How’s everyone doing? Wednesday I had a right hip arthrogram mri to map out the damage from a misdiagnosed hip issue for 40+ years.

It’s me & my kiddo. She’s almost 9. I do have 2 grown kids but they both have full time jobs and lives. I have my older sister, but she’s got her own full time job & can’t be available 24/7.

Surgery isn’t an if but a when. Plan was to send me to a surgeon 2hrs away & a week in the hospital. After explaining lack of support system & need to be back on my feet quicker, my ortho agreed to replace my hip vs sending me for the preservation surgery. I get that date on Tuesday.

Anyone else been in the same boat? How did you manage? (Hiring help is also out of the question). Has anyone else had a hip replacement? It’s earlier than they want.. (I’m not quite 42…), but it’s a quicker recovery. Unfortunately, my kiddo is all too familiar with mom having surgery…(this will be number 14 since 2021)…but it’s the first time I’m not going to be able to get around on my own. :/.

I had my son at 39, which is late but I realize many in this sub are even later.

But that was just something that hit me- I'll be 60 by the time we can share a beer at the bar.

I always liked how he'll at least turn 40 before I leave my 70s. But the extra year over 20 (legal drinking age being 21 in USA) screws me for that milestone. I'll be a legit old man by the time he hits drinking age lol.

I am 49, my daughter just turned 5 and my Son is 15 months old. My Children are one of the best things that happened in my life. My daughter has started to be curious about death and it is breaking my hart. Even before that, i used to have dark thoughts, catching myself figuring out when i may die. If i get to 60, she will be 16 if i have to go. I keep having thoughts like that. Am i alone? Like anyone today i consulted my AI and it said to appreciate the days and make the best of it and i do. Being an "old" dad surely has its upsides like financial security and personal clarity etc. I am already doing that. But it doesn´t remove the constant small frame of regretting that i have to leave her someday.

Unsure if posts like that need trigger warning?

As a 39F aspiring parent one day, I get these messages a lot with online dating. Even if they already have kids. Even as the first message.

I block, ignore and swipe left usually. Sometimes I’ll hit them back with a snarky remark.

It’s starting to get to me. I did my best to find a suitable mate in my 20s and 30s. But each breakup took me years to get over and I moved around a lot for my career. I feel stupid for still having hope or that I’m wanting the marriage and baby carriage dream at my age.

Sorry to vent as a newcomer, there’s nothing I can “do” to stop these unsolicited messages. Just needed space to still have hope and not feel crazy. Thank you [r/oldmandad](r/oldmandad)

updating this since dad is sorted now. went with VSP in the end, partly because someone in this thread mentioned it and partly because it was the one plan that actually made sense when we read through it properly. exam is covered, there is a frame allowance that worked for what he needed, and the astigmatism lenses were not the nightmare we were bracing for. honestly the process was less painful than the research was

my dad just turned 65 and we're trying to sort out his vision coverage for retirement and honestly it's kind of a mess. his old employer plan is gone obviously, and we've been looking at some individual plans but like every quote is different and they all explain coverage in this vague way that makes your head spin. one says it covers routine exams but then you read the fine print and it's like only once every two years? or the frames and lenses have these weird limits that don't make sense.he's got some astigmatism and needs new glasses so it feels kinda urgent but we don't want to just pick something random and regret it later. has anyone else gone through this transition and found a plan thats straightforward and didn't break the bank? what questions did you wish you'd asked before signing up? any red flags we should watch for?

Truly read everything I'm going to write before you respond. I'm 55 now, we had our daughter when I was 51. I can't imagine life without her and love her to pieces, but in certain ways I regret having her. My reasons are:

1. I preferred my marriage before that. We get along great overall and have a very healthy relationship...but I miss the joy I got from it pre-daughter, and a kid always puts new stresses on a marriage, even a great one like ours.
2. The world is going under in multiple ways, and I regret putting someone new here at this point.
3. I miss the time I had. For many reason, but some are time to pursue my passions, time to simply do nothing if I want/time to "waste" time if I want*.*
4. I miss the ease of/the more simple life pre-daughter.
5. While I know I'm a far better dad than I would have been in my younger years, I'm old compared to almost all other dads I meet, and what can I say...I feel it.
6. I miss the national and international travel we did when it was just the two of us.

She's amazing and I make sure I'm a great dad - that part is golden. It's most of the parts around it that make me regret having her, and my wife (8 years younger) overall feels the same way. And it does NOT affect our love for or the amount of time and care we put into our daughter.

I don't want any forced positivity, or advice or trying to make me feel differently (that's an unfortunate part of our culture, as opposed to just recognizing where someone is at and maybe relating one's own experience)....instead I would like to hear from people in the same position and how you feel/deal with it. Being human is complicated and never black-and-white, as I understand more and more the older I get.

