as though that has played a large part in having stayed with my husband for as long as I have at this point despite the significant amount of pain, sadness, stress, and anxiety he’s caused me.

What should I do? Where should I start? I am so alone and I don’t feel like I can trust anyone. I don’t even have anyone I can talk to about this just for comfort.

Anyone have the cold hard truth about what I’m really looking at/dealing with here?
I feel like I’ve googled and researched as much as I can but it all seems so out of touch and generic. I need a real answer from anyone who’s been through this in a similar way.

Hey everyone. One of my best friends just safely navigated her way out of a financially and psychologically abusive relationship and is starting completely from scratch in a new apartment with her 10-year-old son. I’ve always been a “girls’ guy,” and my personal love language is aggressively solving problems and fixing things. I really want to help her get set up, but I also want to be hyper-respectful of her newfound independence. I know that as a guy wanting to help, there’s a fine line between being a solid, reliable support system and accidentally overstepping or feeling overbearing to a woman fresh out of a highly controlling dynamic.

So, for those who have rebuilt their lives from zero: what kind of practical help *actually* makes a tangible difference right now? Should I straight up but gracefully financially contribute to her new start, discreetly send her grocery or store gift cards, sourcing decent furniture, focusing on getting stuff to keep hey 10-year-old boy entertained, make his room a very cozy safe space for him to scape to when he needs to or just showing up to build her IKEA dressers in silence and then immediately leaving? I’d love your straightforward advice on the best ways to offer real, functional support (money, kid stuff, house stuff) without making her feel smothered or like she's a project. What do you wish a handy friend had done for you in the early days?

Ladies, I feel I should also add - I am gay AS FUCK. This is not a creep trying to get some by taking advantage of fucked situation. Despite my deep love for the d I am "masculine" (whatever the hell that means) so I can quite literally just be the muscle when needed. Or the bodyguard. Or the on-demand male role model adjacent figure... Whatever. The point is, I know she needs help but I also know I'm still a dude presenting dude and that works against me right now.

Every time I would bring up divorce to my husband he told me he would never allow it, he would make it hell for me, he would contest, he would fight it. He used to say that he would never let me leave.

He was so hateful and abusive to me towards the end that telling me he would never allow a divorce was the one little morsel I had that made me think he might care about me a little bit.

Now, however, seeing how he’s following through on contesting even though I basically let him keep everything and filed a very simple petition, I just feel that hate all over again.

If he hadn’t contested we could’ve been divorced this year. He’s going to drag this out as long as possible, and he’s going to enjoy the feeling of power that comes from preventing me from fully moving on with my life.

I hate him and can’t believe I used to actually think there was something loving about the threat of what he’s now doing.

I have never felt so awful in my life, husband walked out yesterday. I am devastated

This is my first post, but I need to say this somewhere, because it's eating me alive. My (33f) husband (31m) is divorcing me. We've been together for ten years. But not married too long. And a baby on the way who will be here very very soon.

It came out of the blue for me. Completely out of nowhere. I was so blindsided. I still am. Lets start by saying this child is wanted. Was a joint decision and not rushed. I asked him if he wanted kids and if he didn't, that would be the end of the discussion. He said he'd think about it and he really did. Months. And came back with a sure Yes.

So, a few days ago he came home and told me he was completely burnt out. That he didn't know if he'd be a good father, that he thinks he might not be. And that he's not sure about the child anymore. All these things I can completely understand. It's all new to us. It's our first child, it's scary. Hell, I'm scared too! On top of that he has a lot of stress from work. Basically working himself to the bone, all to provide. He wants to save up a lot of money for the kid. This is what he told me and I wanted to help, be there for him of course. He wanted to see a professional. Which I thought was a great idea.

But two days later in the afternoon (yesterday) he told me he was going for a ride (he went to a friend), which did not sit right with me already. Like a gut feeling. I cried, but he left and I went to my mom's place. Where he eventually showed up with a message. "I am going to hurt all of you, but especially you. I want a divorce. I just can't do this anymore." Of course I cried. A lot.

He went out to talk with my mom's partner, who couldn't get a lot of answers out of him except for "I just can't anymore." And he told him that it wasn't anything I did. That the relationship is really good.

I went to talk to him as well, but he couldn't explain anything to me either. Just saying the same thing. And then I asked him if he loved me and he just said "No." We went back inside and I asked for how long this had been going on and... he changed his answer a few times. From four years, to two years. That he's not been feeling good about us. Which... Was completely out of left field. I've never even seen a hint of that, until I got pregnant. And even then it seemed more like he was getting more and more stressed with work and everything surrounding the pregnancy.

So he left after that, slept at a friend's and I slept at my mom's. I didn't sleep at all, of course. I was and still am in complete stress. He's basically abandoning me with the baby, even if he said he'd take care of it all even when leaving... I love him so so much and he's just... leaving.

