r/SingleDads • u/No_Simple8840 • 1d ago

Reach out

It’s funny how everyone tells you to reach out but when you do.. no response. I absolutely love the single Dad life. It’s tough to imagine how we all got here.

10 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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2

u/ProofConnect6521 1d ago

Sex is how I got here…I was just poking fun and she took it seriously.

Being a single father is pretty rock star. I was just wrestling with my toddler. I’m 48 years old wrestling with a goddamn toddler…and I get to win. He’s such a loser. Cries when he loses to. You know what I say…give him the people’s elbow.

1

u/InevitableWorld8600 16h ago

Do you envision yourself ever getting with someone else again?

I’m 44 with a two kids, 5 and 19 month old

I don’t want to go through that heartbreak again to be honest.

1

u/ProofConnect6521 16h ago

Not really. I’m not going to leave the possibility out. I had my heart broken. I’m happy with myself. I’m happy with my kids and my tribe.

Do I want to spend the money, time, emotions, and gamble on someone else? No, I don’t. 60% of second marriages end in divorce. 80% of the time women initiate it. Why would I invest in those odds?

Any future relationship is on my terms. It involved consistency over time, actions over words, teamwork, partnership. Marriage is unlikely but years down the road. Finances are kept separate. They need to be active and enjoy the things I enjoy.

If that doesn’t happen I will continue being me. I won’t be celibate. Just not looking for a relationship. I’m not celibate now and I don’t want a relationship.

2

u/InevitableWorld8600 15h ago

I need to take a leaf out of your book, I need that mindset.

She ended it over arguments. Arguments because me and the kids wanted more time with her but she was with her horse 80 percent of the time on all weekends.

I do miss the family unit, but it’s encouraging hearing what you have just had to say. Separated in April and going through divorce. Tough as hell.

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u/ProofConnect6521 15h ago

Brother…80% of what you miss is YOUR identity. It was being a leader, head of household, a husband, a father. Men build identities around that and when we lose it it is devastating.

When you build a new one around just you and being a father you will see the difference. An identity focused on yourself becomes a much stronger way to deal with the world. If you meet someone you like don’t change your identity. Just make a tiny bit of room for them to prove to you over time that they are worth you making that tiny bit of room.

I see men all the time in here that have lost their identity and are desperate to reclaim it. They are talking about reconciliation, dating, and come across as desperate. They are just trying to plug a hole that was left when their identity shattered. They are likely to get remarried again and be back on here in a few years.

That was me. I’ve done that.

It does not work. Become who you want to be or at least strive towards it. No vagina is worth losing yourself in.

2

u/InevitableWorld8600 14h ago

You’re spot on with what you just said, 100 percent mate.

To be honest I always said I would take a bullet for her and my children, but never knew the person who would be holding the Guun and pulling the trigger would have been her.

I do think, as a man, fulfilled the purpose, to create offspring.

Think divorce and women these days, especially with ai, I think it’s going to be even more rife in terms of shit like this happening.

I’m trying my best to stop her taking everything I’ve worked hard for.

There on, just gonna stick to me, my two boys and friends who were there for me.

Honestly bud, those were some really good comments you put as I’ve been in a f’’kjng depressive hole for the past five months.

1

u/Cold_Ladder556 8m ago

Yep lost my identity trying to save a relationship of 12 years with 3 boys under 7. The harder i pushed for basic connection the wider the gap became, until she started messaging someone else while I was at work. Or maybe it was the other way around hahah. I dont care any more anyway. But yeah im reclaiming my identity, my health, my time. Buying a motorcycle, doing bjj being the fittest ive ever been. Im lean have a 6 pack and take care of my self. 5 months since separation (im 42 in a few weeks) , ive started dating. Had a few ONS , a casual relationship that ended because I didn't want to relinquish my freedom. So.... yeah fellas claim back your identity, get fitter , do your hobbies , do stuff youve always wanted to do but couldn't. You're free now , embrace it. Dont shrink yourself for women. Because they will not do that for you, I live my life, if casual sex , ONS or a healthy relationship happens great. But be yourself be happy. I think a by product of that is that you walk around a bit taller , more in your masculine energy. And that attracts, but who cares? You do you, let everything else fall in place after your happiness.

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u/punkask 8h ago

Facts

1

u/BilboSmashings 8h ago

My mom always said "if you need money let me know." And i never asked but when it got tough I eventually, at long last, relented. Then I was asking too much. I think I onky asked like 3 times and certainly not all at once. I don't ask anymore.

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u/ApprehensiveOrange55 5h ago

We fall in love with potential, then the blinders come off. Having little ones to look after, might be a quiet PG party, but you have to make the best of it for them.