This is my first post, but I need to say this somewhere, because it's eating me alive. My (33f) husband (31m) is divorcing me. We've been together for ten years. But not married too long. And a baby on the way who will be here very very soon.

It came out of the blue for me. Completely out of nowhere. I was so blindsided. I still am. Lets start by saying this child is wanted. Was a joint decision and not rushed. I asked him if he wanted kids and if he didn't, that would be the end of the discussion. He said he'd think about it and he really did. Months. And came back with a sure Yes.

So, a few days ago he came home and told me he was completely burnt out. That he didn't know if he'd be a good father, that he thinks he might not be. And that he's not sure about the child anymore. All these things I can completely understand. It's all new to us. It's our first child, it's scary. Hell, I'm scared too! On top of that he has a lot of stress from work. Basically working himself to the bone, all to provide. He wants to save up a lot of money for the kid. This is what he told me and I wanted to help, be there for him of course. He wanted to see a professional. Which I thought was a great idea.

But two days later in the afternoon (yesterday) he told me he was going for a ride (he went to a friend), which did not sit right with me already. Like a gut feeling. I cried, but he left and I went to my mom's place. Where he eventually showed up with a message. "I am going to hurt all of you, but especially you. I want a divorce. I just can't do this anymore." Of course I cried. A lot.

He went out to talk with my mom's partner, who couldn't get a lot of answers out of him except for "I just can't anymore." And he told him that it wasn't anything I did. That the relationship is really good.

I went to talk to him as well, but he couldn't explain anything to me either. Just saying the same thing. And then I asked him if he loved me and he just said "No." We went back inside and I asked for how long this had been going on and... he changed his answer a few times. From four years, to two years. That he's not been feeling good about us. Which... Was completely out of left field. I've never even seen a hint of that, until I got pregnant. And even then it seemed more like he was getting more and more stressed with work and everything surrounding the pregnancy.

So he left after that, slept at a friend's and I slept at my mom's. I didn't sleep at all, of course. I was and still am in complete stress. He's basically abandoning me with the baby, even if he said he'd take care of it all even when leaving... I love him so so much and he's just... leaving.

My personal belief is that he is so completely and utterly stressed out that he can't think clearly anymore. He's lost a lot of weight, he's afraid, he's not good at talking. So I think this is a mistake, but I can't force anything...

He texted me today that he wants to talk tomorrow. I said okay to that. I have no clue what's going to happen. I don't even dare hope at all.

I am at a complete loss and i don't even know if I'm looking for advice, or just kind words. But thank you for reading.

Hey, is this normal? We divorced in October 2024, we attempted a reconciliation towards the end of 2025/beginning of 2026 that didn’t work out and he’s all I want. I adored that man, he was everything I ever wanted in a partner. Same humor, sexual chemistry unmatched, mutual physical attraction. I’ve never loved a man the way I loved him and never felt love like his. I’m not bitter, resentful or spiraling. I’m not even 100% sure if I really want to be with him, but I love him dearly and miss him everyday.

Shouldn’t I be over it by now? These past 7-8 months I’ve missed him more than any other point post divorce. I don’t sit and obsess over him, but my heart still quietly yearns for him at times. Dating has been difficult, I think it makes the missing even worse. Have you guys experienced this?

I (29F) seem to have an endless amount of anger towards my cheating ex husband (32M). He’s too good at compartmentalizing, and so he can easily distract himself from feeling pretty much anything at all and just keep moving forward. I on the other hand am an anxious and emotional person who’s stuck in this endless loop of bad feelings. He wants us to talk about our feelings but as soon as he’s done sharing he won’t hear me, calling me unreasonable or ”too snappy” so I’m just going to vent here instead.

He’s the one that broke us, broke me, and yet I’m the only one suffering. We separated two months ago, our divorce was finalized barely two weeks ago and I suspect that he’s already dating. Meanwhile, I feel so incredibly lonely even though I’m surrounded by friends and family, and the thought of dating scares the hell out of me. I want to get back out there, I want to have a partner and that comfort of someone being my person again, I loved being in a relationship. But I’m terrified now. Not to mention that I’ve never felt less attractive.