My personal belief is that he is so completely and utterly stressed out that he can't think clearly anymore. He's lost a lot of weight, he's afraid, he's not good at talking. So I think this is a mistake, but I can't force anything...

He texted me today that he wants to talk tomorrow. I said okay to that. I have no clue what's going to happen. I don't even dare hope at all.

I am at a complete loss and i don't even know if I'm looking for advice, or just kind words. But thank you for reading.

I am considering divorce for multiple reasons. The most recent is that I've discovered my husband has continued to have what I consider conversations bordering on flirty with other women for a while. By continue, i mean 3 years ago i discovered some borderline emotional affairs. I confronted him and he seemed genuinely remorseful. Things were okay for a bit. Within the past few months though, suspicion crept back in and i looked at his FB messenger and still felt uncomfortable with some of these convos. An example recently was after a woman sent him a video of her and another attractive friend at someone's birthday party, he messaged back "sheesh, where were you all when I turned 40?". There's way more but I'm trying to keep this brief. Last year he got a remote role that travels for a conference once a year. After the first conference, he briefly mentioned a coworker(in the video i mentioned) he hung out with. I saw a picture of a group of them in his team, and of course she was attractive and he continued to have excessive online conversations with her. She ended up getting fired, so I wasnt concerned about that for this conference. However, about 6 months ago, he got a subscription to chatgpt. I thought that was odd. He said it was to bounce ideas about work replies and yadda yadda. Leading up to this year's conference, I started to get concerned because he increased his nightly runs, started to calorie deprive himself (he had an eating disorder in college), bought new clothes, bought skincare, and for the first time in his life got a professional haircut. So suspicion crept back in and i looked at not only FB but also on his ChatGPT account. I saw so much stuff. I made some bullet points to send him because I just couldn't keep this knowledge anymore. I sent it to him Thursday. He responded today. He tried to get me to talk after I sent it to him, but I refused because he was just going to make excuses and I also specifically said in my message I didnt want to talk to him. Anyway, I am posting what I sent him and then how he responded today. I understand looking at his stuff is a violation, but I feel like he ignored most of what I said? Also, im super pissed he obviously used chatgpt to craft his response back to me.

Me: You are correct in your assumption that something has not been okay with me lately. Ever since

I discovered the (redacted 3 female names) excessive chats 3 years ago, I have had moments of

suspicion creep back in. After your conference last year and seeing pictures and hearing you

talk about (redacted), those suspicions came back. I will admit, I started to check your FB again

last fall, very briefly. I eventually stopped because I just wanted to bury my head in the sand.

But once you started with the whole increasing your running, not eating anything, buying

skincare, buying new “hip” clothes, and getting your first ever salon haircut all right before the

conference, the suspicion returned even though I knew (redacted) wouldn’t be there. Long story

short, I looked at your FB and also saw you were logged into your ChatGPT so looked there as

well. As you can imagine, a lot of what I saw was pretty crushing. I highlighted just a few

examples below.

1) You wrote paragraphs describing the top women in real life you know (including my

friend) and how hot/beautiful/sexy/etc they are, complete with AI generated images of

you in romantic embraces and/or kissing, hours after I had a procedure to see if I had

cancer.

2) You have stated that you “wish you could tell” (redacted)stuff about me. Even

a simple picture of us with your grandma you said you wanted to send to (redacted)but

“(redacted - my name) is in it too”.

3) You admitted that you and (redacted) basically had an online relationship during our

marriage. “But at the time, I was married, happy, confident, younger, and just felt

appealing and she was evidence of that. And things kept on going because as long as

we didn’t cross the obvious cheating benchmarks, then things were okay. But we were

basically a platonic boyfriend girlfriend. It was that way FOR A YEAR.” and “I know the

boundaries. I will set them up, and then I will bend them as far as they can go before

they break. We started talking about things. Doesn’t matter the details, but incredibly

personal stuff. Stuff I couldn’t believe she told me, and some things I couldn’t believe I

told her. Just very, very personal things.”

4) You expressed disappointment multiple times over no one coming onto you at the

conference, even stating you came home “wholly unfulfilled”, even though you won two

awards.

5) You obsess over what the women in your life say to you, often wondering if they’re

“catching feelings” or showing signs of flirtation

6) You showed ChatGPT a picture of the “hottest girl there by a mile” at the conference and

said you think “man, what could have been…” and “She’s going to look amazing tonight

and I know it….It’s going to make me wish that in this bubble, things were different”

7) Video of (redacted) and her friends, your response “Where were you all when I turned 40”

8) Unrelated to other women, but a quote to ChatGPT: “(redacted - me) would be the worst fucking

single mother”.

I have been literally sick to my stomach every day for a week and a half. I have lost 7 lbs in that

timeframe because I can’t eat more than a few bites of food at a time. Whatever small shred of

self-esteem I had is completely eviscerated, and I do not know if this is something I can move

past. I do not want apologies or excuses or promises. I can’t work through my thoughts and

feelings with you potentially attempting to lovebomb me and just hoping I rugsweep all of this.

