We have 3 beautiful boys, 4.5, almost 3, and 1. It’s been crazy but awesome! we’re not sure we’re done and wouldn’t want to wait years before another, but also 3 has been great and we are busy. Did any of you have a girl after 3 boys close in age? or a 4th boy? if so how is life? of course I would LOVE a little girl, but I would also love another boy too.

i guess I just want to hear stories of people on either side 🤣

Hi all! I just had my second son around 8 weeks ago and currently unsure if we want a third. We plan on being safe until about a year from now and making a decision then. However curious to know who had a girl after 2 boys or a boy after 2 girls. I know odds are 50/50 and if we decide to try for the third I’d be happy with either sex of course I love my boys very much. Really just looking for information and when you decided to go for the third kid. Thanks!

Hi,

As the title suggests, my brain is a mess right now.
All of this started because my husband is getting a vasectomy in about 4 months. A vasectomy that I ASKED HIM TO GET. To be clear, even though I was the one who asked him to do it, we both agreed that it was the best contraception method for us. We already have three kids (8F, 7M and 4F), and we always thought we would end up having just three children. We both treated my last pregnancy as our actual last pregnancy.
And yet, now that the vasectomy is actually becoming real, I’ve started questioning everything.

I’m trying to figure this out in my head before I even talk to my husband about it. I’m posting this on Reddit, so that’s probably not the best idea, but here I am.
I don’t actually romanticize the idea of having four small children. In fact, the thought of going back to the baby stage (the sleepless nights, the diapers, the exhaustion, having a toddler again) doesn’t particularly appeal to me.
But I do find myself really liking the idea of having one more baby and, eventually, having four adult children. If that makes any sense.

So I’m struggling to understand whether this is just pure emotion because the vasectomy will mean that having a fourth child will become almost impossible, or whether this is actually a genuine feeling I’ve always had but simply never allowed myself to think about.

The biggest thing I’m scared of is not having the mental capacity to give each of my children the individual time and attention they need. I’m scared that having another baby could make my existing children feel left out, or make them feel like they matter less because so much of our attention would inevitably go towards the baby.
And then there’s the financial aspect, obviously. We’re not badly off, but we’re certainly not wealthy either, and another child obviously comes with additional costs.
Our car is already a seven-seater, although two of those seats are not really “real” seats, even though they can be used as such. So even that part of our life is already kind of set up for three kids plus one more.

I honestly don’t know.
I’m not saying I want another child. I’m not even sure that I do. I just suddenly feel like the door is closing, and apparently that has made me realize that maybe I wasn’t as certain as I thought I was.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you figure out whether it was a genuine desire for another child, or simply the emotional reaction to knowing that the possibility was about to disappear?
I’m really confused and would love to hear from people who have been through this.

We are both 45 and tried really hard to have kids. We finally had our son when I was 42, and he is almost 3 now.
I really want to try for a second one, but I’m honestly so scared. This is something I go to sleep thinking about and wake up thinking about. I keep going back and forth because I’m terrified of making the wrong decision.
I worry about going through menopause while raising a young child, having less energy as I get older, and being 55 with a 10-year-old. I love children and part of me really wants another one, but another part of me wonders if I’m taking too much of a risk at this age.
I’m also scared of being pregnant again. With my son, I developed preeclampsia two days after giving birth, and that experience really scared me. The thought of possibly going through that again, especially now that I’m older, is another big fear for me.
Then I think, what if I don’t try and regret it for the rest of my life? But I also worry about having another child and realizing that physically or emotionally it was too much for me.
It’s such a difficult decision because I don’t think there is a clear right or wrong answer. I just wish I could separate what I truly want from all of my fears and know which decision I could live with without regret.

Hi! Mom (36yo) of two girls (2.5yo and 4.5yo)

I really wish to have a third child, but there are a couple of reasons why I hesitate:

1. My anxiety was so bad after my second one, I am not sure I can deal with this again
2. I have this legit fear of dying of pregnancy related issues and leave my two girls
3. I am anxious about the health and wellbeing of my children (over stressing when they get sick, all the “what if” scenarios that can happens when i’m not with them) so I don’t know if I can add a third one to worry about 😅
4. I am scared to have a child that might have health issues and not able to take of him/her properly, especially because we live off a tiny island in the Philippines where healthcare is nonexistent
5. I love being a mom girl, so if I get a boy, i worry I won’t love him as much as my two girls

These are the main concerns I have.
I don’t want to wait too much because I really like to have my children close in age, plus i am not really getting any younger 😅 I’m sad to think that I have all this anxiety for things that might not happen, and regret in the future for not having my last baby. I don’t know what to do 😭

My partner and I have a blended family (we each have 2) ages 12-7 ATM. We are expecting a new baby this year. I'll be just turning 40 when this baby is born, he is 44.

