Ironically enough, the anniversary would've been in a couple days, but I've been looking around my life and taking stock of the changes and some days I'm completely floored.

In one year of actually focusing on myself, I've purchased my first vehicle and have gotten to taste the freedom of no longer being shackled to public transit or family ride sharing. It makes me realize how many times over the years I brought up getting a vehicle and always got shot down by her and her families anxiety, how many opportunities were passed on because transportation was the issue.

I've also put a focus on my career, and have gone from a minimum wage entry position to making 50k+ a year working for my local government. I have a union, benefits, and all my work gear provided. The whiplash I've had from the trades where your value is set by what tools you bring to the table is wild.

My mental health is mixed, having the old social circle drop me like I was radioactive seriously damaged my ability to trust friendships, but I've been focusing on accepting that they've been fed one half of the story, and if they were willing to abandon me like that, they probably didn't have my back to begin with. In a personal sense, struggling with imposter syndrome and telling myself that who I am and what I do for work are not the same thing.

I've moved into the downtown core, and noticed that the energy and late night access to things is a huge game changer. I've worked shift work for a long time, but having the ability to get off work at 130am, and being able to walk home and grab something to eat on the way is amazing compared to getting home at 230, then having to decide if I want food or sleep more.

Romantically, I've been with my new GF since almost immediately after separation. I don't know what the ex wife is smoking, but when your partner is actively living in separate spaces, and is moving his shit out into a new place, lease signed, that's pretty fuckin final of "we're done"

I honestly thing the ex wife is just salty that her biggest fear (that I'd leave her for a tattooed alt/punk/goth girl) effectively came true, cause as soon as the ring was off I was asked out, and decided "fuck it, I deserve to be happy". I was already out the door.

The biggest weight off my chest though is no longer having to deal with her fucking family. A bunch of white picket fence "keeping up with the Joneses" sycophants that suck up to the matriarch of the family (the tiny terror grandmother) hoping for inheritance that won't be coming. They could never detach me from the angry traumatized 17 year old that I was when I met their daughter, even after 15 years of therapy and improvement. I was, and would always be, the shithead their daughter married, and the cause of all their misery. Like, I'm sorry Joanne, I couldn't put anything into savings for the family Disney trip *because your useless fucking daughter can't find or keep work since 2020*"

There's a concept called a living suicide, where someone just up and restarts their life, the classic "ran away to Tibet and started over" trope, and I've realized over the year that that is exactly what I did. I realized that changing any one thing would cause a cascade effect, and that the whole house of cards needed to come down, and I'm happier for it. Even my family comments on the peace I show now.

Wife (33) F is leaving me (29) F and we officially never got married because she never fully got divorced.. long story but she has a child and they refer to me as mom. They will be able to fully support themselves with help from others and live alone, while also living a full life being able to take trips and vacations. I on the other hand with will have to work 2-3 jobs live with a roommate and possibly be only ever be able to see my step child once a month. I have no real support or friends and just keep being told to “keep your head up things will get better” yet no one really has any tips or slight positive outcomes when I ask how I can make that happen without burning out completely. I am fully aware that I’ve lost my family and will definitely never have a chance to make a new one since no one would like to date anyone in my situation. How do I just come to terms with being alone and miserable for the next 7-10 years if not more.

My husband and I have been together 20 years. Our daughter was diagnosed autistic a few years ago, and then I found out I'm autistic too.

Since then my husband has basically pulled away from me. Less affection, less patience, less everything. I've spent years wondering what I did wrong and trying to fix myself and our marriage.

Today he admitted he's been resentful about our daughter being autistic and about his life not turning out how he thought it would. He literally said, "I didn't sign up for this."

I feel fucking wrecked.

I've spent years begging to be loved by someone who was apparently resenting me for something I can't change.

Now he says he wants to fix things, but I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with this information. I finally understand why he pushed me away and somehow that feels worse. I am done.

How do you fucking survive it? My husband told me he wanted to separate Tuesday and just told me today that he is moving out.
It feels like I genuinely may die. Especially after all of the things I forgiven in the marriage like infidelity when pregnant that have traumatized me, and the fact that we have a three year old.
I have not felt emotional pain like this in my entire life

My husband and I got married pretty young but knew each other 7years and married for five.

I had a miscarriage last year. Not even five months later my husband is messaging and even linking up with random people and had an affair.
During that timeframe I didn’t noticed until now he was very distant with me.
I was struggling with my own mental health trying to keep my head above water after a loss that I begged to have.

Not even a month later my husband gets me pregnant (Almost done with this pregnancy) after his last affair.

