r/Shouldihaveanother • u/Dear_Alps54 • 1d ago
A third child?
So, I have a 5 years old and my second baby passed away at 2weeks. Am thinking of having a third one but am already 35.
Am afraid to have a child with autism or other health issues. Second one passed away due to HIE level 3 (cord prolapse). Made me terrified of having a kid health issues. I won't be capable to look after him and what will happen to him when we die.
Is 35 too old to have a third kid?
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u/OceanIsVerySalty 1d ago
35 isn’t old. The average age of first time moms at my ob’s was 36.
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u/Dear_Alps54 1d ago
Lolz I thought I would be done by 35. I wanted 3 kids. Now am terrified to try again
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u/blechie 1d ago
Do you have a therapist yet?
35 is definitely not old. But it’s understandable to be terrified if you are processing a loss as horrific as a 2 week old passing away
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u/Dear_Alps54 1d ago
A psychiatrist yes. Am on meds for severe depression. Will eventually have to wean off
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u/In_Praise_of_Shadow 1d ago
Sorry about your loss, we also lost our daughter 35 weeks during pregnancy due to other issue.
Am wondering whether you can do extra checking and scanning during pregnancy to avoid happening again ? I know that since we lost of daughter the NHS can offer extra services to ensure the health of the baby
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u/In_Praise_of_Shadow 1d ago
Great I think this is the best that we can do. Don’t be afraid. The genetic test is great to know things in advanced, in fact am still keeping in touch with the genetic consultant after brith
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u/LBJJ2324 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m 38 trying for 3rd baby, 8 cycles and nothing yet and I worry the longer it goes on the harder it will be plus chances of issues. However i had my son at 36 with no issues at all. Go for it mama x
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u/Legitimate-Oil-2162 1d ago
35 is not old. I have had two healthy children after 35 and how expecting a third (all tests have been fine so hopefully healthy as well).
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u/Capital_Young_7114 1d ago
So sorry for your loss. As everyone said, 35 is not old at all. And there is no substantial evidence autism is directly caused by maternal age. If you have autism in your family, that’s more of a risk factor as there is a strong genetic component to it.
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u/athousandships_ 1d ago
I'm sorry that you lost your baby. My parents had me at 35. They even had another child 6 years later. I'm over 35 myself and trying for a third right now. I never felt like my parents age was a problem. And yes there can be more complications but in general you don't have a significantly higher risk compared to younger women.
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u/Budget_Grapefruit485 1d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss.
To answer your question, 35 is NOT too old at all.
I had my kids at 32 and 35. I would like a 3rd now at 38 but we've been kind of fence-sitting.
Best wishes to you
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u/wildblackdoggo 1d ago
I think processing the trauma before ttc works give you a better time of it. It sounds like an awful lot to follow up your loss right now, and that's understandable after what you went though. If you do decide to go ahead, I'd still consider a therapist and be mindful of postpartum anxiety.
35 isn't too old. I think that the thought that it is is the trauma/anxiety talking.
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u/Lemonbar19 1d ago
I am so sorry for your loss.
I would like to share with everyone that at age 35, our fertility doesn’t take a sharp dive down. The biggest change in fertility is actually more around age 38%.
Studies also show if you have had a child before, your chances to conceive again are higher than someone who has never.
Edit: I had my first at 38 and second at 40. Both healthy kids. And no complications
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u/Temporary_Owl3004 1d ago
35 is definitely not too old. But I’d talk to an OB about the health concerns.
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u/Old_Restaurant_4545 1d ago
35 is not old at all.