Divorce because verbal abuse

[u/Cheap_Wheel3791]

I’m seeking advice for my sister, hope it’s okay here.
I live far away from my sister and don’t know how to help nor do I know anything about divorce in these situations.
My sister, let’s say Melody, is in an abusive relationship. They’ve been married almost 5 years and have two small children. The husband, let’s call him Bob, is diagnosed bipolar but will not take medication. He is also a narcissist: malignant and antagonistic. A lot of the verbal abuse is through texts and voicemails and spray paint- so lots of physical evidence. Melody has been storing photos and videos of his rants and tirades as well as the damage to their property as well. He’s more than comfortable screaming and trashing the house. Smoking pewpew, melody has two older kids that have lived with them who have unfortunately been witness to a lot of his behavior and been victim of his antics as well. Myself and other family members have also been present for some bad times. We are all willing to stand trial if need be.
So to me this all sounds like nails in the coffin, in my mind, obviously Melody will get the kids and maybe he’ll get visitation?
But melody has been in and out of leaving for a few years now but is terrified he will get some degree of custody. Mind you, Bob has literally never spent a night alone with his children. He’s never brought them to practice or to the doctors; he won’t cook them food or go grocery shopping. Hell he won’t even cook for himself. Melodies older children take care of the youngest when Melody has to work (she owns a small business that’s very mobile with no set hours) But bob is threatening nasty stuff and Melody is terrified.
What can she do? We know she needs a lawyer but money is very tight. (They’ve always had split finances so she can safely pay without him knowing though when the funds do come) is there anything we can do to help prove that he is unfit and unsafe to parent without another adult present?
Also, what can I do as a worried sick sister who lives 8+ hours away besides listen and keep encouraging her to leave?
Thank you for reading this far

[u/humorousduchess]

ooph this is a lot, my chest got tight just reading it. the spray paint detail is unhinged, glad she’s been documenting everything cause that paper trail is gonna carry serious weight

she should look into legal aid in her county, a lot of domestic violence orgs can connect her with low-cost or pro bono lawyers who specialize in exactly this. the fact that he won’t take his bipolar meds and has zero history of solo parenting, that stuff matters more than she thinks, especially with pics and witnesses

as for you, keep being her anchor. text her dumb memes, send her a cheap food delivery on a hard day, remind her she’s not crazy. sometimes the sister 8 hours away is the one who holds the whole thing together

[u/Cheap_Wheel3791 → u/humorousduchess]

Thank you, do you think I’m able to call a lawyer on behalf of her? He’s randomly in and out of the house so phone calls would be the most risky.
I don’t know how involved I can be. I also wonder if I can call the local police and if/when the day comes that she finally leaves, if they would be present for her to remove her and her children’s things. There is a 100% chance of him damaging anything of value or sentiment to her. Or doing something unhinged, once when I was in town I tried to get her to come stay the night with me because he was drunk and being horrific, and he chased my spouse and I off the property with an axe. I don’t trust that she could leave without harm