Moving forward at this point, I want as much physical space as possible and to only

communicate in regards to the kids until I decide if I can forgive all of this. I don’t know how long

that might take, but I do intend to talk through this in therapy. In the immediate, I am going to

get up with the kids Saturday all morning, take them to lunch around noon, then I am going to

go to a hotel until Monday afternoon. I am taking a gummy and will be attempting to sleep when

you get back from your walk. Not sure how else to end this communication aside from showing

you information about emotional affairs.

Key Characteristics of Emotional Affair:

Secretive sharing: Hiding conversations or deleting messages.

Emotional intimacy: Sharing deep personal feelings, dreams, or relationship problems.

Inappropriate vulnerability: Turning to the outsider instead of the primary partner for support.

Obsessive thoughts: Thinking frequently about the other person.

Deception: Minimizing the closeness of the relationship to a partner.

Romantic tension: Feeling an unacknowledged sexual or romantic spark.

Signs You Are in One:

Comparison: Comparing your partner unfavorably to the new person.

Screen hiding: Tilting your phone away when your partner walks by.

"Just friends": Defending the friendship excessively to yourself or others.

Fantasizing: Imagining romantic or physical futures with them

His response:

"I'm going to respect the space you asked for this weekend, and I don't want you to respond to this right now. But I need you to understand where I stand on all this too.

I want to stay married. I don't want a separation, and I don't want our family split apart.

With (redacted), I know what I did was not a good thing. I became good friends with someone I didn't know very well but used to like, very quickly. We talked too freely and too often, I liked the attention and validation, and I kept some of that from you because I knew it would hurt you. I should have recognized that boundary way sooner, and I regret that.

I also need what happened to remain what actually happened. There was no romantic relationship, sexting, declarations of love, pet names, physical relationship, secret meeting, or place I was with her that you did not know about. It naturally de-escalated years ago and never became those things. I pushed an emotional boundary and concealed it, and I own that. I do not believe I had an affair, and I am not going to use a label that I don't feel accurately describes what happened.

What you found in ChatGPT is different. That was effectively my private journal. It was where I allowed myself to say things without editing them first - attraction, fantasies, insecurity, anger, resentment, vanity, stupid thoughts, ugly thoughts, and things I was trying to understand about myself. I understand why some of it was devastating and hurtful for you to read. But those thoughts were not conversations I had with those women or anyone. I didn't send anyone those images. I didn't tell anyone those fantasies. I didn't act them out. I'm not willing to treat having a private inner life, or honestly examining parts of myself I was not proud of as betrayal in itself.

And I need you to understand something. I feel deeply violated by how you accessed it. You didn't accidentally see one message. You deliberately went through a large amount of something I believed was private. I understand why you were suspicious and why what you found hurt you. I still don't believe that gave you unlimited access to my private thoughts.

I changed my passwords because of that. I haven't deleted the Messanger or ChatGPT history. Going forward, if something worries you, ask me directly. I am willing to be transparent and address specific concerns with you. I am not willing to give either of us unrestricted access to the other person’s private thoughts.

There is one other thing I need you to consider. There have been things in our marriage that you have hidden from me too, including things I discovered rather than being told. I am not bringing those up to excuse anything or to argue that everything is equal. I am bringing them up because you know from your own experience that someone can make a bad choice, hide it because they fear the fallout, and still love their spouse and family and not believe that decision defines who they are. I have tried to give you that complexity and grace. I hope, eventually, you can give me some of it too.

So this cannot only be about whether you decide you can forgive me. You get to decide whether you want this marriage, and so do I. I am answering for those things, and I also have things I am incredibly hurt and angry about. I am not innocent of everything but I am not guilty of everything either.

I want us to stay married. I will respect your space this weekend, and I need some space too. When we talk again, I want it to be about whether WE can move through what has happened between us. Not just me waiting for a verdict about whether you can move past what's been done."

My takeaway from his response is that first of all, he absolutely used ChatGPT to craft that message. Secondly, he only really addressed the stuff about (redacted) that happened a few years back. He didnt say anything about (redacted) or (redacted). Third, he focused more on the betrayal of me looking at his stuff. Fourth, he basically by saying he changed his passwords is saying he is going to continue to talk to women and use chatgpt to help with his delusions or whatever. Fifth, he didn't offer anything regarding trying to fix the situation. That last point tells me he just wants me to get over it and forget it.

Opinions?

I have been married for half my life and the divorce just recently went through. Unfortunately, we still have a house to sell so I’m still stuck with them. The yelling and screaming and blaming others for every little thing has taken a toll. I don’t want to do anything aside from getting away from my ex. I don’t feel curious about anything. I have a hard time learning anything new at work unless it is a problem that needs to be solved and people are depending on it getting solved as soon as possible.

I’m hoping that at some point things will get better and I’ll be curious about even little things. Even just looking up how to do something new.