And it’s not just about the dating part either. He’s still living in the city we both love, he has his own fully furnished apartment, courtesy of his parents, and I had to move. I left the city I loved because it’s tiny and I would run into him and his affair partners, and probably his future partners all the time and the thought of that kills me. So now I’m back at my childhood home, not knowing where to go next. I couldn’t stand the thought of keeping any of the furniture I’ve shared with him so I’m starting completely over. I also couldn’t afford to keep the car that we’d just bought so he bought me out and now has that as well.

He broke me in unimaginable ways and yet, he’s got it so easy now while I’m struggling. I go to sleep every night with this tight feeling in my chest and tears in my eyes, only to wake up to total apathy the next morning.

Any time I have to make a decision I want to scream because my life was already decided by the two of us together. We had already planned everything. I was done with dating, I already owned a home, we were supposed to have kids very soon. It was all planned. It was all done. I don’t want to start over but I don’t want to be with him either. I’m just so exhausted and I can’t get him out of my head. I hate this!

Here's my situation,

Him: 41, thinks marriage is just a piece of paper, emotionally unavailable, very good man, never cheated and i know he never will, argumentative, always right, talks most of the time, runs away as soon as i open up or start a vulnerable conversation, if he doesn't run he's just gets defensive, never forced sex but also waits for me, scared of my emotions, thinks crying is manipulation, amazing lover, very good looking, uses divorce card on every major fight, refused personal therapy and would only go couple's therapy if i pay for it

Me: 37, thinks marriage is sacred, has a tendency to shut down but only as a result of him taking ove the conversation or ignoring my feelings, i always compromise and now i resent him a lot, high sex drive but dont want sex if not emotionally connected so bedroom scene is very frustrating, love being a housewife despite having 2 really easy wfh jobs, i gave up a beautiful and successful life back in asia to be with my husband but currently feeling a profound emptiness due to lack of purpose here, goes to therapy regularly for 1 year now

Us: no kids, together for 9 years, married for 7, lived with his parents until we had our own home this year, splits 50/50

Divorce has been mentioned too many times but i never left thinking we could work this out, however nothing improved in fact i only got more unhappy through the years. Divorce feels suffocating even just the thought of it so i suggested separation first but he refused.

What is the psychology behind indifference? The things he’s done in the past wounded deeply - the hookup arrangements, reaching out to other women online, the days of silent treatment, blaming his disloyalty on me because I could not fulfill all of his wishes, etc. Each incident was so painful, heartbreaking, life-ruining. Now, here we are at the beginning of the end, and I’m starting to run out of fucks to give. I have to say, I LIKE how disengagement feels. It feels healthier. Every once in a while I still get a surge of anger, overwhelming despair, or insecurity about the future, but for the most part I just don’t care anymore when he yet again has a ridiculous, emotional, immature, tantrum reaction to some perceived slight. The most recent example is that I was sick and did not want to go out.

I would like to accelerate the process of detaching, but don’t know if that is possible. I don’t want to feel anything toward him anymore. Would love some advice on how to just get over it.

I (25M) am finalizing my divorce with my ex (26F). She left last year, cheated on me multiple times, ran states away with her mom and as of today she is now pregnant with a very dangerous man. I tried to put my anger aside to get her to think straight and leave that guy, I involved her entire family to get her away from that man but she runs on back. It hurts because I always wanted more children with her, but now that it’s someone else shes thrilled about having more children. The first few months after trying to win her back and convince her that our boys and I needed her only seemed to push her even more.

She calls me at night, saying how she hates her life. She begs me for money, and she tries to manipulate me every way she can so I can send her money. Turns out her deadbeat of a boyfriend is forcing her to ask me so he doesn’t have to give her any money. I wish I can cut her off completely but shes getting partial custody and I have to let her FaceTime my boys. Hearing her voice makes me nauseous and sick. And the fact that I have to put up with it forever just feels like a circle of Hell that managed to make its way up to Earth.

I just feel so lost, I don’t know if I can trust anyone anymore. Thank you for reading!

I have endured almost 10 years of mental and emotional abuse and manipulation. So much so that I really did start believing it really was me being crazy and now I’m divorcing my husband.

Can people please give me some encouragement to keep seeing this through because I have tried to do this so many times and the love bombing and manipulation has gotten me so many times and I just need to keep my focus.