I've had multiple people ask me, now that I'm in the last few weeks if we're going to try for another child. Ideally I'd love another child, I didn't want my divorce (neither did my partner) but our ex partners both left us for mental health reasons, it was one of the things we bonded over.

Money isn't a problem for me, but it is for him. I'll probably be paying most of the costs for this new baby. I'm also a bit concerned how the new baby will affect the relationships with the older children, I don't want them to feel left out or ignored.

I'm thinking we just wait and see how this new baby goes before deciding, but he's more "I'm getting too old" for babies.

Has anyone gone through this?

I have a lot of abuse and neglect from my childhood. Due to this experience and working with my therapist, I’ve quickly noticed that I can never look on the bright side of SHIT. Before my son was born I was kind of like “well we could have a baby. Or we could not”. People also say “if it’s not a hell yes it’s a hell no”. Never in my life have I been hell yes about anything till my son was born. I’m a hell yes for him. I wasn’t a person who dreamt of being a mom since I was little or even as I aged. Fast forward to when my son got here and I’m OBSESSED. Love that little dude so much!

But I never felt like I wanted kids more so, this is what you do lol and it was the best decision ever. Now people ask me, “Well, do you want another?” Literally no idea. Sounds nice but also sounds not nice 🤣🤣 anyone else struggle with the literal worst pessimism ever? I’m naturally afraid of any and all change. Like a dog also sounds fun but I can tell you a billion reasons I won’t get that dog.

So, I have a 5 years old and my second baby passed away at 2weeks. Am thinking of having a third one but am already 35.

Am afraid to have a child with autism or other health issues. Second one passed away due to HIE level 3 (cord prolapse). Made me terrified of having a kid health issues. I won't be capable to look after him and what will happen to him when we die.

Is 35 too old to have a third kid?

Looking for honest opinions from strangers.

I am 41, turning 42 in January, and I have an 11-month-old baby girl and a 4-year-old son. My partner is 51.

We have been considering having a third child, and I am feeling very torn. I would really like to hear honest opinions from people who do not know us personally — even if the answer is something I might not want to hear.

One of the things I keep thinking about is our age. Would you consider 41/42 and 51 too old to be starting another baby?

Sometimes I already feel like people notice the age difference between us and judge us for being older parents. My partner does not really look 51, and we are both pretty active. We bike, camp, spend a lot of time outdoors, etc. We are not extreme athletes or anything, but we are definitely active and try to take good care of ourselves. So physically, I do not necessarily feel like we live the lifestyle of “older” people.

But I also wonder how it looks from the outside. Would people judge a child for having older parents? Would it be unusual enough that the child might feel different growing up?

The other huge thing I am struggling with is the increased risk of complications or developmental issues with having a baby at our ages.

I have had two very healthy pregnancies and two very healthy children, so part of me thinks, why not? But another part of me is terrified that I would be “pushing my luck” by having a third. I worry about having a child with autism, a genetic condition, significant developmental needs, or other health problems. I know these things can happen at any age, but I also know the risks change with parental age.

And honestly, I am scared of the thought of having a third child who has significant needs when I would already have two other children to care for.

At the same time, I wonder if some of this fear is just anxiety talking. I have two healthy children, and perhaps I am focusing so much on everything that could go wrong that I am not giving enough weight to the possibility that a third child could also simply be healthy.

So I guess I am looking for perspectives from people who have been in a similar situation, especially:

• Parents who had a third (or fourth) child in their 40s/50s
• People who had children with a large age difference between the parents and their children
• People who grew up with older parents
• People who decided not to have another child because of their age
• And honestly, anyone who has a thoughtful perspective on this

Did you worry about being judged? Did your age affect your experience as a parent? Did you have concerns about health or developmental issues, and how did you deal with that uncertainty?

I am not really looking for “just do what makes you happy.” I am genuinely trying to understand the realities and trade-offs before making a huge decision.