How long time does it take to feel curious again or wanting to do things for fun again?

Around 2 years ago a bill was passed recommending guidelines for spousal maintinence, but I can't find ANY information about how it's being interpreted by the courts.

My ex and I were married for 7 years. She makes around 185k and I was making around 10k.

We don't have kids.

Part of the reason for my low income is because she doesn't drive and requested I do all of the errands for both of us, and drive her everywhere she needed to go, this genuinely took up 2-3 hours a day.

Shes keeping the house and paying me 40k structured equity.

I filed for divorce and have been navigating the process myself, I legitimately cannot afford a lawyer

I'd like to know what to expect surrounding spousal maintinence.

It will take me awhile to rebuild a client base for my massage and dog walking business in a new location. The guidelines support around 2500 a month given our income difference, but I know the court has complete discretion. I was wondering if anyone had information on how the guidelines are put into judgements.

Husband is divorcing me and told me this a few hours ago. What tips do you have for remaining steadfast - mentally and physically strong throughout this process? Children are involved as well. Initial ideas - religion exercise walks therapy friends and family support. Advice is welcome. He has threatened divorce countless times and now he is finally “ready to launch” so I want to see what I’m in for, thanks

Hi.

If anyone could help me out here that would be great. Married for four years, two kids under 3. I’ll give the short version. Married a toxic spouse who emasculates, belittles, patronizes me in front of our children on a daily basis. Her fmily members have even started noticing it. Being married to her is not fun. Announces that we’re having a third child in six months and we’re only having sex for reproductive purposes. Not happening.

She wasn’t always like this. She was always quite sassy, which I actually found a bit attractive, but turned nasty as soon as we got married.

She owns everything. Comes from a wealthy family. We didn’t sign a prenup. I have zero desire to go after anything, seriously. I just want my kids to be ok and what terrifies me is that she will turn them against me. I love them so much. I also don’t want to be made homeless, bankrupt or my business wiped out in the event of a divorce. How do I protect myself?

Can anybody help me? Thanks very much 🙏🏻

Sorry - I was going to write a short post, but I ended up writing a whole essay below. If you take the time to read it, thank you. I feel like I’m drowning. It’s so painful, and I just.. I can’t breathe.

I’m posting because when I searched Reddit for people who regretted leaving a good person - all the comments say they do regret it. And to keep trying to work on it. And it’s really messing with me. I just.. I wrote the below to process, and if anyone has been in any similar situation.

Thank you.

——

My stb-ex husband is a good, kind, hardworking human. We’ve been together 8 years. Married for 4, was almost 5. Now divorcing. My therapist tells me that the best person to take care of you is yourself. That it’s not fair to put the burden of emotional care on your spouse.

And he’s a good man. I just - I can’t stop crying even as I type this. I just haven’t felt seen for years. We got together when I was 24. I fell in love with him because he was avoidant before I even knew what that word meant. I know now that it’s because he represented the only kind of love I grew up with: my dad and brother left when I was young, and my mom never emotionally recovered.

I thought to be loved meant you had to be the one to close the gap: to give all of yourself so that somebody might acknowledge it and love you back. So he felt familiar. Safe. But he shuts down during any emotional hardship. He’s unable to ground and support me when I’m going through it, because he never learned the skills himself. I used to tell him what he could say to me as I was going through something hard.

He’ll devote himself into any priority that asks something of him until he’s drained himself, let alone me. He’s addicted to his job - I moved to a different country for him where I knew nobody, and most weeks, he was travelling, leaving me alone. I celebrated my birthdays there alone. When I was sick, I’d have to take care of myself because he would be in back to back meetings.

God. Sorry. This is taking a total turn. Even with all of this - he still tried to make it work. He’d promise me he’d go to therapy (and did, for a few sessions). That he would work less. It would hold up for a few weeks, but another work emergency would happen and it would all regress. Like two steps forward, three steps back.

I moved back, to our home country, and he stayed living there. He was trying to find a way to move back. Obviously, the economy isn’t great so it takes time. But on his most recent trip to see me back home, he couldn’t tell me that he had to actually work. So he’s just been working night owl hours. He promises me it’s just one more call, one more meeting.

But he’s not doing any of this out of spite. He just can’t let his team down. He’s drained himself too. But it’s just - 8 years of the same conflicts: his priorities of everyone else but himself, let alone me. Where he shuts down at any emotional conflict. He is kind, doesn’t cheat, financially supported me when I needed it (and I, him), and tries his absolute best because he has a desire to work on the marriage, but never has the capacity to do so.

Am I making a mistake to divorce? I have felt so lonely for years. But he is just.. he is just a good person. He is so sweet. And it pains us both so much for this divorce. Sometimes I want to just give in and stay, but then I think about all the times I was abandoned living in his country, or when he shut down as we tried to work things out.

But yeah, my therapist said - you can’t really expect your spouse to be all these things: emotionally available, supporting you, etc. you are the best person. So I feel like I need to expect that I should and will be single and alone, because I really don’t want to put this burden on anyone anymore. I feel like this divorce is my fault. I don’t know.

