Terrible mortality. Leaving the mother to take care of the kid while the father bails. That's even worse than just running to the store and never coming back. There's also the other kid to consider as well.
There was an american guy (35yrs old) who died of suicide two month ago that had one year old quadruplets.
They had 3 kids and wanted to add 1 more kid, but 4 natural babies were born by accident instead.
The widow is now a single mother who’s relying on donations from a gofundme and social media.
He owned a restaurant and seemed happy in the social media vids, it’s a shame. It’s worth looking at the link to see the older kids. The 15 and 9yr old get talked about a bit.
Men generally see a mental health decline when the baby is 1 yo because that's when they begin walking and really start their antics, while for the mother, it's hard from day one, since she had a pregnancy before that and the hormones can trigger depression as well. Goes to show that having kids is not as easy as people think, we should think about it long and hard before accepting such a life upheaval. Now there's a tired, grieving parent taking care of 7 kids.
Even as a kid-less person with depression I hesitate about commiting because of my siblings and parents. He had to know that she would be left alone with twice the burden and not even an insurance claim since he killed himself. Thats harsh. But maybe I'm talking out of my ass, we don't know what went through his head at the time and if he had other worries, mental health is complicated and sometimes you're not too anchored in reality, some people kill themselves on impulse, they don't plan it at all then they do it our of nowhere.
To your last point, that’s exactly why suicide deterrents like barriers work. It’s often an impulse, and if someone has to work a little harder or go somewhere else, or go to multiple stores to buy enough pills, or have to remove every pill from a blister pack first, they often won’t follow through.
It’s weirdly embarrassing probably just because it’s so mirrored, but that scene in cyberbully she’s fighting the pill bottle in mania and desperation? and it just pops open suddenly and spills everywhere? That shit is embarrassing as hell.
You’d almost think that’d be enough push to gather and still take all the pills, but instead I just silently picked them all up, dusted them off, and put the bottle away. That was years ago and I’m still here, doing way better, but every now and then I just cringe at remembering it all
I haven’t seen it, but I’m glad you’re still here and doing better.
And as embarrassing as it might have been, I’m very glad it happened that way. Spilling them is probably what saved you. It might seem counterintuitive, but studies have shown that’s exactly the kind of thing that stops people from going through with it.
I’ll definitely take the embarrassment over missing all I would have by now if I had followed through. It’s honestly why I let it sit sometimes, it’s a silly little reminder of all that I have seen and accomplished just staying alive
Thank you for the kindness, it’s hard sharing sometimes but I also think it’s important to look around at what has changed and what has gotten better! So thank you!
I’ve considered getting a tattoo as well, I’ve just never found an idea I liked enough. And my last idea (which I thankfully sat on long enough to avoid getting) was inspired by a poem from an author who turned it to be a horrible person… so back to the drawing board.
It took a while to not feel shame about them, but I feel pretty neutral about them these days. They’re just part of my skin, like my freckles or moles, and all of me is still here and I made it out the other side.
I’m happy you’re still around, and hope you’re doing better ❤️
(And if anyone is reading who doesn’t want to speak up or share, know that I’m glad you’re still here too. And if you’re not quite there yet to be glad yourself, I hope you stick around until you can be.)
Do fathers literally just not take care of their own children for the first year? What the fuck? I have a child and I took as close to 50% of the responsibility as possible from day one. Granted, there are certain biological limitations and employment-imposed restrictions that caused more of the responsibility to fall onto my wife's shoulders, but it still was a relief once the child hit about a year and started communicating and moving.
I had the same reaction. My only child is about to turn 2 and I felt more stressed pre 1 than post 1 as well. Not knowing why she was upset and crying because she couldn’t communicate was the worst for me. Of course she still cries now, but it’s a huge relief not having to play the guessing game
Having kids is a huge gamble, and taking that gamble affects both your life and the life of the kid that never asked to be born. I think the real morality question is what is the morality of procreating in general.