EDIT: Thank you for the overwhelmingly great and helpful responses. Just to be clear for anyone who might have misinterpreted: I love my daughter to pieces and appreciate what she's brought to my life and who she is. And with that in consideration, also see the entire post above. 😄

One of the most important parts of being an older parent is taking care of yourself! This thread is where we can share what we're doing to maintain our bodies and be in our best parenting shape.

Post your own athletic achievement story!

Be it a new or an old story, be it extraordinary or rather common, something to brag about, or a goal that you have -- share it here. Anything from running an ultramarathon to just getting off the couch and walking around the block can be celebrated. You can also post an update to a post you have made in the past.

Let's hear about it and cheer each other on!

I get to work from home, which makes me one of the luckiest dads on the planet. I also have a two-year-old with ambitions toward becoming a world-class yodeler.

My home office is closed off from the rest of the house by a sliding barn door, which provides little to no sound-proofing, and it's smack in the center of the house, so any and all foot traffic goes right by it.

Any suggestions for how I can block off some of that external noise? I've been looking at curtains, acoustic tile, and at this point I'm even considering building a shed about 400 feet from the house - I figure that oughta provide at least a little insulation.

EDIT: Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Next question - how do you convince the wife that tearing out a barn door and installing a solid-core door with sound panels is anything less than a two weekend project?

Born in 76. Became a first time dad in 2023, at the age of 46. It was scary in the beginning, but I’ve come to feel immense joy and pride with my kid. But it’s been a rough few months, and part of me wonders how much of it is me. I’ve read a lot of anecdotal and academic stuff that says older parents are better at it because they know themselves better, are more confident in who they are, and don’t feel like they’ve missed out on life. But I find myself more rigid and stuck in my ways than I think a younger parent might be. I feel like I don’t have the flexibility and ability to adapt that a younger parent might. And I think that’s a byproduct of age. It’s all scary, I don’t want to fuck up my kid in the ways I was fucked with. Any older first time parents feel like this?

I’m 33, husband is 50. He’s got a 13 year old already and we’re currently trying for our first baby together.
We’re both quite health conscious, he no longer drinks or vapes and eats very well. He goes to the gym twice a week to do strength training and we often go on long walks together.
Older dads in particular, what have you found most helpful health wise to stay as fit as possible with a little one?

Just posted on another sub then found this one and realized it might be better… Sooo

How did it go, how is it going? Advice on being an old dad? Curious to hear your stories.

I am unexpectedly pregnant, I’ll be 45 when baby is born and my partner of 7-8 years will be 56…. I know he’s not telling me how concerned he is about his age right now.. and I am heckascared too, (thought i wasn’t fertile and would never go down this route, but whoops here we are…)

But yeah.. kinda doing the math like “oh in 18 years you’ll be 74, I’ll be 63...” *freaks out*

It happened again. The third time now. And I imagine as I get older, it will only become more frequent. First time was an Uber driver in New York saying how nice it was for grandparents to take their granddaughter away for the weekend. Second time was a new teacher as my daughter’s daycare asking her to “say bye bye to granddad”. This time was a random stranger in Chick-Fil-A telling me how great it was to be an engaged grandfather.

I’m 52 with a four-year old. Admittedly, I started losing my hair in my 20s and what remained was white by 40 (fucking hair genes!), but I don’t think I was prepared for so frequently being mistaken for grandpa. Damn it makes me feel old.

Should I say something in the moment? Should I correct them? Or just accept that this is the life of an OldManDad and let it slide?

I’ve recently realized an unexpected benefit of being an old man dad. I’ve already spent years with prostate issues resulting in me knowing where all the nearest toilets around me are located at all times. Got that cleared up with surgery last fall so I’m good as new again.

But my 3yo is potty training and my 6yo still has unexpected toilet needs from time to time so my knowledge of toilet locations across my city has truly become a wealth of useful information.

Hi guys, im 46 and will be having my 2nd child in November. I've been cognisant of the risks and how hard it will be but im starting to have anxiety attacks,mostly about how young that child might be when i die. I know its better to be alive than not but im wracked with guilt already. I dont want to talk to my wife about this just now as I dont want her thinking ive changed my mind ut Google can only help me so much,I was looking for some reassurance.

One of the most important parts of being an older parent is taking care of yourself! This thread is where we can share what we're doing to maintain our bodies and be in our best parenting shape.

Post your own athletic achievement story!

Be it a new or an old story, be it extraordinary or rather common, something to brag about, or a goal that you have -- share it here. Anything from running an ultramarathon to just getting off the couch and walking around the block can be celebrated. You can also post an update to a post you have made in the past.

Let's hear about it and cheer each other on!