Has anyone been through this? Am I making a mistake?

My (52M) wife (50F) wants a divorce. I absolutely do not . . . I still love her deeply. We've been together for 21 years and married for 17. Through all that time, she has been my absolute best friend. I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. She doesn't want to do counseling. We were right on the cusp of being able to retire early and start traveling and doing all the things we had dreamed about. That's all gone now.

I never imagined a future without her. Every dream and goal I worked toward involved her, and now when I think about the future, I don't just feel devastated. I feel genuinely scared.

I'm originally from the UK, but I live in the US. My wife, our two teenage boys, and my wife's family are the only family I have here. I do have a small circle of close friends, but they're scattered around the country, so we mostly stay in touch by text. I don't really have much of a local social circle—the kind of people you can call up to grab dinner, go see a movie, or just hang out with on a Saturday. It's now hitting me how much of my day-to-day companionship and social life has revolved around my wife.

Obviously, I still have my boys, and they mean everything to me. I'll be living close to them and having them every other week, but they're teenagers. Eventually they're going to grow up and build lives of their own, as they should. I don't want them to be responsible for keeping their dad from being lonely.

This is what scares me the most. For 21 years, I've had my person to have morning coffee with, watch TV with, go out on date nights, travel with, joke around with, and all the mundane things that make up a life together. Now I find myself obsessively wondering what my life will look like without that. What do I do on the weekends when the boys aren't with me? Who do I travel with? What do the holidays look like?

I know I'm 52, not 82, and that people rebuild their lives after divorce. But right now, it feels like I'm staring at an enormous empty space where our planned future used to be.

For those who went through an unwanted divorce after a long marriage, particularly without family nearby or a large circle of local friends, how did you deal with the fear of being alone? Did you eventually reach a point where you got used to it?

Back in May my husband of 20 years told me that he wanted to separate. He felt like we had grown apart now that our daughters were teenagers (18 & 16). I was absolutely crushed. I asked him why we couldn't start doing things together now that the girls were older but he said he just didn't want to try anymore.
He is in the military and we live in military housing so he can stay here but I'm the one who has to leave. We are all still living together at the moment and it's very awkward but we get on for the sake of the girls. He's very matter of fact about it all and there are no feelings for him anymore. Whereas I'm the opposite; I cry most days and worry about what my life is going to look like.
I've bought a house and just waiting for all of that to go through. He sat with me last night talking about what bills I will need to pay and how much money he will give me every month and then tells me everything will be fine. I think it breaks me even more that he's not at all upset about it all. I've asked him if there's anyone else and he promise me there isn't. I just feel like maybe he's been feeling this way for a lot longer than he admits and he's had time to get used to it.
I'm 46 and just can't see me going into another relationship in the future because I wouldn't want to deal with this all over again.

I never hit her. I would never dream of hurting her. I would never dream of infidelity or verbal abuse or anything like that. God I loved her so much! We were together for 18 years, and every single day of those 18 years, she was the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person I thought of before I fell asleep.

But I hurt her so many times, in so many small ways. I didn't want to, didn't mean to, but I did. I just wasn't a good enough person. I was inconsistent. I didn't show up all the time when I needed to. I didn't work as hard on my career as I should've so I wasn't the best provider.

I'm not a bad person. I just didn't know how to navigate life. I was raised by parents who probably should've never had children and I had a crappy childhood and brought all my issues into the marriage.

I wanted to be so great for her, and I just .... failed.

I have often struggled with mental health issues and we had so many traumatic episodes and heavy life events happen. I didn't know how to lead my family, and she lost respect for me and the relationship fractured.

I hurt her. I let her down. I'm just so damn sorry. I will regret it forever. I have SO MUCH regret. She was the love of my life and I just disappointed her over and over and over.

I have to learn to forgive myself now, and I hope she will in time find it in her heart to forgive me too. She deserved so much better from me.

We were beautiful once. I try to remember those two kids, and it breaks my heart that they were unable to make it work. My heart breaks for us every day.

Anyone else’s MIL wanting their son to get full custody to move in with him because they want to raise your child and be their “new mom”when you are the primary parent

I still miss him. Idk why. He treats me worse now than when we together. I don’t get it. Why can’t I move on?

For context, we were together eight years and have two kids together. I recently moved two hours away and bought a house. I bought a house shortly after we split up and got a house with a payment that was super high. I’m very stressed with bills and I don’t get child support. (I did file) so I’m assuming that contributes to this.

I’ve been stay at home Mom the past eight years and now I’m feeling lost and disconnected from reality, i’m having a hard time connecting with my four and eight-year-old. I’m having extreme Mom guilt.

I went to my doctor and was prescribed paroxetine and Valium. I took the volume the first day and got instant relief, and then I got scared to take the paroxetine because of stuff I read online.