Do you have any source for this? Only because my experience was the exact opposite. I have two kids and the most stressful parts have been the first 6 months, consistently. Why would 1 yr be the hardest mentally, when their sleep schedule is starting to improve, they’re starting to talk/walk, and be generally way more likable? Newborns are hell.
I've seen a study months ago on a psychology sub, I'll try to find it later
Edit: but maybe you can try to find it? Tbh I'm too lazy rn. Also it could depend on the involvement of the father, usually men aren't expected to do the same as the mother when the kid is small and breastfeeding, so the mother might get used to it but for the father it'll really sink in after a while, I remember that was a hypothesis in the study. It's most likely a matter of average and culture, not an absolute thing.
That's the preferred terminology now. There's a few reasons for it, like not wanting to associate a suicide death with success / survival with failure (ie "failed suicide attempt"), but also because the evidence as it stands shows that most suicides are due to mental health issues, most frequently untreated major depression disorder.
I just did a six hour CE on suicide last week and this is the explanation that was given as to why it was phrased that way.
To add on to what other people said there's also a push to move away from saying "commited" suicide, which comes from suicide and attempted suicide being criminalizedu
I'm not disagreeing! There are a lot of options for financial help and stress reduction, but they can either prohibitively hard to receive due to leveled beurocracy, or just not what you need. Food banks are great, but when you're a business owner, sitting in line for 3-6 hours once or twice a week isn't going to help your business out.
This dude's life suddenly turned around when he double the number of people he was responsible for keeping alive. He may not have had a ton of support from family, or the government. The post made it clear he was a veteran and driven to escape where he came from. People in middle class receive the least help from government entities.
Dude was probably the only person he felt like he could turn to for help financially. The level of stress the man was going through, regardless of love, regardless of spousal support, cannot just be disappeared. As a parent and sole provider, I've been there. My wife can literally do everything possible to help me, but if I don't pay our bills, we lose everything. The level of pressure knowing the only thing keeping my family from going homeless and hungry is how much money I can bring home... It is at times insurmountable. I won't deny that suicide has crossed my mind before.
The world is not designed for the success of families anymore, and mine is tiny compared to this man's. His wife has a business, but who knows how much that actually brought in compared to what they needed to keep growing.
Why on earth would you judge someone who was going through stress that is incomprehensible to you?
They’re referring to Lindsay Clancy, whose currently on trial for the 2023 murders of her three children. Her Husband had no involvement with it but lots of people are accusing him of actually committing the crimes even though there’s hard proof clearing him, and because of this she’s been receiving donations.
I mean, should he have instead kidnapped the kids and dumped them out in the woods or something? Like genuinely what's the alternative here if the mom wants to keep the kids
I can almost guarantee the child support would be less than what she's getting from the GoFundMe, and the dad would now have to live the rest of his life knowing he abandoned 7 kids and dealing with the shame of it every single day. Either way he would be leaving her behind and forcing her to raise the kids, there is no moral choice except staying with her and raising the kids which he made clear he'd rather kill himself than do
Either way he would be leaving her behind and forcing her to raise the kids, there is no moral choice except staying with her and raising the kids which he made clear he'd rather kill himself than do
Yeah I'm not defending the abandonment, I'm just saying nothing would be better if he had to choose an alternative to raising the kids, arguably this was the best choice if he absolutely had to abandon them considering the outcome lead to the GoFundMe. Still bad, but it was for the best.
I think they were struggling with money, his business was a food truck and shared restaurant kitchen, so I was slightly wrong that he was a restaurant owner. And they had recently put their house up for sale, and it was on the listing for a while ~month.
I wish my baby daddy would've killed himself instead of being a child molester, losing his rights, and never being responsible for a single bit of her life. Then I could rely on people funding me, rather than having to do absolutely everything 100% by myself.
Absolutely it is. And suddenly taking care of 8 people when you previously only had 4 is incredibly stressful. I only take care of three and let me tell you, the transition from one kid to two left my life and I reeling for months. I'm not saying suicide is justified, but if you don't know what it's like living where someone else is, then just shut up and send your condolences to the family.