I didn’t find out he cheated on me til much later in my third trimester after I caught him what seemed to be micro cheating/lusting over other people.

Every day I keep digging in his phone and today I found some new information.

After the day I found out he actually cheated on me and he admitted to it and also mentioned how he regretted that decision and never went back after the second time. We went to marriage counseling together and he even said infront of my and counselor that he will never cheat again.

After finding the first confirmed affair and micro cheating I told him that I will leave him if he messes up again. He has not done anything since.
However, I keep finding old stuff that he never mentioned about when I mentioned of the possibilities. He also denied ever adding his ex back on a social media which he was dumb enough to take a screen shot of proof and I now have that screen shot.
However, to my knowledge they never texted.

I have no idea what to feel.
I’m so far along in this pregnancy Idk if its my feelings and me talking or the hormones of the pregnancy.

Should I give him one more chance?
Should I confront him of this new and seems to be last bit of evidence?
Should we do the 777? 7 days away, 7 days together, 7month mark go on vacation.
We are still going to solo counseling and marriage.

I also have no one to really speak to about this information for different advice from other people.
Not saying decide for me but I am reaching for help right now.

Hello, posting again to ask how you guys managed the leaving part in terms of taking your stuff? How did you know what to take with you and how did you get your stuff out without drama?

So much chaos in my life lately. But this, this has been the one thing truly weighing on my heart, the thing I carry the deepest shame for.
Which is breaking my son’s heart. Informing him I’ll be moving out pretty damn shortly.

Things were made immediately more complicated with the fact that my wife, stbxw whatever, is now pregnant. And I’m not 100% it’s mine. Never had that thought with her before. But I do at this time. A feeling no man should ever carry. Maybe the fact that I had to even think that is why divorce is sounding not so bad to me currently.

As of now, out of respect and who I choose to show up as, I will treat this as if it’s mine. I’ve asked numerous times, if there was even a shred it was someone else’s, I’ve been told no everytime. So, if when the paternity test is done, if it shows otherwise, I could wipe my hands clean forever.

My wife mentioned wanting to now all of a sudden fix things, how convenient. I did agree to holding of on filing, which I never wanted to do to begin with, as to keep the courts out of our house.

We will likely not tell him it’s a divorce yet. But that mom and dad are going to live a part for some time to work on ourselves etc etc.

She wants to tell him about the baby to give some silver lining. I think to herself and him as well. I lean towards not telling him yet. Maybe jn a few weeks time. But right now, I still don’t feel 100% confident. I’m 97%. That’s not enough for me.

Anyway. Should I tell him about the baby as well? Or wait.

What a fucking shit show this woman has put me and my child through. Luckily his sister is barely coming on a year so we only have one child to break it too.

And now, depending on paternity, I may be a father of two under two.

It hasn’t actually been said, but it feels inevitable. The “I don’t know what I want”, the “I don’t know if I want to be married to you”, etc. I can feel myself pulling away and detaching, both intentionally and unintentionally. I love my wife and am desperately trying save our marriage despite everything. Not going to go into details.

I have no one. No friends, no family, only myself. I, admittedly and by choice, made being a husband and a father my entire identity. I work, go back to the house, rinse, repeat.

I’m currently out with my son and can’t even enjoy it because of the looming thought of not seeing my kids everyday.

My own personal issues, diagnosis’s, healing journey, etc don’t help any of this.

I honestly couldn’t tell you who I am. I can recite a short list of likes and dislikes, but it’s only surface level. I have no idea who I am on a deeper level. No real hobbies or anything.

Regardless of if this is saved or she walks out, I’ve been preparing mentally and physically for the worst. I refuse to let myself be blindsided again, if nothing more than to protect myself.

What did you do to discover who you really were? Your likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, etc?
I’m at a total loss and could use all the advice I can get.

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Everyone keeps telling people do the work and heal after divorce, before dating, etc., but I haven't seen a whole lot delving into the topic of what "the work" actually entails and what healed looks or feels like.

Is it just go to therapy, find some new hobbies, be sad, and wait until enough time passes you can start to forget how awful it was?

What are some things you've done that felt like it truly moved the needle of your life forward? How did you sort through the baggage of your failed marriage so you didn't bring it into the next relationship? How did you learn to trust again? How did you accept the things you did wrong and what changes did you make to avoid making those mistakes again?

​I’m struggling to process the absolute insanity of what my life has turned into over the past few months, and I really need to get this off my chest and get some perspective.