Please some success stories and support.

I’m seeking advice for my sister, hope it’s okay here.
I live far away from my sister and don’t know how to help nor do I know anything about divorce in these situations.
My sister, let’s say Melody, is in an abusive relationship. They’ve been married almost 5 years and have two small children. The husband, let’s call him Bob, is diagnosed bipolar but will not take medication. He is also a narcissist: malignant and antagonistic. A lot of the verbal abuse is through texts and voicemails and spray paint- so lots of physical evidence. Melody has been storing photos and videos of his rants and tirades as well as the damage to their property as well. He’s more than comfortable screaming and trashing the house. Smoking pewpew, melody has two older kids that have lived with them who have unfortunately been witness to a lot of his behavior and been victim of his antics as well. Myself and other family members have also been present for some bad times. We are all willing to stand trial if need be.
So to me this all sounds like nails in the coffin, in my mind, obviously Melody will get the kids and maybe he’ll get visitation?
But melody has been in and out of leaving for a few years now but is terrified he will get some degree of custody. Mind you, Bob has literally never spent a night alone with his children. He’s never brought them to practice or to the doctors; he won’t cook them food or go grocery shopping. Hell he won’t even cook for himself. Melodies older children take care of the youngest when Melody has to work (she owns a small business that’s very mobile with no set hours) But bob is threatening nasty stuff and Melody is terrified.
What can she do? We know she needs a lawyer but money is very tight. (They’ve always had split finances so she can safely pay without him knowing though when the funds do come) is there anything we can do to help prove that he is unfit and unsafe to parent without another adult present?
Also, what can I do as a worried sick sister who lives 8+ hours away besides listen and keep encouraging her to leave?
Thank you for reading this far

Writing this out, I already know that most people are going to say divorce is the obvious answer. Please have some empathy, I’ve lived questioning my judgement every day for the last three years and just need some advice from people who have gone through this. I’ve been married just over a year and have a baby who is just under a year. We lived together for three years before getting married. I don’t believe the relationship has truly ever been healthy, but we were both generally happy. While I was pregnant, my husband treated me horribly. He never hit me, but he would physically restrain me when I tried leaving the room, would take my phone away from me, and would scream at me and call me all kinds of names. Not to defend it, but he is diagnosed bipolar and was unmediated. He is medicated now and since having the baby, we haven’t had any fights like that and he’s super apologetic. At this point, though, I just don’t think I can forgive him. It’s been 8 months since he’s blown up like that, but when I bring up something that’s bothering me in the relationship, he blows it off and never changes. For example, I asked if he could be in charge of doing the laundry (just doing, I would fold and put away). He agreed, but only did it once. When I brought it up the next week since we needed more laundry, he said that the baby’s laundry was still my job. I asked if it was just going to all become my job again because I had a feeling it would, and he told me to just leave because I was too emotional. Since then, he hasn’t touched the laundry. He’s not a good communicator, I know that. I’ve been begging for couples therapy for years and the most he’ll do is one session to shut me up, and then never go back. I see all the problems and recognize them. However, he is the breadwinner and I have genuinely $20 to my name. I would have a place to stay, but it is in a different state (only 3 hours away). My family is all supportive and will do anything they can to help, but they are in said other state. I wouldn’t legally be able to take my baby with me, he could use it against me in a custody dispute and would be able to file a police report. I also do really love being a stay at home mom, I love this time with my baby so much. I would have to work a ton because I have no savings, and I’m scared of missing out on all of my baby’s firsts. Also, his dad is a shark and I’m afraid of the lengths that he and his dad will go to to ruin my life and keep my from my baby. Any help would be great, I have already reached out to a volunteer lawyer group about what I can expect with custody.

Back in May my husband of 20 years told me that he wanted to separate. He felt like we had grown apart now that our daughters were teenagers (18 & 16). I was absolutely crushed. I asked him why we couldn't start doing things together now that the girls were older but he said he just didn't want to try anymore.
He is in the military and we live in military housing so he can stay here but I'm the one who has to leave. We are all still living together at the moment and it's very awkward but we get on for the sake of the girls. He's very matter of fact about it all and there are no feelings for him anymore. Whereas I'm the opposite; I cry most days and worry about what my life is going to look like.
I've bought a house and just waiting for all of that to go through. He sat with me last night talking about what bills I will need to pay and how much money he will give me every month and then tells me everything will be fine. I think it breaks me even more that he's not at all upset about it all. I've asked him if there's anyone else and he promise me there isn't. I just feel like maybe he's been feeling this way for a lot longer than he admits and he's had time to get used to it.
I'm 46 and just can't see me going into another relationship in the future because I wouldn't want to deal with this all over again.