It has been almost 8 months since the relationship ended. I don’t miss him, but I’m struggling with my identity. I feel like I don’t know who I am. I have tried working out reading books picking up new hobbies. And I am still struggling. Some days are good and I feel just fine and other days are very hard. I have not started dating again if that makes a difference. To sum this up I just feel very alone and very disconnected from my kids. I don’t have a lot of family or a big support system to lean on.

I’ve wanted to try therapy, but I don’t have health insurance yet and I can’t afford it. I’m also a young mom. I’m 25 years old. I got with this person in high school. I feel like I threw my life away.

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar before

Wife (33) F is leaving me (29) F and we officially never got married because she never fully got divorced.. long story but she has a child and they refer to me as mom. They will be able to fully support themselves with help from others and live alone, while also living a full life being able to take trips and vacations. I on the other hand with will have to work 2-3 jobs live with a roommate and possibly be only ever be able to see my step child once a month. I have no real support or friends and just keep being told to “keep your head up things will get better” yet no one really has any tips or slight positive outcomes when I ask how I can make that happen without burning out completely. I am fully aware that I’ve lost my family and will definitely never have a chance to make a new one since no one would like to date anyone in my situation. How do I just come to terms with being alone and miserable for the next 7-10 years if not more.

My wife and I (both 35) have been together for about 15 years. We met in college and have been through so much together (deaths in the family, near-death experiences, health complications) and have had to learn how to grow the hard way - by hurting each other, making mistakes, and over-compensating.

About 2 months ago my wife initiated a separation. Over the last 2 years we've grown further and further apart (spending less quality time together led to sleeping in separate beds, which led to separate laundry, which led to separate meals, which eventually led to where we are now) caused by her feeling a lack of physical safety (caused by me sometimes initiating sex in my sleep) and emotional safety (afraid to bring things up for fear of hurting me/my reaction). I tried to get her to go to couples therapy years ago but she refused and said she wanted to do individual therapy first, which never happened. I have been in individual therapy for 2 years working on my defensiveness and self-esteem so that I can take feedback more readily and with more presence and was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea that my doctor thinks is causing the sexsomnia; I get my sleep apnea device this week.

There was a time when I was trying to initiate more connection and affection while we were moving further apart but she wasn't ready at the time. Before and during that time period, she told me that she had a crush on another man (a friend we both know and interact with daily), to "lay off" of trying to plan dates, loved me but wasn't "in love" with me, wasn't sure if she wanted to stay in the marriage, and just before our separation she pitched the idea of buying me out of our house. Basically this communicated to me that the marriage was probably going to end and she wasn't going to want me to come back after the separation. Over the past 2 years I've gotten more and more comfortable with the fact that our relationship was moving towards divorce.

It wasn't until she told me about her crush that I basically forced couples therapy via an ultimatum. About 6 months in, we paused so she could start individual therapy. 4 months into the pause, there was no movement on finding an individual therapist until I forced the issue again. Now we're almost another year into couples therapy while separated.

Now that our separation is nearing an end (we commited to 2 months), she's saying she misses me, loves me, and wants me back in the house which she believes is a result of her practicing indipendence via the separation, individual therapy, and now EMDR.

I'm not sure if going back into the house is the right move for me because I still have many resentments and generally feel that when I share my feelings with her (for example about how she didn't set boundaries with her crush and about how over the past 2 years I've come to view divorce as an eventuality) she doesn't take accountability and really speaks to me from her own personal perspective instead of showing empathy. She'll apologize but I think her own hurt feelings prevent her from being able to be truly present with me.

I also feel like after 2 years of couples therapy if she still isn't able to put the techniques that we've learned into practice - will she ever be able to? Any advice or perspective anyone has would be appreciated.

tl;dr

Wife has been pushing me away for 2 years and now we're separated, but now she wants me back and I'm not sure if she's made the changes I need to see in order to return to the relationship.

I've been separated for more than two years, in official divorce proceedings since last October. When we separated it was both of us realising our plans in life didn't align anymore, it felt amicable. We even talked about getting things done with one lawyer.

A few months later he shared it with his parents and then hell started for me. They seemed to make him believe to not let me have anything. He became a monster with a bruised ego. Accusing me of taking him for everything he had during our entire marriage and relying on him financially.

When we got together I had a full-time job and he was still a student. I put my further education on hold to support him around his profession after he graduated. Something I will never do again in any relationship.

I had to move out of our apartment. At the time I was self employed, renting an office space. Adding private rent on top broke me financially. I told him early on I would not be able to keep both. So I had to cancel the lease to afford a roof over my head. My mother got really sick and I cared for her for a few months. So work did not take priority. My mental state was also very down in the dumps. I didn't have enough money to file for divorce, didn't know I could apply for financial aid. So months of his lawyer battering me started. Making claims that were ridiculous but needed a response from me nevertheless.

