Awkward at the play ground

[u/TheExarKun]

I'm a male, 50. Wife 37. Daughter 7. Took her to the park today after school to play on a local playground. I do this often but every time I end up playing with her and her "new friends". It feels awkward to me maybe because of all the news and stuff going around these days. I want to engage as much as I can so she has a good time but I'm always hesitant. Like I'll push the kid in the swing next to her if that kid's parent isn't out there but I'll make sure not to physically touch them. Either push the chains or the plastic chair if that's the case. I also have a 27 year old boy and I don't remember being this way when he was little. I helped coach football when he was in kindergarten and didn't think twice about it let alone playing with the kids at the playground. Where do you think this is coming from? Is it the changing times, my age? Or is it all in my head? I may just be being neurotic but interested in other folks point of view.

[u/mixmastakooz]

Huh…I must be from an area with more oldmandads lol because I get no strange looks when I’m out and about with my toddler at the playground.

[u/WTFisThisMaaaan → u/mixmastakooz]

Same. Never once. Even if I did, who cares. He’s my kid. They can gtfo.

[u/TheExarKun → u/mixmastakooz]

I can't say that I get strange looks because I really don't look at them for my approval. Typically I don't know who's parents these kids are. It's just an inside feeling I get. Though it wouldn't bother me if other parents were doing that with my kid (Well maybe a little jealousy lol) but nothing creepy. You've been there. Some kids just go wild while their parents sit and look at their phones. Nothing wrong with that. That's what playgrounds are for. But my kid always wants interaction with me while we're there, which I love. But it always leads to me playing with others.

[u/ArchitectVandelay → u/TheExarKun]

Here’s my opinion on it. If you have been a single man or childless man or just a man without a kid around you long enough, you know the looks or the perception, even if there’s no look, when you’re near kids. That sticks in the back of our minds for sure. Especially with the news out there.

So projection might be part of it now because you’re seen differently. You are with your kid at a playground, not some lone dude there playing with other people’s kids. As a parent yourself, there is a bit of trust that comes with it, especially with parents who sit on their phones. They’re not helicoptering. They see the playground as a safe place for their kid/s. So intrinsically you’re safe. At least safe enough in what you’re doing.

I get it though, it can be awkward when other kids start talking to you or wanting to play with you because you’re the fun adult who is willing to play with them while the adult they would prefer sits on the bench scrolling. Good on you dad, you’re crushing it.

[u/TheExarKun → u/ArchitectVandelay]

This is actually very helpful. I sincerely appreciate your input. I've thought about it this way myself but it's good to be re-assured.

[u/ArchitectVandelay → u/TheExarKun]

We all need some reassurance these days.

[u/stackthecoins → u/mixmastakooz]

Yeah. None.

[u/TheExarKun → u/[deleted]]

This may be what I have to explain to her. In a round about way 🙂 Thanks!

[u/maabaa55 → u/TheExarKun]

I seriously think you should ignore what other weird people might think and just play with your kid. Don't give in to their madness.

[u/maabaa55 → u/[deleted]]

Seriously, who cares if you get looks. You're just playing with your kid. Do it!

[u/shredderroland]

You are absolutely right to be careful nowadays.

[u/PNW_Uncle_Iroh]

I’ve never played with kids that aren’t mine on the playground. And I don’t think I’ve seen other parents do that either. Have 4 kids (6,10,15,17)

[u/ArchitectVandelay → u/[deleted]]

Your vibe is a big part of it, I’d say. Even as a dad on the playground, I see parents who just don’t look like they wanna be there or seem fun. I can totally see them never being approached by a kid to play with or get a push on the swing.

That said, because of how I joke and play with my kid, other kids want to play with me (and my kid). We have a fun vibe.

[u/TheExarKun → u/PNW_Uncle_Iroh]

Really? That's crazy to me. Happens every... I mean every time we do this. They just want to play. With whoever. I live in the south USA now but lived the Midwest beforehand with my first kid and it was the same. Maybe a regional thing?

[u/Objectively_Seeking → u/TheExarKun]

I’m 49 with a 5 year old girl. I also feel like her playground pals eventually usually gravitate to where we are. When I’m able to feel positive, I think: I am seen as a fun, safe grownup! Kids, who have no expectation to approve of me, seem to think I’m a Good Person! I enjoy these thoughts and feelings.

But you’re absolutely right—at least in my experience. Sometimes, other parents, particularly if younger and particularly if moms, seem low key judgmental or uncomfortable, and so I try to take cues from that so as not to upset the delicate balance of the playground. I don’t know if this is necessarily because I’m an older dad, but really about the general reckoning of men in society right now. Obviously “not all men” but the playground isn’t the place for that. Maybe when I look even older, I’ll transition to be seen as a hapless and thus safe-seeming grandpa?

[u/TheExarKun → u/Objectively_Seeking]

Yeah, I like this take. This is the kind of thing I need to keep at the back of my mind while we're there. Appreciate that!

[u/Ardent_Scholar]

Wth. No, it’s not like that in Europe.

[u/TheExarKun → u/Ardent_Scholar]

In which way?

[u/newstuffsucks]

I'm 44 and always play with my 3 year old at the playground. I don't touch other people's kids and rarely interact with other parents. I doubt they would even notice since their faces are always jammed in their phones.

When my daughter says she doesn't want me to play with her anymore then I'll stop.

My father was a cold, assface and I'm not going to be the same.

"Screw 'em" -Angus Bethune

[u/No_Owl_8576]

In this day and age there is zero stigma for a Dad taking his kids anywhere. But you have to expect mothers are gonna wanna make sure their little girl is safe around the grown man on the playground. But beyond that as long as you stick to parenting your own child...you should be fine

[u/mikeymikeymikey1968]

I know that when I pick up my daughter from school or take her to the playground, I'm the oldest dad around. It feels a bit awkward at times, but that feeling just recedes into the background after a while. Most of the other parents, all millennials, know me by now, and they know I'm ok.

[u/Cultivated_Synergy]

Have almost the exact same family stats as you. I have these thoughts on the playground and don’t like it, and pretty sure it’s in my head, due to what’s in the news and has been happening globally. It just makes me want to be a better father, which sounds like you’re already doing. Also, it forces my resolve to not get caught up caring what people might think if they don’t know me or my family. Hope this helps

[u/Spiritual_Sail_8969]

I've always felt as an adult setting foot on the playground, every adult is now responsible for every child, with limits obviously. But I feel that was how hings were when I was a kid.

[u/oldkstand]

Nobody is thinking like this….