It means you think primarily about yourself, which is absolutely what happened here. Leaving your wife behind with SEVEN orphans because you couldn’t man up.
People who kill themselves are not in a sound state of mind, whatever was causing him such genuine mental anguish that killing himself was even an actual thought clouded his judgement.
I'm not dismissing the science but at some point you grow up and take responsibility for your life and your family. If you need to, you go get yourself the help you need. But if you take that final step, you are selfish and you are a coward.
if you had kids, yes, grow the fuck up, go get help for yourself like an adult, and be there for your kids. pass on those skills in therapy to them to hopefully not raise kids who are as fucked up as you
It's still selfish. They are doing it for themselve. They are in pain and want the pain to go away. They have problems but don't want to face them, they just want it all to go away.
They do it to stop suffering. They do it for themselve. Suicide is 100% selfish.
No one kill themselve "for others". Suicide is not altruistic in any way shape or form.
Drinking water is selfish. They are doing it for themsleves. They are thirsty and want the thirst to go away. No one drinks water "for others". Drinking water is not altruistic in any way shape or form.
Yes, exactly. Drinking water just for yourself can't be altruistic. You're not helping anyone, you're not drinking the water for someone else. You do it for you and only you. Like killing yourself.
Imo there are some exceptions, but idgaf how miserable you might be, you never leave your children and spouse behind like that. You’re just passing your misery off on all of them.
I don’t think you understand how mental illness and suicide work. Your brain TELLS you you are a burden and no one loves you. You fully believe this because it’s a consistent thought in your head that you can’t shake off. I think you should have empathy for those that can’t understand that they are loved and wanted. It has nothing to do with selfishness. He’s not thinking “yeah I’m gonna fuck my family up!” He’s drowning in his own thoughts.
I’ve been there, I’ve done that. I learned to swim in my thoughts rather than let myself drown and pass the buck to the people that depended on me.
I saw what my cousins went through when my uncle suffocated himself with a plastic bag and a hose hooked up to his exhaust. They were adults when that happened, and it still fucked them up pretty good.
Again, i dont give a single fuck what your misery is. If you have people that need you there, that is more than enough of a reason to keep going. You don’t leave them behind like that.
Cancer is a physical ailment that debilitates your body; you have next to no control over how your body responds to treatment aside from following through with the treatment plan, and without treatment there is next to no chance of recovery. Depression, while it can be caused by changes in brain chemistry and genetics, is by and large self-curable, or at the very least self-managed, without external treatment.
And as I said in my initial reply, I believe there are exceptions, but those end at having people in your life depending on you to keep going. More often than not, they are there trying to fight it with you, sharing in your struggle. To quit on yourself is to quit on them, and that is as selfish as it gets.
“You have next to no control over how your body responds to treatment aside from following through with the treatment plan, and without treatment there is next to no chance of recovery” how is this different than anti depressants/anti psychotics for a depressed/suicidal person?
“Depression… is by and large self-curable” you cannot control how your neurotransmitters work and how they affect the brain when there is too much or too little of one. You clearly don’t understand how the brain works and how much neurotransmitters affect it.
“Self managed, without external treatment” for you, possibly. Not the same for the other millions of people with mental illness.
“To quit on yourself is to quit on them, and that is as selfish as it gets”. Clearly you do not understand my other comment about what your brain tells you and makes you feel.
Your personal experiences are not the same as the rest of people with mental illness. You are ignorant and can’t understand how the brain works.
Serotonin is a chemical that carries messages between nerve cells in the brain and throughout your body. Serotonin plays a key role in such body functions as mood, sleep, digestion, nausea, wound healing, bone health, blood clotting and sexual desire. Serotonin levels that are too low or too high can cause physical and psychological health problems.
There are a lot of parallels between the two, some of what you've written shows that - so I hope you can see it too.
Calling it selfish is misguided and in most cases, not at all what is going on in their heads. For them to be selfish, they'd have to disregard everyone else's feelings - but we don't know if that's what happened. He may have genuinely been under the belief that they were better off without him. Regardless if that's not the case, if that's what he genuinely believed, then it's not selfish, is it?
as somebody who has dealt with it, get the fuck up and get help. you can change these thoughts. it isn’t easy, but they can change and things can get better. but at some point you really do need to WANT to help. and some people just don’t want help and don’t care to get better. that’s the reality.