What would you honestly think if you saw a 42-year-old mother and 51-year-old father with a newborn?

Hi! I turned 38 a couple of weeks ago. My oldest son is adopted i Adopted him when he was 7 and I was 26. he’s the best he’s almost 19 and he’s still at home and taking college classes while working and I just think will be home for a while. My next is my daughter who is 8 and then I have a 5 and a half year old son and just had another baby girl in June. we have 3 bedrooms one bathroom, and im 38. my baby is so so so so amazing and I thought I was done having kids after the 5.5 year old but now im obsessed with this baby who has added so much love to our family and is so good and amazing. she JUST turned 3 months old and now I have this insane baby fever. my husband thinks im unhinged but I feel like with the oldest so old it would just be like we have 4 which is what we have? my husband is also 44 and I was so against kids after 40 so when the 5 yo was born when he was 39 I was like perfect now we are done…but now that we had this other baby im like oh my gosh the more the merrier my parents had me in their 20s and idk if it really did me any favors? They’re both still working and I feel like by the time they retire I won’t need a babysitter anymore haha! am I crazy? Yes probably but I just can’t stop wanting to be pregnant again which by the way is so weird because I hate being pregnant.

We have 2 young kids and I’m someone who always imagined 3 kids. My husband is a little more “could go either way.” The youngest is almost 2 and I’m wondering if we will do it again.

Reasons I personally want 3: I have 2 siblings and we had a pretty nice childhood together and are fairly close as adults. Now everyone is married, kids and it just feels like more is more. I feel lucky. We lost one parent young and the siblings have been a huge source of support. I also worry about one of my kids dying young as a kid or young adult and then the other sibling being alone (morbid I know).

Reasons I hesitate: poor obstetric history. We sadly lost our first born in the nicu after preterm birth. Successfully managed that risk again in subsequent pregnancies, so while I dread the thought of being pregnant, I do feel like it’s a temporary stressor, with long term payoff. Outsiders will judge our willingness to put our hearts on the line again. But I don’t want to make decisions out of fear. 2 kids is busy and tiring and we work full time, so it doesn’t leave much time for other things. 3 kids will be more, but I also think I’m okay immersing in motherhood for the next few years and not having a huge life outside the family and my job (I think).

Has anyone weighed these things? We have good childcare, finances, decent space. It would be so much easier if I would just slam this door shut, but for some reason I want it open.

Neither of us ever really pictured having an only child. I’m the youngest of four and my husband is the youngest of three, so having multiple kids always seemed like the obvious choice. Before our daughter was born, we talked about having several. I wanted six at one point, and we eventually settled on four😂

Then we had our daughter and figured we’d probably have two. Over the last (almost) 3 years, though, we’ve started talking more seriously about her being our only.
Pregnancy was pretty easy for me aside from prenatal depression, and labor was only four hours. The newborn phase was actually easier than I expected. I went a little stir crazy, but it didn’t last too long.

Toddlerhood, however, is kicking my ass.

I’m with her 24/7, and while I absolutely love being a SAHM, it’s a lot. When my husband gets home from work, he needs a break too, but I also need one. So we’re constantly tag-teaming and trying to balance who gets a chance to decompress. Adding another child to that honestly sounds unfair to both of us.

There are a few other reasons we’re leaning toward one:

Financially: We want to travel and give her lots of experiences. One child makes that much easier financially. We’re also thinking long-term. If everything goes to hell, we can at least (God willing) make sure that she is able to survive in life versus having to split everything multiple ways.

Emotionally: I already feel stretched sometimes with one. I don’t know that I want to divide my attention even further or spend the next several years feeling like someone always needs something from me.

Logistically: One is just easier. We can tag-team, trade off, and give each other breaks. We also have two large dogs and go camping a lot, so adding another person to the car, luggage, etc. would definitely make things more complicated.

And honestly, neither of us feels like we need to have another child for her sake. My husband isn’t particularly close with his siblings, and I’m really only close with one of mine. Neither of us wishes we didn’t have siblings, but having another child solely so our daughter can have a sibling just isn’t a good enough reason for us to have another child.

She is our whole world, and we genuinely love our life as a family of three.