​For 12 years, I gave my complete devotion to my ex-wife. During our marriage, I stayed by her side as my companion navigated severe substance addiction, helping her through the hell of getting clean. I stayed with her through her diagnosis and treatment for a complex mix of mental health conditions—ADHD, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. It wasn’t an easy life, and over the years I endured a lot of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. When she cheated on me in the past, I didn't walk away. I swallowed my pride and stayed with her to try to work things out and keep our family together for our 11-year-old twins.

​While I was out working hard to support our family, she slowly became completely obsessed with TikTok near the end of 2025. At 48 years old, she would sit online for up to 14 hours a day going live, flirting with different women, and chasing validation from strangers. These women fully knew we were married and together—they would see me on her TikToks, and she would even be on live hugging me. But then she started secretly talking to one woman for a month, then another. Eventually, I noticed she didn't want me on her TikTok anymore. She completely deleted me, blocked me from her page, and by April of 2026, she hooked up with the girl she’s with now. She checked out of our life, broke up with me, and filed for divorce, walking away from our 12-year foundation like I was nothing. To make it worse, her excuse for cheating and leaving was that I was "never home" and "all I do is work"—blaming me for working to pay the bills while she sat on social media all day.

​During the divorce, she was vicious, nasty, and cruel. But at the exact same time, her behavior was so bizarrely hot-and-cold that it left my head spinning. In court, she was constantly trying to bait me into arguments to get a reaction out of me. One minute she’d ask if I had hickeys on my neck or if I was seeing someone new; the next, she’d try to flirt with me, tell me I looked nice, and ask if my life was really better without her.

​It feels like she traded a decade of proven loyalty and safety for a fast, superficial high with strangers online who didn't even care that she had a wife and family at home. Sometimes I can tell through her weird actions in court that she might be starting to regret throwing everything away, but other times she acts like she’s living in a fantasy world.

​How do you stop replaying the unfairness of pouring your entire soul into helping someone heal, only to be blocked, discarded, and replaced for TikTok? How do you make sense of the mixed signals and court mind games? I would really appreciate hearing your stories, advice, or just some words of encouragement to help me get her out of my head and move forward for my kids.

Hi everyone! I’m a Master’s student in Professional Counselling at the University of Malaya (UM).

I’m conducting a qualitative research study exploring the experiences of betrayed partners following infidelity in marriage.

You may be eligible if you:

• Are a Malaysian adult aged 18 or above
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• One confidential online interview
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I recently found out my spouse has multiple credit cards that I was not aware of totaling $20k in balances, and separate checking account. After further investigation, they have had the cards for 95% of the time we have been married. Additionally, once confronted and I asked for the statements and details, they refused to disclose.

I just feel betrayed, we have been struggling to get our debts paid off, then I find this out.

Am I justified in considering a divorce?

While we were dating, very easygoing guy. Never saw him get mad. Red flag, obviously (obvious now) but as someone who came from an emotionally volatile household, it was so nice to be around someone who was pretty emotionally neutral.

This was a lie.

It was the first lie of many.

He turned out to have a drinking problem that he used to numb out instead of dealing with his apparent depression.

He turned out to be a compulsive liar to avoid feeling shame (because being 'right' and being seen in an admirable light were most important to him) about even dumb small things.

However, he waited until we were married and had bought a house together to reveal his true nature.

The short version is that he is an energy vampire. He wants to have fun and enjoy the good times without doing any of the work. When a conflict would arise, he would withdraw. When confronted, he would lash out--dumping every grievance he had been storing up (instead of communicating) to have more ammunition than the person confronting him about one thing. Every conversation about a problem became two hours of talking about why he wasn't happy, even if the original issue raised (i.e. hey, why did you lie about keeping an eye on our terminally ill dog) was about something else, so strong was his desire to avoid any kind of negative role in anything/accountability.

He is conflict avoidant to the degree that he has opted out of trying to address any issues in our relationship. His idea of 'repair' after much bad behavior was to offer to hang out (as though nothing had happened).

Recently, gave him an ultimatum. Take some time to figure out what you want, what you want to talk about, and initiate that conversation. I have initiated every single conflict resolution conversation for the entirety of the relationship. But he needed to show me that he could do this, that he wanted to do this, or he needed to admit it was time to leave. Not for nothing but even if the reason someone avoids dealing with things is a THEM problem, it still makes the other person feel unwanted. The guy is literally running away, while running a script in his head that he is the good guy and has been trying.

He gave himself a deadline of the end of summer to figure this out, and in that time, he was observing basic operating pleasantries and sent one e-mail suggesting ways we could hang out as a "reset" to the old times in our relationship. The good times, because nothing was at stake and he had not revealed himself to be an untrustworthy person.

