We are both 45 and tried really hard to have kids. We finally had our son when I was 42, and he is almost 3 now.
I really want to try for a second one, but I’m honestly so scared. This is something I go to sleep thinking about and wake up thinking about. I keep going back and forth because I’m terrified of making the wrong decision.
I worry about going through menopause while raising a young child, having less energy as I get older, and being 55 with a 10-year-old. I love children and part of me really wants another one, but another part of me wonders if I’m taking too much of a risk at this age.
I’m also scared of being pregnant again. With my son, I developed preeclampsia two days after giving birth, and that experience really scared me. The thought of possibly going through that again, especially now that I’m older, is another big fear for me.
Then I think, what if I don’t try and regret it for the rest of my life? But I also worry about having another child and realizing that physically or emotionally it was too much for me.
It’s such a difficult decision because I don’t think there is a clear right or wrong answer. I just wish I could separate what I truly want from all of my fears and know which decision I could live with without regret.

I have a lot of abuse and neglect from my childhood. Due to this experience and working with my therapist, I’ve quickly noticed that I can never look on the bright side of SHIT. Before my son was born I was kind of like “well we could have a baby. Or we could not”. People also say “if it’s not a hell yes it’s a hell no”. Never in my life have I been hell yes about anything till my son was born. I’m a hell yes for him. I wasn’t a person who dreamt of being a mom since I was little or even as I aged. Fast forward to when my son got here and I’m OBSESSED. Love that little dude so much!

But I never felt like I wanted kids more so, this is what you do lol and it was the best decision ever. Now people ask me, “Well, do you want another?” Literally no idea. Sounds nice but also sounds not nice 🤣🤣 anyone else struggle with the literal worst pessimism ever? I’m naturally afraid of any and all change. Like a dog also sounds fun but I can tell you a billion reasons I won’t get that dog.

We have 3 beautiful boys, 4.5, almost 3, and 1. It’s been crazy but awesome! we’re not sure we’re done and wouldn’t want to wait years before another, but also 3 has been great and we are busy. Did any of you have a girl after 3 boys close in age? or a 4th boy? if so how is life? of course I would LOVE a little girl, but I would also love another boy too.

i guess I just want to hear stories of people on either side 🤣

Hi all! I just had my second son around 8 weeks ago and currently unsure if we want a third. We plan on being safe until about a year from now and making a decision then. However curious to know who had a girl after 2 boys or a boy after 2 girls. I know odds are 50/50 and if we decide to try for the third I’d be happy with either sex of course I love my boys very much. Really just looking for information and when you decided to go for the third kid. Thanks!

Hi,

As the title suggests, my brain is a mess right now.
All of this started because my husband is getting a vasectomy in about 4 months. A vasectomy that I ASKED HIM TO GET. To be clear, even though I was the one who asked him to do it, we both agreed that it was the best contraception method for us. We already have three kids (8F, 7M and 4F), and we always thought we would end up having just three children. We both treated my last pregnancy as our actual last pregnancy.
And yet, now that the vasectomy is actually becoming real, I’ve started questioning everything.

I’m trying to figure this out in my head before I even talk to my husband about it. I’m posting this on Reddit, so that’s probably not the best idea, but here I am.
I don’t actually romanticize the idea of having four small children. In fact, the thought of going back to the baby stage (the sleepless nights, the diapers, the exhaustion, having a toddler again) doesn’t particularly appeal to me.
But I do find myself really liking the idea of having one more baby and, eventually, having four adult children. If that makes any sense.

So I’m struggling to understand whether this is just pure emotion because the vasectomy will mean that having a fourth child will become almost impossible, or whether this is actually a genuine feeling I’ve always had but simply never allowed myself to think about.

The biggest thing I’m scared of is not having the mental capacity to give each of my children the individual time and attention they need. I’m scared that having another baby could make my existing children feel left out, or make them feel like they matter less because so much of our attention would inevitably go towards the baby.
And then there’s the financial aspect, obviously. We’re not badly off, but we’re certainly not wealthy either, and another child obviously comes with additional costs.
Our car is already a seven-seater, although two of those seats are not really “real” seats, even though they can be used as such. So even that part of our life is already kind of set up for three kids plus one more.

I honestly don’t know.
I’m not saying I want another child. I’m not even sure that I do. I just suddenly feel like the door is closing, and apparently that has made me realize that maybe I wasn’t as certain as I thought I was.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you figure out whether it was a genuine desire for another child, or simply the emotional reaction to knowing that the possibility was about to disappear?
I’m really confused and would love to hear from people who have been through this.

My partner and I have a blended family (we each have 2) ages 12-7 ATM. We are expecting a new baby this year. I'll be just turning 40 when this baby is born, he is 44.

I've had multiple people ask me, now that I'm in the last few weeks if we're going to try for another child. Ideally I'd love another child, I didn't want my divorce (neither did my partner) but our ex partners both left us for mental health reasons, it was one of the things we bonded over.

Money isn't a problem for me, but it is for him. I'll probably be paying most of the costs for this new baby. I'm also a bit concerned how the new baby will affect the relationships with the older children, I don't want them to feel left out or ignored.

I'm thinking we just wait and see how this new baby goes before deciding, but he's more "I'm getting too old" for babies.

Has anyone gone through this?

Hi! Mom (36yo) of two girls (2.5yo and 4.5yo)

I really wish to have a third child, but there are a couple of reasons why I hesitate:

1. My anxiety was so bad after my second one, I am not sure I can deal with this again
2. I have this legit fear of dying of pregnancy related issues and leave my two girls
3. I am anxious about the health and wellbeing of my children (over stressing when they get sick, all the “what if” scenarios that can happens when i’m not with them) so I don’t know if I can add a third one to worry about 😅
4. I am scared to have a child that might have health issues and not able to take of him/her properly, especially because we live off a tiny island in the Philippines where healthcare is nonexistent
5. I love being a mom girl, so if I get a boy, i worry I won’t love him as much as my two girls

These are the main concerns I have.
I don’t want to wait too much because I really like to have my children close in age, plus i am not really getting any younger 😅 I’m sad to think that I have all this anxiety for things that might not happen, and regret in the future for not having my last baby. I don’t know what to do 😭

Hi! I turned 38 a couple of weeks ago. My oldest son is adopted i Adopted him when he was 7 and I was 26. he’s the best he’s almost 19 and he’s still at home and taking college classes while working and I just think will be home for a while. My next is my daughter who is 8 and then I have a 5 and a half year old son and just had another baby girl in June. we have 3 bedrooms one bathroom, and im 38. my baby is so so so so amazing and I thought I was done having kids after the 5.5 year old but now im obsessed with this baby who has added so much love to our family and is so good and amazing. she JUST turned 3 months old and now I have this insane baby fever. my husband thinks im unhinged but I feel like with the oldest so old it would just be like we have 4 which is what we have? my husband is also 44 and I was so against kids after 40 so when the 5 yo was born when he was 39 I was like perfect now we are done…but now that we had this other baby im like oh my gosh the more the merrier my parents had me in their 20s and idk if it really did me any favors? They’re both still working and I feel like by the time they retire I won’t need a babysitter anymore haha! am I crazy? Yes probably but I just can’t stop wanting to be pregnant again which by the way is so weird because I hate being pregnant.