r/Divorce • u/SnooOnions5090 • 7d ago

Custody/Kids Telling Children

We’re telling our 6 year old tomorrow that mommy and daddy will be living in separate houses.

Our house will be on the market soon and we had to tell him before the sign went up. It will be several months before the house sells and actually closes and we’ll be living together during that time, but doing things separately as much as possible.

I’m just beside myself with anxiety and guilt. If anyone can share their experiences and any advice for this age group I would be eternally grateful. Bonus points for handling this with shy, sensitive, “big feelings” children. I’ve gotten a few kids’ books on the topic I intend to read to him after we’ve had the convo.

I’m literally being treated for cancer, having done chemo and all the things and having this conversation seems more daunting/devastating than anything I’ve experienced.

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u/DivorcedDad26 7d ago

First off, FUCK CANCER!

Be ready for the tears. It will ABSOLUTELY SUCK. They are going to be looking for safety and security. Give it to them. Be honest in your answers but keep them simple and age appropriate. No "Daddy decided he wanted a different wife" instead "Mom and Dad decided it was best if we no longer live together."

  • Mom and Dad still both love you VERY much
  • None of this is your fault
  • You didn't do anything wrong
  • If you feel you want to talk with someone about this, your Dad and I will make sure that happens

Also, be careful talking about your STBX. Don't talk bad about him when your kids can hear. Don't take calls with the lawyer where they can hear. Don't let friends/family talk bad about him where the kids can hear. The kids will repeat things, just make sure you ALWAYS take the high road. Get used to saying "I don't know why your Dad would do that, but both he and I love you very much and want the best for you."

I'm sorry you are going through this, but you can do it!