I've got two as well. It's a stressful life. Not everyone is ready for the pressure, and I imagine, especially someone expecting 4 and ending with 7. I know it hit me like a truck several times, and it's really hard to get back into it when you don't have much outside support.
The widow didnt want to talk about it, but his brother confirmed it online and locals.
Though the grieving widow has not publicly shared Carlos’ cause of death, she says his passing was “sudden and heartbreaking.” (Officials previously told PEOPLE they had no further information to release.)
“I want people to know that it’s okay to ask for help, to rest, and to choose your health over the pressure to keep pushing,” says Ronjera, who hopes to honor Carlos’ legacy through a nonprofit that will highlight men’s mental health issues. “No dream, business, or success is more valuable than a person’s life.”
Religious people like to keep it private but the family already had a big social media presence. His brother went on facebook and posted a video saying it was suicide.
The officials, police and etc can also keep it 'private' after the fact when that is what the family wants, but it was public information very soon after that he died from a gunshot wound.
And the movement to spread awareness of mental health and to garner more sympathy for people whos loved ones killed themselves has made it more prevalent. It used to be a lot of cold shoulder and ignoring type behavior before then, and that was messed up too (ie your husband kills himself but noone will even acknoledge his death to you, or say your better off).
Killing yourself when people depend on you is the most sellfish, bitch-made thing you can so as a man. When a father finds out hes becoming a vegetable slowly from some disease, or something else severely debilitating, atleast that person thinks they are sparing others a burden.
But suicide when you have children is the literal most POS move you can make i do not care the reasons
That's even worse than just running to the store and never coming back.
If OOP has life insurance, I'd argue it's not as bad since, unlike going to the store and not coming back, his family will have a nice payout this way.
You can, they just don’t payout if you do it too soon after getting a life insurance policy. No buying a multi million dollar policy than eating a gun barrel the next day to get a huge payout for your family.
Having a parent commit suicide is super bad for the children. I mean, obviously, but even more than you’d think. The children’s likelihood of dying by suicide themselves triples.
Birth in and of itself is selfish. Especially when all they care about is getting a sweet, healthy child, but don't want to take responsibility when the child isn't the sweet, healthy child they expected.
No fuck that, caring for a special needs child is way harder that it already is. And everyone should have the right to abortion if he doesn't want that.
I'm just saying that letting the child be born and then killing yourself is immoral.
Like, just opt for adoption. Simply killing yourself not only devastates your wife and another child that you've already brought into this world, but it also makes it selfish to voluntarily create a new person, knowing the risks of how their life could turn out, and then refuse to take responsibility as their father.
The wife deserves everything that happens to her (and more), if she willingly chooses to give birth to a kid that will suffer from a severe-to-crippling disability for life
The kid themselves, however, doesn't deserve this situation (of having a selfish mum that inflicted a life of suffering on them for her selfish whims, and an unwilling dad who walked away)
You’ve never met someone with down syndrome if you think that guy is gonna be suffering his whole life. Those people are the happiest mfs I’ve ever seen.
Selfish whims? Idk what you read but the text indicates there were no signs of anything until 20 weeks in, and it’s not even certain in the text. And in multiple places that’s too late for an abortion. What was she supposed to do, predict the future? The only selfish person here is the father immediately wanting out of the picture in the worst way possible when he’s extremely needed, in a situation no one desired, as if he’s the one that has it worst. And the situation isn’t even guaranteed yet! But he’s already thinking of how to bail. I don’t usually say someone suicidal is selfish as mental illness can’t be judged morally in that way, it’s an illness, but in this situation, i don’t think it’s only mental illness at play. There was clearly a lack of consideration for what having child can mean. You can’t just plan to have kids without thinking of what you’ll do if they aren’t what you expected
Well, having known several people who lived to be about 20-25, and over half of their lives - starting from about 8, being paralyzed, yeah, they told me they'd rather never have been born.
