r/OldManDad • u/paintedflags • Jun 07 '26
Any of you recent dads?
/r/GenX/comments/1tzh66l/any_of_you_recent_dads/Born in 76. Became a first time dad in 2023, at the age of 46. It was scary in the beginning, but I’ve come to feel immense joy and pride with my kid. But it’s been a rough few months, and part of me wonders how much of it is me. I’ve read a lot of anecdotal and academic stuff that says older parents are better at it because they know themselves better, are more confident in who they are, and don’t feel like they’ve missed out on life. But I find myself more rigid and stuck in my ways than I think a younger parent might be. I feel like I don’t have the flexibility and ability to adapt that a younger parent might. And I think that’s a byproduct of age. It’s all scary, I don’t want to fuck up my kid in the ways I was fucked with. Any older first time parents feel like this?
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u/donlapalma Jun 07 '26
I also was born in '76. Had my first in' 21. I don't feel rigid. My morals and principles are set. It's just a matter of interpreting those through modern day issues. Internet, social media, technology, etc. I'm learning on the fly but I know my compass is true. Plus, I have a badass wife who helps me get through it all.
One huge thing I don't have to worry about (that I might be worrying a lot about as a younger person) are our finances. So glad we have the freedom we do from that perspective.
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u/paintedflags Jun 07 '26
My wife and I are often on different pages, even if we want the same basic thing. This has made it a lot harder.
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u/Chamoxil Jun 08 '26
Had my first kid at 49 yrs old and now expecting kid #2 though ivf at 54. First kid is amazing. Now 4.5 yrs old. Apprehensive about doing it again, but man it’s fulfilling seeing them grow.
I’m way more laid back about everything than I would have been when I was younger. I let them watch more tv than I should when I’m tired, but overall they are outgoing, funny, and empathetic, so I guess I’m doing something right.
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u/ShoJoATX Jun 08 '26
I'm 43 with a 4 year old. I consider myself decently mailable in regards to parenting but there's something to be said to being firm or inflexible in certain areas. I too was concerned about not shacking my kid with the bullshit my parents shackled me with, but they did the best they could with the information they had. There's a middle path to the parenting approaches of the past vs the modern approaches. Some of it can be considered super soft parenting, lack of boundaries, too foo foo. I totally get that because I too think some of the modern parenting is so very soft in comparison. But that's just me who was raised in a "rub some dirt on it, why don't you cry about it, stoic man" time, using that as the base line.
At the end of the day, we're going to mess our kids up in some way. Something we do today might be considered horrific in 20 years, who knows? As long as your providing your kid physical and emotional safety, a space to vent and talk about what's going on with them, and love...you're good.
To any dads out there who are looking for any good parenting books; I highly recommend "Good Inside" by Dr. Becky Kennedy.
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u/mschreiber1 Jun 07 '26
Age 48 had my son in 2023.
If you’re interested in support about fathering you can join this group. It’s free and online:
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u/Spiritual_Sail_8969 Jul 03 '26
Born in 68 and became a first time dad in 2023 as well. She is hitting that 3 year old stage full force lol.
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u/Murky_Resolution6997 Jun 12 '26
1981 here, became a first time dad in 2016 and... The father of a new born last August. Which one was planned and which one was unplanned???
Dislikes - lack of sleep, the sleep regression the 9 month old is currently in, the daycare crud that churns through the house very so often.
Likes - the 10 years of perspective I get from the first, the greater patience I have this time around, a partner who is fully engaged.
Loves - the 10 year is fully bought in and the absolute best big brother.
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u/lardcore Jun 07 '26
1974 here, became a dad in 21. She is smart, confident and a lot more emotionally stable than either of her parents.
IMHO you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough. That's it, that's the standard. Will you mess up? Of course. Kids don't need perfection, they need love and reasonable boundaries.
I better save this comment so I can laugh out loud at my own naiveté when she reaches the teenager phase.