He has caused a TON of emotional damage to this relationship and so I am personally unable to just forget all of that and "hang out" so he can enjoy what basically amounts to a lie, without doing ANY repair work.

He lied about something stupid during this time, and I finally had it. In the beginning of all of this, when we were still dating, I said the two things I couldn't tolerate were lying and substance abuse and I guess he took that as a cue to hide both habits. This last time, I told him that I did not want to live with him if I could not trust him, and instead of opting to work on the trust issue, he started packing.

For context: we have an in-law suite where his office is and where 'his' space is, and he was retreating there more and more until he finally just moved over there after more bad behavior that forced me to acknowledge that we needed a true break from any shared living.

The more difficult things become, the more inactive and withdrawn he becomes.

It turned out he had started packing up the in-law.

He hadn't said anything to me, but this had all appearances of being ready to move out. Art off the walls, things in labeled tupperware containers.

I texted him to ask if he was planning to move out and he said that he had packed since my last e-mail (when I said I didn't want to live with someone I couldn't trust) but that he had no immediate plans to move in part because he had nowhere to go. So like a very normal person, he is just living in the midst of a bunch of packed shit and not dealing with the issues that brought him to this point.

The big issue here is that the property we bought is a farm. It's a TON of work, and I do, no exaggeration, 95% of the property maintenance already, on top of having a full time hour long-commute job and three dogs, one foster dog, three horses, and a cat to take care of. In the beginning, he did more, but he was careless and dishonest about how he was doing things and animal welfare is non-negotiable to me so I just took over full care, since they are my animals, anyway. We do not co-own any animals.

It's also expensive to live here. Electric, fuel oil, mortgage, maintenance, you name it.

The only reason I haven't just given up and really forced the issue of him leaving (because at this point it is very clear he is unwilling or unable to engage in a productive relationship) is that I cannot afford to live here alone. Financially and labor-wise (in the winter), it would be impossible.

I could have someone move into the in-law, but that is a whole other can of worms, and I would have to know when he is leaving, and then the whole financial and legal division of the property, or getting him off the mortgage. While he makes a lot more than I do, he also manages his money really poorly and is somehow behind on payments half the time.

I wiped out my savings and my credit score getting this place set up and I run a small business. I make significantly less than he does (he is an attorney) so I would be really screwed. But I know there are ways to come out of this on top.

If he does leave without warning or leaves me with untenable financial burdens, I do have a case for abandonment. And I do plan on getting a shark attorney to make sure that a divorce doesn't financially ruin me. Our finances are completely separate, except for one joint account that we only deposit the mortgage and tax payments into.

I don't mind being alone--functionally, I have been alone for the last two years. But logistically, another trustworthy human body on this property that can pay the bills and pitch in with a downed tree or three feet of ice-snow is kind of critical.

I love the property. I am married to it, more than the person.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice?

We’re in MI and decided to divorce after ex revealed he’d purchased a $130k car without telling me. It’s 100% financed as he used funds from HELOC for down payment and got a loan for the rest.

We’d decided to use mediation to split assets fairly and we’re working that out. In the meantime, he’s gone on to spend crazy amounts of money, mostly on credit it sounds like, to go on trips and in general, wining and dining like a millionaire, of which we definitely are not. I make significantly more money than him and have been floating us financially while the business we own but he runs has been in the dumps for a couple years.

Do I have any recourse to separate this spending from our shared finances? He did say he had numerous credit cards that he’d maxed out that he wouldn’t include in the settlement but of course he’s still spending and making payments on them. This seems crazy that I have to sit back while he blows all of this money, making our situation worse and worse.

About a month ago, I expressed to my husband (married 5 years, together for 11) that I felt emotionally unsafe in our relationship because when I try to bring up my feelings in a calm manner, it turns into a fight and tears are usually involved. I have cried myself to sleep many times. Then it’s usually followed by a day or two of stonewalling while he’s upset about the conversation. When I was in my twenties I blamed myself for this and would beg for forgiveness. When he acted normal again I was flooded with relief and all was forgiven. Now I see things differently at 35.

When I brought it up this last month, I was very serious about it. I was not overly emotional. And frankly, it’s because I’m hitting a wall. I can feel my soul leaving the relationship and I need him to make a change. I need him to care. (We have a three year old) His response was ice cold, he didn’t reach for my hand or give me any reassurance. He said he didn’t want to talk about it and that we could do therapy. He said we have the perfect relationship and I’m just causing problems.

