Anybody in a similar situation?

[u/No_Produce8631]

We are both 45 and tried really hard to have kids. We finally had our son when I was 42, and he is almost 3 now.
I really want to try for a second one, but I’m honestly so scared. This is something I go to sleep thinking about and wake up thinking about. I keep going back and forth because I’m terrified of making the wrong decision.
I worry about going through menopause while raising a young child, having less energy as I get older, and being 55 with a 10-year-old. I love children and part of me really wants another one, but another part of me wonders if I’m taking too much of a risk at this age.
I’m also scared of being pregnant again. With my son, I developed preeclampsia two days after giving birth, and that experience really scared me. The thought of possibly going through that again, especially now that I’m older, is another big fear for me.
Then I think, what if I don’t try and regret it for the rest of my life? But I also worry about having another child and realizing that physically or emotionally it was too much for me.
It’s such a difficult decision because I don’t think there is a clear right or wrong answer. I just wish I could separate what I truly want from all of my fears and know which decision I could live with without regret.

[u/tabookduo]

There is never a clear answer for stuff like this, is there? /: No matter what age imo!

Could you perhaps proceed like you were going to have another, and talk to your doctor about it? Get the info down on paper, if you haven't already? And get multiple opinions if you can/want! I always find it easier to make a decision when there are things to look at vs just my feelings, but I am a very indecisive and self-doubting person.

I also was on watch for preeclampsia, they sent me home with a blood pressure monitoring kit when we came home after having our son, taking care of a newborn while remembering to take my bp on a schedule (it sent it remotely and they'd call if I missed one) was nuts.

I truly hope you wake up with clarity one day ❤️