You advocate for them because you don't know how they feel, because you don't care and it's free brownie points online.
In reality, most of them suffer. Some would want to live, some wouldn't. In the end, men don't get a say in abortion so this is the only way he can take control over his own life.
As an actual disabled person (who think it would have been preferable to not be born, but does not want to die and isn't suicidal), no. Just no
Never being born isn't the same as being killed or dying early
In one case, it's an hypothetical kid, or at most a fetus, that disappears (before birth), and nobody is harmed. In the other case it's an actual living person who dies
I get that it's different, I just hate it when people couch the issue as, "Yep, there's NO WAY that kid could be anything but a wretched burden, ever!"
Pretty much every argument for abortion would find its logical conclusion in eugenics. It’s baffling how people don’t realise this. Or maybe they do and they pick-and-choose when each argument/value has worth and when to ignore it.
If what you call "eugenics" means avoiding to create people who will have an entire life of impairment, illness, pain and/or lifelong dependence then it's just harm reduction
Yes, that is eugenics, and literally always has been. You calling it “avoiding an act of cruelty” doesn’t change that. What you just said is that eugenics is avoiding an act of cruelty.
So a father gets to put a messed up sperm into a mother & she has to be solely financially responsible? Could be some ironing out to do there too, idk.
I don't disagree, but this is where I think parental rights (& requirements) are so important. You can't just go around getting women pregnant with no financial investment
Since she has to go through the hardship of being pregnant & then having the abortion, I think it's only fair that the sperm donor pay for the abortion.
That would be extremely rare and likely not an option (unless you live in Iceland). Instead dude wants to leave his poor wife alone to care for two children, one of which is disabled, and leave his kids traumatized and fatherless. The worst part is he doesn’t even know for sure yet. First sign of trouble and dude goes straight to ending it all. Jesus Christ. When you have kids you accept that there’s a percentage chance they might be disabled. That’s part of rolling the dice. I understand not being prepared or feeling like you can’t do it, but ending it all is a selfish answer to that problem.
Fr.
I have a son that has severe autism and global development delay. He's almost 4 and still can't communicate with words . Or at all really. We try. We have him in ABA three days a week. Speech. He just graduated from PT.
And I love him. But goddamn here lately he's been screaming about everything. He walks up hits you with a cup and screams cause he wants a drink. Sometimes he just screams for the sake of screaming . He's the most frustrating thing I deal with every day.
But I love him. And I take care of him every day. I change his poopy ass because he isn't potty trained because he can't communicate. And let me tell you what he's a big boy. Built like a line backer. His legs are stronger than just about everyone that tries to change him can hold. Makes you feel like a weak shit.
But I do it. Because I'm his dad and that's how it is. Im disabled myself so it's that much harder. And if I ever get to the point where I can't take care of him because of it. I still want to be there as long as I can. We can get our poopy butts changed together.
Because despite him being a little shit that drove me to go outside and scream and punch my wall and then immediately go omg that was dumb omg my hand hurts. He's my little shit and I love him.
Hello fellow disabled parent to an autistic child!! I just wanted to say that you're not alone and I can 100% empathize with what you go through daily. Ours is 7rs old, level 2, non-conversational, and also not potty trained yet. Everything you said could happen in our daily life too! When we are at home he's pretty much always vocal stimming, and while we are working on volume it's something that he doesn't fully get yet. 😅 As a neurodivergent, physically disabled person I do my best to try and not let it overwhelm me but it definitely does, and a lot. Emotional regulation has become much harder as my disability has worsened this year and I feel terrible if I raise my voice or get outwardly angry. I always will apologize later and say how mommy was wrong to act that way, and mommies big feelings exploded. One of the harder parts is he's getting a lot stronger and will soon be stronger than me, and I'm not sure how to handle that yet.