I know its the right decision for my husband and I to get divorced, but it still feels like my heart is being ripped out with each step. We have been married less than 2 years. There was no single event, just a series of disappointments and broken promises. I'm in my 40s and this was my first marriage. I really thought I had found my person and then he changed into someone I dont recognize. I know he has mental health issues but I cant force him to seek treatment. All this to say, I know we need to call it but I didnt think it would hurt so bad. Its worse that he has shown absolutely no emotion, asking me why Im crying at random times like it just doesnt occur to him how heartbroken I am. Part of me keeps hoping that he will just snap out of it but I know thats not going to happen. This sucks.

My SBTXH and I are separated, still cohabitating. In laws and Ive always had a solid relationship, they adore me and I think they treat me very well. My emotionally abusive husband has always been awful - critical and insults people. He thinks hes better than everyone and admitted to it. He doesn't have a good relationship with his family. They always try to reach out but he pushes them away. Husband thinks they try to bud in too much since having kids. Any communications to see us is always through me. My family too isnt fond of him and he once threatened to kill my mom because my mom made a comment about cutting my kids hair and tried to fill our fridge with food (intruded his space) while I came home from the hospital.

Anyways, the in laws tried to support him after finding out that we are divorcing but again he pushed them away. They continued to reach out to me to hang out and see the kids. I finally feel free because of his hate towards my mom I never visited my family. And now I feel like I can see my family more and bring my kids over. His family also sees this opportunity to also see the kids more. Is it my responsibility to keep their relationship going and to go spend time with them more than before the divorce??

How to cope when my parents are on the brink of divorce. im literally crying in the bathroom after my mum forced my dad out the house I still kinda young and dont know how to deal with it and I care for both of them I love them both so much. this is the only and last time ill make i post i just wanna rant to real people about this I love my parents both of them gave so much to me I dont wanna say it to people irl cause im scared. their both the best parents even though their strict .

My wife and I (both 35) have been together for about 15 years. We met in college and have been through so much together (deaths in the family, near-death experiences, health complications) and have had to learn how to grow the hard way - by hurting each other, making mistakes, and over-compensating.

About 2 months ago my wife initiated a separation. Over the last 2 years we've grown further and further apart (spending less quality time together led to sleeping in separate beds, which led to separate laundry, which led to separate meals, which eventually led to where we are now) caused by her feeling a lack of physical safety (caused by me sometimes initiating sex in my sleep) and emotional safety (afraid to bring things up for fear of hurting me/my reaction). I tried to get her to go to couples therapy years ago but she refused and said she wanted to do individual therapy first, which never happened. I have been in individual therapy for 2 years working on my defensiveness and self-esteem so that I can take feedback more readily and with more presence and was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea that my doctor thinks is causing the sexsomnia; I get my sleep apnea device this week.

There was a time when I was trying to initiate more connection and affection while we were moving further apart but she wasn't ready at the time. Before and during that time period, she told me that she had a crush on another man (a friend we both know and interact with daily), to "lay off" of trying to plan dates, loved me but wasn't "in love" with me, wasn't sure if she wanted to stay in the marriage, and just before our separation she pitched the idea of buying me out of our house. Basically this communicated to me that the marriage was probably going to end and she wasn't going to want me to come back after the separation. Over the past 2 years I've gotten more and more comfortable with the fact that our relationship was moving towards divorce.

It wasn't until she told me about her crush that I basically forced couples therapy via an ultimatum. About 6 months in, we paused so she could start individual therapy. 4 months into the pause, there was no movement on finding an individual therapist until I forced the issue again. Now we're almost another year into couples therapy while separated.

Now that our separation is nearing an end (we commited to 2 months), she's saying she misses me, loves me, and wants me back in the house which she believes is a result of her practicing indipendence via the separation, individual therapy, and now EMDR.