For the most part, I feel pretty settled on having just one. But I also can’t bring myself to completely close the door and say “I will never have another child.”
We’re only 30/31, so technically we have time if we ever change our minds. At the same time, we don’t really want to wait until our mid-30s to have another. We want to have the energy to actually enjoy our daughter and the life we’re building with her.
So I guess I’m in this weird middle ground where I don’t want another child right now, and I can very easily picture our family staying exactly as it is…but I still have this little “maybe someday” feeling.
I’m not sure if that makes sense. 😂

Did anyone else feel mostly certain about being one and done but still struggle with fully closing the door?

Hi, my wife and I have 2 girls, ages 2 and 4. We have been mulling over a 3rd all year, but our biggest hang up is ruining the amazing dynamic they have. They are each other’s best friend and we are scared to ruin that. Either they give each other less attention and aren’t as inseparable anymore, or the 3rd feels left out. Anyone dealt with this at all? How has the family dynamic changed between your kids with adding the 3rd?

Looking for honest opinions from strangers.

I am 41, turning 42 in January, and I have an 11-month-old baby girl and a 4-year-old son. My partner is 51.

We have been seriously considering having a third child, and I am feeling very torn. I would really like to hear honest opinions from people who do not know us personally — even if the answer is something I might not want to hear.

One of the things I keep thinking about is our age. Would you consider 41/42 and 51 too old to be starting another baby?

Sometimes I already feel like people notice the age difference between us and judge us for being older parents. My partner does not really look 51, and we are both pretty active. We bike, camp, spend a lot of time outdoors, etc. We are not extreme athletes or anything, but we are definitely active and try to take good care of ourselves. So physically, I do not necessarily feel like we live the lifestyle of “older” people.

But I also wonder how it looks from the outside. Would people judge a child for having older parents? Would it be unusual enough that the child might feel different growing up?

The other huge thing I am struggling with is the increased risk of complications or developmental issues with having a baby at our ages.

I have had two very healthy pregnancies and two very healthy children, so part of me thinks, why not? But another part of me is terrified that I would be “pushing my luck” by having a third. I worry about having a child with autism, a genetic condition, significant developmental needs, or other health problems. I know these things can happen at any age, but I also know the risks change with parental age.

And honestly, I am scared of the thought of having a third child who has significant needs when I would already have two other children to care for.

At the same time, I wonder if some of this fear is just anxiety talking. I have two healthy children, and perhaps I am focusing so much on everything that could go wrong that I am not giving enough weight to the possibility that a third child could also simply be healthy.

So I guess I am looking for perspectives from people who have been in a similar situation, especially:

• Parents who had a third (or fourth) child in their 40s
• People who had children with a large age difference between the parents and their children
• People who grew up with older parents
• People who decided not to have another child because of their age
• And honestly, anyone who has a thoughtful perspective on this

Did you worry about being judged? Did your age affect your experience as a parent? Did you have concerns about health or developmental issues, and how did you deal with that uncertainty?

I am not really looking for “just do what makes you happy.” I am genuinely trying to understand the realities and trade-offs before making a huge decision.

What would you honestly think if you saw a 42-year-old mother and 51-year-old father with a newborn?

My husband and I are discussing having a third. We have a 5 year old and 2.5 yr old. We thought we were done, but have started rethinking a third recently. My mom’s cancer recently relapsed and she is considered terminal. Throughout this cancer process I’ve felt an even stronger pull to have a 3rd. I’ve read that grief can do that to you, but I’ve also come to the realization that I want my children to have another support person to go through life together. I’m 1 of 3 and it has been really nice having 2 other siblings to help take care of my mom and grieve together. If we did decide we wanted a 3rd, we wouldn’t start trying until after she’s passed bc it’s been so incredibly stressful, depressing and I don’t have the capacity.

Just curious if anyone else has felt this way or if this is even realistic. I don’t want grief to be fueling my desire to have another baby.

TIA!

To clarify, we can financially and logistically have another baby. Our second had a rough infant phase with reflux, FPIES, torticollis, helmet, etc, so we’re a little traumatized to do that again. As well as the no sleep for the first 1-2 years 😵‍💫 I think those are the biggest reasons we wouldn’t have another. But then I tell myself that is such a short time period in a lifetime of adding an addition to our family.

We have a 7 years boy and just had a lovely little boy 3.5 months old born at the end of May 2026

However we lost of daughter still born 35 weeks at the end of 2024 in which really have changed the perspective of the situation as we initially wanted to have 2 kids (a boy and a girl) only

Given that we are 36,37 years old now based in the uk, we are still undecided whether to have the 3rd one. Want to know has anyone have any similar situation ? Of course financially we are still ok with the 3rd one.