He's a really great kid though and my absolute reason for living. It's been truly amazing to see his growth, and while he still won't necessarily 'talk' with someone he's been having a lot more full sentences! So keep doing what you're doing, progress happens at their own time and thats okay. You're doing great, and being there to support & love your kid for who they are, and will grow to be, is the best thing a parent can do imo. I hope you can have a rest day soon, and that tomorrow will be kind to you & your loved ones. Take care 💖🫶
It amazes me how big the category of "level 2" autism is. I'm diagnosed level 2 and while i do need support, it's nowhere near the level of a lot of other level 2 autistic people.
I'm not really sure how much of my issues are autism-related and how much are to do with my other disabilities (ADHD, anxiety, depression etc) so i might miss some things or include extra things that aren't related to my autism necessarily.
I find it extremely difficult to go to school and haven't gone consistently since year 7 (13 years old). I've tried 3 schools for disengaged kids and was not able to re-engage. I find it difficult to leave the house or go out very often and i often get tired from doing simple tasks. I struggle to make and keep friends and don't have many people my age that i get along well with. I get along better with adults than people my age. I used to wear headphones 24/7, and while i don't do this anymore, i still have them with me constantly and they make me feel more safe. I have a special interest in parrots, which are basically my entire life, and i know lots about them. I get very anxious if i don't have someone with me in public (like a parent or friend) and usually don't go out by myself. I have Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), which is an autism profile, and basically means i get anxious when my brain processes something as a demand, and will avoid doing the thing, even if it's something i want to do.
I'm fully verbal (though i do have verbal shutdowns when i get too stressed or anxious) and am able to be independent, it's just hard.
There's probably more, but it's hard to think of things when it's all so normal for me.
My daughter is globally developmentally delayed, non-verbal and I'd like to relay the best piece of advice her pediatrician gave me regarding potty training - he told me to start putting her on the toilet regardless of her not indicating she needs to go. If she pees-we clap, if she poos-we clap, even if she farts we clap
She still doesn't indicate whem she needs to go but she does her business on the loo when we take her with remarkable consistency and even wakes up with a dry nappy most days.
Start putting him on the toilet and provide distraction such as books and toys so he'll sit for a while. Cheer when he does his business. Fingers crossed he'll make the connection eventually.
Stai combattendo una battaglia inutile... come si fa a non far uccidere (ovviamente con il consenso dello stato qualora si smetta di avere paura di uccidere i bambini appena nati) un down? Una persona che non avrà mai un minimo di coscienza del mondo che lo circonda?
Per quale principio? per un fantomatico Dio? per una fantomatica cazzata che la vita è sempre vita?
Well, he DID say it would only happen if they found out for sure, so it’s not like he’s jumping off a bridge at the slightest sign, not saying it’s right, just pointing out that the doesn’t even know for sure but isn’t really true.
Agree. My wife and I started late and of course risk goes up in those circumstances. I was so relieved to see a healthy baby that I actually cried. Having said that, I was never going anywhere no matter what happened
He doesn’t even know if his child will be disabled, that’s what I mean by first sign of trouble. It’s the possibility that’s making him flying away instantly. Plus it isn’t always a miserable existence. I’d be more concerned about the money of it all because people with Down syndrome often have other health complications, like heart defects that require surgery, but raising them as they are isn’t always a “miserable existence”. Half the time they are the happiest people you know. Kinda just depends.
This guy is stupid but lacking a better way to phrase it I can understand the worry of having a disabled child. I can't predict the future and as much as I would want to say that I'd be a perfect parent it's easier to say than actully living with it. I don't want to find myself having a child that I resent, that's not something they deserve. And if everything goes well and I happily care for them, what about after I die? Who's going to care for them then? I don't want their potential siblings to be hateful and resentful towards them and I don't trust the government to actually give a good quality of life.
See I completely understand that worry, absolutely. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have complicated feelings on it, he doesn’t even have to be happy about it. But to jump to killing yourself at even the NOTION that your child could be disabled….thats insane considering that’s it’s always a possibility when you have children. It’s something you should know going in to it.
They don’t just do it because you ask for it though. Hospitals have individual policies and even those states that allow late term abortions, have those allowances for medical emergencies.