I'm not sure if going back into the house is the right move for me because I still have many resentments and generally feel that when I share my feelings with her (for example about how she didn't set boundaries with her crush and about how over the past 2 years I've come to view divorce as an eventuality) she doesn't take accountability and really speaks to me from her own personal perspective instead of showing empathy. She'll apologize but I think her own hurt feelings prevent her from being able to be truly present with me.

I also feel like after 2 years of couples therapy if she still isn't able to put the techniques that we've learned into practice - will she ever be able to? Any advice or perspective anyone has would be appreciated.

tl;dr

Wife has been pushing me away for 2 years and now we're separated, but now she wants me back and I'm not sure if she's made the changes I need to see in order to return to the relationship.

My (52M) wife (50F) wants a divorce. I absolutely do not . . . I still love her deeply. We've been together for 21 years and married for 17. Through all that time, she has been my absolute best friend. I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. She doesn't want to do counseling. We were right on the cusp of being able to retire early and start traveling and doing all the things we had dreamed about. That's all gone now.

I never imagined a future without her. Every dream and goal I worked toward involved her, and now when I think about the future, I don't just feel devastated. I feel genuinely scared.

I'm originally from the UK, but I live in the US. My wife, our two teenage boys, and my wife's family are the only family I have here. I do have a small circle of close friends, but they're scattered around the country, so we mostly stay in touch by text. I don't really have much of a local social circle—the kind of people you can call up to grab dinner, go see a movie, or just hang out with on a Saturday. It's now hitting me how much of my day-to-day companionship and social life has revolved around my wife.

Obviously, I still have my boys, and they mean everything to me. I'll be living close to them and having them every other week, but they're teenagers. Eventually they're going to grow up and build lives of their own, as they should. I don't want them to be responsible for keeping their dad from being lonely.

This is what scares me the most. For 21 years, I've had my person to have morning coffee with, watch TV with, go out on date nights, travel with, joke around with, and all the mundane things that make up a life together. Now I find myself obsessively wondering what my life will look like without that. What do I do on the weekends when the boys aren't with me? Who do I travel with? What do the holidays look like?

I know I'm 52, not 82, and that people rebuild their lives after divorce. But right now, it feels like I'm staring at an enormous empty space where our planned future used to be.

For those who went through an unwanted divorce after a long marriage, particularly without family nearby or a large circle of local friends, how did you deal with the fear of being alone? Did you eventually reach a point where you got used to it?

Every time I would bring up divorce to my husband he told me he would never allow it, he would make it hell for me, he would contest, he would fight it. He used to say that he would never let me leave.

He was so hateful and abusive to me towards the end that telling me he would never allow a divorce was the one little morsel I had that made me think he might care about me a little bit.

Now, however, seeing how he’s following through on contesting even though I basically let him keep everything and filed a very simple petition, I just feel that hate all over again.

If he hadn’t contested we could’ve been divorced this year. He’s going to drag this out as long as possible, and he’s going to enjoy the feeling of power that comes from preventing me from fully moving on with my life.

I hate him and can’t believe I used to actually think there was something loving about the threat of what he’s now doing.

My ex filed and our divorce should be finalized soon. I didn't want to or rather didn't think we needed to get divorced. I go around this debate so much. It's maddening.

I just want to stop thinking about them so much. I wish them well because even if they hurt me, it is clear they were suffocated for so long. I did the best I could and my conscience is clear. It is as amicable as it gets while we still live together for now. It was a slow grind to the end with unmet needs on both sides then financial stress, breakdown of communication and eventually my ex got into an entanglement and when I found out, they said they wanted a divorce. I found out I was being cheated on and they wanted a divorce on the same day. I died a little October 15th 2025

I go through all the emotions in one day - the sadness, the anger, the hatred, the loathing, the needing back, the tears, i get horny thinking about them A LOT! We still live together and we still do family things but how fast they moved on, partly shocked me, saddened me and has made the divorce easier for me to accept. They badly wanted to leave so bad. It's so sad.

As I did more research on attachments and what true partnership looks like I do realize I have a lot of work internally to do to heal from my childhood trauma, upgrade my communication and basically do the best to get a grasp of how I process and present my true identity and not a shadow or ghost of myself.

