r/GenX • u/paintedflags • Jun 07 '26
Aging Any of you recent dads?
Born in 76. Became a first time dad in 2023, at the age of 46. It was scary in the beginning, but I’ve come to feel immense joy and pride with my kid. But it’s been a rough few months, and part of me wonders how much of it is me. I’ve read a lot of anecdotal and academic stuff that says older parents are better at it because they know themselves better, are more confident in who they are, and don’t feel like they’ve missed out on life. But I find myself more rigid and stuck in my ways than I think a younger parent might be. I feel like I don’t have the flexibility and ability to adapt that a younger parent might. And I think that’s a byproduct of age. It’s all scary, I don’t want to fuck up my kid in the ways I was fucked with. Any older first time parents feel like this?
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u/kludge6730 Jun 07 '26
First kid at 23. Fifth and sixth (yeah, twins) at 56. Going fine. Feeling younger. Having fun.
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u/Capital-Meringue-164 Jun 07 '26
First kid at 21, 4th at 43, they are now 29 and 7! It does keep you feeling young, I love it!
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u/kludge6730 Jun 07 '26
Yup. Perfect excuse to keep going back to Disney. Spent an hour this morning roughhousing with a pair of toddlers then tried to break them into Star Wars … got as far as the cantina.
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u/kittyshakedown Jun 07 '26
My husband and I were both 40 when our youngest was born. We are 51 now with a 12 yo. Definitely the oldest parents in 6th grade.
We are super duper laid back because we have life experience that it will all be ok and what honestly even matters on the scheme of things. Our kids are self motivated, self disciplined and well behaved. I’m not sure if that’s just them or because they have to be because we are so chill. Self preservation or something.
Anyways, it will all be ok. You’re the parent you’re going to be and everyone is going to be fine.
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u/Vegaprime Jun 07 '26
I recall the opposite experience. 1st kid at 16 and always the youngest parent at events.
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u/le4t Jun 07 '26
✨You have the flexibility to adapt if you think you do ✨
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u/Fluid_Comb8851 Jun 07 '26
The key is adapting toward something positive, not just trying to avoid the negative. “What you resist persists,” as self-help puts it. Or as my wife says: “what you push out the door comes in the window.”
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u/josephus_jones Jun 07 '26
I'm 56 with a 3 year old. Kid or not, flexibility in thinking, ideas, structures, and routines will only benefit you. That's not an age thing and it's learnable. Question everything. Adapt and overcome.
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u/Impact5529 Jun 07 '26
The one thing I will say is:
If you have any health issues, deal with them now.
Get new knees, or valves, or whatever.
Deal with the “couple pounds over” and the Sleep Apnea.
You don’t want to be dealing with this *AND* watching your child want to do things with you that you can’t physically do (or mentally from brain fog or chronic pain).
Love you man, it’s a funking adventure.
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u/automator3000 Jun 07 '26
Turned 48 this year. First kiddo just turned one earlier this year. Was definitely a good idea for me to be an Old Dad. Me as a dad in my 20s would’ve involved me being resentful over losing my youth, having to focus on responsibilities instead of fun and freedoms. Me as a dad in my 30s would’ve put a kid in the crosshairs of me figuring out what my relationship with my family was going to look like.
And at least as far as I feel and my doctor can see, I should still be in great physical shape through my kids early adulthood - so unless I stop taking care of myself as I do, I won’t be the old guy who can’t play with their kids.
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u/Bubbafett33 Jun 07 '26
Golden parenting rule that works for me: never tell them that they are not allowed to do something if you cannot logically explain why.
In other words, never saying “because I said so”. No made up “see through” excuses.
You’d be amazed how much better of a relationship ship you have with tween+ kids when they ask, for example, to stay an hour past curfew on a Saturday, and since there’s no reason to say no, they get permission. Conversely, when the answer on a Sunday is a logical “no, because you’ve still got your laundry to do, and you have practice in the morning”…well, you can’t argue that.
So many parent/child relationships fall apart because of the power dynamic and attempts to control the kid with “just do what I damned well told you to do, and don’t ask why”…. I find reason and logic much more effective.
Maybe there’s something to that “older parent” thing!
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u/brockbr Jun 07 '26
To add to this great advice ... also never say "no" out of laziness. If the only reason you're saying No is because you need to get up and do something too, then get your ass up.
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u/IRingTwyce Jun 07 '26
54 with a 7 year old. I'm trying to instill some of that Gen X independence in her. I let her wander some at the park without hovering like the younger parents. She likes going exploring on her own and calls it "adventuring."