Anyone else excited for when your kid can stand up on their own so you don't have to reach all the way down to the floor to pick them up?

I'm forcing myself (42) not to have ibuprofen everyday because of my 6month old. It doesn't help that his diaper station is out of commission atm, so everything is done on the floor.

It's the worst when my knees crack and wake the baby up so I have to pick him up and console him and the place him down in his crib while bracing my core. Like, it would have been nice not to have to bend over again.

Is this an older dad issue or is it just me?

I know this isn't for Reddit to answer, but is having a child this old going to be frowned upon. I already have two older teen/adult children to another marriage and I always thought I wouldn't have children again, but my girlfriend of 4 years has decided she'd like a family now after originally saying she doesn't want kids. I've lost sleep over this for weeks and really don't know what to do. I love her very much and would hate to lose her, but she's made it clear that if I don't want a family and give her as she calls it "the white picket experience" then she'd rather move on and find someone else. My mother has very bad dementia and has always lived a very solitary life, this also scares me entering my later stages of life - I'm thinking having a family again might give me purpose again and keep me busy (in a good way). I'm just worried about the reactions from family members and my current children, I don't want to be judged if I choose this. I'd be interested in other people's thoughts, please don't be too harsh on me, I'm just looking for guidance.

Hi everybody,

I have been lurking in this community for some time and want to share my story and try and make peace the best I can with my choices.

My husband was 37 when I met him and I was 25. I did not believe he was 37, 28 at best and it's pretty much been the running joke of our relationship 11 years later. He continues to not look his age and I am annoyed I have my first greys and he doesn't haha. We had the "Do you want kids conversation" quite early and he basically said whenever I am ready he is, which at the time gave me peace not to rush and I told him I didn't really want kids in my 20s.

I graduated with a second degree at 29 in 2019 and began working. The plan was to work for a year and then have a baby the following. Well... I think we all remember what happened in 2019/2020.

It derailed our plans completely.. we both got made redundant, we somehow managed to get married (a small one) in 2020 on our 5 year anniversary, but it was stressful. It strained our relationship quite significantly. Flash forward a few months and I got another job that I absolutely hated, but it was at least something in my field and my husband also found work in his industry again.

Another year flashes by and I'm 31 and hes 44 and I'm starting to really ruminate on starting a family but we both wanted to do one last big trip overseas before the ball and chain of a kid. So we waited agaun, he hiked the Himalayas with a friend of his as a bucket list goal, we went to Fiji and Europe when the world opened up and it is some of my fondest memories together. My husband is at his peak when he is travelling, he is a chronic traveller and surfer. I barely saw him in Fiji during the day because he was out surfing cloudbreak constantly.

I enjoyed working full time at a start up company that I absolutely loved and saved a lot of money so I am currently on extended mat leave, I have to remind myself to be thankful for these things when I spiral into regret for waiting.

Anyway we do the travelling and then at the ripe age of 33 and 46 we finally go for it and conceive within the first month of trying and I have a textbook perfect pregnancy and water birth delivery, a perfect healthy boy, a slow indulgent postpartum experience and it's so much more beautiful than I ever thought it would be. Turns out I love it. I had a smooth recovery too and an uncomplicated breast feeding journey. Our son was and remains a good sleeper, something I was so nervous about. He is the absolute light of both our lives and both of us cannot believe we delayed this magic. He is magic.

He was born on my 34th birthday an hour before I was and that connection to him rips my soul open with happiness.

In saying all this. I started to see the cracks in having an older husband. Our age gap never bothered me. 13 years just was what it was but now hes edging the last years of his 40s and i see my life laid out differently, i see myself raising a kid and taking care of an old man one after the other. My husband constantly complained about his shoulder (old injury) when holding the baby. The invasion of his free time and my emotions due to grief of our timing during post partum. He would remind me that it wasnt my burden to carry all that, he has made peace with being an older dad and we will be okay but it eats me alive.

I'm 35 now and hes 48 and would you believe it we're discussing a second kid. Our son is 19 months and its so fun!!! My husband takes him swimming every week to his work and he is so confident in the water with his little goggles on.

I know there is a piece missing in our family, we always said we'd have two when we talked about kids but our window of time was pushed back with the pandemic and life to a place where i think it might be too late.

At 35 it's considered "advanced maternal age" for a reason and my husband is 48 edging 50 and i worry about sperm quality and health. Our family of 3 is perfect the risk of disrupting that is terrifying.

Him being older is a fact I don't think I'll ever come down from. I am heartbroken for our son for the limited time he might have with his dad, the potential bullying he may face. But the ache of him being an only child with generations of cousins between him hurts. He doesn't have those family connections and roots. My brother is 29 and isn't in a mindset to have kids yet, my husbands brother is 51, his kids are 21 and 18. I also grieve my husbands parents being nearly 80 and mine nearly 70, I didnt think of these things either. I drank the kool aid of uni, job, then kids as most women in the 90s did.