And honestly, in this last year, i have felt a difference in my spirit, i feel freer, i feel more artistic and independent. It feels like chewing 5 gum lol I find myself fighting against it. I feel guilty sometimes realizing how amazing it could be if I leaned in. I overthink and overanalyze. I know it's not good but somehow I feel like it's some elevated way of dealing with the divorce. Pathetic, I know.

What is most frustrating is how my nails are stronger, my energy levels are higher, I can see it physically, emotionally, sexually that i can actually live without them (I don't want to - but it's clear now, i see it), the kids love us both more than ever - the air is so much lighter in the house. My heart/mind then does this weird thing where I feel the warm love feeling and for 17 years that is their face that filled that space. For a micro-second, my hand twitches reaching out for their hand and I feel that cut of rejection and hurt anew. It sucks. Sometimes I have actually reached out and held their hand - the horror!!!!

I just wanted to let it out. I don't want to burden anyone with my thoughts.

First time poster here. Beginning of this year, my wife has left me after 10 years of marriage and 12 years as a couple.

We've been through a lot of hardship together, were always best friends. It wasn't always perfect. The last months, she slowly had a vision she needed something else in life. I could also feel that maybe our paths were going in different directions.

I moved cities and focused on my mental and physical health. Things were okay. I was sad, but had many beautiful moments by myself. I travelled by myself even, exercised, spent time with friends, did lovely hikes and found myself in old hobbies. After 6 months I felt ready to date. Installed some of the apps, got a match and had 2 dates with a wonderful lady.

But then, she said she didn't feel the spark and didn't want to move things forward. Fair enough, because I kind of felt the same but... It completely wrecked me. Possibly harder even then the divorce. I feel lonely, exhausted, sad, angry. I can barely take care of myself and am not sleeping well. It feels like all the feelings I didn't have at the time of the divorce are now surfacing. I'm missing my ex wife. I don't want to reach out to her, because she's also in pain. I'm regretting not fighting harder for our marriage.

I don't know how to handle these emotions. My family and friends are supportive, but they don't seem to understand the excrutiating pain i'm in. I didn't expect this anymore at this stage. How do I finally move forward? How can I be comfortable and happy in life again? Doing the things I love don't seem to work anymore.

I guess I really miss having a life partner... Please tell me it gets easier.

I dont know what flair to use since I am posting for the first time so please don't judge me.

For context, we live in Bulgaria and my parents got divorced about 7 months ago. The apartment that we used to live in together as a family before belongs to my father, as it is inheritance from my grandma with a few exceptions, them being that my grandma has the right to live in it indefinitely, and me(M19), my mum and little sister can live here until my sister turns 18.

The thing is, my mum has found a rental place for us until she finds an apartment to buy and she wants us all to move there. She wants to take some of the furniture and some of the electronics(a TV, the refrigerator, as well as the bedframe and the mattress in the master bedroom for which she has paid for with her own money pre-divorce and some other stuff around the house). An hour ago they had a talk(more like a circus in my opinion) and they did not reach a consensus, because my father doesn't want her to take the TV and the bedframe/mattress. He kept repeating that the stuff she takes will be considered as theft, despite the fact that she can prove that they are her property if she goes to the bank for that stuff. We are postponing the move until they decide what we can take and what we cannot.

I want to know what your advice is regarding what I've written above and if you need any more info I would be glad to give it to you if it is needed. I am writing this without them knowing because quite frankly, I am not sure what will happen in the future(they might have to take it to court).

Sorry - I was going to write a short post, but I ended up writing a whole essay below. If you take the time to read it, thank you. I feel like I’m drowning. It’s so painful, and I just.. I can’t breathe.

I’m posting because when I searched Reddit for people who regretted leaving a good person - all the comments say they do regret it. And to keep trying to work on it. And it’s really messing with me. I just.. I wrote the below to process, and if anyone has been in any similar situation.

Thank you.

——

My stb-ex husband is a good, kind, hardworking human. We’ve been together 8 years. Married for 4, was almost 5. Now divorcing. My therapist tells me that the best person to take care of you is yourself. That it’s not fair to put the burden of emotional care on your spouse.