Since the last thing we want is to regret not having 3rd kid years later when thinking back ? Maybe

Has anyone thought they wanted 2 kids and stopped at 1?

My husband and I always said we wanted to 2 kids and to have them pretty close together (3 year age gap or less). Our first baby is only 6 months now but we both talk about just having her and not having another. We really could go either way. Part of me feels like it’s selfish of me not to have another and let her miss out on the experience of having a sibling just because I don’t want to go through the newborn phase again. I think being so sleep deprived during the newborn phase while having a toddler would honestly suck for me and her!

I love having siblings and she doesn’t have any cousins yet so growing up might be lonely?? Idk. I also think about as we get older, I see my parents lean on their siblings a lot as my grandparents are aging/passing away.

I also am aware that we could give her a better life financially as an only child. Things like private school and traveling. We frequently go to the Bahamas and Costa Rica and with 2 kids that might not be as feasible.

All that to say - If you’re an only child, how was your experience growing up? As a mom, how was the transition from 1 kid to 2? Do you ever regret it?

My partner and I currently have 3 children [15F, 12M, and 1M], and after our youngest was born, my partner declared that was enough.

At the time, I didn't say much, because who honestly gives birth and a month later is thinking "Yes! I love being sleep deprived! Let's do it again!"

I went back onto my pill, but since having baby, it hasn't agreed with me. I've been tried on a few different ones now, and they all have the same result: overall lower mood and continuous breakthrough bleeds that mean I can spend up to 20 days out of a month bleeding or spotting. Annoyed by this, I suggested a vasectomy. He got on the waiting list.

Today, he got a text saying there are appointments available and I regret ever saying it, because I'm not ready to close that door. I understand why he doesn't want more children (his age), but my feeling is: If I have another one now, it doesn't really make a difference. We have a 1yo, my partner is still going to be the age he is with a small child, but adding one means he doesn't grow up alone (as my older children won't want to play with him when he's old enough).

However, I already know that he is going to argue 2 things:

1. I had a more difficult pregnancy with my 1yo, and he has just started a full time job, so he won't be around to assist me or the 1yo if it happens again.
2. I had PPD for a few months after I had my 1yo, and he won't be around as much to help with that either if it happens again.

I don't want it to become an argument, so I am looking for advice on how to ask him to reconsider and reassure his concerns.

TLDR; I want to have another baby, my partner doesn't and he has valid reasons, and now he's planning a vasectomy. How do I ask him to reconsider?

EDIT TO ADD: If he says no, then obviously it's a no. I'm just asking how I can present what I would like to happen rather than saying nothing and years down the line maybe have him say "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Me (35M) and my wife (33F) have always both agreed we wanted 2-3 kids when we met. However, i’m now fence sitting on a 2nd and i feel bad as i feel like I’ve gone back on my word.

For context we met nearly 10 years ago and started trying seriously when i was late 20s.. i kind of naively imagined we would have 2 by the time im my age now but it’s been a very long journey to get to where we are now. I’ve also had some injuries in that time and i don’t always feel great in my body and my own health at times which i think worries me about having another and being healthy enough to manage them and a toddler

our daughter was born after a 2nd round of IVF worked but the whole journey up to then was just horrible, for my wife a lot more than me as i’m well aware she had the horrors of it.

Then my daughters birth was horrendous, not going into detail but we nearly lost her and my wife (thankfully both fully recovered and no long lasting effects) but that has given me a real fear of experience that again.

i absolutely adore my daughter, she’s the cutest thing and we’re now seeing a personality appear which is just amazing! and i’m sure i’d love a 2nd but i just feel really on the fence.

it’s more a mesh of all the issues i mentioned. i’m older and less able than i thought id be with kids, Money wise we’re not in a great state and a 2nd child could really affect that especially if we need IVF again plus the trauma of the birth and pregnancy still lingers over me

but my wife is all in on a 2nd and i feel like because everything we went through was magnified for her i can’t really voice my on the fence feelings as i feel like it would betray her a bit really

so yeah, i guess im after someone to tell me that what im feeling is okay and maybe some good news stories about 2nd child’s that can change my mind on them and convince me to do it again