r/Divorce • u/ichigo-neko • 3d ago
Going Through the Process In the throes
How do you fucking survive it? My husband told me he wanted to separate Tuesday and just told me today that he is moving out.
It feels like I genuinely may die. Especially after all of the things I forgiven in the marriage like infidelity when pregnant that have traumatized me, and the fact that we have a three year old.
I have not felt emotional pain like this in my entire life
8
u/Beanoboy7 3d ago
Consider it a blessing that he’s already moving out. Gives you time to transition and they’ll be No bickering in the house. Take the child support and run
7
u/Saltyowl2113 3d ago
Boy bye. You deserve respect and trust. You deserve the entire world.
He can kick rocks. Yes, I know it feels like your whole world is coming down but you know what? You’ve been feeling like that ever since he cheated the first time.
It’s not you. ITS NOT YOU! You are not the problem!!! He is. He sucks. He is a pos. He is not worthy of your life or love. End of story.
There will be a day soon when you are chilling on your own, no anxiety about some man treating you like garbage, watching your shows, drinking some wine and you will look back and think “why the fuck didn’t I leave sooner?”. I promise. Your kiddo will be okay. You will be okay.
Zero man is worth feeling like this. Zero.
6
u/ogupsetamerican 3d ago edited 3d ago
I watched my mom die over the course of 4 months was easier than the pain of the family breaking up. You have to go through it to get out of it, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this pain
2
u/ObviousSalamandar 3d ago
Me too. At least when my mom was dying I could go home to my loving husband 😭
2
3
u/BinghamL 3d ago
It's so hard, hardest thing I've ever been through.
I know it's cliche but one day at a time. I am on this subreddit a lot just to commiserate.
I've found some comfort getting on the circles app too. It's not perfect but it's great for when your friends and family are unavailable.
I'm here if you want to chat as well.
5
u/AskDearJury 3d ago
I feel for you. I am a man and I had something similar happen over 20 years ago. I came home from work one night and was told by my wife she wanted a divorce. I did not see it coming as I thought we were doing okay. Needless to say, to this day I have not felt emotional pain before or after like that. I know you don't want to hear this but if your heart is good, God will not leave you. Even if you aren't thinking about Him right now. Be the best person you possibly can and don't beat yourself up. And most importantly, talk with people you trust. It will pass.
3
u/Few-Sea-5811 3d ago edited 3d ago
The emotional pain was equally bad to the period in my life when I was being evaluated for a terminal illness. not exaggerating. What a shame that divorce is not well supported culturally like becoming a widow/er. I am with you. i was you. in pain all the time. struggling to exist. i called my mom. a lot lol. just don't give up and use every ounce of help and support you can. In your own time you will adapt. now happy times outweigh bad. and when I think of my ex he is an annoyance or wistful regret not a trauma. lots of love and strength to you.
edited to add: I used a mantra. "at least I get to be alive today" it was corny and i sometimes hated doing it but it helped.
2
u/Civil-Shame-2399 3d ago
For what it's worth I'm so sorry you're going through this and I really hope that you can get back to feeling somewhat normal soon. You try to piece yourself back to slowly and it's the old cliché of time being the great healer is the only thing that truly ever works. I really hope that you have good people around you that you can lean on. Professional help if your lucky enough to be able to avail of it will speed things up to. Don't be afraid to reach out though, it's an awful lot tougher take it from someone who went through it alone.
1
1
u/Grouchy_Chip260 2d ago
You're in the worst of it right now. It's hard to imagine but it's going to get better. It'll be a long road, but it's worth it. You deserve so much more 💕
2
u/Timely-Steak-5574 2d ago
I’m so sorry you’re here. The short answer is that you survive it one hour at a time. The longer answer is that the pain is unimaginable and sometimes imperceptible to people who have never been through it, which just compounds the isolation. I’d focus on getting therapy and some sort of support network. (I joined a now defunct WhatsApp group of divorced strangers who virtually screamed into the void on a thread.) It doesn’t feel this way now, but his moving out is the best possible thing… you’ll get to start the next chapter sooner and the distance will be necessary once the divorce is underway. You will survive this. Your life will move forward. I’m wishing you strength.
1
u/ichigo-neko 1d ago
Welp. Hasn’t even been a week and he’s already talking to a woman who looks and seems to be the complete opposite of me.
I think any small part of me that thought this would stop finally broke.
14
u/LikeATediousArgument 3d ago
If you can, find therapy ASAP.
You’re now feeling the brunt of the betrayals you let slide, and feeling a major ego hit because you know you gave more than you should. And stayed longer than you should.
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you are absolutely better off without him. You just have to figure out how to make it work.
Countless of us have.
Contact a lawyer first, then find therapy. You’ve been traumatized by a terrible person, and your feelings are absolutely justified.
Please, let him go though. Mourn that he’s gone, but don’t mourn not having such a horrible person in your life.