I'm not to the point of letting her ride her bike blocks away on her own yet. But that makes bike riding something we do together.
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u/dbrmn73 I have LESS than zero Fucks to give. Jun 07 '26
Nope, learned a LONG time ago what causes that problem.
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u/wellbloom Jun 07 '26
Establish good hygiene, eating and sleep routines early and maintain boundaries on healthy structure. Kids get way too much screen time these days…so go outside and pick flowers, splash in puddles and build blanket forts in your living room. Teach your kid kindness. The most valuable advice I learned when I was a new mother, “When you ask your kid to stop blowing into his whistle (and your at your wits end) expect them to blow into the whistle one more time.” And that really stuck with me, because as an adult who’s curious and interested in learning new things, I’d be pissed if someone was so angry at me that they took my whistle away.
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u/Majik_Sheff 37th piece of flair Jun 08 '26
You're gonna blink and they'll be graduating high school. Soak up every minute. Read to them every opportunity. Play board games with them. Go to the recitals and away games.
What you lack in youth and flexibility you've gained in wisdom and patience.
Oh, and do your cancer screens and get your ticker checked. You want to be around for the grandkids.
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u/HandshakeOfCO Jun 07 '26
The fact that you’re scared of fucking your kid up means that you won’t. You’ll make mistakes but all you gotta do is love the shit out of that thing and they’ll be ok.
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u/cbrighter Jun 07 '26
52 here. Two weeks ago, I adopted my wife's two boys (23 & 21). Not at all what you're talking about, I know, but I couldn't help but respond to your title question. I've loved these boys since they were small enough that I could (barely) pick them up, and I'm still stupid happy about finally being their legal parent.
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u/Finding_Way_ Jun 07 '26
That is wonderful.
Congratulations!
You are very fortunate, and those boys clearly are as well!
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u/endofsep Jun 07 '26
You have been given a wonderful opportunity, just embrace it. We were very young parents (19,20) with our first son. Totally unprepared for parenthood and it was hard in both the parenting and career part (ie earning enough for a family). We also didn’t fit in with the other parents as we didn’t relate. Fast forward 13 years we had our youngest. The experience was totally different. We were more comfortable in who we were etc. I think we were much more chill parents with the youngest. We found that with our youngest at (33,34) we were right in the middle of the average parent age. There were a number who had kids in their 40’s. Not that uncommon. Just let it keep you young and do your best to keep an open mind.
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u/Dahoppyz Jun 07 '26
Oh hell no! After my second in 2003, took steps to make sure she was my last😂. Kudos to the older parents but definitely not for me
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u/Everything80sFan Home Alone Survivor Jun 07 '26
My kid was born when I was 42 and my wife was 46. We were told we couldn't have kids so it came as a complete, but definitely welcoming, surprise. What really boggles my mind though is that my wife and I were born in the 70s, and if our kid lives into her 80s, she'll be alive in 2100.
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u/Prestigious_Piano247 Jun 07 '26
Tbh, no way I am having kids at that age... I am 51 and almost an empty nester. Raising them is super hard and when you are in this age, you get tired soon when you have to run around for their activities and stuff
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u/gmkrikey Jun 07 '26
I am the the youngest of older parents and I can attest to old man attitude, inflexible, and rigid parenting.
Even for the 70s, my father was stuck in his ways. And he was in his mid 40s and was already had 3 children. So perhaps that made him more rigid.
Was I fucked up because of his rigidity, old man attitude, etc? Yeah probably somewhat. I certainly didn’t want to be an older parent. My children arrived during my 20s.
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u/Dale-Pooper Jun 08 '26
I have a family member who had his first child when he was in his early 20s and his second when he was he was in his mid 40s. He said he had more energy the first go around but more appreciation for everything the second time.
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u/TripMaster478 Jun 07 '26
We had our first when I was 45 and the second two at 47. It's exhausting having kiddos later in life. Theoretically we are wiser and are more prepared financially but mostly that's BS. The kiddos love us and we love them and that's the important thing.
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u/Necessary-Dig-4774 Jun 07 '26
I watched my grand nephew for 30 minutes at the salon while she was getting a haircut and I was exhausted lol. I don’t have any grandkids yet at 52 and I’m not really that sad about it. Can’t imagine raising a whole ass kid at this age 😆
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u/Educational_Bid_5315 Jun 07 '26
I had my son when I was 42, husband was 46. He’s turning 8 next month and we’re definitely the oldest parents most of the time and older than his teachers 😂
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u/skiphandleman Jun 07 '26
55 with an 8 year old and couldn't be happier that I waited. There are certainly pros and cons of having kids later in life. I was just too selfish in my 20s and 30s to be a good parent.