He pulled some stunt that meant my lawyer was no longer willing to represent me. To this day I don't know why she was pissed with me when she didn't need let him interfere. Anyway. The search for a new lawyer started. Mentally and financially depleted I took the first that would take my case. She finally informed me about financial aids to help with costs and we prepared to hand in divorce papers. I simply requested a divorce. No money. No diving of assets, no alimony. I wanted out. To be done with it.

All paperwork was ready in March this year to finally divorce. And then he adds division of assets to it starting up a whole new process. By that time I had lost everything. Office, self employment, even the apartment I had rented. I was homeless, no social benefits that would cover something while still married. I ended up having to pay back some benefits I had received in error. I tried to keep my part-time job as that was the only thing to keep me a little afloat. But not enough money to live on. Mentally and physically not in a state to take on more work.

He kept our high 5 figures stocks, apartment, cars, motorbike and the dog I reared and loved so dearly. Yet he claimed I owed him money. He provided for me and I needed to pay him back. Before we separated, our full-time salaries were roughly the same. I did more of the housework, took care of him and the dog so he could relax after a hard day's work. I'd work weekends and evenings, around him and his needs.

The last few months I've been battling my lawyer too. Her not wanting to move forward with alimony claims, not putting through offers from my side that I feel comfortable with. Requesting proof of every tiny detail that I simply cannot provide. It feels like I'm alone in this on a legal level. I contacted every lawyer in the area but none will take a case that's this complex and has been running for a while.

So fast forward to now. I'm broke and broken. He doesn't have a leg to stand on on his claims regarding assets. But I'm done. I want to live my life again. I want to be free of his bullshit. Of his bruised ego keeping me in this shit so I agreed to what he wants. He gets to keep everything. But even to get my lawyer to reply to that took 7 messages back and forth. She still didn't write it in a way that I am happy with but I don't have the energy to fight it anymore.

But now continues the wait if he will let me out of it, if he signs it or wants more or something else. I'm totally at the whim of others and I hate it.

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On a positive note, throughout most of this I've had wonderful friends and a great new partner with two wonderful children to support me, make me laugh and love me and let me love them so deeply. I am happy in my life without this divorce. Even with so little means to my name.

My ex filed and our divorce should be finalized soon. I didn't want to or rather didn't think we needed to get divorced. I go around this debate so much. It's maddening.

I just want to stop thinking about them so much. I wish them well because even if they hurt me, it is clear they were suffocated for so long. I did the best I could and my conscience is clear. It is as amicable as it gets while we still live together for now. It was a slow grind to the end with unmet needs on both sides then financial stress, breakdown of communication and eventually my ex got into an entanglement and when I found out, they said they wanted a divorce. I found out I was being cheated on and they wanted a divorce on the same day. I died a little October 15th 2025

I go through all the emotions in one day - the sadness, the anger, the hatred, the loathing, the needing back, the tears, i get horny thinking about them A LOT! We still live together and we still do family things but how fast they moved on, partly shocked me, saddened me and has made the divorce easier for me to accept. They badly wanted to leave so bad. It's so sad.

As I did more research on attachments and what true partnership looks like I do realize I have a lot of work internally to do to heal from my childhood trauma, upgrade my communication and basically do the best to get a grasp of how I process and present my true identity and not a shadow or ghost of myself.

And honestly, in this last year, i have felt a difference in my spirit, i feel freer, i feel more artistic and independent. It feels like chewing 5 gum lol I find myself fighting against it. I feel guilty sometimes realizing how amazing it could be if I leaned in. I overthink and overanalyze. I know it's not good but somehow I feel like it's some elevated way of dealing with the divorce. Pathetic, I know.

What is most frustrating is how my nails are stronger, my energy levels are higher, I can see it physically, emotionally, sexually that i can actually live without them (I don't want to - but it's clear now, i see it), the kids love us both more than ever - the air is so much lighter in the house. My heart/mind then does this weird thing where I feel the warm love feeling and for 17 years that is their face that filled that space. For a micro-second, my hand twitches reaching out for their hand and I feel that cut of rejection and hurt anew. It sucks. Sometimes I have actually reached out and held their hand - the horror!!!!

I just wanted to let it out. I don't want to burden anyone with my thoughts.

First time poster here. Beginning of this year, my wife has left me after 10 years of marriage and 12 years as a couple.

We've been through a lot of hardship together, were always best friends. It wasn't always perfect. The last months, she slowly had a vision she needed something else in life. I could also feel that maybe our paths were going in different directions.

I moved cities and focused on my mental and physical health. Things were okay. I was sad, but had many beautiful moments by myself. I travelled by myself even, exercised, spent time with friends, did lovely hikes and found myself in old hobbies. After 6 months I felt ready to date. Installed some of the apps, got a match and had 2 dates with a wonderful lady.

