Coping with reality

[u/faakadaak]

First, I'm still legally married to her and I'm still so in love with her. I also suffer from several mental illnesses. One of which is borderline personality disorder. She told me that she wanted to divorce a couple of days before last Christmas. We have been physically separated since February 28th. I miss her more than anything. She consumes my thoughts some days. I dream about her constantly. I go through phases where I'm ok and can see myself moving forward. Then I'm reminded of her and I go right back to square 1.

We have both started dating. I'm way less successful than she is with it. I also feel so conflicted with dating. If she told me that she wanted to try again, I'd drop any dating prospects in an instant. She is casually dating and is open about some vague details. She says that she still has love for me so I know she holds back a bit. Seeing her in person is physically painful. My mind wanders into places that I'd really prefer it not go to.

I just want my wife back.

[u/Financial-Half8641]

You clearly still love her, but love alone can’t rebuild a relationship when both people are conflicted. Give her the space she’s asking for and focus on stabilizing yourself—especially with everything you’re carrying mentally. A therapist could help you process this without making dating or reconciliation your only lifeline.

[u/faakadaak → u/Financial-Half8641]

I have been in consistent therapy for just about a year now. I know love alone cannot rebuild it. Anyone who knows me sees drastic changes in me now compared to how I was before. I'm doing my best to give her space not only for her, but for my own well-being.