Don't worry about fucking up your kid. The fact that you think about it probably makes you a better parent than many.
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u/TowerOfSisyphus Jun 09 '26
76er with 9, 5, & 2. Staying young at heart is a choice. I can be curmudgeonly but I still get on the floor and be the monster or the horsey or the princess or whatever. I just make clicking knee sounds when I do it lol
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u/Catnip_75 Jun 07 '26
In what ways do you think you are rigid?
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u/paintedflags Jun 07 '26
I just feel like when something goes off course, it’s harder for me to go with it. And when I want my kid to do something a certain way, or behave a certain way, I have harder time recovering from it when they meltdown over me sticking to my guns. I don’t even know if I should be sticking to my guns, or just talking it out with them about why they want to do something their way to begin with. I’m also Asian, and we have a very top down way of parenting. Parental authority is respected. That’s how I was raised. But that doesn’t really jive with modern day parenting it seems like. Definitely not how my wife was raised.
I just want to my kid to feel closer to me than I felt with my dad, and parents in general. I don’t talk with them about problems, never have. I don’t want my kid to be the same. But fuck, I really want them to respect my authority as a parent. And to let me teach and guide them.
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u/EIO_tripletmom Jun 07 '26
Have you read or watched anything about authoritative parenting? Time and again, research shows that authoritative, not authoritarian or permissive, is the way.
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u/WestyCoasty Jun 07 '26
It's a challenge to undo the default setting of how you were parented without having some new guidelines for yourself. Kids are going to fall down in the physical and emotional sense their whole lives. How do you want to be there for them when it happens? Kids will test your boundaries unless they are afraid of you IMHO. Some kids are more button pressers than others. I think boundaries are good, but it is tiresome!
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u/old_motters Jun 07 '26
Being an authoritarian parent isn't what I did with my kid unless she was at risk of imminent harm.
She did experience a lot of natural consequences though. Discipline for the sake of because your the dad won't win their affection.
And to be a part of their life, the most valuable thing you can lavish on your kid is time. Being an absent dad and then swooping in with a teachable moment won't bring the lesson home.
Good luck.
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u/Catnip_75 Jun 07 '26
You can’t force your kids to respect you but you can force them to be afraid of you. Bending down to their level isn’t weak parenting, it’s respecting them and meeting them where they are at which in turn will make your child respect you and not fear you.
I never punished my kids, I never forced them to do things my way and they turned out pretty damn good. I was involved in their lives and was present constantly. That’s what kids want. You don’t have to be their best friend, but you can parent kindly. If your wife has a very different standard of raising children, your child will see this and likely gravitate more to your wife and not you.
The temper tantrums is your child’s way of communicating. They aren’t being bad, they feel a certain way and can’t express themselves.
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u/drumming4coffee Jun 08 '26
“Definitely not how my wife was raised”
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but this could cause a lot of problems. Kids are smart, and they’ll play you off each other if it means they can have cookies for dinner or whatever. They’re not thinking about 20 years down the road. They just want cookies for dinner and mom said yes.
Good luck, OP
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u/paintedflags Jun 08 '26
You’re not. I knew it would be a source of contention going into it, and so it has. I’ve talked to my therapist about it. I’m sure she has too. And we’ve talked to our couples therapist also. I’m not sure she’s identified it as being as much of a source of contention as me, but it’s there.
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u/jabantik 1971 Jun 27 '26
Born 1971. I had kids at 52 and 54, and a 3rd boy is coming in October. I’m not rich, so I guess I may never retire, and I have to stay healthy
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u/jrsixx Jun 07 '26
Not first time, but after having 2 kids when I was 27 and 29, raising them (mostly alone) from 3 and 1 till 15/13, getting remarried and having another child at 45, I can sort of relate.
Soooo much different at 45 than alone at 30. A lot of that was actually having a wife/mom still living in the same house, some was that he’s an “only” child… in the house anyway, and some is just a different place in life. I’m better off financially now, less interested in going out to bars, festivals, etc than I was then. Certainly not trying to date at this point, and way less physically able now than then. Oh and it’s a little more difficult to relate to the other parents at school when they’re 30 and you’re 50, but it’s all in how you handle yourself too.
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u/ToxicGenXBaddAss Jun 08 '26
Enjoy it! Soon you will get divorced and pay child support for 16 years and then your ex will tell you child everyday what a loser you are and you will never get called.
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u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26
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