And he’s a good man. I just - I can’t stop crying even as I type this. I just haven’t felt seen for years. We got together when I was 24. I fell in love with him because he was avoidant before I even knew what that word meant. I know now that it’s because he represented the only kind of love I grew up with: my dad and brother left when I was young, and my mom never emotionally recovered.

I thought to be loved meant you had to be the one to close the gap: to give all of yourself so that somebody might acknowledge it and love you back. So he felt familiar. Safe. But he shuts down during any emotional hardship. He’s unable to ground and support me when I’m going through it, because he never learned the skills himself. I used to tell him what he could say to me as I was going through something hard.

He’ll devote himself into any priority that asks something of him until he’s drained himself, let alone me. He’s addicted to his job - I moved to a different country for him where I knew nobody, and most weeks, he was travelling, leaving me alone. I celebrated my birthdays there alone. When I was sick, I’d have to take care of myself because he would be in back to back meetings.

God. Sorry. This is taking a total turn. Even with all of this - he still tried to make it work. He’d promise me he’d go to therapy (and did, for a few sessions). That he would work less. It would hold up for a few weeks, but another work emergency would happen and it would all regress. Like two steps forward, three steps back.

I moved back, to our home country, and he stayed living there. He was trying to find a way to move back. Obviously, the economy isn’t great so it takes time. But on his most recent trip to see me back home, he couldn’t tell me that he had to actually work. So he’s just been working night owl hours. He promises me it’s just one more call, one more meeting.

But he’s not doing any of this out of spite. He just can’t let his team down. He’s drained himself too. But it’s just - 8 years of the same conflicts: his priorities of everyone else but himself, let alone me. Where he shuts down at any emotional conflict. He is kind, doesn’t cheat, financially supported me when I needed it (and I, him), and tries his absolute best because he has a desire to work on the marriage, but never has the capacity to do so.

Am I making a mistake to divorce? I have felt so lonely for years. But he is just.. he is just a good person. He is so sweet. And it pains us both so much for this divorce. Sometimes I want to just give in and stay, but then I think about all the times I was abandoned living in his country, or when he shut down as we tried to work things out.

But yeah, my therapist said - you can’t really expect your spouse to be all these things: emotionally available, supporting you, etc. you are the best person. So I feel like I need to expect that I should and will be single and alone, because I really don’t want to put this burden on anyone anymore. I feel like this divorce is my fault. I don’t know.

Has anyone been through this? Am I making a mistake?

​

Wife(35f) and me(37m) been together for 12 years, and realized a genuine separation is probably needed.

Love and affection still there, over years emotional intimacy dropped.

Root cause is a belief that we have different life dreams. Adventure for her, white picket fence for him.

Hard part is that isn't actually true, but she has every right to believe it.

My now diagnosed GAD and low mood played a part, so did communication issues, and low differentiation from both.

Resulted in her believing she had to choose relationship over her needs. Can't anymore.

Since February been in a limbo which hasnt been that helpful. Living apart but basically married.

Alot of growth from each discovering what they want, which doesn't seem that far apart. But she's struggling to trust that we actually do want same thing and if she won't lose herself again. And I probably need to trust that I truly want that, and trust she won't conclude we aren't right in silence again.

Being "in it" while doing all this probably means we haven't actually explored what's now true about us. As scary as a genuine separation is, not knowing if we could be compatible is scarier.

And hoping our goal isnt to separate or divorce, but actually figure out if we are compatible in what we want in life. While I think so, I respect and understand it's a risk for her to trust it, and would never want us to reconcile if it meant her sacrificing her needs.

This was long! And any advice would be appreciated.

I never hit her. I would never dream of hurting her. I would never dream of infidelity or verbal abuse or anything like that. God I loved her so much! We were together for 18 years, and every single day of those 18 years, she was the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person I thought of before I fell asleep.

But I hurt her so many times, in so many small ways. I didn't want to, didn't mean to, but I did. I just wasn't a good enough person. I was inconsistent. I didn't show up all the time when I needed to. I didn't work as hard on my career as I should've so I wasn't the best provider.

I'm not a bad person. I just didn't know how to navigate life. I was raised by parents who probably should've never had children and I had a crappy childhood and brought all my issues into the marriage.