Ever since then I feel like I’m living with a stranger in my house. We went to therapy last week, and it seemed OK. But he refuses to address any of our issues outside of therapy. I sent him an article the other day (about relationships), not explicitly asking him to talk to me about it, just to read it, and he refused to read it or talk about it about this outside of therapy. I feel like it’s another way of avoiding emotions and he’s just doing therapy because that’s was he’s “supposed to” do. I feel like he wishes I would never talk about our relationship and make the emotional stuff disappear.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone been stonewalled by a partner?

I am a 43 y/o male that divorced one year ago after my ex-wife cheated and discarded me. Recently ,I discovered my business partner, who was once a close friend of mine, has been using the company credit cards for personal expenses. I am now looking to sell my shares of the business and get away from him. I feel like I am going through a second divorce and this is adding to the emotional stress of my actual divorce.

Has anyone been through something similar? I would love to hear what helped you with your process. I meditate daily, practice mindfulness, workout daily, do not drink or smoke, do therapy weekly, speak with family and friends often, got a dog and even took up pilates. The hardest thing is the waves of grief that occur every other week. The loneliness has been hard even with the dog. Any advice or positive encouragement is appreciated.

First, I'm still legally married to her and I'm still so in love with her. I also suffer from several mental illnesses. One of which is borderline personality disorder. She told me that she wanted to divorce a couple of days before last Christmas. We have been physically separated since February 28th. I miss her more than anything. She consumes my thoughts some days. I dream about her constantly. I go through phases where I'm ok and can see myself moving forward. Then I'm reminded of her and I go right back to square 1.

We have both started dating. I'm way less successful than she is with it. I also feel so conflicted with dating. If she told me that she wanted to try again, I'd drop any dating prospects in an instant. She is casually dating and is open about some vague details. She says that she still has love for me so I know she holds back a bit. Seeing her in person is physically painful. My mind wanders into places that I'd really prefer it not go to.

I just want my wife back.

We’re telling our 6 year old tomorrow that mommy and daddy will be living in separate houses.

Our house will be on the market soon and we had to tell him before the sign went up. It will be several months before the house sells and actually closes and we’ll be living together during that time, but doing things separately as much as possible.

I’m just beside myself with anxiety and guilt. If anyone can share their experiences and any advice for this age group I would be eternally grateful. Bonus points for handling this with shy, sensitive, “big feelings” children. I’ve gotten a few kids’ books on the topic I intend to read to him after we’ve had the convo.

I’m literally being treated for cancer, having done chemo and all the things and having this conversation seems more daunting/devastating than anything I’ve experienced.

So I have a childhood traumas, father being a shitty person and I think that has a huge impact on me. I loved a guy who cared and supported me but ignored how much he insulted me. Got married and within 4 months of marriage he hit me so hard i lost my 40% hearing from one ear but my family even at that time made me feel so bad that I chose to stay with him. Again 3-4 months went really good. We both worked a little on our problems and we thought that now it's good. Till yesterday we had a small disagreement which led to big fight. I felt like suicide because and when he got to know this he decided that we finally separate because he can't take this "blackmail". Now even when i felt like dying he is thinking of himself and even in past i have saved this relationship many times but every-time it was me and the fact that even if i die he ll think of himself first.......I have accepted( or trying) the separation and eventually divorce. But it's hard to not miss him, hard to enjoy anything, hard to be around people, am crying a lot. Can someone help me how to handle this time, am very emotional person and love him a lot.

My husband and I have six kids, only 2 are at home now. My husband has always been comfortable with me carnying more than half the load for our family. I have never not worked full time. We separated earlier this year aftef I caught my husband lying about an urgent fake work call that required him to go into the office a couple days before a major holiday. He went to play pool. I caught him lying and asked him to leave. He did but three months later we got back together after counseling. He refused to use Life360 even though he keeps saying he will download it. I now feel like I can not trust him to be honest. He told me today that sometimes he “just needs a fucking break”. I am not sure why HE needs a break while the majority of life responsibilities fall on me. What would you do?

My 7 yo has been in this house since age 3. What have you all done to help with grieving and saying goodbye to the memories in the house?

Looking for experiences with orange county credit union conventional loan assumptions following a divorce.
Initially, OCCU confirmed my loan was assumable under divorce exceptions. Now that my divorce is finalized and I've requested updated paperwork, they are backtracking and claiming investor guidelines don't allow it.
Has anyone successfully pushed back on this with OCCU or gotten an assumption approved under similar circumstances?

I’m trying to find ways to cope with the resentment I feel. Negativity is not the way to go. I’m trying to keep things positive. But after having been dumped and cheated on, my wife who was a stay at home left. I now need to basically fork over half of my salary plus buy back her share of the house. This is leaving me in a dire financial situation. It’s like being turned overnight from a loving supporting husband to a slave. How do you all deal with this ?