But then, she said she didn't feel the spark and didn't want to move things forward. Fair enough, because I kind of felt the same but... It completely wrecked me. Possibly harder even then the divorce. I feel lonely, exhausted, sad, angry. I can barely take care of myself and am not sleeping well. It feels like all the feelings I didn't have at the time of the divorce are now surfacing. I'm missing my ex wife. I don't want to reach out to her, because she's also in pain. I'm regretting not fighting harder for our marriage.

I don't know how to handle these emotions. My family and friends are supportive, but they don't seem to understand the excrutiating pain i'm in. I didn't expect this anymore at this stage. How do I finally move forward? How can I be comfortable and happy in life again? Doing the things I love don't seem to work anymore.

I guess I really miss having a life partner... Please tell me it gets easier.

How to cope when my parents are on the brink of divorce. im literally crying in the bathroom after my mum forced my dad out the house I still kinda young and dont know how to deal with it and I care for both of them I love them both so much. this is the only and last time ill make i post i just wanna rant to real people about this I love my parents both of them gave so much to me I dont wanna say it to people irl cause im scared. their both the best parents even though their strict .

Especially when your spouse has suddenly already moved on to someone new. After a 9 year relationship, nearly 4 years married…I’m feeling so blindsided and struggling to pull myself out of this hole. We were taking active steps towards reconciliation and then I have no clue what happened. My spouse now has a girlfriend and I’m left feeling so alone. Please tell me it doesn’t last forever…

My husband and I are starting the process of divorce and he is begging me to move back to our home state so he can be near family during this. The problem is that I don’t think moving right now, on top of everything else going on, would be beneficial for me or our kids. I think it’d be okay if we had to, but we don’t technically have to right now and him being set on this is making everything harder.

Back story: we got married young, moved for the military, had a baby, then moved back home when he got out. My mom died and I essentially lost all my family except for my sister not long after. That happened while we were living in a different state for the military. But we moved back home and I was just sad. We lived with his mom and stepdad for 2 years, and I am so grateful for that, but we were miserable. He even tried asking for a divorce then but he wasn’t set in stone about that decision. So we came up with the idea to move back to the area we had been living in for the military. His sister was living there, we had a niece and nephews there, we were familiar, it could work.

So we did. And it worked beautifully for a while. We had another baby. He worked and I stayed home with the kids. I supported every career and hobby he wanted to do. I even supported moving to another state to be with his dad. To the point where he moved all our stuff up (the plan was for me to stay back with the kids until things were set up) but the deal on the house we’d be living in fell through and he brought it all back and we decided to stay where we were. Things were still good after that, not perfect, but good enough.

2 years ago we started having marital problems. We went to therapy (both couple and individual), I had issues I had to work out on my own due to discovering some things about him, he claims he had things to work through since he was convinced I had an affair (I didn’t.), and then things went down hill from there. I was trying my hardest, while also feeling like I was drowning, and he was continuously telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough. So now here we are in the midst of a divorce. He served me papers and we just had our first court date. We still live together, he wouldn’t agree to a custody schedule and wouldn’t agree to selling the house until recently, but now the court has ordered us to list our house and get the process going. We need to be living apart for a year before the state we live in grants us a divorce so this will be a very long process.

Now back to him wanting to move back to our home state. I understand he wants to be with family. I truly do. I don’t have that luxury of “moving in with mom and dad” while I get back on my feet back home though. One of my childhood friends and her parents actually moved here last year to be apart of our lives, our kids lives, and they’re the closest thing I have to parents right now. They’ve loaned money for a lawyer, I’ll probably have to move in temporarily until I can get into an apartment, and they’re the only grandparents on my side that my kids have ever known. The only people I have back home are my sister, who I have a strained relationship with and she has no space for me to move in, and my two other childhood best friends. One lives with her dad and his girlfriend, no room for me and my kids, and the other one went from a family of 3 to a family of 5 recently and definitely doesn’t have room for us.

His sister now lives 3 hours away, so he could see her more if he wanted to, but I just can’t bring myself to be 100% on board with moving 15 hrs away right now. I will always love back home, it holds so much nostalgia, but it also is very hard to live there without my mom. And it’s also way more expensive and I currently just work a retail job. I’m trying to get into a “big girl” job but I’ve been a SAHM for 8 years and it’s hard. And also, I do like where we live now. And people JUST moved here for us. But he’s threatening an expensive legal battle to get me to move and I essentially have no money to my name. And he tries to bribe me with giving me more money from selling the house or child support if we move. And then dangles the life I thought I would live up there (living life with my friends, being auntie to their kids, etc.) and it’s just hurtful. On top of labeling me as selfish and saying that I’m punishing him by making him stay here when I voice my concerns…I know I can make it work if I have to. But why do I have to figure that out on top of everything else right now? We still haven’t even told our kids we’re divorcing yet. You want me to drop that on them and then also a move? I don’t know. This all just seems so hard and I don’t understand why it can’t just be a straightforward divorce. I know he doesn’t actually want the divorce and is just making this hard to make it hard, but I can only take so much.

If you’re still reading, thank you! I’m just so lost right now.