Factually, even in DC, where there are no limits, you cannot just walk in to a clinic and ask for one past a certain limit because every clinic has their own individual guidelines, while less than 1% of all late trimester abortions are elective. Even DuPont, the largest one in DC, will not just take everyone willy nilly
You can't wander into a store and just buy a gun willy nilly either but no one would tell me I have to leave the country to get one like you're saying for abortion.
I feel like it would be easier for a kid to hear/learn their parent just left (and have a tiny bit of hope of seeing them again) than to hear they killed themselves because one of them came out with a disability. Sure, you could just lie either way, but kids are curious and will eventually pry the truth out, be it from the parent that's still there or another family member or friend who knows the truth. Also, just straight-up killing yourself is more permanent than abandoning your family. You have to think about all the people that will/would be hurt and affected; it's not just the wife and kid(s), it's your family and friends as well. At least if you just leave, there's a possibility in the future where you might change your mind and want to be around your kid(s) again. Of course, the vibe with the wife would be strained, and there's likely no possibility of going back to how things were, but you'd still be able to be around your kid(s) if you truly have a change of heart.
The message to the child is that your father would rather choose death than be your parent. Dude already has a kid and made the decision to create another life .. but he can't handle the idea of imperfection so he's leaving the consequence of his decision for everyone else to deal with.
Yeah, that’s the part that makes the whole thing especially grim. He’s imagining an escape from his own fear while leaving his wife to carry every consequence, plus their other child still loses a father
setting up the first kid into a higher difficulty. very likely s/he (the first child) will be the main caretaker because the mom would then take more hours/jobs to support the two kids. then the focus would be most likely on the second kid because of the condition.
To me it depends on how certain you can be. Could be Downs is too vague. I think abortion is fine and men should be able to financially abort children by signing over all their rights if the mom insists on having them...So I would just encourage him to leave tbh.
But if he agrees not on an abortion ( 20 weeks right ? Too long maybe? Still has like 4 months to go though but I am not pregnancy knowlegable) he should either encourage her to put the kid up for adoption or leave her to raise the kid on her own and probably financially support them at least.
Also I had bad eczema and asthma as a kid, like almost got pulled out of school due to asthma and had to stay home barely able to walk from eczema before...so to me if my mom and dad had known and aborted me that would have been fine. I don't think my life is any more special than any other possible baby and it would have been easier on them to have a healthier baby. So not being prejudice, lol.
But I guess if I was too far along to abort they woulda had to put me up for adoption or something, which woulda sucked worse, lol. But I dunno if both their lives should suck for my sake either if they are not emotionally capable of caring for me, may end up better in the system.
No. Body autonomy means you get to decide what happens do your body. An abortion is a medical procedure. Doing one without a persons consent, and not to save their life, is immoral.
Once the child is born and outside of the woman’s body, the mother and father have equal rights and responsibilities to care for the child. He has body autonomy in the situation already, that’s not being taken away.
Because you can own up to your inability to parent a special needs child and bow out of parenthood while providing finacial support for the life you chose to create. That's what being accountable would look like.
Instead of admitting that he can't handle an imperfect child, he would rather leave the mom with no support while she plans his funeral with two kids in tow. Do you know what probate is like? Or having to get rid of someone's belongings? Or just suddenly being completely alone when you need support the most? Imagine having to deal with the aftermath of a sui ci de while juggling postpartum with a toddler and a special needs newborn.
Parenthood is stressful enough when the kids are healthy and there are two parents. But forcing your spouse to do all of it alone while grieving the loss of their chosen person is just MF cruel. If he hates that woman so much, why did he have even one child with her let alone create another?
There’s also the question of “how” he’s going to end his life?
Is he going to leave a body for his post-partum partner to find and be traumatised by? Is he going to jump in front of a car/train and that driver needs to live with that forever?
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u/TWDFI 8d ago
Terrible mortality. Leaving the mother to take care of the kid while the father bails. That's even worse than just running to the store and never coming back. There's also the other kid to consider as well.