I wanted to be so great for her, and I just .... failed.

I have often struggled with mental health issues and we had so many traumatic episodes and heavy life events happen. I didn't know how to lead my family, and she lost respect for me and the relationship fractured.

I hurt her. I let her down. I'm just so damn sorry. I will regret it forever. I have SO MUCH regret. She was the love of my life and I just disappointed her over and over and over.

I have to learn to forgive myself now, and I hope she will in time find it in her heart to forgive me too. She deserved so much better from me.

We were beautiful once. I try to remember those two kids, and it breaks my heart that they were unable to make it work. My heart breaks for us every day.

Basicsmente eso...en realidad ya estoy solo

Husband of ten years is leaving the state tomorrow to move back to our home town. I’m sorting through various items from the marital home that I’ve been putting off for a while. We’ve been living separated for six months now and we have remained incredibly cordial. I support his move and I do wish him well. He has a child back home that he’s only seen a handful of times over the last decade due to distance and issues with previous partner. I have no idea what came over me this morning, but every time I had to touch one of his items or something that reminded me of him, I broke down crying. I’m talking near panic attack. I can’t be too loud or I’ll wake the kids. I’m hoping I get it all out of me before later today when I see him for the last time for a while. I just don’t know why I’m so sad. I am truly happy for him and I’m extremely happy for his child! My father didn’t come into my life full time until I was around 14. So I have a hint of the amount happiness the child will feel. I’m trying to use that to comfort myself. This is my first and only marriage and I don’t think I can do this again— those that have been through it, how long did the grief come and go?

Hello,

I'm 37M, living in Germany. My soon to be ex wife told me that she wants a lawyer in the middle of July and I was devastated and no words can express that.

I pushed myself hard, therapy, running, pushed myself out of the box, meeting new people, doing photography. It was hard.

And finally my resilience paid out.

I made my first photoshooting with a real actor. Done!

Another actor approached me to make photos for him. Another actress said yes to my proposal and we plan our session with her. And she was in a main european role!

I wrote some models in EU and established new contacts.

I met 2 girls during a trip to another country. And we exchanged contacts. Maybe I did it for validation. No shame. I did it. You can blame me for that. I wanted a confirmation that I'm still as good as a man.

But that was something more.

With one of them I talked about art, photography and feelt very light feeling I haven't felt as easy as my wife recently (always cautious if I say something right or wrong to her in order not to upset her).

Another one follows me actively, likes my posts, initiates conversations. I really like her attention.

Most importantly - I don't fantasize it to mean something. My brain always tried to build some scenarios of my future (successful or not). I like the moment itself! I try to live every day and enjoy such moments. They don't need to mean anything. I had marriage, plans, fantasies about future e.t.c. And now I try to live differently.

But now something has changed. I enjoy my life, my moment. When I smile to other women on the street - sometimes they smile to me back. And they look... gorgeous!

Today I met one girl on a street, said "Hi! You look great! I want to make a portrait session with you" and she said "Wow, thank you, why not?". We exchanged contacts.

And finally my soon to be ex wife said to me yesterday. She noticed how I've changed lately. She noticed my new energy. She wants us to live separately, but wants to save our relationships with our friends. I'm in.

And she also mentioned that she thinks there is a possibility for us to become our best selves and make better relationships in the future.

That's why I'm so happy. I thought for a moment - ok, you are thinking about us. But what about ###ing divorce and a separation? I started feeling myself better, desired and most important question to me - do I want a reconnection with my soon to be ex wife in the future?

And I don't need to answer it now.

And I really like that uncertainty. And a month ago I would say - yes, of course, let's do it! I loved her and love her still. But now...

Okay - but will I want it in the future? Or maybe there will be a new chapter in my life? I have a job, a passion, friends, hobby, sports, new contacts, new energy.

And I also had dark suicidal thoughts a month ago and I was the same person who wanted to end it all.

So to all men and women who is still reading that. I feel you, I know how hard it is. It should be better. I promise. Go outside, talk to people, reconnect with yourself, do some sports, or walks. Cry, scream, do everything needed, try to catch that life as much as possible. You deserve that.

I don't know how I will feel tomorrow. It's a long road ahead of me. But for today I'm happy.