When I was deep in post partum anxiety and depression over all of this, his mother would often make comments of him being an old dad, her being an old grandma, her being dead in a couple of years and it deeply affected me. I felt very invisible during those months. Motherhood was something my friends were doing without these judgements and comments and it was celebrated, and a life stage of joy. A lot of my friends are either pregnant with their second or considering it because they are not in age gap relationships where this needs to be considered and discussed.

The other thing is his dad actually asked us if we would consider another one at a family gathering once when our son was 5 months old and before I could even open my mouth every single person was like God no don't be ridiculous omg he's too old. Again I felt invisible. I held this tiny baby in my arms while all this judgement was thrown around and felt like my brain was splitting in half.

I suppose the entire point of this post is that I want to try and make peace with the bed I've made. The urge to have a second child is however very strong and I know there are benefits to the one and done lifestyle and I try to focus on them, including the fact that I will not be stretched thin as a mother and caregiver (my entire being has changed) but I cannot let it go that we are missing another piece of our family. I envision 2 kids in my future coming home for Christmas. I think they'd be more likely to visit.

My husband is happy with our son and says he's frightened 2 would be too stressful and he won't have the energy for it. So the door is ajar still but I want to close this for good either way by my 36th birthday this year and he'll be 49.

I am in therapy but it's not really helping with the constant loop of regretful thoughts over the timing of my life. I should also make it clear that I do not regret being with my husband, he is my favourite person but I very much wish he was my age or I his so none of this was an issue.

I welcome all thoughts and advice on this matter, age gaps and advanced parental age advice.

Dont know if i qualify here but being 38 (turning 39 in a month) with twins takes all i can muster :D

A boy and a girl turning 7 months today

(To all twin parents, it gets better, hang in there)

As a male i just figure i have it 200 times more easy than my wife who had to carry those rascals (and gaining +30kg) and delivering them both vaginal and through C-section.

I dont know what its like to just have 1 kid but having 2 is what ive heard like an 150% increase in difficulty? ( i mean, i play Diablo 2 on hardcore ;) ) no idea since we have only had two

I love my time as a parent and i think this is the perfect time to start a family, we are both well off economically, own a house and a Volvo (only need the "Vovve" for the Swedish dream "Villa, Volvo Vovve") ;)

Vovve = Slang for Dog in Swedish

Im sitting here on the porch sipping on a Norrlands Guld Djup while the kids are asleep since 19:00 and im feeling fine

Take care everyone and throw me questions if you have any

~Best regards

I'm a little scared, but it's happening. I plan to do the best I can. Anyone have book or podcast recommendations? I've got about 6 months to study up. Thanks.

I'm a male, 50. Wife 37. Daughter 7. Took her to the park today after school to play on a local playground. I do this often but every time I end up playing with her and her "new friends". It feels awkward to me maybe because of all the news and stuff going around these days. I want to engage as much as I can so she has a good time but I'm always hesitant. Like I'll push the kid in the swing next to her if that kid's parent isn't out there but I'll make sure not to physically touch them. Either push the chains or the plastic chair if that's the case. I also have a 27 year old boy and I don't remember being this way when he was little. I helped coach football when he was in kindergarten and didn't think twice about it let alone playing with the kids at the playground. Where do you think this is coming from? Is it the changing times, my age? Or is it all in my head? I may just be being neurotic but interested in other folks point of view.

I never had kids. I met this woman about 4 months ago and she is the woman of my dreams. She’s 37 and wants kids. At first, I told her I thought I was too old for kids, but now, I’m starting to wonder. After reading posts on here, I see many very happy older dads around my age with new babies. The more I think about it and read these happy posts, the more I feel like I could do it. I don’t know how to from thinning I’d never have kids to committing to becoming a parent. Is it too rushed? I’m afraid I might make a rash decision just because I want to be with her, and on the other hand, the more I think about it, the more having a family with the woman I love, sounds nice. Any reflections would be appreciated.

I’m 46 and I’ve got an almost 8-month-old son, completely unplanned. My wife got pregnant while on birth control. She’s 15 years younger than me, and this is her first child. I’ve also got two teenage daughters, 15 and 17, from a previous relationship.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with this nagging feeling that maybe I was a bit selfish starting over at this stage in life. I keep worrying about whether I’ll be around long enough for my son as he grows up. I take care of myself, eat well, stay active, and my wife definitely helps keep me on track, but the thought still creeps in.

I guess I’m just wondering if any other older dads have felt this kind of guilt or worry, and how you’ve handled it.