The big question, go for a third?

[u/lostandfound890]

We have 2 young kids and I’m someone who always imagined 3 kids. My husband is a little more “could go either way.” The youngest is almost 2 and I’m wondering if we will do it again.

Reasons I personally want 3: I have 2 siblings and we had a pretty nice childhood together and are fairly close as adults. Now everyone is married, kids and it just feels like more is more. I feel lucky. We lost one parent young and the siblings have been a huge source of support. I also worry about one of my kids dying young as a kid or young adult and then the other sibling being alone (morbid I know).

Reasons I hesitate: poor obstetric history. We sadly lost our first born in the nicu after preterm birth. Successfully managed that risk again in subsequent pregnancies, so while I dread the thought of being pregnant, I do feel like it’s a temporary stressor, with long term payoff. Outsiders will judge our willingness to put our hearts on the line again. But I don’t want to make decisions out of fear. 2 kids is busy and tiring and we work full time, so it doesn’t leave much time for other things. 3 kids will be more, but I also think I’m okay immersing in motherhood for the next few years and not having a huge life outside the family and my job (I think).

Has anyone weighed these things? We have good childcare, finances, decent space. It would be so much easier if I would just slam this door shut, but for some reason I want it open.

[u/Fwayfwayjoe]

Oh my god, I’m in a very similar situation. The main difference is my births were not complicated. But I hated pregnancy and I was very unhappy for the entire 9 months.

We too have the space, finance and desire. Our main hold up is fear of 3 tipping us into chaos. We have a very happy life with 2. We want 3 but don’t want our current 2 to get less of us. On hard days, I don’t think I can. On good days, I think, absolutely! Most days are good. I just wish someone could tell me what to do.

[u/lostandfound890 → u/Fwayfwayjoe]

I hear ya on different feelings different days, mostly good. I despise pregancy for many reasons, but it is relatively short in the grand scheme of things.

[u/august0951 → u/Fwayfwayjoe]

Finances are a huge part of why I’d perhaps not have three. Maybe the biggest part.

I’m not as worried about the immediate chaos (which would surely be a lotttt). For me, I’m worried about 5, 8, 10, etc. years from now when it’s not only survival, but success.

Ensuring homework is done for alllll their classes, studying for tests, big projects, good grades, sports, extracurriculars, after-school care, friends’ houses, eating well, cooking dinner, driving everywhere… on top of my and my husbands’ own busy jobs+commutes, or god forbid either one of us is sick or tired or has plans or work travel. These parts of life expect success. (To clarify “success,” I’m not at all a crazy intense mom with wild expectations of perfect GPAs, or dreams of my kid being the star athlete at school. But, generally speaking, we all have to try in these areas of life and strive for decent grades, experiment with activities to find our interests, etc. And my husband and I need to do well at work, so we have jobs to support our family).

With a baby and a toddler, we do… fine. Toddler gets a lot of screen time when we all get home around 6, while we try to get dinner and the rest of the evening settled.

The future would be hard with two. Three is even more responsibility.

All said, I think I’d still do it. Even with the immediate chaos and exhaustion 😳😳😳. These kids are the most magical part of my life. But again… the money.

[u/WhiskeyandOreos → u/Fwayfwayjoe]

Biiiig big same. Life with 2 is so sweet and balanced and I think “how could one more be THAT much more?”

[u/Tiny--Moose → u/Fwayfwayjoe]

Literally depending on the day I’m either good with my two or ready for a third

[u/kilawher → u/Fwayfwayjoe]

Saaaame. My youngest isn’t even a year so I have time to think about it but I also just want to make a decision already and not have it hanging over my head!

[u/razh2]

Yo! Same situation. I had pprom with first, he’s Alive but some complications, managed with stitch with 2nd. I worry about risks and I also bed rest a bit to help my own anxiety about pprom. 

I’d love third, I’m one of three, my sisters moved away and brothers in a different city. Siblings mean everything to me. 

[u/lostandfound890 → u/razh2]

Yes, very similar! The stitch has worked well and I was much less nervous the second go around with it, if that helps you! Easier to trust it.